Standing on the Moon
by KNeu24264
Summary: Sequel to Beneath the Twilight; Set during New Moon: A past is something nobody can outrun for long. Months after Leandra's life changed forever, her life is changed again for the worse when her mother steps up.
1. Chapter 1

**Here we go again, my lovelies! Time for the OpENING NOTES!**  
 **First of all, _welcome_. There are only a few things I need to point out to cover my butt.**  
 **1) This STORY is rated 'M' for stuff that people under 'M' shouldn't be reading. There will be quite a bit of violence, some strong language in here somewhere, but I do try to keep it within the guidelines.**  
 **2) I don't own, nor do I claim to own, anything belonging to Stephenie Meyer or her creations. The only characters I claim to own are the ones you don't recognize from anything. They're just characters, though, and don't represent any actual people.**  
 **3) This is a continuation of my previous story, Beneath the Twilight. I highly recommend reading that first (and maybe reviewing it a little? :D) before reading this one, or I swear you'll be pretty lost.**  
 **ANYHOO!**  
 **That's it I suppose. Butt sufficiently covered.**

 **Onward!**

 **Chapter One**

Today was going to suck.

It was something I just knew.

It's an indescribable feeling, turning another year older when the last year of your life was so hard. It was silly to think it, but the last year of my life felt, to me, like it had been out to get me. Hell, even the last few months were exhausting to think about. I sat here, completely bruise-free for the first time since I could remember, but I could still clearly recall that sickening pain.

Turning the page, leaving that all behind was an odd, sort of disorienting feeling.

Moving forward no matter how much I just wanted to stay where I was for a moment longer, to prepare myself for whatever might come next, was the hardest part. I couldn't stay, though.

Time moved on whether I was ready for it to or not, and it'd drag me with it. Sometimes I wished time would just stop. I wished it would just pause long enough for me to get some sort of grip on myself before continuing on. I wished it would wait for me to be ready, before taking me onward.

It seemed like just yesterday, I was turning seven. Or eight. Before I could turn around, two or three years had passed. I remembered specifically the day I had turned nine. It was so fresh in my mind.

Now I was turning ten, and though my living situation was so much better than it ever had been before, I wasn't any more ready to get older than I had been back then. I was getting older, but I wasn't ready to.

It wasn't like I didn't ever want to get older. I was grateful just to have the chance to. I just wanted to breathe for a second. Maybe it was everything I'd lost in my younger years. Maybe I just wanted to try again, to have the childhood everyone else got before I was too old to. I just wanted to catch up.

Since I came to the Cullens to stay, I felt like I was having to learn everything all over again. In many ways I felt stupid, or depressingly ill-equipped to handle things the way they should be handled. I was getting a better idea of what kind of work it would take to fix everything Jack had done.

I didn't have the same reactions to things other kids did. I didn't understand a lot, and I still fought with myself to get over the things I'd learned in my life before. I wasn't normal. I knew that as well as anyone. I was just the only one that would ever admit it out loud.

Sitting upright in my bed, I watched the rain trailing slowly down the glass of the window.

I hated my birthday. July 14th, the day I turned ten. It was so weird to think that ten years ago today was the day my mom and dad's lives had changed for the worse.

I was told that I had survived more in my ten years than most people did in their whole lives. I didn't like being told that, because it didn't feel like that to me. It didn't feel like I'd even accomplished anything other than living. Not dying? Yeah, I'd accomplished that.

I bitterly turned my eyes down. Focusing only on the wrinkles in my blanket.

I felt lucky to be alive, it was true, and incredibly lucky to have gotten away from that life, but I didn't feel like other people's problems weren't as severe as mine were. To play it down like that felt like a really mean thing to do.

How much my life could change in less than a year was dizzying to think about. Especially since my last birthday.

My ninth birthday had been spent in agony, and it was still quite painful to think about. There were memories of that day I was determined to die with. Ones I couldn't even think about head-on for longer than it took to realize that's where my thoughts were headed, which probably saved me from a lot of talks with Carlisle.

It rained on that birthday too, and the sound of the rain hitting the glass had been oddly soothing to me. It was a pleasant replacement for the words Jack, my stepfather, had growled to me.

The almost loud tapping against the glass and roof sometimes managed to drown out how I felt. Like it was trying to comfort me, only it couldn't reach me. I'd spent a lot of my life with that feeling, but it was harder to ignore that day.

What Jack told me that day, and every day afterward, still echoed in my mind, which had been the biggest focus of the talks I did have Carlisle. I found it easier to talk about the words than it would have been to talk about the actions.

It was just as painful as the rest of it, but it was involuntary to remember them. All Jack would tell me still hurt me, and it still managed to scare me. How surprised he was that I'd made it to see my ninth birthday, and how maybe, he'd change that before my tenth. How I was lucky just to be breathing anymore. How he had no problems killing me. Not with how worthless I was. Not with how useless I was.

Sniffling, I wiped tears from my cheeks as I remembered how close Jack had come to doing just that just a few months ago. It was one of the worst memories I had in me.

I was fine now, but that wasn't the case a few months ago. Technically, I'd died twice before they could bring me back. Apparently, a gunshot wound did a lot more damage to a small kid, than it would do to an adult.

According to Carlisle, after I'd asked about it enough times, he told me I'd lost about three pints of the eight pints of blood in my body. I'd lost it so quickly, and had gone into something called hypovolemic shock. It was what happened when someone lost too much blood too quickly, and the heart can't properly send the blood that's left where it needs to go. Like it's confused.

It was an incredibly dangerous thing to happen to anyone, more so for someone my size, and it made the entire situation very serious. It happened very quickly, too quickly to catch or stop. Meaning, if I hadn't been given the blood when I was, or if the blood loss hadn't been slowed the way Carlisle slowed it right when he did, I would have died. A few seconds later, and I wouldn't have made it.

I owed him my life in more ways than one. He knew just what to do and exactly when to do it. My biological father had been a terrified mess, but Carlisle's calm had been enough to keep me holding on.

It still hurt to think about, but I couldn't help it.

I'd always been a very timid little thing. Having learned to be that way thanks to the way Jack had treated me, but what he'd done that day had solidified that. I was just fine around my family, but without them, I was the opposite of okay.

I'd worked on it, yeah. I'd been working hard to change the way I was, but every single time I seemed to make any kind of progress, I fought it.

Around strangers, I refused to speak much. Even around those I knew, it was difficult to make myself speak. Around anyone else but my family, I was distrusting and extremely timid. Borderline mean. Always expecting something to go wrong. I was jumpy, and shaky.

School was tricky.

I'd been given the go-ahead to start school again in May, to finish what was left of my fourth grade year. I would have loved to have waited until after summer break to go back, but apparently, it was important. I wanted to avoid arguing, so I gave in.

The school I forced myself to go to wasn't that much fun. I hadn't tried to make friends yet, far too withdrawn. I hated every second I was there. Getting me to go at all at first took a lot of assurances, but at least I hadn't found anyone mean there yet.

It was hard for me to concentrate in school, which reflected in my grades for my four-ish weeks there before the summer break. I wasn't learning the way I should have been. I tried hard, but it wasn't something I could control. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't learning the things they tried to teach me. At least, not in school.

Before the school year ended, Esme had started going over schoolwork with me at home, and I picked it up just fine with her. Proving I wasn't stupid. I knew it was a problem, because I also knew that I wouldn't be with them forever.

I still avoided thinking about that.

It was true. I did have my share of problems, and just because Jack was supposedly gone now didn't change me or how I was. Mainly because I didn't expect him to stay away. Jack had promised that it wasn't over, and I had no choice but to believe his promises. If there was one thing about Jack, it was that he always kept his promises. I was living proof of that.

Though it had only been almost two months since I'd last seen Jack, I'd believed this whole time that I'd be seeing him soon enough. I would continue believing it, but continuing to believe it was exactly what was messing me up now. I knew I'd never be safe, no matter how many vampires protected me.

Though I knew about what they were, I'd never seen anything besides the basics that made me question whether or not they were human. To me, the Cullens were more human than any humans I'd ever known. I'd never once in my life known anyone that made me feel human myself, until I met Alice that day.

Up until that day, I'd been treated like nothing. Someone's beer-bringer, or someone's punching bag. I'd been looked at like I was dirt, I'd been talked to like I was a dog. Up until I met the Cullens, I'd never known anything other than pain in every form. I had no trust, and I believed that it was better that way.

No. The Cullens were the human ones. Everyone else was disgusting. I'd seen the worst of humanity, mainly all encased in one man, and I'd believed every man was like that. Until I met Carlisle, and I first felt what it was like to hope.

Shaking my head a little, I opened my eyes again as a handful of more tears fell from my eyes, realizing that a quiet knock at the door had shaken me from my thoughts. My mood had steadily dropped the entire week, the closer it came to Friday. The closer it came to my birthday. Emmett had done all he could to fix that, but nothing worked.

I hated my birthday, and it'd take more than just one going right to fix that.

I glanced over as Carlisle stepped into the room, taking in my tired eyes and insecure position. Curled upright in the center of the bed, my knees beneath my chin. I sniffled, looking up at him as he made his way over to me. He sat on the side of the bed and sighed.

After the close call a few months back, Carlisle and I had grown closer. I went to him for absolutely everything. He saw I was struggling. I wasn't dealing well with my brush with death, and he understood how hard it was for me. He knew. That was all I needed.

Carlisle knew me better than anyone else on the planet. Sometimes it was like he knew my moods better than Jasper did. Or even I did. He saw my mood swings, or sleepless nights coming when Alice didn't. He knew when I was getting overwhelmed, and he knew when I was okay. He knew when everything was just becoming too much, he knew when I wanted to be alone, and he knew when I needed company. He knew when it was best to avoid certain subjects, and he knew when it was alright.

It puzzled me how he knew, but I never asked. I didn't mind. It was nice not having to explain that I just wanted to punch something at any particular moment, or curl into a tiny ball and cry. He already knew.

"Do I have to have a party today?" I asked quietly, pleading with my eyes.

"I know you don't want to." Carlisle said quietly, setting a small wrapped gift to the side, "But I think it will be good for you to get your mind off of things."

"I hate my birthday." I mumbled, resting my chin back on my knees. "I wish I could just forget it. I wish it never happened."

"I know." He replied gently, "But you know, it might be good to begin making some new birthday memories. Good ones to look back on, instead of the bad."

I couldn't argue with that one. He was right. He was always right.

I looked down, and climbed off the bed. I realized that the best way I could get through this day, was taking one step at a time. Just like any other day, but just the thought of anyone coming over made it hard to leave my room.

Carlisle stood up as well, leading me from my room.

"I insisted that Alice keep it small." He told me as we headed up the hall. "I thought you could do without a large group today."

"Thank you." I murmured gratefully. We rounded the corner into the living room, and I looked around at the subtle decorations. Pink and white streamers along the walls, and a few tables. Pink and white balloons scattered around. I smiled a little as Alice came to stand beside me. It wasn't too over-the-top like I'd feared.

I just saw no reason to celebrate the fact that I hadn't died in the last year. Permanently, anyway.

"What, no petting zoo?" I asked quietly. She smiled at me, seeming to appreciate my choice of attempted humor.

"Your father and his family will be here around noon." She told me. "We're not really expecting anyone else." I nodded, looking down. I didn't know that many other people. Not enough to invite here. I knew if she'd had her way, she'd have invited my entire class at school, but Carlisle probably stopped that.

I hadn't seen my dad since he went home with his family. I'd talked to him a few times on the phone, but I hadn't seen him. It had only been a few months ago, but I was still a little excited to see him. To show him I really was okay now. Physically, at least. I could just do without Lily or Rachel arriving as well, but I knew they were a package deal. I'd just have to ignore the other two.

I still didn't know how I felt about Lily.

Alice grinned sweetly, "Are you _sure_ you won't wear the dress I picked-"

"No." I replied immediately. "I don't like them, Alice. I don't care what else I have to wear. I'll even wear pink stuff if you want. Just no dresses."

"Stop trying to dress shorty like a girl." Emmett plopped a party hat onto my head from out of nowhere, and I looked up at him.

"She is a girl, Emmett." Alice laughed, and I couldn't help smiling a little too.

"She's the biggest tom-boy on the planet." Emmett pointed out, "Can you imagine shorty running around the way she does in a _dress_?"

"I'd rather be trampled by horses." I muttered, and Emmett gestured to me pointedly.

"It just doesn't make sense." He added.

"No," Alice laughed a sigh, "I guess not."

"She is who she is." He finished with a smile, sitting on the couch we stood beside, "The world won't implode because she doesn't like dresses." I was grateful for Emmett's intervention. He never failed to stick up for me whenever it was needed.

I'd also gotten a little more attached to Emmett over the last few weeks. His bubbly personality wasn't overwhelming like Alice's sometimes was, and I also found his sense of humor was something I responded to in a different way. It was contagious.

I was dressed before my dad and his family showed up. My normal jeans-and-a-tshirt outfit. I still hated dresses with a fiery, blazing passion, so it was a rare occasion to ever find me in one. It made me uncomfortable, so I chose to wear jeans instead. I, at least, let Alice fix my hair. That, I could deal with. Dresses, however, no way.

She'd pulled my hair back out of my face, but it was nothing extravagant.

My dad walked in just before eleven that morning, and I couldn't help the smile. He looked to me, and the worry he'd obviously felt since we parted eased. I stepped over and hugged him. He laughed a little as he lifted me to hug me easier.

"Hi, dad." I greeted quietly. As complicated and strained as our relationship was, I really wasn't sure what I was supposed to call him. I'd eventually settled on his 'technical' title, despite how it really didn't feel official. I had my issues with it, but it would have been too weird to call him by his name.

"Hey, kiddo." He replied, "How are you feeling?"

"I told you." I mumbled, pulling back to look at him. "I'm fine now."

"I wasn't talking about physically, Leandra." He clarified. "Though I am relieved to hear that. I know you've been having a hard time." I turned, looking to Carlisle. "He didn't tell me, Leandra. I just had a feeling."

"I'm fine." I sighed, letting myself drop to my feet. Giving Rachel a nervous glance.

"Shorty.." Emmett challenged. I sighed.

"Alright." I allowed. "When I said I'm fine, I meant I'll _be_ fine."

He sighed, but smiled a little. We stepped aside as Rachel and Lily stepped inside behind him.

Rachel smiled. "Happy birthday, sweetheart." I cringed, hating that phrase.

Lily was still five, but she'd grown a bit since I first saw her at the hospital. She'd be turning six soon. An age that made me even more unsure about her.

I watched her as she looked around the living room curiously, being careful not to touch anything. I had no idea why I was so fascinated with her. Maybe it was jealousy.

Maybe it was the fact that she'd gotten to grow up happily, without knowing how painful growing up could be. Overnight. She's gotten to grow up without one beating, or without one threat against her life. How easy she had it, and she didn't even know it.

"Leandra." My dad called my attention again, and I looked to him. "You know, you _can_ talk to her." Embarrassed that I was caught looking at her, I clammed up. Shaking my head, I sat down with a blush.

"It's okay." Lily said, coming over and flopping down next to me. "You can ask me stuff. I don't care." She looked to me, waiting for a response. I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet. "Yoo-hoo?" I frowned, not appreciating her tone.

"Don't pressure her, sweetheart." Rachel said. "She's probably shy."

"She's a little more than that." Emmett explained quietly. "Come here, shorty." I instantly stood, and made my way to him. He embraced me, and I sighed gratefully, letting him pull me into his side. He knew. I didn't get along that well with other kids, but I already knew I'd be less likely to get along with Lily.

My dad's eyes grew concerned then, looking to Carlisle.

"There are some lasting emotional effects from what happened." Carlisle explained. "We're trying to work her through it, and she has gotten better, but it's a slow process."

"What does that mean?" Lily asked, frowning. "Is she stupid?"

"Lily." Rachel scolded instantly, appalled.

That question pissed me off, surprisingly.

"No." I snapped, "I'm not stupid."

"You must be, if you forgot how to talk."

"I didn't forget how. I just didn't want to." I defended myself.

"Well, why not?" She asked, standing. "I'm shy too, but I try to talk to you."

"You wouldn't get it." I mumbled, turning back to Emmett.

My dad sighed. "That was highly uncalled for, Lily."

"What?" She asked. "I wanna know."

"It was very rude." My dad told her. "Apologize."

"Why doesn't she want to live with us?" Lily asked instead. "I still don't get it."

"Lily, not here. Please." Rachel sighed, shaking her head.

"Our house is just as good as this one." She continued, looking to me, "We must not be good enough because we don't have as much money."

"Lilith Marie." Rachel scolded, harsher than the last one.

"That's what Uncle Richard said!"

"You think I live here because of money?" I demanded over at her.

"Well, isn't it the reason?" She demanded back at me, narrowing her eyes. "We're not good enough to live with, because daddy doesn't make as much money."

"Shut up." I snapped at her. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Well," My dad said, trying to ease the tension, "At least they're acting like sisters this time."

I turned, "Keep that little brat away from me." Striding over to the chair across from the couch, I sat heavily. Carlisle to my left sighed. She'd gotten too close to me for my comfort.

"Why?" She barked from the couch. "Because you know I'm right?"

"No, because you're fucking stupid."

"Leandra." Esme corrected me quietly, and I looked down.

"I'm not fucking stupid." Lily replied. "You're fucking stupid."

"Goodness, Lily!" Rachel instantly scolded, cringing visibly and clearly unhappy about the language she used. Lily looked up at her incredulously.

"She said it!" She gasped, outraged. "Why didn't she get yelled at?"

"Because I'm older than you, stupid." I replied, "And I did. I got in trouble for saying it, too."

"Not as much as I did." She countered, narrowing her eyes again. "That's not fair!"

"Oh, the injustice of it all." My dad sighed, frustrated. He lifted Lily up, sitting down and holding her on his lap. Lily pouted and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you two finished?"

I sat back, slouching in the chair with a sigh, looking away as well. I'd won that argument.

"That wasn't very nice, shorty." Emmett chuckled from the side.

"Oh well." I said nonchalantly.

"She's only mean because she has no friends." Lily piped up again. She was quickly starting to remind me of Rachel, the girl I fought with the day I first met Carlisle.

"You shut up." I barked, sitting upright. "I swear, Lily-"

"You can't do anything." She sneered. I stood up, and she instantly cringed.

"That's what I thought." I growled, sitting back down.

"It's true, though. Or else they'd be here instead of just us." She was focused on my dad's hand in her own, and I darted up again, fully intending to walk over and slap her upside the head. My hand was even ready.

"No you don't, shorty."

Before I could get more than two steps, Emmett caught me. He lifted me, holding me back by lifting me off my feet, both of his arms around my stomach. I kicked once, mostly in protest.

"Okay, you two." My dad groaned. "Lily, stop antagonizing her."

"What's that?" She asked in turn.

"Stop teasing her." He clarified. "And Leandra, calm down. She's five." Was that _really_ supposed to mean something to me?

"I don't care." I grumbled. "I wasn't going around saying that shit when I was five." I grunted as Emmett shook me a little, correcting me. "That crap. _Sorry_."

"Lily, apologize to Leandra." Rachel sighed from the side, taking Lily from my dad.

"No." Lily grumbled.

"Lily-"

"No." She said. "It bugs me how she wants to stay here. Why won't she come home with us?"

"Why would I want to, you little bi-" I cut off with another grunt at another light correcting shake from Emmett. Darn. He'd caught that one. I had a feeling, though, that we were seeing one of the reasons why it was a very good thing I hadn't let my dad take me in a few months back.

A knock at the door had Lily and I look toward it curiously. Ceasing our arguing for the time being. I couldn't really see anything from where I was, but I was confused. Hadn't Alice said that it would only be my dad and his family here today?

"Oh boy." Emmett muttered behind me, setting me on my feet. I straightened my shirt, huffing a little up at him. It puzzled me how he'd put me down so soon after I'd tried to hit my little sister.

Carlisle left to answer the door.

"Maybe it's better if she stays here." Lily finally muttered, regaining my attention.

"It definitely is." I snapped in return, and Rosalie sighed. Giving away her presense finally.

"Leandra, just stop." She told me firmly, and I immediately took her advice.

Rosalie was someone I really had a hard time reading. She wasn't exactly mean, but I knew she could get that way fast. Like Jasper, she was just someone I automatically respected. She never bossed me around, so whenever she did tell me to do something, or to stop doing something, I listened.

Esme lightly took my hand, and pulled me over to her. I allowed it, now distracted as Carlisle returned. It wasn't him that had my attention, though. Who followed him in took me off guard. Someone I hadn't seen in months. Her eyes looked around, searching the room until they landed on me.

My dad stood up from his place on the couch, instantly focused on her as well.

"Gina." My dad seemed to be as unprepared as I was. "Well, this.. Certainly.. This is a surprise." She finally looked away from me, looking to him now. I was frozen, staring at her. At first, I didn't know what to do. When I could, I took a small, uncertain step back, suddenly feeling cornered.

"Hi, Chris." My mom replied quietly. "I wasn't even sure I was going to come. I'm sorry for just showing up."

"Not at all." Carlisle told her, looking to me. Her eyes followed his, along with everyone else's. I still wasn't doing much better. Still too shocked to think straight. She offered me a small smile, but I couldn't return it.

"This just got a bit awkward." My dad chuckled, trying to lighten the mood again. Esme lightly smoothed my back, and I glanced up at her. Trying to control my reaction.

Oddly, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

In that house, in my old life, she had been there too. I'd worked hard the last two months trying to fight those memories back. I'd been doing everything I could to pretend that it had all been a very bad nightmare.

Standing across the room was a solid reminder that it had all been real. I felt sick at just the sight of her. I could still smell the alcohol, just by seeing her face.

"Leandra." My mom laughed a little. "You've grown so much." I couldn't reply even if I wanted to. My silence seemed to only encourage her, however. She took a small step toward me, and I countered. Taking a step back.

I couldn't.

Now unfrozen, I shook my head and turned. Leaving the room. This was not expected, and definitely not okay. Not alright, and I sure as hell didn't forgive her.

"Gina," I listened to Carlisle call, "Let me speak to her."

That was probably a very good idea. Even if I didn't want to talk to anyone, I wouldn't handle her continued attempts very well. I stormed up the hall, and into my room, slamming the door behind me.

Before it closed, however, Carlisle caught it, stepping in after me.

"Leandra, I know you're upset-"

"Upset?" I asked, spinning to look at him. "Why would I be upset?" Instantly, I corrected my tone. I wasn't mad at him. I looked down and I sat down heavily on the side of my bed. "I didn't even want to have a stupid party. I just wanted to be left alone today. Doesn't anyone get that? I hate my birthday, and I hate my mom even more."

"Don't say that." He replied gently.

"It's true." I mumbled, looking down at my hands. "I can't stand her."

"She's your mother."

"No she's not." I countered. "I don't care if I'm related to her or not. She never once acted like a mom. Why should I act like she's a mom? Why would she even be here? Better yet, why would she even think it's okay to be here?" I paused, taking a few breaths. "I didn't want to see her. She's not supposed to be here. She's supposed to be in Seattle. Away from me."

She was supposed to be in Seattle, getting help for her drinking problem. That's where she'd been the entire time I was here. That's where I refused to visit her. It had been too easy to ignore her while she was there.

"Just breathe, Leandra." He told me, closing the door. "All we're asking is to just give her a chance."

"A chance?" I scoffed. "Why would I do that?"

"She's been doing so well in her treatment." He said quietly. "She's trying so hard."

"I don't care." I mumbled. "She doesn't deserve a chance. I gave her all my life of chances, and she messed up every single one of them." I lifted my pillow to me, setting it in my lap and looking down at it as I hugged it. "She's the worst mom in the world."

"Now that, I don't believe." He said. "Leandra, people make mistakes. I'm, in no way condoning her past habits, but sometimes people don't realize how badly their choices hurt others. And sometimes, they need to see for themselves the consequences of those choices before they realize that they need to change." I glanced up at him. "She cares about you. I know that for a fact."

I felt my lower lip tremble in emotion, so I bit it and looked back down.

"She never realized before, despite how often you told her, that her choices were hurting you." He sighed, crossing the room and sitting beside me.

"But you weren't there." I argued again. "You don't know how many times I tried to _beg_ her to pay attention, and she never did. She never even _tried_. She could have stopped it. Don't you get it? Everything could have been different if she just.. Woke up. I was beaten so bad _because_ of her choices, and then she just ignored me through everything. How can she just ask for another chance?"

"Leandra, something you need to understand, is that this is only temporary." He murmured gently, and I slouched, burying my face in my pillow. "When she gets through her treatment, she's going to apply to get custody returned to her, and if the court decides she's fit, it'll be granted."

"I know." I mumbled, keeping my face buried. "You've told me before."

"Knowing and understanding are two different matters." He murmured. "Do you understand what that means?" I was quiet, so he continued. "What that means is if she is granted custody of you, you'll be leaving here to live with her again. She'll be responsible for you again. And this time, there will be no taking you back, unless they decide to give you back to us, or she does what your father did, and relinquish her rights to you."

"I know." I sighed. "I get that part, but.. Carlisle, I don't want to go back to her. It's too late for her to start acting like she cares about me. I want to stay here. If I go back to her, I'll be right back where I started."

"No, you won't." He said. "The court will make sure that there is no chance of that happening again before making any decisions, and it's highly doubtful that she'll fall back into her old ways. Not with how badly she's hurting over this."

"I don't trust the court." I admitted, shaking my head. "I don't trust her. I only trust you."

"I understand your hesitation. I do." He said quietly, standing with a sigh. "You aren't going anywhere tonight. That much I can promise you. All I'm asking of you is to try. Can you do that?" I sighed also, thinking. I patted the pillow a bit more. "I know you don't understand why I'm asking this of you, and I know this isn't easy for you, but please. Just trust me."

I hated that I had to hesitate. I did trust him. It was _her_ I didn't trust. Not in the least bit.

"But it's not fair." I argued anyway. "Why should I-"

"Please?" He insisted. He held his hand out, and I sighed heavily before setting the pillow to the side. Standing, I took his hand without more argument. "Thank you."

We headed back out, and I watched her turn to me from where she stood talking with Esme. I met her gaze again, and my first impression was surprise. I was surprised that she was able to hold my gaze without looking away, or closing her eyes. It was strange to see her upright. Without a beer in her hand, or shuffling back to the couch to pass out again.

I had to admit, she really did look one hundred percent better. Her hair had grown out, longer than I remembered it being. It was somewhat done up, pulled from her face. My mother was really a pretty woman. She looked so much better than what I remembered of her. Make-up done, and a pretty white sweater on.

"Leandra." She said quietly, taking a few steps forward. I whimpered and cringed, looking up at Carlisle. He returned my gaze, telling me that it was okay. Everything was fine for right then. He patted my shoulder and nudged me forward.

"Look at you." My mother laughed, sadness and tears in her eyes. Her voice was clearer than I remembered it. It wasn't weighed down by the alcohol. I took a step back as she went to hug me. I took another few steps back, taking Carlisle's hand again. That's what I usually did these days when I was faced with a stranger.

I felt everyone's eyes on me, waiting for my turn to speak. It wouldn't come. Not without a whole lot of effort. I glared over at Alice briefly, but she really seemed as surprised as I was at the fact that she was here.

"Leandra." My mom murmured gently. "It's okay, honey." I shook my head, knowing everyone was watching me. I didn't know this person. She looked mildly familiar, but I didn't know her.

"Gina, maybe you should give her a moment." Esme suggested quietly. "She's been through a lot."

"Of course." My mom said, nodding, "I'm sorry. It's just.. It feels like so long since I've seen her."

Wrong answer. That only served to piss me off further, and made me less inclined to go to her. I tensed in response, and I knew Carlisle felt it, given then squeeze he gave my hand. To her it _would_ seem like it'd been a long time. To me, it hadn't been nearly long enough.

I hadn't seen her since late February. Since the morning of the day I told on Jack.

I watched, holding onto Carlisle's hand as she introduced herself to the rest of the family. She'd never met them before, only Carlisle and Esme, and I could tell that they only saw the gentle, friendly part of her. I still saw her as a throw-pillow, so there was obvious distrust in my eyes.

Looking to my dad, I noticed he still seemed surprised as well. She turned to him, talking to him as if seven years hadn't passed.

"It's okay, shorty." I looked back at Emmett. "She seems really nice."

"It's an act." I whispered, looking to her again. "I know it." Having heard me speak, she turned, looking at me as well.

"Count your blessings, Gina." My dad told her. "She yelled at me when she first saw me again."

"I'm sure that's coming." She said, surprising me, "And she wouldn't be wrong." My dad sighed. It was weird to me. To see my mom and my dad in the same room again. Talking to each other. Without those two people, I wouldn't be standing there. I was a part of both of them. That was just a strange thought to me.

"Come here, Leandra." My dad gestured me forward, and I hesitated at first. A small nudge from Carlisle had me move to him, though. Stepping purposefully around my mom, I made sure to stay out of arms reach of her.

"Leandra." Carlisle knew what I was doing. "Please. Just a little effort." I looked back at him as my dad gently took hold of my shoulder. The look in his eyes was slightly pleading. Nervous. I looked to Esme, and saw the same look. She offered me a smile, which didn't help in the slightest.

Okay. I'd put in effort. Now really wasn't the time to do this, but effort it would be. I looked up at my mom, meeting her eyes. She attempted to reach forward, to tuck my hair behind my ear, but I pulled back. Not approving of the touch.

"I want to know why." I demanded. She looked down, letting her hand drop, slowly sitting on the couch beside her.

"Leandra." She sighed. "I don't know if now is-"

"Yes." I said. "Now. I wanna know the truth. I'm old enough to know why you did what you did."

She was quiet for a moment, fiddling with her hands. She didn't seem to want to answer. That made me even more mad at her. I wasn't asking for much from her. I wanted to know what was more important to her than I was.

"Do you even know what I went through?" I asked quietly. "Do you even care what happened to me while I waited for you to notice?" Though my voice was quiet, it was filled with accusation. As were my eyes as she finally looked up, meeting them again.

"Honey, I'm sor-"

"Sorry's not gonna cut it." I barked. "It's not. I know, it's the best you can do right now, but.. It's so hard. It's hard to forgive you. That's what you showing up is asking me to do." Everyone else was quiet, waiting. Watching our interaction closely.

She was quiet, before she looked at me. "I can't undo what happened, and I know that. I'm just trying to get through this, the same as you. This is hard on me too, knowing the choices I made impacted you so deeply, hurt you for so long. And because of another choice, I didn't see it." I was quiet, my eyes narrowing ever-so-slightly. "Leandra, I can't undo what he did, but I can try to prove to you that I will never let you down again."

She paused, taking my hand in hers, "You haven't forgiven me yet, and that's okay. That's okay, Leandra. You've got to see for yourself that you can count on me to always be there." She paused again. "Okay? I love you, and only want what's best for you. If you're not ready to forgive, that's fine."

That didn't answer my question.

"That's not good enough." I grumbled, pulling my hand away. "Did you ever see? Did you ever hear me? Did you ever notice what Jack was like?"

She looked down. "In the beginning, Jack used to shout. I'd always correct him on it, try to get him to stop, and he would at first. It was just after he'd adopted you that he started escalating."

"That's a lie." I instantly growled. "You never told him to stop."

"Not in front of you, I didn't." She countered. "You were just a baby, and had just gone through so much fighting. Between your dad and me. I didn't want to repeat that."

"Nothing else?" I demanded. "You didn't try anything else?"

"I tried, honey. I was young, stupid and scared." She murmured. "There is so much to this story that you don't know-"

"Then tell me."

"Not here." She insisted. "I will tell you everything I know, but not right now."

"I'm trying really fucking hard not to punch you in the face for what you did." I finally snapped. "Just _tell_ me!"

She hesitated only a second before she looked around.

"Chris," She said. "It might be a good idea to take Lily out of the room." I scoffed. She'd already put more concern into _Lily_ than she ever felt for me.

"We'll be right outside." Rachel stood up, helping Lily to her feet. It was silent as they made their way out the side door, onto the porch outside.

"Well?" I barked after several silent seconds.

"I tried." She finally took a breath. "I tried to leave. I don't think you would remember, because at the time, you were just a toddler and he'd been there for awhile." She sighed again. "Let me start at the beginning." She glanced over at my dad. He nodded, his arms crossed.

"It was my fault." My dad murmured, which surprised me. "We were both stupid back then. I put more focus into my work than I did my family, and because of that, I got to watch everything fall apart."

"I wasn't looking for Jack." My mom added. "He found me. I don't expect you to understand the difference, but I promise you. I tried so hard to be careful."

"Not careful enough." I grumbled, sitting down.

"He found me at a time when everything was going to hell." My mom went on. "Jack found me when I was tired. He found me while I was terrified of becoming a single mother to a little girl that deserved the world. I'd been so busy second-guessing myself, the ends just didn't match up."

I watched her. Hesitantly listening now.

"How'd you even meet him?" I asked firmly.

"The day I met Jack," She said, "I had just gone through a fight with Chris. One of the worst we had, and I was upset. I had taken you to the park. Just here, in Forks. I started talking to a woman there with her two boys, and I met him through her."

I frowned. I wanted so bad to ask about the woman, but I filed that question away for later. I was getting the answers I wanted, and I didn't want to interrupt her.

"That's the day I first met him too." My dad added bitterly. He was still tense.

My mom nodded. "Jack saw an opportunity, and he took it, and I admit, I was stupid. He was good. To me and to you. I _never_ saw any red flags, and believe me, I looked."

I was silent now, waiting.

"He was good." She murmured. "Until one day, he wasn't anymore. The two years I'd known him, I never once saw this side of him. One day, after we were married, it was just like a switch had been flipped, and I didn't even know him anymore. It caught me so off guard.. He blindsided me, but I never once saw anything like that coming."

Weirdly, that was believable.

"And you tried to leave?" My dad prompted her when I didn't.

"Three times." She nodded solemnly. "The first time, he beat me senseless and left with Leandra. He'd been at it for awhile by then, and only then decided to clue me in. The same day he showed me his true colors, I tried right then to put a stop to it, but needless to say, that didn't sit right with him. He was so much stronger than me."

I looked down, hating the way my resentful gaze had eased. I could sympathize with that one.

"And before you ask," She added, looking at my dad, "No. I never saw any reason before then to be suspicious, and I was watching closely. The _only_ thing I can think of that would have been an indication, was the way Leandra was suddenly acting, but.. I stupidly thought that the change in her behavior was a normal toddler thing. Especially after losing you the way she did. That was my second mistake."

I was still quiet. Continuing to wait. I knew she had more to say.

"The second time," She went on at him quietly, "He made her watch as he held a knife to my throat. The third, I was about to leave. I was ready, and I know I should have called someone ahead of time, but he was home when he should have been at work. So he caught me. I regained consciousness hours later, bleeding on the kitchen floor, but _still_. I tried until he turned it all around on you."

I glanced up, and she was looking at me.

"He told me that I was free to leave whenever I wanted." She explained, "But if I ever tried to take you with me again, I would be the one burying you in the woods."

Again, I believed that. Jack was always free with his threats.

"I was helpless at that point." She sniffled a little. "I wanted so bad to believe he was bluffing, but after he'd completely changed, I didn't know what to believe. My only choice was to give up. I knew even if I did file a report against him, he wouldn't stay away long. We'd never get away. Not for long, anyway. I couldn't put you through that, or perhaps more selfishly, I couldn't put you in that kind of danger.

"He had control of everything. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a car. I didn't have a soul in the world that would help me. He had control of the bank accounts, he owned the house, and he'd adopted you. That would have given him rights to you had I tried to leave, and he was just waiting for any excuse to take you away from me too.

"I didn't realize at the time just how badly I was cornering myself, allowing him to control so much of my life. I didn't _fully_ know just what I was getting myself into with him until it was too late. He'd gotten us just where he wanted us to be, and he sprung the trap."

I tried to imagine what my life would have been like constantly running from place to place, living in fear of Jack finding us.

"I tried to warn you." My dad mumbled, shaking his head at the floor. "I begged you to listen."

"I know." She nodded. "I know you did, and bottom line, it's my fault for not listening to you."

It was silent again.

I grit my teeth, and kept my eyes down, "Why did you start drinking?" I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know any more answers, but I couldn't stop myself from asking the questions.

"I was never one to really enjoy drinking before, considering my father always drank. But it was an escape at first. A way to stay out of the way, hoping maybe he'd take it easy without me angering him."

It took me a moment for that to register in my mind. Was she telling me that she "escaped" while I was stuck facing Jack and everything he had to dish out? She drank, with the purpose of ignoring me in mind? "Hoping" he'd take it easy?

"Uh-oh." Emmett murmured. "Shorty.." He tried to correct me before I lost my temper. Too fucking late.

"So you just.." At first, my voice was quiet. Carefully controlled. I paused. "You just.. Escaped while he could do whatever he wanted?" I could feel my pulse quickening in anger. She was quiet, which was enough answer for me. "You just left me to fend for myself? Did you even care at all that he was hurting me?" I knew I was about to cross the line, heading towards words I couldn't take back, but I needed to let them go.

"You hid in your drinking, while I had to deal with what he did? Are you _kidding_ me?" My voice was raising. "I was just a kid! I was a kid! You were the grown-up!"

She stood up, and I stepped back. She tried to hug me, but I fiercely yanked my arm from her hand.

"The blood on the floor, the walls, in my room, mom!" I shouted. "Did you see any of it? Did you hear me cry, mom? Did you hear him beating me? I begged you. I begged you to care. I needed you so much, and you let me down every fucking time!" I couldn't stop talking now if I tried. My dad stepped forward, trying to take my hand, but I yanked it away just as harshly.

"The bruises, the burns, and the cuts, mom. That's all he gave to me." I paused, knowing I was about to hurt her more, "And all you gave me was a twelve pack of empty beer bottles every day, and your fucking back! I picked up those bottles, mom. I picked them up, because I didn't want to be hit with them!"

I stood there, waiting for her to say something. Anything. When she didn't, I just got angrier. I continued.

"You're going to blame everything that happened to me on you being young? No." I shook my head. "That's a goddamn lie!" My voice broke with how upset I was. Accusation in every syllable. "I was nine years old, mom, when I got away from that place. I could have died there, and you wouldn't have noticed! I was younger than you were, and braver than you could ever claim to be then. Do you know how scared I was? All the time. Now I know why it was so hard. I was being brave for both of us."

I paused, my breathing accelerated. "You just can't tell me that you fucked up! You messed up, mom, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for giving up when I needed you to stand up for me!" I was pissed. More pissed than I had been in a long time. My voice broke again with my emotion and my anger, adding an edge to them that seemed to hurt her more.

She didn't try to interrupt me, only staring down at her hands. Nobody tried to interrupt me. When she started to cry, I began to feel guilty, which only fueled the anger more.

"Don't tell me this is hard on you. You don't get to say it's hard on you, because we both know that's a fucking lie. You think it's hard on you? Try living with what I live with every day. Try living with the stuff I still fucking live with because of your stupid fucking choices." I spun and stormed toward my room.

Before I could get too far, Esme caught me. Wrapping her arms around me, holding me as my sobs finally started. There were no words to describe the silence in the room that followed my outburst. Esme eventually lifted me, holding me securely as I cried, letting me get out my emotion.

"Wow." Emmett finally mumbled.

"Emmett." Alice corrected him quietly.

"No." My mom murmured, sniffling as she stood and took a few steps toward me. "She was right. Everything she said, she had every right to say. I should have been there. I should have done everything I could to keep you from him. I won't make excuses, and I won't lie to you. All I can say, all I can tell you is that I'm sorry-"

"That's not good enough!" I screamed, turning quickly to face her. "That's not enough!"

"I know it's not." She said quickly. "I know you're hurt, and you will need your time, but I promise you, sweetie-"

"Your promises don't mean anything to me."

"I'm trying, Leandra. I am." She tried again. "Just give me a chance-"

"You don't deserve one." I argued. "Why should I have to trust you again when you never gave me a reason to? Huh? Why should I? It's not fair for you to ask me to give you a chance when you blew ten years of them."

"Leandra-"

"Don't you get it?" I sobbed. "I don't want to live with you! You never wanted me anyway!"

"Now that's not true." She said, shaking her head. "Leandra, I have no way to explain why I did what I did, but I have always loved you."

"Bull shit." I whispered, dropping down from Esme's arms. "You never loved me. You were never a mom. Moms don't let their daughters get beaten until they can't move. You don't love me."

"Leandra-"

"Stop it!" I interrupted her again. "I don't want you! You're nothing to me!"

"Leandra." Carlisle spoke beside me, but I ignored him. He wanted effort. This was my effort. I needed to get this out.

"You're nothing but a selfish bitch, only out to save your own ass, and I would have been just fucking fine never seeing your stupid face again." I could see the pain my words caused her, yet it only fueled me.

"Shorty." Emmett's voice was firmer, and even that didn't stop me.

"I hate you." I snapped between clenched teeth. "I really hate you. It's too late. It's too fucking late!"

I turned, trying to step around Esme to get to my room. My mom, however, took my arm in her hand again, and turned me around, pulling me to her. Lifting me into a tight and secure hug.

I struggled as she wrapped her arms around me, but she wouldn't let go. Through my kicking and shoving, she held on tight. My teeth clenched in my fight.

"Leandra, please." She murmured, trying not to drop me.

"Gina, maybe-" Carlisle tried before he cut off as a last resort, I pulled back just enough to slap her. She still didn't let go, so half a second later, I thought of the next option. Leaning in, I bit her shoulder. She still tried to hold on, but eventually, the pain became too much, and she let me go with a quiet cry of pain.

I landed on my feet, falling to my butt. I was panting, partially from fear and partially from exertion as everything was still. Trembling on the floor as I looked up at her, watching as she rubbed the spot I'd bitten her.

"Leandra." My dad was the first to scold quietly, shocked at my behavior.

That's all it took. I crawled backwards, flipped over and forced myself to my feet. Running from the room as fast as I could. Ignoring the shocked gasps, and my name called behind me. I closed the door firmly behind myself, and curled into a ball on the floor in front of it.

All these years, I'd made up excuses for her. I'd tried to ignore the truth. I told myself that her drinking wasn't her choice. She didn't mean to ignore me. She was _sick_. She didn't mean to ignore the fact that she'd married Satan, and I was stuck with him. Alone. Scared. Hurting and confused.

I'd known it all along, but fully learning that it was entirely her choice hurt me. It broke my heart, and I was having a hard time dealing with it. Tears slowly trailed down my cheeks, and I found myself unable to stop them.

I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to make an effort. I didn't want to have to go with her. I didn't want to have to leave my family, just because she thought she was better. She chose to ignore me and what hell I was going through, and now she wanted to take me away from the place where I made something out of the nothing I was, just to try to make up for it. I hated her. I hated my own mother, and nothing she would ever say to me would change that.

This was different than how disappointed I was in my dad. This was so much worse, because she was there. She had been there the entire time. Just in the next room, and she could have done something. She could have put a stop to it, but she chose not to.

I was scared though. I'd always acted on instinct, but when had _that_ become instinct? Biting people? She was holding me, I didn't want to be held, but she wouldn't let go, so I bit her. That didn't make much sense to me either, but it'd definitely happened. I knew what I'd done was wrong, but that didn't stop me from doing it without even meaning to. I'd always done my best to be good. That wasn't good. That was really bad. _Really_ bad.

A knock at the door behind me had me crawl forward, landing my butt near my bed, my sobs renewing. I was scared. Was that the one thing that would warrant a beating?

"Leandra." It was Esme. "May I come in?"

"Just you." I sobbed. "I don't want to see her. I'm not sorry!" The door opened and she came in, closing the door behind herself. I quickly climbed to my feet and hugged her. Embracing me in return, she sighed softly. She waited, letting me calm down quite a bit before she spoke.

"I know you're upset, honey. You have every right to be."

"How much trouble am I in?" I whimpered, looking up at her.

"It's okay." She assured me. "You're not in trouble."

"But.." I mumbled. "I bit her. I didn't even mean to, but I did."

"She's okay." She replied. "She's not hurt, and.. Well, we were waiting for something like this to come up."

"You were?"

"Unfortunately." She confirmed sadly. She sighed again quietly, hugging me tighter to her side. "Honey, what you've been through is unspeakable. Because of what that man did to you, there are bound to be some hidden scars no one can reach.

"The way you were treated as you grew through crucial developmental years made it possible for you to develop and strengthen basic survival instincts, the same instincts most children are taught to ignore when they're young by receiving love and supportive correction. You never got those things."

I didn't know what all that meant.

"But I didn't _mean_ to do it." I was still confused. "I didn't.. I didn't even really think to do it."

"We know that." She replied, but didn't offer much else. I could tell that this bothered her. It bothered me too, so in a way, I could understand. I didn't like that I could do something like that without my say so.

"Can they wait to beat me until later?" I asked miserably, and she looked down at me.

"You're not going to be beaten." She replied gently but firmly.

"But.." I frowned a little. "That was bad. _Really_ bad."

"Not bad enough to earn a beating." She insisted. "It's okay, sweetie." I was hesitant to believe her, but I hugged her again anyway. She smoothed my hair, and I closed my eyes around more tears.

"I hate her." I whimpered. "I hate her so much. She doesn't even know what she did."

She didn't reply to that. Rubbing my back in a soothing motion as my breathing slowed to a more normal pace.

As far as I was concerned, I wouldn't care if I never saw my mom again. If I would have had my way, I would have stayed right there for the rest of my life.

 **A/N: I know this was just the first chapter, but I really hope it didn't suck. The first few chapters are going to progress pretty fast, but I'm going to do my best to slow those down as much as I can. I'm having a bit of trouble keeping control of the pace with this one, though. I won't lie.  
Next chapter won't take too long hopefully. It's got a few places I'm not that happy with, but I'll be trying. {:  
Until Two, my wonderful readers!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Apparently, what I shouted at my mom had really hurt her feelings. It took a lot of coaxing to get me out of my room, as upset as I was. As much I wanted to stay in my room until everyone was gone, I knew I couldn't. The only way I agreed to come out, though, was if she agreed to keep her distance, if Esme stayed with me, and if I wasn't requested to be nice.

I had a feeling that Jasper, wherever he was hiding, had a lot to do with the fact that I had relented at all.

I wasn't ready to be nice, and pushing me to would be the opposite of helpful. I didn't want my mom there, and I made sure everyone knew it. Where I stood was perfectly clear, and despite how I knew it was wrong and not at all what my family wanted of me, I couldn't help it. I wasn't budging.

By letting Jack hurt me, she hurt me. By hurting me, she made sure I wouldn't trust her again. Asking me to trust her now was just insane. It wasn't going to just all be okay, but I knew eventually, they would have to let me go.

I returned to the living room, and unfortunately, she was still there. As were Rachel and Lily. Rachel had returned to my dad's side, and Lily had found the snack table.

"I'm not mad at you, honey." Was the first thing my mom said to me. "It's okay. I'm sorry for pushing you." I sat stiffly beside Esme as she held my hand.

"You don't get to hold me." I grumbled. "I'm not sorry I bit you."

"Come on, shorty." Emmett murmured, giving me a look.

"Carlisle." My dad leaned forward from where he sat. "I'm just going to say it. Aren't you concerned by her behavior?" I looked to him. "I'm no child psychologist, but I know enough to know that she shouldn't be doing that."

" _Thanks_." I grumbled at him. He'd just lost a few points.

"It's nothing against you, sweetheart," He replied, "But that's.. That kind of thing is not okay."

"Slightly." Carlisle nodded a little. "I am slightly concerned, but she does still have a lot to learn. Her behavior is still impulsive at this point. Instinct for her."

"I mean, the yelling was one thing. That was understandable, and frankly, pretty well deserved, but.." My dad shook his head. "Someone her age running around biting people would be pretty concerning if anyone were to see her do that. Has she seen a psychologist?"

"I don't run around biting people." I mumbled, looking down. "I know I shouldn't have done it, but I did it anyway. But I don't just run around biting people."

"The point is, Leandra, that you do it at all." My dad explained quietly. "That's something that should have been taught to you a long time ago." Like Esme had pointed out.

"She's missed a lot of important milestones growing up." Carlisle told him before I could respond. "We're working with her, but it takes time to repair that."

"I understand that, but all I'm saying, is maybe it would be a good idea to bring in a specialist or something. Someone who deals with cases like hers specifically."

"What?" I asked. "I don't need-"

"Your concern is justified, Chris. I assure you," Carlisle said, nodding, "But I trust we can handle it."

"I'm only worried about her behavior getting worse as she grows up. You know, letting her get away with that, and all that. Feral behavior isn't something to treat lightly." My dad continued. "I've just never seen her do that. There was the playful biting a few months back, but now I'm thinking maybe she should have been corrected on it then."

What did feral mean? I'd heard that word used only once before, and that was at school to describe a stray cat that got stuck in our classroom. It was a long time ago, but I remembered it, because we weren't allowed to go inside.

"She's learning." Emmett said, and I looked to him next. "Aren't you, shorty?" I nodded a little, looking back down.

"Is feral really the right word to use?" My mom asked, looking to my dad. "I don't think my daughter is feral." What the hell would she know? Maybe I was.

"Well," Carlisle answered, sighing, "It isn't as severe as cases you're thinking of, I'm sure, but her behavior does hint at it being one of those cases. She has been somewhat socialized. Just not quite as much as I'd prefer."

"Not enough, apparently." My dad was still concerned.

"What does it mean?" I asked, still confused.

"Her tendency to resort to physical violence to express unhappiness or emotional or physical stress concerns me. That is all she's been taught, but it's still concerning." Carlisle explained to her, and my mom shook her head, obviously not liking what she was hearing. I didn't like it much either, and I didn't understand most of it. Yeah, I did do those things, but I wasn't sure I liked hearing it this way.

"Gina, something I don't think you realize, is there are longer lasting effects than only a few trust issues. The only parent she had teaching her from the time she was very young was Jack. She learned more than just survival instincts from him."

My mom looked down, not arguing or denying again.

"Despite our efforts, her instinct to defend herself is still borderline feral, often when the situation doesn't call for it."

This was the first I was hearing of this, so I was listening closely. He'd never tried to tell me any of this before.

"Violence is all she's known for so long. Only a few months ago, the person holding her against her will absolutely would have meant her harm, so this time, her mind protected her the only way it knew how."

None of my family had ever done that, so it made sense that this wouldn't have come up yet. I still hated contact, but I'd learned that nothing they ever did would hurt me. That didn't apply to my mom. Or even my dad. I hadn't developed the trust in them that I'd had a chance to build with my family.

"She learned that violence gets results, and that is a very deeply ingrained trait to break her of." Carlisle went on. "We will continue to work with her, however, and if it comes to the point where we've done all we can, a professional will be consulted." That worried me. I whined, but he went on. "I'd just prefer to keep her from that. I know what I'm doing, Chris. You have no reason to worry."

"Of course." He seemed to be put at ease, given his smile. "I know you'd never lead her wrong."

"We really wouldn't." Alice spoke up. "She really has come a long way in a few months."

I really had. I couldn't argue with that. My mom seemed more resistant to be eased, but she let it go. Giving me worried glances now and then.

One thing I watched for from then on, was the way my mom and my dad interacted with each other. I was watching them try to ignore each other the best, most polite way they possibly could throughout various conversations.

I wouldn't ask what made them hate each other, though I was curious. It really was weird to think about the fact that I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for them at least liking each other at some point. Now their cold shoulders were chilling the room.

"Would you two at least look at each other?" I finally snapped, and everyone looked at me.

"What?" My dad asked, confused.

"It's weird." I replied. "You're both sitting there, just ignoring each other like you never even mattered to each other. It's _weird_. So _stop_."

"There are so many unresolved things, honey." My mom sighed. "It really is better like this."

"Oh." I muttered, but oddly, I did understand. I pursed my lips. "Then sit somewhere else at least. It'll be less weird if you're both not right next to each other."

Before my mom could stand up, my dad did.

"No," My mom stood up. "Chris, you sit."

"No," He replied. "You go ahead. I insist."

"Oh _now_ you insist on being the gentleman." She muttered under her breath, sighing as she lifted her purse.

"Oh," My dad caught that. His sarcasm really upped the tone nicely. "I'm sorry."

"All I'm saying," She stressed quietly. "Is don't pretend to care, Chris. We both know it's fake."

"I'm not pretending anything." He replied, two notches more defensive. "I'm just saying I'll move so you don't have to."

"There it is again." She muttered. "Really? You just can't stop."

What did I do? Emmett gave me an incredulous look, and I returned it. I didn't know it would be that easy to get them arguing.

"Someone move before I do." I snapped, and they both glanced at me. With a final huff, my mom held her hands out.

"I will." She said, stepping around my dad. He stood there, his arms folded across his chest, literally biting his lip as he shook his head at the floor. My mom walked outside, onto the porch.

"She's the stubbornest, most defensive woman I've ever known." My dad finally grumbled. I looked up and over as Esme stood up beside me. I watched after her as she headed for the porch as well. Where I finally saw my mom, suddenly sitting and crying into her hand.

The sight was one I couldn't look away from, even as Alice took Esme's open seat beside me.

I wasn't sure how I felt, seeing that. Sure, it bothered me on some level, but I also couldn't help remembering all the times I wished she would suffer. She was suffering alright, but I had a feeling that that little argument just now was the last straw.

I also hated the fact that Esme comforted her. I felt betrayed in a way.

"This is a disaster." I muttered, finally looking over at Alice.

"No it's not." She defended herself quietly.

"My mom's outside crying, my dad's pissed off, and I'm pretty sure that brat over there is going to barf." I hissed in a whisper. "Can we just end this already so I can go back to bed?"

"Time for presents." Alice suddenly stood up. Oh joy.

I'd opened my various gifts. A necklace from Carlisle and Esme, three new sweaters from Alice and Jasper, an art set from Emmett and Rosalie, and a white gold watch from Edward and Bella.

I hadn't had much chance to talk to Bella, as I'd only seen a few glimpses of her over the summer. She and Edward were off on their own a lot. Though I'd asked for nothing for my birthday, they still managed to know what I'd like.

The necklace was a white gold as well, but it was more delicate. On a seemingly fragile, but actually quite sturdy chain, was a small butterfly shaped pendant made of light pink and white diamonds, embellished in the white gold. I loved it instantly, smiling despite how I really didn't want to. Esme helped me put it on at my request.

The sweaters were smile inducing as well. I actually loved them. Only one was thick, meant as an over sweater. A pale purple color, and a few sizes too big for me as they knew I loved baggy clothes. The other two were fitting, but not too clingy. They were made of thick, but light material. One was a brown color, and the other a light pink color. I actually loved them as well. Thankful beyond words that they hadn't gotten me dresses instead.

The art set went without saying. Mostly made up of pencils, since I was always doodling on something. The watch did as well, though I'd probably never wear it. Too afraid of losing it. It was gorgeous, however.

My dad, however, brought me something that I hadn't been expecting. I tore it open, looking over the padded pink outer cover. Flipping it open, the first picture was an ultrasound picture, and looking at the date, I realized it was of me. I knew what this was. He'd brought me a photo album, filled with nothing but pictures of my mom, my dad, and myself when I was a baby.

"Wow." I murmured, fascinated instantly. I turned the page, and this picture was of me as well. Given the look of me, it was the first picture ever taken of me. Swaddled in a pastel pink blanket. My skin a brand-new pink color, probably minutes old.

"No way." Emmett chuckled, leaning over the back of the couch to get a look. "Aww, you're so cute."

"Your mom was a pretty good photographer. She loved taking pictures of anything." My dad explained, "Especially of you, or you and I together." I flipped through the pages slowly. I'd never seen these before. I didn't remember ever seeing many pictures at all.

I was pretty cute, I had to admit. There were pictures of myself just after being born, laying swaddled in a soft pink blanket in my dad's arm. All the way up until I was a chubby toddler. Shoulder length auburn hair, and wide green eyes.

There were several of him and I at the park. After awhile, the pictures only included me. There was one of me, the sun bright on my dark auburn hair and on the grass behind me. The smile I had for him was one I never remembered giving.

I couldn't have been very old, as only a few baby teeth were visible. I paused at it, looking it over. Just the difference between that girl then, and me now was startling to witness. The happiness visible in her eyes, there was no mistaking that I had been loved.

"Thanks, dad." I murmured, looking back down at the picture. "I love this."

"You're welcome." He said, smiling a little. "I thought you'd want that."

My eyes roamed over what must have been the last of the ones he had of me. One in particular. Two and a half year old me, standing there in a long purple t-shirt, my feet and legs bare. Looking up at the camera with a curious smile, my arms raised to be lifted.

I must have just woken up, because my hair was slightly a mess and I recognized my bedroom passed the open door behind where I stood. No blood stains, or signs of violence. None whatsoever. The teddy bear that sat in my room now, sat on the bed in the picture, strewn near the wall, but perfectly fine. Slightly ruffled from being slept on, but a lot less flat. Soft morning light filtering in through the window behind me.

"That's the cutest picture I've seen of you yet, shorty." Emmett laughed a little, still looking over the pictures with me.

With a sinking heart, I realized that that was the way I looked when Jack first got a hold of me. God, I was just a baby. That thought alone almost brought tears to my eyes. The little girl in the picture had no idea what was coming. She didn't know what the future would hold for her. It hurt me to see this girl, to see me before everything went so wrong.

"What's wrong?" My dad asked, seeing my expression.

"She didn't know." I mumbled, looking up and meeting his eyes. "She had no idea."

"Oh, honey." He said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I mumbled, looking back down at the picture. "So much has changed. I don't remember this at all."

"I do." I jumped a little at my mom's voice behind me, to my other side. I turned a little to look back and up at her. Her eyes were slightly red from crying, but she seemed okay now. I wasn't yelling at her yet, so she leaned down to get a better look. I allowed it, leaning over a little to give her room.

"You took it." My dad agreed. "It got mixed up in my stuff."

"It's okay." She told him. "I'm glad you saved it. This has always been one of my favorite pictures."

And they left it at that. They didn't argue, but left it alone. It surprised me. Reaching down, she slowly turned a page.

"Oh." My mom immediately laughed, and I knew what she was talking about. Just a toddler, I was standing in the kitchen in nothing but a diaper, covered head to little toe in flour. A 'crap I'm caught' look on my face, looking at the camera as I reached as high up on the counter as I could reach. Reaching for the pile of flour that I'd created by knocking over the open bag.

"Which one?" My dad asked, a curious smile on his face.

She pointed it out. He instantly laughed as well.

"I took that one." He said. "Thankfully, that wasn't my first mess."

There was one picture on this page that caught my eye, though. The picture of my dad holding a baby me in his arms and both of us looking at a Christmas tree. My little hand was outstretched to the tree, as if wanting to grab the lights.

He smiled a little at me. "That was Christmas Eve. You were.." He trailed off, thinking. "Seventeen months old."

I studied the picture close, despite how I didn't want to. As okay as I was feeling before, now I wasn't anymore.

As soon as I could, I tore my eyes away from it before I closed them around involuntary tears. If there was one occasion I absolutely hated more than my birthday, it was Christmas. That included anything having to do with it, and now I knew it included pictures of me around anything having to do with Christmas.

It threatened to turn my stomach.

"Um.." I mumbled, hating the way my voice shook. "Can you take that picture back? A-And.. And any more like it?" My eyes were still closed tight around the tears that wanted to fall free.

He seemed confused. "Why-"

"Please?" I whimpered, firmer. I didn't offer any explanation. I wouldn't have been able to give him one, despite knowing exactly why it bothered me so badly. Without any more questions, I felt the book under my hands moved a little as the picture was pulled out of its sleeve.

"Leandra?" Alice seemed curious beside me. I shook my head, fighting back silent sobs as I left my eyes closed. I couldn't even pretend to be okay.

"I'm sorry." My dad said again. "I didn't know it would upset you." I didn't reply this time. I was a mess, and I needed this day to be over.

Needless to say, my birthday was quite emotional. More so than usual, and for much different reasons. I barely survived, but I hung on. My dad and his family were the ones that left first once the afternoon headed toward evening. He lifted me to give me a hug goodbye.

"Don't give her too hard of a time." He advised once I pulled back. "She really is trying hard."

"I don't-"

"I know you don't want to. I'm not telling you to trust her, or even give her a chance just yet. All I'm saying is just try to use the f-word a little less. Deal?"

"I'll try." I sighed. "No promises."

"Fair enough." He gave me a sad smile. He paused for a second before he sighed as well. "Can I ask about that picture?"

"No." I said again, hating the reminder. I'd just gotten calmed down, eventually with Jasper's help. I didn't need to get started again.

"Okay." He murmured. "Happy birthday. I love you, kiddo."

"And please," Rachel added quietly, "Forgive Lily for the things she said today, honey. She didn't mean it. I'm sorry it upset you."

That was weird to me. She was apologizing to me for what her daughter said. It was weird, but I did appreciate it, and it made me feel a little better.

"It's okay." I shrugged a little. "I don't care about that anymore." I hesitated. "And I'm sorry too, for what I said back to her. I didn't mean it either." She smiled.

"I'll let her know." She replied. "I know there is bound to be some tension between you two, because you don't know each other that well. I hope someday we can change that. On your terms, of course."

"Maybe." I shrugged again. I didn't feel like outright telling her to stuff it. She was nice.

"There is something I'm curious about." I added, and they both listened. "Who's uncle Richard?"

They laughed.

"My brother." My dad replied. "He's a character, and honestly, didn't mean what he said the way Lily picked it up."

"Oh." I didn't know I had an uncle. Since he was my dad's brother, that would have made him my uncle too.

"Really." Rachel laughed at my dad, patting his arm. "Remind me to have a talk with Richard about the _wonderful_ things he says around his neice." Her sarcasm made me smile a little.

"I'll let him know he needs to move." My dad replied, and they both laughed this time.

My dad hugged me again, and after more parting words, he was gone.

My mom was last to leave after a short talk with Carlisle. I don't know what he said to her, but whatever it was, she seemed more determined when she left than she did when she got there. She kneeled down, trying to meet my eyes from beside Esme.

"I won't stop trying, Leandra." She told me. "I won't give up."

"You should." I grumbled.

"I love you too much to do that. You'll see when I get finished, and you come home with me, I'll be the best mom in the world." I held tighter to Esme's hand, biting back my retort. I really didn't want to go with her. Every instinct in me told me not to. To stay where I was.

"I won't try to hug you." She said. "Not without your permission, but please know I'll always be waiting for it. I love you, baby. I always have." If she didn't leave soon, I was going to lose my cool again.

Thankfully, she did leave. As soon as the front door was closed, I sighed heavily. Spinning, I landed face down on the couch beside where Emmett sat. I groaned loudly, stressed beyond measure. Everyone was still in the room, watching me try to unwind.

"I hate my mom." I mumbled into the cushion.

"Don't say that, shorty." Emmett murmured, patting my leg. "She's your mom. You wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her."

"I almost wasn't because of her. Remember?" I sighed, rolling over onto my side and looking to him. "How can you just forgive her for what she did? How am I supposed to just forgive her for what she did?" For a moment, he seemed to not know how to answer.

"Shorty, let me ask you something." He said. "Have you ever done something wrong, and you felt horrible about it? Made a choice that caused someone to get hurt, or be disappointed?"

I looked down in thought. I pursed my lips a little, fiddling with my fingers and sighing again.

"I stole someone's lunch once." I admitted, shrugging.

"I don't know-"

"I blamed it on another girl in my class. And they believed me, so she got into trouble for it."

"Okay." He allowed, "And didn't you feel bad when she got into trouble?" I nodded a little, "Did you apologize to her for it?"

"Yeah."

"And did she forgive you for it?"

"No." I said truthfully, "She still hates me for it."

That seemed to surprise him. "Well. That didn't take the direction I wanted it to." He thought for a moment, "The point is, that.. Wouldn't you feel a whole lot better if she'd forgiven you?"

"I guess so." I admitted quietly.

"So would your mom." He said, giving me a small smile.

"What she did is a whole lot worse than stealing a lunch." I reminded him, rolling fully onto my back. Laying on my side was beginning to get uncomfortable. I made sure to keep my shoes off the couch, though.

"I agree." He said. "So imagine how much worse she must feel about doing what she did, than you do about stealing a lunch."

I blinked in surprise. I hadn't thought about it that way before. Esme gave him a smile as she left the room. I sighed, looking to my hands folded on my stomach.

"I still don't care." I finally mumbled. "I hope she suffers. Every day for the rest of her stupid life."

"Now that's not very nice." Emmett frowned. "That's not the shorty I know."

"Yes it is. I just don't say it."

"Going to live with her won't be the end of the world." He told me gently. "We'll still be here."

"She won't protect me. She won't try. Here, I know I'm safe. I know nothing will hurt me. There, anything can happen. I don't want to go with her."

"It's ultimately her choice, shorty." He reminded me. "I know it's hard. Believe me, I do. I didn't have the happiest childhood in the world, you know. It wasn't near as bad as yours, but it taught me to find the good in every day. To look for ways to make bad days better. To have fun, no matter the situation."

"I can't do that." I sighed, shaking my head again. "I used to try to do that, but it never worked. So I gave up."

"Quitter." He said, suddenly pulling me into his arms. Despite the gloom of the day, I giggled a little. I watched as Carlisle crossed the room, sitting on the other end of the couch. He usually only did that when there was something that was needing to be said to me.

"And you and I have to have a talk." Emmett spoke up, regaining my attention.

"About what?" I asked, reaching up and clearing my hair from my face.

"The biting, you little animal." He explained. "That needs to be addressed."

"I agree." Carlisle murmured from the side with a sigh.

"It's okay around us, because you can't hurt us, but biting hurts other little humans like you." Emmett told me, sitting me up, and tucking me into the small space between where he sat and the end of the couch. I was small enough that I fit, without being uncomfortable or squished.

"That's the point. It works."

"Just because it works, doesn't mean you should do it." He countered. "It's mean, and makes people think you're not as human as them."

"And?" I asked, shrugging. "That's not new. I've always been treated like an animal." Right back to my thoughts that morning.

"So prove them wrong." He challenged. "What other people say doesn't define who you are."

"Sure it does." I countered, leaning heavily against him. "If enough people believe it."

"I hate to agree with you there." He replied, "But I won't lie." He paused for a moment, sighing.

I struggled out from my little spot, and stood.

"I've never been able to bite anyone before." I told him, turning to face him. "Now that I know it works, I don't see what's so bad about it."

"Why weren't you able to before?"

"Because Jack would beat the hell out of me." I replied incredulously. "If I ever did anything to make him look bad. He always said that how I acted reflected on him, so I couldn't do stuff like that before."

"So he never actually taught you not to?" Emmett asked, and I shook my head.

"He taught me.." I hesitated, taking a breath. "A lot of things, but stuff like that, no."

"Look, shorty." Emmett said, leaning forward and capturing my hands in his. "See it this way. Biting is just as bad as hitting." He was probably referring to the fight I'd gotten into with my classmate Rachel that fateful day. I'd really hurt her that day.

"Not to me." I replied, shaking my head.

"It hurts just as much." Alice piped up, and I looked to her seated on Jasper's lap in the chair.

"It doesn't hurt me a bit." I joked a little. Hoping I could get out of what little trouble I was in.

"So how about this." Emmett regained my attention. "Every time you find yourself in a situation where you want to bite someone, but don't, I'll give you five dollars."

"Bribery, Emmett?" We both looked over at Jasper. "She's ten."

"Hey, why not?" Emmett asked. "If it works, it works."

"I'll bet you thirty it doesn't." Jasper countered.

"You're on." Emmett's eyes narrowed.

"I get it, I get it." I sighed, pulling my hands from Emmett's. "Biting is bad. I couldn't help it, though." I turned, sitting back down between Emmett and Carlisle. "What am I supposed to do when I want to get away, but can't?"

"She wasn't going to hurt you, Leandra." Jasper replied sadly.

"I didn't want her to hold me." I murmured, looking down at my hands. "And she was doing it anyway. She shouldn't be allowed to. She wouldn't put me down, and hitting her didn't work, so I bit her."

"If you would have bitten her any harder, you would have drawn blood." Jasper pointed out, and I cringed a little, keeping my eyes down. "Which potentially could have been very bad." That got through to me. I knew that could have been a very bad thing. She was as much human as I was.

I was quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry." I finally murmured.

"We're not mad at you, Leandra." Jasper assured me. "We are very worried, however."

"Because my dad thinks I'm feral?" I asked quietly, looking back up.

"To a point." Jasper allowed, sighing.

"I still don't know what that means." I admitted, shaking my head.

"Cases like yours are hard to classify." Carlisle finally spoke, and I turned to look at him. "First, let me explain what a feral child is. Typically, feral children are the ones that have had so little interaction with others, they can't speak. They don't know how. They have absolutely no social skills. They haven't had any interaction with anyone for whatever reason. The ones that have been severely neglected, like in mass orphanages, or have been lost somewhere and have miraculously survived. It doesn't happen often, so it's pretty rare."

That didn't sound like me.

He went on. "Other cases, are those that have had to teach themselves. Their parents pay so little attention to them, refuse to teach them, that they must rely either on other children to teach them through observation, or they teach themselves through instinct. They know basic survival skills, because that's all they've known. They tend to fear strangers the way you do, and they tend to overreact to simple situations. Going to extremes to avoid or escape someone or something. Always expecting pain, or punishment for something that really doesn't require it."

He paused again, and I had to agree. That one sounded a lot like me. I looked down.

"Typically, severely abused children show these characteristics." He continued when I didn't argue. "The ones that were raised in hostile environments, such as cases like yours or the ones that have been homeless for much of their lives." He was quiet for a moment. "Obviously, that scenario is a lot more common."

I glanced over as Jasper spoke up. "Carlisle doesn't know how to classify you, because he's never come across a case like yours before. You show the less severe characteristics of a feral child, which worries him. He's only worried because he doubts himself. He wants to help you the best way he can." I looked to Carlisle again, seeing that Jasper was right.

"I'm not crazy." I mumbled, looking at my hands.

"I never said you were, Leandra." Jasper clarified.

"Well, my dad said something about a psychologist." I sighed. "I'm not crazy."

"Leandra, talking to a psychologist doesn't mean you're crazy." He said. "It's just like the therapist, but a psychologist focuses on a whole different part of the mind. It only means you've been through so much, and they know the best ways to help you. Little things you can try to better cope with what you're dealing with."

"You help me." I reminded him.

"Yes," He allowed, "But our goal here is to make you a little more self-confident. To teach you how to solve problems on your own, but the right way. Without the violence you learned growing up. I'm worried that we're helping you too much, and that's not a good thing in the long run."

That only made me more nervous.

"Is tough love called for in this scenario?" Emmett asked. "She's so small."

"I believe it's needed." Jasper sighed. "If she's going to grow up to be a productive adult, she needs to learn, to make up for all the milestones she's missed."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"Leandra," Alice spoke up, "What happened with the pictures?"

She was the second person to ask about that in too short of a time. Without a word in reply, I turned and walked away. I couldn't make myself want to answer that one. That was one subject nobody would ever get out of me. No one besides Edward, and he'd promised that he wouldn't go blabbing anything I didn't want him to blab.

I hated the reminder, though. I knew Christmas itself wasn't what I hated, but the memories it brought with it weren't easy to face every year. Much less in the middle of the year when I was supposed to be safe from that reminder.

Thankfully, they sensed it was a very sore subject for me, and didn't press for an answer. I made it to my room, calmer this time despite the memories that hurt me. I wasn't mad at them for asking. I knew my reaction was bound to raise some questions, but they'd never get an answer to them.

I laid across my bed with a heavy sigh, determined not to move unless it was necessary. The emotional day had stolen most of my energy, and I wanted nothing more than to just be done with it.

Before I went to sleep that night, Carlisle decided to have another talk with me.

As I laid there in my room, he came in. Sitting on the side of the bed. It was normal for him to do this, so I anticipated it. Talking about the events of the day, no matter how big or small, was one of the things I looked forward to. It made going to sleep a little easier.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better." I sighed a little. "Now that she's gone."

"That meeting didn't go at all how I wanted it to." He sighed as well, shaking his head. I looked down, hating how disappointed he was in me.

"I know." I mumbled, ashamed of myself.

"I know this is hard to think about, but I need you to accept the fact that your mother isn't going to release you the way your father did." I made a hesitant noise, looking down at my hands. "It's hard, I know, but just listen. You can't act that way when she takes you."

"Why not?" I asked pleadingly.

"She won't understand your reasons, Leandra." He replied. "To put it mildly, she isn't equipped to handle your kind of problems. I can attempt to talk some sense into her, but she is quite determined. She really believes that you would be better off with her."

I shook my head against my pillow.

"Carlisle I don't trust her." I whimpered. "Just because she seems better, doesn't mean she is. She's just going to go right back to it, and I'll be right back where I started. Remember? I had to do everything for her. She might not have ever hit me herself, but what she did was just as bad."

He looked down, and I could see I was right.

"I just don't get why she's allowed to have another chance." I added. "I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to be alone again, and I know that's right where I'll be if you let her take me."

"You won't be alone." He assured me. "We'll still be there for you. Maybe not quite as much as we are now, but we'll still be there."

"It won't be the same." I argued. "You won't be there right away if anything goes wrong. You won't be there to wake me up if I have a nightmare. You won't be there when I get too scared. None of you will be right there, and that matters to me. It'll just be her, and I know she won't help me the way you do." He was quiet as I searched his eyes. "And I don't like what Jasper said. About me learning how to be independent."

"He's not entirely wrong." Carlisle replied quietly.

"I know how to be alone." I told him. "And I don't like it. I don't want to be alone again."

"Being independent isn't the same as being alone." He corrected me gently.

"It feels the same." He was quiet, looking down. My voice was quiet as I spoke next. "Don't you want to keep me too?" He looked back up, meeting my eyes. It took him a moment to form his response.

"Of course." He told me just as quietly. "Of course we do, but.. It's a very difficult situation, Leandra."

"How?" I asked. "I want to stay, and you want me to stay.."

"Your safety always comes first." He reminded me.

"Then don't let me go." He sighed again at my quiet reply, his eyes softening. "Don't let her take me. I've never wanted anything more than I want to stay."

"Leandra, it isn't my decision." He shook his head. "If it were up to me, of course you'd stay, but this is one thing that is out of my hands. On many levels."

"Then convince her." I plead quietly.

"Again, it's difficult." He said. "One day, you'll understand. You'll understand how difficult this situation is. Your safety matters the most to me. It's my number one priority, and despite how badly you want to stay, and despite how badly we want you to stay, you're still in danger here. I know how it seems that it's not the case, but it really is."

"That's not true. I don't buy it." The same response I always gave. Saying that always seemed to make him sad.

"I truly wish there was some way to make you understand." He admitted, "But at the same time, I understand why you refuse to believe what I'm saying."

I laid quietly for a second, before I spoke again.

"How come you never told me about that feral thing before?"

"That's a rather complicated question." He sighed. "Essentially, I didn't want you to make it define you. You are you. Your involuntary reactions to stressful or fearful situations does not make you any less of a person. You are nothing less than the wonderful and brilliant girl we've come to know and care very deeply for."

"But my mom won't see it that way." I muttered, studying my hands.

"Unfortunately." He murmured. "I don't believe she will."

Needless to say, he never convinced me that night. I went to sleep, falling asleep pretty quickly after my emotional day.

It certainly didn't help that as soon as I fell asleep, I headed straight into a nightmare.

This one was different than the others I usually had, but this one scared me just as much the others for multiple reasons. One, I was here in the dream. At the Cullen's house. But two, I was alone. Nobody was around when I walked out of my room in the dream. I searched everywhere, including upstairs, but there was no one to find. They were just gone.

Three, as dream-me descended the stairs, still in search of my family, I finally found someone. Two someones. My mom lay sleeping on the couch, and someone else by the front door that I hadn't expected to see there made this confusing dream a complete nightmare. Jack's blue eyes pierced into me, and I still heard his chuckle.

I had just enough time to remember being terrified and confused at the same time.

He raced for me, and I rounded just as he nearly grabbed me. This nightmare felt so incredibly real to me. I felt the painful pounding of my heart, felt the tears of fear rolling down my cheeks. I heard and felt his pounding footsteps behind me as I raced toward my room. Sliding to a stop outside the door, I whimpered loudly as I found the door locked.

I only had a second of stunned stillness before he managed to catch me. His hand closing tightly on my upper arm, he spun me around to face him. Looking up at him, I whimpered again, watching as his other hand came up and took hold of my neck. Roughly pushing me back against the wall.

"Carlisle!" I cried out in my dream, hoping it would somehow alert him. Wherever he was. Quickly, as with any other time I'd cried out at any time in my past, Jack's hand came up, leaving my neck and covering my mouth tightly. Roughly pinning my head back against the wall with a quiet thud.

Tears poured down my cheeks, over his hand, and I trembled from head to toe, watching Jack with wide eyes as he leaned down and pressed a painful kiss to my cheek. Drawing a heavy wince and quiet whimper from me.

"You should have known you'd never get away." Jack told me. "Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide." The same words I'd heard during the trial. I just stood there, trembling under his hand. Feeling so small, as I always did when up against him. That feeling was one I hated so much. Being so small, so powerless. Helpless, hopeless.

I met his eyes again as he pulled back. I sobbed, cringing at his chuckle as he tightened his hold on me. Squeezing me painfully. Knowing my mom wouldn't hear me. It was another feeling I knew well.

Waking myself up, I bolted upright in my bed, choking in the breath I took. My heart pounded violently, and I looked around myself, feeling more than seeing the shape of someone seated on the side of the bed. I didn't wait. Only reacting.

I crawled away as quickly as I could, my legs tangling in the sheet. Before I could fall off the opposite side and hit the floor, I was caught. I cried out a whimper, instantly fighting. Kicking toward the hand that pulled me back up onto the bed. As hard as I could.

"Leandra." Carlisle's voice had me pause, panting through my sobs and trembling heavily. It took me a few seconds, looking around.

"H-He was here." I panted, drawing my legs to my chest as he let me go. "Jack.. I-In here.." That was all I could say. I buried my eyes in my knees, and cried. Long, drawn out sobs against the fabric of my pajama pants. I _hated_ waking up like this.

"I'm sorry I didn't wake you." He sighed after a minute of watching me fall apart. I couldn't respond, so he continued. "I wanted you to see that you could wake yourself if you tried. I thought if you found that independence, you would find more."

I didn't find it. He obviously had no clue how hard it was on me, being stuck in a dream like that. I cried harder, curling tighter into my ball. I vaguely recalled the conversation we'd been having before I went to sleep. About independence. I didn't want to learn it this way.

"I'm so tired." I cried when I could. "Why can't it just be over?" I knew it bothered him to hear me say things like that, but sometimes, I just couldn't keep stuff like that in. I hated that too, because it was hard enough knowing I was torturing myself. It was harder knowing I was torturing him too.

I wasn't about to go back to sleep. Not after a dream like that. I'd never had a dream about Jack that included this house before. It scared me, and confused me.

Why wouldn't they be here? It was just a dream, and I knew that, but it still bothered me. I tried to imagine any reason they wouldn't be around. In my brief search, I couldn't find a single one.

I followed Carlisle from the room, tears still flowing freely down my cheeks.

"This must have been a bad one." Emmett sighed from the couch, taking in the state of me as he muted the TV show he was watching.

I normally didn't follow Carlisle out. I normally was able to go back to sleep. Esme, looking up from the book in her hands, whimpered at the sight of me as well. I went to her instead of Emmett like I usually did. Taking the spot on the floor at her feet. It was after dreams like that that I strongly preferred her comfort. Getting the message, Emmett watched me sadly.

"I don't think tonight was the right time to test that." Carlisle murmured, standing near the other end of the couch. Esme gently smoothed my hair back, letting me calm down enough to yawn. "I'll have to let Jasper know."

"Was it the usual?" Emmett asked, looking to Carlisle.

"No." I mumbled. "It was different this time." I hardly ever talked about dreams like that, so Emmett's surprise wasn't out of place.

"But it was still bad." Emmett prompted, trying to understand. I nodded, taking a shaky breath.

"Really bad." I murmured, wrapping my arms around my shins.

"You say he was here?" Carlisle prompted. I nodded.

"It was just a dream." I sighed, "And I know that, but.. It still scared me. He wasn't hitting me, and he wasn't gonna kill me right away." I looked down, listening to Emmett's sad sigh of understanding.

"I get what you're saying, shorty." Emmett told me, and I blushed a little, biting my lip. "He won't get to you here."

"Seeing her mother must have caused this." Esme commented quietly, smoothing my hair softer. I sighed, leaning back against her.

"She was in it, too." I admitted. "Sleeping." Carlisle leaned back, piecing it together as well. He sighed, looking to Emmett. "She wouldn't do anything."

"Where were we, shorty?" Emmett asked quietly.

"I don't know." I said, shrugging a little. "Nobody was around. It was like everything I'm afraid of mixed into one dream."

"Well see, now you know it's only a dream." Emmett tried comforting me. "You're never left here alone."

"I know." I mumbled, looking down. I was quiet for a second, before I sighed. "I hate my mind sometimes."

I still shook, but not near as intensely. It was quiet for a moment, before I spoke again.

"Jasper isn't around, is he?"

"No." Carlisle answered. "He and Alice are out." That explained a lot. I knew by now that that meant they were hunting. I nodded, looking down. He'd been out every night that week, and I worried it was getting harder on him to be around me. The last thing I wanted was to make his life harder.

"Can I sit out here for awhile?" I asked quietly. "I'm afraid to sleep."

"You should sleep, shorty." Emmett told me. "It's not good for you to stay up so late." Carlisle looked as if he agreed.

"Just until Jasper comes back." I plead slightly. "I always sleep better when he's around."

"Shorty-"

"What if I dream about the trial again?" I asked. "It's so hard to calm down after those." I looked down, drawing my knees back up to my chest. Esme sighed sadly behind me, and reached down, gently helping me up and sitting me in the chair with her. Clearing my hair from my shoulder, I kept my gaze on Emmett.

"They're just dreams." He replied comfortingly. "You don't have anything to be afraid of." It wasn't going to work this time. I was too worked up.

"But I did." I reminded him. "When I dream about it, I'm there again." I glanced over, watching as Rosalie descended the stairs, obviously curious. "I know they're only dreams, but I don't know they're just dreams when I'm dreaming. I still get scared. I remember everything in them." Rose stopped beside Emmett, her eyes on me as well. I looked down, hating how I'd disturbed her.

Emmett was quiet now, looking to Carlisle. Probably not knowing what to say.

"Can I ask a question?" I asked finally, looking to Carlisle as well.

"Of course." He replied, instantly listening closer.

"Would I ever die if I was like you?"

I knew I'd asked the one question he was hoping he'd never have to answer by the way he glanced to Esme again. It'd instantly gained Rose and Emmett's attention as well, surprising them by the way they looked tensely to him as well.

I waited, letting him form his answer. It wasn't what I was looking for.

"It's more complicated than that." Carlisle finally replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know if I can explain it in a way you would understand."

I couldn't help my curiosity about them, and though they usually answered my questions openly, there were some that they wouldn't answer at all. I assumed now was one of those times, where Carlisle wouldn't answer these ones, but I still wanted to know.

Here I was, in a family of vampires, immortals, and being the only human aside from Bella, I wanted to know these things. She wasn't around the others as much as I was, though. She didn't see as much as I saw, especially during the summer break. I was home all of the time, aside from times when I'd go along with someone somewhere.

I thought my curiosity was perfectly justified, but it didn't make it any easier for them to answer me.

"I'm just curious." I mumbled. "Would I?"

Carlisle sighed, understanding that I probably wouldn't let this go.

"It'll be easier to answer you when you're older." He said, trying to dodge my question.

"How much older?" I pressed. "Don't you want me to be like you? You're so strong, and I'm.. _Not_. If I was like you, I'd never have to worry about dying, or being weak again." I was babbling, I knew it, but it was distracting me.

"You don't understand what you're asking, Leandra." Carlisle's voice was tight, as if this were a hard subject for him. I knew it probably was. I just didn't understand why. What was so bad about it?

"What if I was dying? Again. Not even then?"

He was quiet, obviously not up for talking about this. I was quiet for a minute, before speaking again.

"I don't want to die. Ever. I want to be like you."

"You're far too young to make that decision right now." Carlisle responded, his voice even tighter. I looked down. Normally, I didn't press things. Normally, I just stopped asking if it was a question nobody was willing to answer, but I found myself unable to. I knew if I didn't ask these questions now, then it'd probably never come up again.

"No I'm not." I shook my head. "I won't change my mind, no matter how long I live. However long that is." I looked up, surprised when he suddenly stood and lifted me, sitting me on the armrest of the couch and standing in front of me. He met my eyes.

"I want you to clearly understand me." His tone wasn't one of scolding, but of pleading. He wasn't mad, he just wanted me to understand, but it took my entire focus. "You've been alive for ten years. Just ten, short years. You have your entire life ahead of you, Leandra. More can happen in ten more years than you can ever begin to imagine. You've just begun to live, and I'm not going to take that from you. I can't."

"B-But, what-"

"No." He said firmly. "You don't want this life."

"Yes, I do." I said before he could interrupt me again.

"You're a child." He responded.

"That doesn't mean anything." I insisted. "You said yourself, I've already lived much more than anyone my age. Being human sucks."

"You haven't experienced enough to make that decision."

"What more do I have to go through?" I replied pleadingly. "I'm not sure what else there is. How much worse does it have to get before I can change your mind?"

"Life isn't all bad."

"Tell that to me." I mumbled, looking down.

"You're upset right now." He said as if that made up for how I was feeling. "When you've calmed down, you'll change your mind."

"No I won't." I paused. "Carlisle, I'm sick of being so afraid. So tired of being so scared all the time. If I was like you, I wouldn't be afraid of anything. I wouldn't be afraid of dying, or anything else. I could be strong. I could be brave, just like you."

"Leandra, I get scared too." He said. "All the time."

"What do you have to be afraid of?" I asked skeptically, looking down.

"This discussion." He said, gesturing to the two of us. "Right here." I frowned, looking up at him, confused. "I fear this the most. You deciding to throw your whole life away for our way of life. If you only understood." He shook his head.

"Does it hurt?" I asked quietly. "To be changed?" He paused, meeting my eyes as I looked up.

"Excruciatingly." He said after a moment. He was probably just trying to scare me into changing my mind.

"I don't care." I said after a moment, shrugging a little. "I'm used to pain. I can handle it."

"Not like this." He said quietly, his voice filled with pain. "It's a thousand times more painful than anything you've felt before." I didn't respond, so he continued. "We're not discussing this any further. This is one thing I will not be lenient on."

"What if I was dying again?" I asked again, looking up and meeting his eyes.

"What brought this on?" He asked. "The fear of death?" I knew why he'd ask that. My questions about them didn't normally head this direction.

"Not only that." I mumbled. My voice got quieter. "I'm afraid of losing you. If I was like you, you wouldn't give me away. If I was like you, nobody could take me from you. Not even my stupid mom."

"Leandra-" He sighed.

"Okay.." I interrupted. "But what happens then? If I'm about to die again? And I never have a chance to say goodbye? What if I'm scared? What if I'm not ready to die yet, but it would happen anyway?" I paused, waiting for a few seconds. "Like before? You were there. You saw. What if something like that happens again?"

He sighed, closing his eyes and hanging his head. "You know I don't like thinking about that."

"I don't either." I told him. "But I have to. I don't have control over it."

Esme spoke this time. "Leandra-"

"It's an honest question." I insisted quietly. "Would you then?"

"I will not take your life." He said firmly after a moment.

"I don't want you to." I replied. "I only want you to help me keep it. All I want is to be like you."

He was quiet, stepping around and sitting back down on the couch. I turned around on the armrest, facing him. He looked to Emmett and Rosalie, sighing a little. As if silently asking for assistance.

"I mean it, Carlisle." I begged. "If you would just-"

"I'm serious as well, Leandra." He told me firmly, shaking his head. "The answer is no. At least, for the time being."

For the oddest reason, I felt disappointed. I never pressed anything this hard. I knew, though, that it was only because I was scared. What I was asking for didn't seem like so much to me. All I wanted was peace of mind.

"You're not being fair." I whined, nearly snapping.

"Hey." Emmett called my attention sternly. " _That's_ not being fair." His tone was scolding, and I instantly checked myself. I looked down. "You owe him more than that."

"I know." I closed my eyes, trying not to cry at the correction. "I'm sorry."

"Shorty, you really _don't_ know what you're asking." Emmett sighed, seeing that he'd upset me. "All he's doing is protecting you from so many things you have no idea about. You can't blame him for that. Geez, I wish I could explain it to you in a way you would understand.." He seemed frustrated with himself. I looked down again, gazing at my hands clasped between my drawn-up knees.

To my surprise, it was Rosalie that stepped over instead of Emmett. She reached down and lifted me from the armrest, and sat me down in the empty chair, kneeling in front of me. Her gaze was serious.

"Why?" She demanded. I couldn't speak at first. "Really. Why?" I looked to Emmett, unsure. He was quiet, watching. He eventually gave a small nod, telling me it was probably a good idea to answer her.

I looked down. "I'm tired of being weak-"

"You're not weak." She said firmly. "You are _not_ weak, do you hear me? I never want to hear that from you again. Just because someone is physically stronger than you, doesn't mean that you're not strong as well. You are the strongest kid I've ever met. You might not be very physically strong, but what you've been through is enough to prove that you are stronger than most humans on Earth."

"But I don't feel like it." I explained. "If I was stronger, maybe I would."

"What you're talking about, is feeling vulnerable." She told me. "That's different. Very different, and changing you won't take that away. Next reason."

"I'm tired of being afraid-

"Again, that never goes away." She said. "Immortal, or human, you still get scared. There are still things that scare us, Leandra. It might not be the same reasons you have, but we still do get scared."

"What do _you_ have to be scared of?" I mumbled, disappointed. "Nothing can hurt you."

"Other vampires can hurt us. Easily." She answered. "Thanks to Carlisle, we tend to avoid confrontations with them, but there is still that chance. We worry for our family, and we worry over our way of life. It's a little harder than just choosing to hunt animals instead of humans. It's more complicated than that. I won't go into details, but trust me. What we do is reason to worry. Especially for you."

"I'm not worried."

"You're ignoring the instinct." She countered. "Because of what we've done for you. Remember how scared you were of Laurent? The one you saw in the kitchen?" I nodded numbly. She nodded as well. "That was instinct, Leandra. Your mind was telling you to be afraid of him, and for very good reason. It wouldn't be as strong, but had you found us before getting to know us, before meeting Alice or Edward, or even Carlisle, if none of that had happened, you'd be afraid of us too." She was so sure. So positive, I couldn't argue with her. "Try again. Next reason."

"I don't want to be given away."

"Why?" She asked again. I looked up, confused. "Why don't you want to be given away?"

"Because." I spluttered. "I love you all."

"Is this about having to go live with your mother?" She asked quietly.

"Sort of." I replied. "I'm scared. All the time. I'm afraid of what could happen."

She sighed. "I think I can see where you're coming from. Change scares everyone. Trust me. Change is nothing easy, but I have nothing but the highest confidence that your mother will get it right this time. She's seen what happens, she's seen the consequences, and she won't put you through that again."

"If I go back to live with her, you'll forget all about me."

"You really think that?" She asked firmly. My silence answered for me. "Leandra, that would never happen. I don't think it's possible."

"If I'm like you, then that won't happen." I reasoned. "You'd never want to give me away."

"It's not that we want to give you away, Leandra." Esme commented sadly. I glanced to her, before looking back to Rosalie.

Rose looked at me as if she'd made her point. She paused before sighing.

"I want you to think, and think hard." She looked into my eyes fiercely. "Consider what you will be losing. Just what you'd be losing out on if you keep insisting Carlisle changes you. That emotion right there, love, is reason enough to stay human. You can't make the decision to give your life to immortality until you've really lived. I refuse to allow it, much less everyone else here."

She was right. I looked down, doing as she asked, and thinking about just how much I loved my family. How much they meant to me. I guess I hadn't realized before how much I really did rely on this family. How much I really did love them, and how grateful I was for all they'd done for me, but the fear of being given away was strong enough to make me cry.

Rose pulled me to her, hugging me tightly as I cried into her shoulder. It was a little awkward, as I'd never hugged her before, and she held on a little tighter than I was used to, but it wasn't painful or uncomfortable. I admired her so much in so many ways, and I didn't even know why. I could just tell there was much more to her than her attitude, and I was beginning to see I was more right than I knew before.

I cried to her, "I'm so tired of not being able to stand up for myself. I'm tired of being breakable. These dreams hurt so bad. They show me things I never want to see again. B-But I do. I can't just not dream about them."

"Just because we don't show it, doesn't mean there isn't anything that breaks us. We all have weaknesses, just like you. I do. Emmett does. Carlisle and Esme do. There are still moments when we feel breakable. Believe me. That doesn't just magically go away, Leandra." She paused for a few seconds. "Once the change is made, it's permanent. There is no changing your mind, or going back. Do you understand what that means? It means forever."

"Forever?" That was really hard to imagine.

She pulled back, looking down and searching my eyes desperately,

"You really don't know just what it is you're asking for, do you? There is more to this than.. Being really strong and fast, Leandra. If you were turned right now, the age you are right now is how old you will be for the rest of time." She said. "You would outlive everyone you've ever known. Years and decades will pass, seeming like no time at all to you, and in what feels like the blink of an eye, everyone you know will be gone. Could you handle that? Should I go on?" I sniffled into her shoulder, shaking my head. "Carlisle can tell you more about that, though. He's the oldest out of all of us, and he has seen it. Time and time again." She was quiet for a moment.

It was odd, sharing this moment with her. She'd been so carefully distant since I'd known her. This was obviously something that meant a lot to her. A subject that she felt strongly about. I began to calm down, and she pulled back, taking my face between her hands. "There are so many beautiful things to life you will miss out on. You're so young, Leandra. So many beautiful things are waiting for you to just get a little older. You can't even imagine.

"To grow, to mature. To have fun, and love so deeply. To learn from life's mistakes. Life will teach you things you can't learn without it. To live every day like you will die some day. You can't do that when you're like us." She paused again, searching my eyes with pleading ones of her own. "All you've experienced until now is the worst life has to offer, but there are so many more things to life that you have yet to experience. You'll see."

"How do you know?" I sniffled. "What if things just get worse?"

"There is always that chance, it's true." She allowed, "But you never know. Things could become so much more beautiful. You never fully know what you could be throwing away."

"B-But-"

"It's the possibility, Leandra, that gives you the advantage." She said firmly. "What _could_ be. What something that seems so bad at the time can turn into. So many possibilities lie ahead of you. You have the whole world in your hands, and you don't even know it." She paused. "All we're asking is to grow a little first. Then make your decision."

I looked down.

"Carlisle isn't refusing because he doesn't want you." Emmett murmured from his seat. "He's just.. He's refusing to take your life when you've not even lived yet, and I gotta agree with him, shorty. It would be downright cruel of him to do what you're asking him to do."

"B-But-" I tried again.

"What you've been through, Leandra, isn't living." Rosalie cut that off. "Think of it as.. Weighing you down. Holding you back from the life you're supposed to experience. Imagine what you could become when you have had a chance to move passed it." She paused. "He's seen what changing someone can do. Especially when they haven't had a chance to move passed the bad things that's happened to them. Changing them before they've had a chance to heal. He knows what happens when someone is turned before they can come to terms with it, and he doesn't want to see that happen to you."

I looked down again. I sighed, knowing she was right.

"Just be patient." She murmured. "Okay? You're going to grow up into a beautiful young woman, and probably be too busy with living your own life to want to be changed. I know it's hard for you, but try to think beyond tomorrow. So very much can change between now and five or even ten years from now. You just never know. You're much too young to throw all of that away now." With that, she pulled me into another hug. "Okay?" I nodded into her shoulder.

I understood what she was telling me. It wasn't a flat out no. All they wanted me to do was grow up a little bit before making any decisions. To try. To give living another chance. It was the least I could do after being given the opportunity to. My heart still beat. I was still alive. I nodded again, taking a deep breath.

"Way to go, babe." Emmett murmured from the side after a moment of quiet. She looked over, giving him a small smile before pulling back and standing.

I stood also and walked over to Carlisle, sitting back down on the armrest beside him.

"I'm sorry." I murmured quietly. "For begging so much."

"I definitely understand, Leandra." Carlisle told me. "I honestly do, but Rosalie is right. I'm not denying you this to be selfish. I'm only waiting for you to live first. Do you understand what I was saying now?"

"I know now." I nodded, looking up at him. "I just have to wait a few years."

"Or ten. Or twenty. There is no obligation here, Leandra. You have the option to change your mind. You always will. Until after it's done." I nodded and looked up, meeting his eyes.

"I just have one more question." I murmured, and though he seemed apprehensive, he let me know he was listening. I took a breath. "Would you still want me after my mom takes me?"

"Leandra," He sighed, turning more to face me. "I think something you're not understanding, is the fact that just because she takes you home, doesn't mean in the slightest that we won't be around. I think the reason why you're so apprehensive, is because you think that when she takes you, you won't see us again." I was quiet. "Is that it?"

I looked down at my pajama pants, finding a loose string to fiddle with instead of looking at him. I'd told him this before, but now that he was asking about it, it seemed harder to answer. I nodded a little, fighting back the emotion.

"Fat chance, shorty." Emmett murmured and I glanced to him. "You're too much fun to pick on."

"Remember what Jack always said?" I asked quietly, glancing up at Carlisle now, "He said he's the only one that'll ever want me, and that's kinda true. Remember?" All the talks I'd had with him. The things I'd admitted to and let slip.

"I remember." He confirmed, "But he's wrong."

"He's not wrong." I argued. "He was right. My dad didn't want me, my mom didn't want me.. What am I doing wrong? No matter where I go, everyone just gets rid of me."

"As Rosalie told you just a moment ago," Carlisle spoke again. "It's not possible. Just because you'll be leaving here, doesn't mean that we'll ever forget about you." I shrugged sadly. "And please. Never say that again."

"Say what?" I muttered, keeping my eyes down.

"I never want to hear you say that Jack was right." He clarified. "That isn't true. In any way. Leandra, the impact you've made on our lives isn't something that can be just forgotten about, I assure you."

"The impression?" I asked quietly, and he smiled a little, knowing what I was referring to. Edward's talk with me after catching me smoking behind the school. He'd told me that I'd left an impression on Alice earlier the same day.

"Precisely." Carlisle replied. I sighed, looking down.

"Everyone has excuses." I muttered. "Jack's the only one that's ever been there. How long will it take for my mom to pass me off to someone else?"

"We would never let that happen." Esme assured me, but I shook my head.

"It's not up to you." I reminded her before I looked down. "It's not fair. Even when I finally find someplace I wanna stay, I can't."

"That doesn't mean we can't keep an eye on you, shorty." Emmett replied. "We'll be there to make sure she stays in line."

That was true.

"Trust me, shorty." He went on. "If it was up to me, I'd hide you in a shoe box under my bed. I'd hide you myself." I couldn't help smiling a little. "But since I can't, we'll just have to keep an eye on you wherever you are."

As nervous as I was, there was no denying I was tired again. I'd calmed down enough to allow myself to go back to bed, even without Jasper there. I was still nervous about closing my eyes, but as soon as I did, I fell right back to sleep. It sucked bad not having a choice. I desperately needed sleep, but I really hated seeing my dreams.

I hated it, but I would probably not ask to be turned again for a very long time. I still didn't quite understand what was so bad about it, but they knew better than I would. I believed them when they said they were keeping me from something I didn't want, but I couldn't help the disappointment I felt. There really was no way to avoid what was coming.

 **A/N: I know this one is a little late, but I managed to get this out for you guys tonight. Again, I hope this one didn't suck. {:  
THANK YOU! To those that REVIEWED the first chapter! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! You have NO idea! **  
**The next few chapters _might_ take a little while. I'm just giving you a heads up, because pace is really going to be an issue with this story, but don't worry. I won't make you guys wait too long between them. I swear!**  
 **Until Three, my friends! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Just like it had been with my dad, they had no choice but to let my mom see me. For some stupid reason, she still had her rights. If they didn't let her see me whenever she wanted to, she'd take their choice away, so when my mom showed up the following morning, I already knew there was nothing they could do.

"I know what you're doing." I mumbled, staring at the floor. She was quiet for a second, as I'd interrupted whatever she'd been saying to tell her that. I hated the sight of her in my house, so I made sure we sat outside for this stupid meeting.

"Oh?" My mom finally asked.

"You think if I see you all the time, I'll get used to you." I said. "What part of 'I don't want to see you' didn't you get?"

"No." She laughed a little. "No, I just wanted to see you. Is that so bad?"

"Yes." I replied immediately. The fact that she couldn't figure that out pissed me off a little. "How are you even here, anyway? Since when did that place in Seattle start letting you out to go places? I thought you were supposed to stay there."

"Well, no." She answered. "I am allowed to come and go as I please, but only after I reached a certain part of the program. I guess they're trusting me now."

"Stupid." I grumbled, shaking my head.

"Stupid?""

"Yeah," I said. "Stupid. Them trusting you ruins my life too. They're _stupid_."

"I have my amends to make." She explained. "You're the only one I want to try to make it up to."

"You're wasting your time." I sighed. I stood up.

I couldn't stand sitting next to her for too long, so I paced slowly forward. Moving to the porch railing instead. She didn't follow me, staying in her seat instead. I briefly eyed the trees across the yard from me. I wondered how far I could get in there before I'd be able to hide well enough.

"I don't think I am. I mean, you're already doing better."

"I'm just too tired to yell at you." I countered. "I didn't sleep a lot last night."

"Neither did I, to be honest." She forced a laugh, but it wasn't a happy one.

I rolled my eyes. "Too much drinking?"

"If that had been the case," She went with it, "Wouldn't I be asleep right now?"

She had me there.

"Leandra." She sighed. "I know. I get it, okay? If choosing not to trust me makes you feel better, that's okay, but I'm not going to waste this second chance."

"Just like you wasted the first thousand chances?" I asked bitterly. "You only have this chance now because _I_ was brave enough to do something."

"I know." She replied. "I understand that, and I can't tell you how much I admire you for what you did, baby. The day you did that, you saved both of our lives and I'll spend the rest of mine proving to you that it wasn't for nothing."

I didn't know what to say to that. Her sincerity was clear, but I refused to believe it. It would be _stupid_ to believe any of it.

"If you wanna thank me," I snapped, "Then leave me here. Let me stay here. Like dad did."

She looked down. "I can't do that. Leandra, I'm sorry. I really am. I know you want to stay here, but I can't leave my only daughter in the care of a strange family when I'm perfectly capable of caring for you now."

There were so many things wrong with that statement.

I scoffed again. "But you're not."

"You don't trust me." She nodded. "I can't ask you to trust me so soon. Your father signed away his rights because he felt he didn't have a right to claim you. I might not have a right to claim you, but you're my daughter. I'm going to take responsibility for what I did, and this is part of that. I'm not going to just.. Wave it off and walk away."

"What if that's the only way I'll like you?"

"Then I'll just have to find another way," She said, "Because that's not going to happen."

"So where's my say in it?" I demanded. "Don't I get a say?"

"Honey, you're ten." She pointed out.

"So?" I frowned. "You're thirty."

"One." She corrected gently. "I'm thirty-one."

"I don't _care_." I grumbled. "That's not the point anyway."

"You're ten. Your say can change, and I know eventually you'll see that this is for the best." Before I could even snap a reply, she sighed. "I can see you're about at your limit."

"You don't know my limit." But she wasn't wrong.

"I have some things I need to take care of anyway, so I should be going." She smiled as she stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow, baby. I love you." I growled to myself, turning my back to her and facing out over the yard again.

As soon as she was in her car to leave, I went back inside. Fuming and irritated. I threw myself face-down onto the couch in the empty living room, and I sensed a pattern. I couldn't keep doing this, but I'd fight her every second I could. I had too much to lose to give up.

Emmett's sigh breaking the silence was unexpected, but also expected. I just whimpered into the couch, as there were no words to describe the way I was feeling.

"You'll see." He said. "It'll be fine."

"Can I just live in the shoe box?"

I refused to move, even as the rest of the couch became occupied. I half hoped I'd suffocate in the cushion, but I knew I wouldn't. When it started to bother me, I just turned my head, looking toward the TV now.

"Leandra." Alice's smiling voice _was_ pretty unexpected. She'd been spending a lot of time with Jasper lately. I didn't see her much, but I didn't blame her for that. I understood fully.

"What?" I asked through the curtain of my messy hair. I didn't bother to clear it out of my face.

"I think I know what you need." She chirped, skirting around the couch to grab my limp arm.

"A bat to beat her with?"

"No." She replied, ignoring my sour tone. I couldn't help it. "I was going to wait until this weekend, but I can see that's too long."

"For what?"

"School starts soon." She reminded me. "We still need to take you shopping."

"Why bother?" I grumbled. "I already have a ton of good clothes, Alice. I kinda just wanna stay here. For as long as I can."

"Come on." She pressed. "It'll be fun."

Did she really see someone that was up for anything 'fun'? I felt miserable, and I knew I looked like it. I didn't bother responding, looking up at her.

Her small smile turned sad.

"Don't look at me like that. It _will_ be fun."

"I don't want fun." I finally sighed, pushing myself up right. "I want to stay here, but I'm the only one."

"Aw, shorty." Emmett sighed beside me. "Don't-"

"I don't need some stupid pep talk." I muttered, standing up. "I _know_ it's not like that, but it feels like that."

He leaned forward, but I backed up.

"Shorty, she knows." He said firmly. "She knows she hurt you. Not a single person on this planet is perfect."

"I don't want her to be perfect." I snapped defensively. "I want her to go away."

"Just listen." He replied. "For one second, listen. You're gonna stay mad, I get that, but if there's one little piece of advice you think over, let it be this one.. Shorty, she's not perfect, and she's really not claiming to be. She knows she hurt you with what she did. She made a horrible mistake."

"No shit." I replied.

"But don't you think the guilt and the remorse she's feeling is punishment enough?"

"No."

"She's going to look at you every day for the rest of her life, and remind herself that _she_ is the reason behind the pain you live with." He went on. "Can you _imagine_ that? Can you even imagine the pain that's going to cause her?"

"Good." I finally snapped at him. "I _hope_ she suffers every single one of those days. I want her to know that I blame her just as much as you think she blames herself, but it's good to know just how much you're on her side."

I turned away before I could say anything I didn't want said. I really didn't want to get mad at Emmett any more than I already was.

I kept my eyes down as I headed for my room. Again, they let me go. I felt a little bad for taking my mood out on them, but that was just another reason why I should hide away.

I'd fight my mom every second I could, but even with that, I knew it'd do no good. It was hopeless, because in the end, I knew it wouldn't change anything.

When she came back the next day, it went about the same way. She didn't stay to bother me long. Just long enough to piss me off, and she left.

I never stopped hating her, but that hardly mattered. My opinion didn't matter. Not in this case.

The following few weeks mostly consisted of more frequent visits from my mother. I didn't have to like it, but I had to sit there, at least, and somehow resist punching her in the face. My mood also steadily dropped. A little more after every visit from her.

My mom told me she'd be buying a more suitable home somewhere in Forks when she could. She'd already sold the trailer, thankfully. We wouldn't have to go back there. I'd be allowed to visit with the Cullens as often as I wanted, as she was choosing a house in town. She even tried to show me printed pages of potential homes. I didn't look at any of them. Like I'd have a say in my prison anyway.

I hated the subject of going home with her. I knew I would not handle that well, so I avoided thinking about it as much as I could, yet she brought it up as often as she could. It didn't make sense to me. She knew it bothered me, yet she spoke about it every chance she could. Maybe she just liked to torture me, or it was just as Esme said. She just wanted to help me adjust to the idea.

August began with a late morning door bell. I'd had a rather shitty night's sleep the night before, yet again, so this was particularly irritating for me. I knew who it was without even opening my eyes.

"What the hell?" I snapped, burrowing further into my pillow.

Minutes later, my bedroom door opened, and I opened my eyes to look at my mom standing there with Esme. My mom smiled, but I brought the blanket over my head.

"Hi, honey." My mom greeted me, and I grunted.

"Why are you here again?" I finally spoke to her. "Can't you just stay in Seattle?"

"Well, that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about." She replied, and seconds later, the side of my bed slowly dipped. I heard the change in her tone, so I slowly brought the blanket back down so I could look at her.

"I don't have to go back anymore." She told me, and I frowned in confusion. "I was cleared already, baby. That's why I've been here."

That news felt like a punch to the stomach.

"What?" I gasped flatly, unable to fully comprehend what she told me. I sat up. I knew what she said, but my mind refused to accept it.

"Yeah." She laughed, nodding. "Two weeks to the day. Isn't that great? I've already got a job interview lined up for tomorrow, and another on Thursday."

"Job?" That was fast. What the hell was going on?

I felt my world shifting again, changing around me once more. Changing so quickly, I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't deal with this, because I knew what that meant.

"Dr. Cullen was so gracious, Leandra." She said, not even noticing my impending breakdown. "With the money I got from the trailer, and what he's chipped in for us, I was able to buy that little yellow house. You know the one, with the big tree right outside your bedroom window? Oh, honey. This is going to work this time. I know it."

I clenched my teeth. If she didn't shut up, I was going to hit her. Esme, noticing my mood as she stood in the doorway, called my attention.

"Leandra." She murmured, concerned. "Breathe, honey." I looked to her, and just noticed I hadn't taken a breath in a minute. I let out what breath I'd been holding, before closing my eyes and taking another in. It was during that breath that the tears started. I was so angry no one had told me.

I climbed out of bed without a word, and strode from the room.

"Leandra." My mom called behind me. "Leandra, wait."

Unfortunately for me, I had no idea where to go. I'd never been chased out of my room that way before. Thankfully, though, my mom followed me out into the hall, solving that problem for me.

"It hasn't been six months yet." I snapped, unable to help it as I rounded to face her. "You're supposed to stay there!"

"I know." She replied, sighing. "But I'm determined. I went in determined."

"You're not better!" I was in denial.

"I am-"

"Go back and stay there!" I couldn't control how my voice trembled and shook. I couldn't believe this! My time here had been dwindling quickly, and nobody even told me. With a loud sob, I turned back to my room. Shaking Esme's hand off my arm as I made my escape.

I slammed my bedroom door, locking it with shaking fingers. As hard as I fought the overwhelming emotion of dread and betrayal, I finally collapsed into a crying ball on the floor beside my bed, drawing my knees up to my chest.

I sobbed in my anger, unable to keep it back. How dare she? How could she do that to me? Her completing the program early only screwed me over. Again. I'd counted on months here, not weeks. What hurt the most, was that my family knew about this. They'd had to have known for weeks, even Carlisle, and nobody felt I needed to know this.

Nobody told me.

I stayed in that position all afternoon, not unlocking the door for anyone despite how many knocks came to the door. There was only one person I wanted to see at that moment, and he was still at work. I was so mad, but at the same time, I was so afraid.

I couldn't even imagine what it was going to be like, but everything my mind came up with made that worry worse.

When Carlisle arrived home from work sooner than usual, I knew Esme had called him. I uncurled, striding to the door when I heard his knock. I pulled it open long enough for him to step in and I slammed it behind him.

"How could you?" I demanded instantly. I'd calmed down, but as soon as the opportunity to confront him arose, my emotions resurfaced.

"Leandra, just listen for a moment." He murmured calmly.

"How could you not tell me? Didn't I deserve to know?" I sobbed, backing up a step when he attempted to pull me into a hug. "You know what this means! She's gonna get a job, she's gonna prove that she can take care of me, and then she's gonna ruin my life!"

"Look at me." I turned my eyes up to his, tears streaming heavily down my flushed cheeks. "You can't look at it like that."

"How else am I supposed to look at it?" My voice broke in my emotion, a sob escaping. "That's all I've ever gotten from her!" This time, I let him pull me into a hug, wrapping my arms around him. I cried into his jacket, more upset than I had been in a while. He embraced me in return, waiting until I took a few breaths before speaking again.

"I know this seems so much like we're betraying you." He murmured gently. "But you have to look at this from our point of view. As much as you mean to all of us, Leandra, you belong somewhere you can grow up without the dangers we pose to you. We'll still be here. You can still see us. Whenever you want."

"You're not dangerous to me." I sobbed, shaking my head. "None of you are. How could you think that? How could you ever think I'm better off with that bitch?"

"Leandra." Carlisle murmured, correcting me.

"It's true!" I cried. Carlisle lifted me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck this time, crying into his shoulder. "She's more dangerous to me than you are. It's her fault. It's all her fault, everything that happened. She married him! She didn't listen!" He didn't speak. He let me vent, which was exactly what I needed at that moment. "I don't want to go with her, Carlisle. Don't let her take me. I want to stay here. Please, please don't let her take me." I was so afraid.

I already knew his answer. It wasn't their choice. Once she regained custody, I was hers again. Whether they wanted to or not, they'd have to let me go. I hated putting him through this, having to hear me beg, but I couldn't help it.

"She's not better." I cried, shaking my head. "She's not better. It's _too_ soon. I don't care what she says. It hasn't been long enough. She's not better."

His hand came up, smoothing the back of my head, comforting me just a bit, but I still knew.

"I know this is hard on you." He told me. "And I know this is hard to understand. If the court decides for you to go, you're going to go. There's nothing we can do."

"You can hide me." I suggested. "Anywhere. I don't care where, just don't let her take me from you. Don't let her take me from you like she took me from my dad. That's what she's doing. She hates that I'm happy where I am, and she wants to ruin everything. You're the closest I've ever come to having a dad, and I don't wanna lose you too."

"Leandra." He sighed, hugging me to him again. I heard the sadness and pain in his voice, and I knew I was hurting him with my begging.

"I'll run away." I cried. "I swear I will. A-And if they find me, I'll just keep running away. She _can't_ take me."

"You know I don't want to hear that." He murmured, and I did know. I knew that. That was exactly why I said it.

I bit back anything else I had to say, though. Choosing just to cry instead.

The rest of the day went much the same way. I left my room once, but otherwise stayed put. I eventually had to leave the room the next morning. I got too hungry to stay in the room any longer. I just didn't speak much.

I hated that I still felt that betrayal. Fully knowing that there was nothing they could do about it, I hated that I still felt hurt and thrown away. So fast, everything was different.

It took a week, even less before she had secured one job. Another quickly following. Pulling in steady income, but was still home often enough to be considered fit.

Every step forward I heard about, it became even more clear that I was so close to losing my family. I was _this_ close to losing everything I'd fought for, and then it would all mean nothing.

My first day of school went about as well as expected. I hated the building and everybody in it, as I was pretty sure they could tell. I recognized a few faces from the end of fourth grade, but then again, I wasn't looking that hard.

I was more concerned with the way I felt. I was more concerned with the fact that my mom was working hard to ruin my life. I _hated_ the way this felt, and I _hated_ the way I was reacting to all of it.

I was now having trouble believing that my family had no choice but to go along with it. Every visit from my mom pushed me a little further from them, as they repeatedly tried to talk me into being more open minded.

I still refused.

They hadn't been there. They didn't see exactly what I saw. The things I remembered every time I saw her would never go away. I'd been scarred by her indifference just as badly as I'd been scarred by Jack's belt, and that would never fade. Not for me.

I ignored the class around me, including the teacher, stuck too far in my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of a way out of this. Maybe I could run away to get my point across. Maybe I could beat someone up. Maybe I could set my mom's house on fire. She couldn't take me anywhere if she had nowhere to keep me.

One thing I didn't quite get, though, was why I was fighting this idea so hard when my family was clearly all for it. It seemed like I was the only one against it now.

I didn't get it. I was in far more danger staying with my mom than I ever was with my family, but they believed her stupid sob story and were "sure" it wouldn't happen again.

The week after school started again, August tenth, the date for the custody hearing was set for the thirteenth. Both Carlisle and Esme would be there, as they were both my foster parents. I'd have to be there. Mrs. Harrison would be there, but I knew better than to believe she'd listen to my opinion. She hadn't yet.

I was out of time.

All my mom would have to do was prove she could provide for me, prove that she'd gotten everything together, and that was it.

I wasn't doing that well. I was having a hard time hiding how I felt, so I rarely tried. I cried all the time. The looming dark cloud just ahead of me was something I couldn't fight this time.

The hearing was a lot different from the trial. We all met in a small room with the judge, a normal-looking guy sitting at a desk. My mom handed over several packets of forms, and I had to give Carlisle some credit. He did let the judge know how against this I was, but considering everything was covered on my mom's end, he couldn't rule against her because of how I felt.

I kept my eyes on the floor as she was given custody of me, too angry and sad to even look at her. I knew before that it would probably happen, but I still couldn't help but hope that it wouldn't.

Just like that, I wasn't theirs anymore. Everything I'd fought to keep when this same situation arose with my dad was torn away from me. Just like that.

She was at least nice enough to let me stay with them a few more days. To give me time to adjust to the decision. Mrs. Harrison was "happy" for me, but she said she'd be keeping watch until she was sure I was doing okay. Oddly, that didn't help me.

It crushed me, to say the least. I hated my mom so much more as we got back home. I hated her. She claimed to care about me, yet here I was. Sobbing into my pillow in my room, in the only home I'd ever known or would ever accept.

I cried all afternoon. I didn't eat. I hardly moved, and as tired as my eyes were, I didn't dare sleep.

Carlisle attempted to console me, assuring me that he knew my mother was fit again to care for me, and he promised me that he'd keep watch over me. Nothing he told me helped. I stayed curled up on my bed, sobbing quietly.

I knew all this, yet it still felt horrible. He still didn't understand what had just happened to me. I could barely face it.

I'd made myself sick that night by how upset I'd gotten. It didn't change anything, unfortunately.

There was no easing me into being independent anymore. I had to learn how to be before the weekend. I had to learn how to get passed being afraid. I had to learn how to be alone again. Even if I could see them whenever I wanted, it wouldn't be as often as I truly wanted.

I had to move out that weekend. The fifteenth, sixteenth, and seventeenth.

All through the weekend, we packed my things and took them to my mother's house. Well, they did. I refused to help, but I had no choice but to watch. Each box that left my room hurt me more than the last. I hated this more than anything else, and I hated my mom more with each passing second.

I hadn't realized I had so many things, but luckily, my new bedroom was big enough to fit everything. A double bed sat in the corner against the wall behind where the door opened into the room. Much smaller than the queen sized bed I was used to. I had a feeling I'd roll off the side of it. I hated that bed. I hated this room. I hated everything about this new house.

My room was also much smaller than I was used to.

The house itself wasn't very big, but I knew my mom couldn't afford anything like the Cullens had. Nor did she need a place that big. The front door led straight into a decent sized living room, and off to the left was a kitchen, the laundry room behind that. Ahead of the front door, on the other end of the living room, was the hallway. In that hallway, was a coat closet, the bathroom, and the two bedrooms.

The second bedroom was the first door on the right. It took up the far corner of the front of the house, the window facing the side yard. The master bedroom, was the last door at the end of the hall. Our rooms were literally feet apart. It bugged me that we'd be so close.

I looked around my finished room on the seventeenth, knowing this was where I would stay. Part of me knew this was it. No amount of fit throwing would get me back into the Cullen's house. No amount of cursing or screaming would make them take me back.

All of my clothes were in the dresser and closet. All my stuff, picture frames and things, were set up.

A tiny lamp shaped nightlight sat on the dresser across from the door, a pink shade over it made the room almost glow. That was the only light on in the room, despite the lamp I had beside the bed, and the overhead light.

Carlisle stood beside me, looking around also. As hard as I looked at the room, I couldn't think of it as home. It was strange. It felt strange, it smelled strange, it looked strange. It wasn't home. The hardwood was cold, even through my shoes. I sniffled, wiping tears from my cheeks before looking up at him.

I was trying to be brave by then, but I couldn't. It was a feeling I'd never felt before, and it was horrible.

Carlisle went to leave that evening, this time not bringing me with him. I clung to him, crying. He kneeled down in front of me and looked into my eyes. I'll never forget the look he gave me, a mix somewhere between pain and trying to be strong. It was almost the same look he'd had that day. The day of the trial.

"You'll be okay here." He told me. "Please. Give it a try."

"Don't leave me here." I plead, my voice breaking. "Please."

"I know this is hard. Believe me, I know." His voice was quiet, and I heard the pain he attempted to hide. "I don't want to leave you here any more than you want to stay, but there is no other choice."

"Carlisle-"

"You belong here." He cut my protest short. "With your mother."

"No I don't." I insisted, shaking my head. "I don't."

"You'll understand some day." He murmured. "You'll be okay."

I watched as he stood, gave my shoulder one last comforting squeeze, and left. I watched after him, a quiet sob leaving me. After he was gone, I decided to at least try again. I made my way back into my room, closing the door behind me. If I was going to be forced to live here, I had to find some sort of peace here, or I'd lose my mind.

I stepped over to the window, looking out over the side yard, over the neighborhood. I only had the one window in my bedroom, which bothered me. It was so much smaller than my other window at home. My hand came up and pulled the heavy, dark pink curtain to the side.

There really was a huge tree just outside my window.

I really wasn't that far away from them, I tried to reason with myself. I was still in the same town, and the town wasn't that big. A few miles, if that. I just wasn't used to living in the middle of town. The Cullens lived on the outskirts of town, and the trailer had been _way_ outside of town as well. It was odd, to say the least. It was brand new to me to see a neighbor's house so close by.

Evening birds chirped in the neatly trimmed hedges of the houses nearby, and a dog barked a few yards over. From what I could see of the sidewalk, an older couple was taking an evening walk, and a car drove by. The neighbors' porch lights were just coming on, as were the streetlights. Pristine lawns, complete with gardens was where I had come. I wasn't used to living in a neighborhood.

A couple of younger kids were out playing in their front yard a few houses up across the street. Where I'd been dumped, it was obviously an okay part of town. I tried to find some part of me that was okay with all of this, but I just couldn't. It bothered me so deeply. It was too weird. Too difference.

I had nightmares that night, watching Carlisle leave over and over. Each time, I'd wake up in tears. My heart had broken, and each time I sat up alone in my bed, it made itself known.

No one came in to comfort me. No one came in, because no one heard my cries.

I was lonely here, and I hated it. I was alone here, and I was afraid. I didn't want to be here. Me being here despite how I hated being here just made me feel worse.

The small, two bedroom house was dark. My mom having already gone to bed, because she had work in the morning. I doubted she wanted to be bothered, and I knew better to even try to wake her while she slept. She'd probably just groan at me to get back to bed, and roll over.

It was too familiar. It was too similar.

I had no way of describing the hatred and bitterness I felt. There were no words to. There was no way to ease it, other than crying into my pillow. I was confused, and I was hurting. Every part of me was telling me that I didn't belong here. I shouldn't be there. It was telling me that I wasn't safe anymore.

This room seemed cold, though I knew it was perfectly warm. It wasn't home, it wasn't mine. I shivered, holding onto myself. I laid down, curling onto my side, my back to the rest of the room. I sobbed softly, wishing I could sleep, wishing I could be comforted by someone. My mom wouldn't be the one to provide that, even if she did wake up.

I wanted my family. Not her.

If I could get to them, I wouldn't feel this way. I'd proven that to myself several times. More times than I could count. If I was able to be around them, I'd be comforted. I wouldn't be scared, and I wouldn't feel alone.

It wasn't only Jasper's gift that gave me comfort, though it was an added plus. It was just their very presence that comforted me most, and here didn't provide that. I knew exactly where they were, though, and I knew I could get there if I just tried hard enough.

I sat up in my bed again, determined now. I looked at the clock. 12:13am. Despite how tired I was, I wouldn't let myself rest until I was with them again. I jumped up and pulled on a pair of jeans and a coat over my pajama top, walked to my window and threw it open. If they wouldn't come to me, I would go to them.

I jumped up, swinging first one leg, then the other over the sill until they were outside. I hopped out, thanking my lucky stars that this house was only one story.

Just as I jumped out, the second my feet hit the grass, I was pulled into a hug. I jumped a little, not expecting it, but quickly calmed enough to realize. It was Carlisle. He was there. He'd been there waiting. I didn't know if it was Alice's gift that tipped him off, or if he just took my threat seriously, but he was there. He was waiting for me. I realized this, clung to him, and cried. He lifted me to him.

"I can't.." I cried as quietly as I could. I really couldn't stand it. He had to hear it.

"Tomorrow night, I won't be here." He told me as I started to calm down. "I have to ask you to stay here."

I didn't respond as he set me back into my window. He followed me into the room and led me back to my bed. I felt myself torn from him as he stepped back and looked at me.

"Stay here."

"But I don't want to be here." I told him quietly, shaking my head.

"I know." He responded. "I know you don't. Please believe me. This is hard for all of us too, but this is the way it has to be."

"Carlisle, please." I plead quietly. "Take me home. Don't leave me."

"You are home, Leandra." He corrected gently. "This is your home now. A little bit of apprehension is normal, but I need you to try."

"I don't want to try!" I finally cried. Nobody was hearing me, and I was getting mad. He looked up toward the door with a soft sigh. Listening, I soon realized what he was worried about. "She won't wake up. She never does."

During my stay with them, I realized that I should have a voice. An opinion in what happened to me. They taught me that, but this was different. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I said, or how hard I fought, things wouldn't change. I didn't like that, and they needed to realize that soon, or I'd explode.

"Would it be better if I stayed with you tonight?" He offered quietly. That didn't sound so bad. I would have preferred to go home, but having him stay was the offer.

It was way better than nothing, so I nodded. He nodded as well, and gestured that I lay back down. I pulled off my jacket and shoes, getting comfortable enough to sleep. I turned over and crawled under the blanket, a lot more relaxed about going back to sleep.

It wasn't too surprising to me. Carlisle was there, and he was offering to stay. I felt safer instantly, and that provided me the comfort I needed to decide to give sleep a chance.

I cuddled into the blanket, sighing heavily. I looked up at him, watching as he stepped forward and sat gently on the side of the bed.

"Don't leave." I requested quietly. "Please."

"I won't." He told me. "Now sleep. It's late." I nodded a little, letting my eyes close. I opened my eyes a few more times, just to make sure he was still there, before I drifted off.

"Leandra." I woke with a start, realizing I must have been having another nightmare, given my racing heart. I looked to the bedroom door, looking toward my mom in the doorway. "I'm off to work, sweetheart. Don't be late for school." I looked to the side of the bed. It was empty, as if nobody had ever been there. Had I only imagined Carlisle staying? A wishful dream?

"Okay." I mumbled, disoriented and she nodded.

"Love you, honey. Have a good day." With that, my door closed, and I laid back down onto my back. It was still dark outside, so I knew it was way too early for me to be awake for school. I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes.

"Go back to sleep, Leandra." I jumped, yelping a little at Carlisle's voice beside the bed. "I'll wake you up when you need to be up."

Uncovering my eyes, I blinked up at him. "I thought you left."

"I told you I wouldn't." He replied, sitting back down. "I just had to move out of sight until she left the room." I smiled a little, imagining the look on her face if she'd found him.

My smile faded as I looked up at him. "Will you stay tonight too?"

He sighed, giving me a look.

"I know." I mumbled. "I know. I have to get used to it. I just.. Hate it so much here. You being here makes it okay."

"We'll see." He told me after a moment. "I'll think about it. I just want to see that you're trying."

"I'll try." I murmured. It was the first time I'd agreed to try, and he noticed that as well. With him there, it'd be easier to adjust. I could already see that. Him being there would be like a reward for not hitting her or not setting the house on fire.

He nodded with a quiet sigh. "Get some more sleep. I'll be here."

I yawned deeply, letting my eyes close.

When I did have to be awake, I was exhausted, but I had said I would try. So I pried myself out of bed. I stood there for a second, trying to to make my tired mind mind to work.

"Leandra." I paused as Carlisle spoke up. "We'll be coming by tonight to check on you." I knew what he meant.

"I'll be a perfect kid all day." I replied. "And I'll act surprised to see you." He gave a nod, which I returned before I turned back to the door.

It was an old house. I could tell by the sheer weight of the door, the squeal in the hinges as I pulled it open, and the ancient door knob, but old didn't automatically mean bad. It was a nice enough house. I just hated that I had to live here.

There was only one bathroom, but that didn't bug me that much. It was just me and her here, and I really didn't have very many bathroom products, so I didn't take up much room in there.

"Has your mother given you all the information you need for the bus?" He asked from across the hall as I started the water in the sink.

"Uh.." I muttered, pausing mid-stretch. I thought. Yesterday had been a blur, but nowhere did I recall any information. "No."

He tried to keep his sigh quiet, but I heard it.

"Bus number 32." He told me. "Your stop is at the stop sign on the corner over here."

"32, and at the stop sign." I repeated. "I've never had to take a bus to school before." I was reaching for the tooth paste. My mom had placed it on the top shelf instead of the lower shelf. Probably forgetting I was too short.

"As long as you're out there by 7:45 every morning, you'll be okay." He said, reaching out and retrieving the tooth paste for me.

"Thanks." I sighed as I accepted the tube. "And I find the same number bus after school, right?"

"That's right." He confirmed easily. "It will take you back to the same stop sign you were picked up at, and that's where you'll be dropped off." I nodded, taking a breath. "They're expecting you today. I'd offer to give you a ride to school, but it's important for you to be there this morning."

"I know." I mumbled. "I just hate going there so much." I really hated school, but I managed to tolerate it somehow.

"I know." He replied. "For what it's worth, I'm very proud of you." He went on. "I should be going now. If you need anything at all today, please feel free to call."

It meant a lot to me for him to offer. I gave him a grateful but doubtful nod, unable to respond. He smiled and left the doorway. I returned to my room a few minutes later to find it empty. I wasn't surprised.

I was dressed, ready, and locking the front door behind me by 7:10, and started off up the street. Clutching my backpack straps insecurely.

For some stupid reason, I never anticipated other kids being there too. Unfortunately, there were a few. This wasn't my first day at this school, but as far as I could tell in a few glances, I didn't really know these kids. As it was, I'd only been in school for maybe six weeks total at that point, having just started here in time for summer break to start.

I glanced over at the small group of kids, and they glanced at me. Four boys and one girl other than me. They didn't seem mean or anything, but I just wasn't that interested in talking. The boys all joked around with each other while the other girl just stood back and ignored everyone, so I didn't feel that bad.

"Hey." I jumped a little at one boy's call. "You ride this bus too?" His slightly tan-white skin just accented his dark brown hair and brown eyes. The first thing I noticed about this boy as he felt the need to approach, was his warm smile. Now that I looked right at him, he looked somewhat familiar.

"We're in the same class." He told me before I could wonder too much. That was exactly where I'd seen him before. I nodded a little in agreement. "Not up to talking?"

"Not really." I replied, and oddly, I felt bad about that. "Sorry." He seemed so nice.

"Okay." He smiled. "I won't bug you. I just wanted to say hi." He didn't seem bothered by my silence. In fact, he seemed to understand. He stood by me, but it didn't bother me either.

The bus showed up only a few minutes later, and I waited while the others climbed on. I stepped on last.

"Leandra Wallace, right?" The driver asked, and I nodded. She smiled. "Nice to meet you, honey. You can call me Diane. Have a seat anywhere."

I nodded again, and turned. That was easy enough. I took the first open seat, which was the very first seat on the right side of the aisle. I preferred it that way.

I wasn't very comfortable with the school I had to go to. Forks Intermediate School was for grades 4 through 6, and situated just up the street from the high school. I didn't have very many good memories at that school, but thankfully, this school looked nothing like the high school, and the fact that some of my family was just over there helped too.

Although I did have to think. It was weird to consider how different my life had been back then. How much had I changed? Both getting better, and getting worse.

I raced through the day, eager to get home. True to memory, the boy at the bus stop was in my class. He sat three desks over. He didn't bother me again, but he was nice. Surprisingly, one of the other boys at the bus stop was in my class too. Yet he hadn't approached, and I didn't bother to catch either of their names.

I paid close attention to each stop between the school and my stop, so I was already standing before we'd even reached the stop sign.

I waited for the other few kids to go by before I started down the steps.

"See you tomorrow, Leandra." Diane called after me, and I waved a little back at her as my feet landed on solid grass.

"Bye, Leandra." The boy that had spoken to me that morning called as he walked off. The group of kids dispersed as three headed one way, while two more headed the opposite way. Taking the back road that looped around to a main road. Three different streets, houses packed on each side of each street, connected to this back road.

Me, I just had to go straight. I lucked out that way. I didn't have to walk far, arriving at my mom's doorstep within a few minutes. By the small car sitting in the driveway, I knew my mom was already home, so I knew the door was unlocked.

I walked inside, closing the door behind me.

"Hey, honey." She called through the house. "I'm in the kitchen." That surprised me. I crossed the living room, rounding the large open doorway to take a look. The kitchen was quite large, but she stood by the sink. The smell was unmistakable, and stupidly, my stomach growled.

"You cook?" I asked, setting my backpack on the kitchen table. "I thought you could only order pizza."

She laughed, "Yes, I can cook. I figured it's about time we started eating a little healthier."

"It smells good." I offered, in hopes I hadn't been rude.

"Good." She smiled. "I hope you like chicken. How was your day?"

"Good." I replied, sighing. Trying not to seem too bitter about it. "I met a boy today." I wanted it to seem more interesting.

"A boy?" She asked, surprised. "Already?"

"I _just_ met him." I muttered, giving her a flat look. "We're not even friends."

"I see." She laughed. "Well, maybe he can be a friend."

"I don't make friends." I told her simply. "Everyone's better off staying away from me."

"That sounds very lonely."

"It is." I sighed, actually hesitantly sitting down. She was quiet, so I spoke again. "Do you have any friends?"

"I've been pretty busy." She admitted, "And I burned a lot of my bridges, baby."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I don't talk to anyone I used to talk to." She replied. "I've lost contact with them. Remember, I'm not originally from around here."

"I don't remember." I replied, shaking my head a little and she looked over at me. "I don't even really know you, mom."

"That's right." She smiled sadly. "I keep trying to lie to myself about how bad it was." I sat quietly as she continued with what she was doing. Laying pieces of chicken in a pan. She smiled again, musing to herself. "I wonder if Heather is still around."

I wouldn't know.

Sitting there, watching my mom as she focused on her task, it was weird to me. She really wasn't an ugly woman. She was slight, a little thin, but she carried it well. Even tired from working all day, she found the time to tie her long, brown hair back into a messy bun and make dinner.

It was the weirdest feeling to me. Looking at her, watching her actually do something instead of just lay there. It was weird. She was a person now, and knowing she had been a person before while at the same time, recalling every memory I had of her just laying there passed out was something I couldn't get passed.

"What?" She asked with a quiet laugh as she caught me watching her.

"Nothing." I muttered, looking down. I glanced toward my room. "Um.. I think I'm going to go do my homework."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Go ahead, sweetheart. I'll just.. Be here. I'll let you know when dinner is ready." I nodded as well, standing up and pulling my backpack to me as I walked away. She watched after me, the water in the sink the only sound behind me.

It was effort, and it was enough.

I had to admit it was nice not fighting with her for once. I was worn out in that aspect. It was exhausting fighting something I couldn't fight. I also had to admit that she was a pretty good cook. It didn't taste horrible like I wanted to believe it would. I was so full, my stomach almost hurt.

I even helped my mom with the after-dinner dishes. Mostly silently, but it was more than she could have asked for. Ten minutes after we'd finished cleaning the kitchen, sitting down with the TV on, a knock at the door came. I perked up, watching as my mom stood from her place in the chair and stepped over to pull it open. By her smile, I knew who it was.

The first one that stepped inside was Carlisle. Beside him, however, were Emmett and Esme. I grinned, hopping up immediately. Emmett stepped forward to lift me without hesitation, and I hugged him.

"Hey there, shorty." Emmett told me. "How'd today go for you?"

"Amazing." My mom answered before I could, shock in her voice, and we both looked over at her. "She was so well behaved. Like a completely new kid. I don't know what's gotten into her, but whatever it is, I hope it lasts."

"Good job, shorty." Emmett told me, smiling as he lowered his voice. "And Jasper thought bribery wouldn't work." I knew what he meant. I hadn't been bribed with money, though. Only company.

"I'm sorry?" My mom asked. He'd said that last bit only loud enough for me to hear, and we smiled at each other.

"Nothing." He replied. "Just asking shorty if she'd done her homework."

"Tomorrow's, too. It's too easy for me."

"Wow." He laughed. "You're kicking butt, aren't you?"

I just laughed in response. Leaning over from in Emmett's arms to hug Esme next. I missed her so much already, and I almost couldn't make myself let her go.

They stayed for quite awhile, enduring my mom's repeated thanks for whatever was said to me to turn my attitude around. I would be the model child as long as someone stayed with me at night. That's all I asked.

As they were leaving that night, I wandered out onto the front porch with them.

"Was I good?" I needed to confirm.

"I'm very proud of you." Carlisle replied. "Your behavior hasn't gone unnoticed." I couldn't ask what I really wanted to ask with my mom standing right behind me, but I sincerely hoped that it was enough.

Esme hugged me tightly, and I returned it.

As much as I wanted to follow them, I stayed. It was just as hard to stay as it had been the night before, but I knew I needed to keep my end of the bargain.

"Well, that was nice." My mom murmured, and she closed the door behind us as we walked in.

"Yeah." I muttered. "But I miss them already."

"I know." She replied. "It'll get easier, though. You'll see." I doubted it. She sighed, lifting the remote and turning the TV off. "It's late. We should really get to bed. You can take a shower in the morning." I could tell how tired she was, so I didn't put up a fight. It was almost 9pm as it was, and I was pretty tired too.

I had my teeth brushed and was in my room within minutes. Before I even had a chance to worry about whether or not Carlisle had kept his word, I turned on the light, and spotted Esme standing back by the window.

I grinned, moving forward easily to hug her.

I had a feeling I would have a hard time letting this go as well.

I kept my end of the bargain unwaveringly, and so did they. When Carlisle couldn't stay with me, someone else would. Usually Esme, but now and then Emmett would take her place. I didn't get much sleep with him around, though, as I was always worried he'd get bored and leave.

Shower taken, teeth brushed, and always in my room before nine. Staying ahead in my homework, excelling in school while simultaneously ignoring that friendly boy from my bus stop, and helping my mom around the house when she worked late. Not a harsh word her direction. Sometimes I couldn't help complaining about chores, but it was nothing too bad.

Without even realizing it, I'd begun to adjust. Someone staying with me at night was beginning to just be an added plus. By doing all those things, just looking forward to someone showing up at night, I was learning independence. To do things on my own, instead of staying at my family's hip. Knowing what I had to do, and just doing it without having to be told.

Even the friendly boy in my class was becoming less irritating. I found I tolerated his presence easier. Even telling him to go away now and then. He'd just laugh and shake it off. Usually shutting up, knowing his rambling was bothering me.

After about two solid weeks of this, however, I began to notice something. When I woke later in the night, whoever was staying with me would be further from me in the room. Still there, but eventually across the room, nearest the window. It unsettled me a little, knowing exactly what they were doing.

Distancing themselves from me.

The first morning I woke up alone, I was disappointed, but I understood. I knew it couldn't continue the way it was. Independence, and all that. I accepted that. I even accepted it when someone would come by only every other night instead of every night. It was when it quickly became every third night that I started to have a problem with it.

I'd noticed, and I didn't approve.

I lost sleep, and my mood began to drastically decline. I stopped trying so hard, both at home and at school. Why bother, I figured. What was the point?

I sighed, tossing my untouched piece of toast onto the plate in front of me. It was Monday again, and my stomach was nervous. I was going to tell them today what exactly I thought of their attempts to distance themselves. How unfair it was. I'd done everything I was asked to do. What had I done to deserve their distance?

I would ask that, I decided. I wanted to know what I'd done wrong. I understood it was their way of helping me adjust, but it bothered me. I hadn't asked yet, but tonight, I would. I would let them know how unhappy it was making me.

Bella's birthday party was set for that evening, September 13th.

 **A/N: I know how late this is. I'm sorry! This is one of the harder chapters because so much happens in small space, but I couldn't spend forever on it like I wanted to. I had a feeling I wouldn't ever be happy with this one, so I went ahead and released it.  
THANK YOU! To those that left their AWESOME reviews on last chapter! BUT! I must ask again. I know quite a few of you like to read these chapters, but never review. Any chance I can persuade you to leave your own thoughts? Please? :D There's nothing really in it for you, besides a more confident author, but it doesn't hurt. **  
**HOPEFULLY Four won't take this long. I hated how long this took.**  
 **Until Four, my friends!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

I looked over as my mom came walking in, and her t-shirt told me exactly which of her two jobs she was ready for. The general store's logo sat on the top right of it, right above her name tag.

"I'll be working late tonight." She told me as if I didn't already know her schedule.

Mondays and Wednesdays she now left later in the morning, but worked later. The other days, she left before dawn, but was home in time to cook dinner. She balanced her time between two jobs and being home with me. I was familiar with it by now.

All the time my family had spent getting me to be more independent had made me get used to my mom's working schedule as well. Mainly because I had to understand that a lot of the time, I would be here by myself. That was also a hard thing to come to terms with.

"I know." I mumbled, spinning the piece of toast on my plate.

"Make sure you eat tonight." She went on, pawing through her purse on the table. "Sorry, but no pizza tonight."

"I know." I repeated.

"You can find something." She said. "You like tater tots, right? Well, either way, if you have to use the oven, be careful. The last thing we need is for you to get hurt, okay?"

"Yep." I grumbled at my toast.

"And please do me a huge favor." She ignored my tone. "Just straighten up the kitchen a little bit when you get home from school. It's a mess in here."

"Okay-"

"Shit." She suddenly paused. "You were going over to the Cullen's place tonight, weren't you?"

"Yep."

"Oh." She waved it off. "Okay, that's fine then. I'm sorry, baby. I forgot for a second. Just.. We'll tackle this kitchen later. Don't worry about it."

Good. I wasn't going to do it anyway.

"They're picking you up, right?"

"Yeah." I answered, dropping my toast back onto my plate. "Rose and Alice are picking me up after school."

"Good." She nodded, continuing to gather her stuff. She reached over, picked up an electric bill sitting upright on the table and stuffed it into her purse. She sighed, pulling the strap of her purse onto her shoulder. "I'm off. Don't be late for the bus, okay? And don't forget to lock the front door behind you, but make sure you remember to bring your key with you, in case you get back before I do. I'll see you tonight."

I winced a little as she kissed the top of my head, hugging my shoulders and I nodded. I didn't exactly want to punch her in the stomach.

"I love you." She never expected me to say that back, but she told me that all the time. I frowned, though. Leaning away and looking up at her.

"Why do you smell like that?"

"Oh." She laughed, standing upright. "New perfume. Do you like it?"

"It's okay." I shrugged. I just hadn't ever smelled that before.

"I'll take it." She smiled, already walking away, and I looked down to hide my amusement. A minute later, she was gone.

I couldn't exactly say anymore that she wasn't trying.

She was trying. Extremely hard. Working long and weird hours just to take care of me and provide everything I needed. I wasn't sure I liked that. Her not trying had been the basis of my entire argument.

I threw my uneaten piece of toast into the trash, rinsed my plate and set it aside. I had too much on my mind to try to eat. It happened all the time lately.

It was raining when I left, locking the front door behind me and placing my door key into my backpack.

I sprinted toward the bus stop, holding my jacket out over my head. Up ahead, at said bus stop, the other kids were already there. The friendly kid watched me running up the sidewalk, waving me over once I got there. There was a rather large tree sitting there which everyone gathered under. It provided enough shelter to keep us from getting completely soaked while we waited.

I took to the outside of the group, really not up to talking. That wasn't unusual for me, so nobody minded. I felt bitter this morning, with a long night the night before. Like just deciding to tell them my thoughts on the whole distancing thing had opened it up enough to let it really bother me. I stewed.

Thankfully, the bus didn't take forever to get there. Actually arriving a few minutes earlier than usual, getting there to pick us up about two minutes before the rain stopped.

At school, during recess before it even started, I looked up from my seat on the swing. Digging my shoes into the dirt below them.

I didn't play the way everyone else did. I mostly just sat here and watched, but that was my own choice. I couldn't help comparing how similar this was to my old school, only with more kids milling around. Packs of girls hanging out near the side of the school, giggling at the boys playing kick ball in the wet dirt.

There were certainly other kids like me, sitting apart from everyone, but for the most part, everyone seemed to get along.

My thoughts weren't on the kids I watched, though. My thoughts were stuck on what I was going to do about my family. They were distancing themselves by the day, and I was almost desperate at this point to keep hold on them. I couldn't let them go, but how was I supposed to fight it?

The last few weeks had been awesome. I'd been doing okay, but now that they seemed to be backing out, I didn't see why I had to keep going. Why should I bother? Yeah, I was learning independence, but that was only because I knew it was what they wanted. I'd already learned quite a bit of it. I couldn't unlearn it just to be stubborn, which I was sure they counted on. It just wasn't fair.

I sighed, looking over and spotting my friendly classmate coming my way. I still couldn't even recall his name.

"You look so bad." I rolled my eyes at his statement, turning my gaze down. He hadn't bugged me yet today, so I kind of expected this. My fingers played with the butterfly pendant still around my neck absentmindedly.

"Seriously." He took the swing beside me, sitting down. "The last time I looked like that, I was sick. You're not sick, are you?"

"No." I mumbled. "I'm not sick." I wasn't sick, but I felt like it.

Encouraged by my response, he grinned, "Good. Because being sick isn't any fun. I remember the last time I was sick, I couldn't eat anything for two whole days. Man, I was starving by the time that thing passed." He waited, probably for a response. When none came, he changed the subject. "How come you never talk? You must be really shy. It's okay, because so am I. I don't talk much to anyone else. I mean, I have a few kids I talk to, but not that many. The rest of them all think I'm weird."

That gained my attention. I'd often wondered why he spent most of his time at recess with me. As if he didn't have another option.

I looked over at him. "Why?"

"Because I never talk." He laughed. "I never talk to them, because they think I'm weird. They think I'm weird, because I never talk. It's funny how things work sometimes, huh?" He made some sense when I actually listened to him.

"Yeah. They think I'm weird, too." I explained quietly. "What's your name again?"

"Andrew." He replied, smiling. This was the most I'd talked to him yet, and he seemed thrilled. Andrew. That was a pretty common name, but it was nice to finally know it.

"Nice to meet you." I sighed, and he laughed a little. I even smiled a little, finding it slightly funny. He'd been bugging me since I came to live near him. I was only now 'meeting' him.

"I noticed you were always sitting alone." He said. "I thought I'd be your friend."

"Why?" I asked, looking over at him once more.

"Because you looked lonely by yourself, and could probably use a friend."

"I always ignore you, though."

"I could tell that you really didn't mean it." He smiled a little. "I won't give up on you, friend." I couldn't help but smile a little.

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound being the normal sounds of kids playing further out on the playground. However small it was. It wasn't raining anymore, so they weren't afraid of getting wet. In a way, I hoped it would start raining again, just so I could see them all scatter.

"So what's bothering you?" He asked, looking over at me.

"Nothing." I immediately said, sighing.

"It's okay to tell me." He said. "Really, who am I gonna tell? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't." I thumbed the sleeve of my sweater, keeping my eyes on the ground. "It might help to talk to someone about it." He had a point there. Get another's opinion.

"My.." I didn't know how to explain it right. "My mom finished her treatment, and I have to live with her again." He waited, confused. "I didn't want to live with her. I wanted to stay with the family I was with while she couldn't take me."

"Oh." He said, nodding. "How long were you with them?"

"A couple of months." I answered. "Not that long, but long enough."

"Don't you get to see them?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said. "Sometimes, but I still miss them. I don't see them as much as I used to. They really want me to live with my mom."

"And you don't wanna live with your mom?"

"I hate my mom."

"Wow. She must have done something bad to make you hate her." He was wanting more information. I wasn't comfortable telling him.

"She did." I replied. "I miss my family. They're all I could have asked for. My mom just hates letting me be happy."

"Who were they?" He asked quietly. "I might know them."

"You probably do. The whole town knows them. The Cullens."

"Oh!" He looked over, grinning. "Yeah, I know who you're talking about. Dr. Cullen fixed my broken arm last year. He even gave me a blue cast, because I didn't like the green one."

"Yeah." I nodded, looking down. "That sounds like him."

"He was your dad?"

"Foster dad." I admitted, "But the closest I ever came to having one."

"I'm sorry." He said honestly, "And your mom won't just let you stay with them?"

"No." I replied. "It's final. She thinks she's doing this amazing thing for me, but she doesn't get that I just wanted to stay with them. It's not fair."

"Have you tried talking to her about it? Letting her know how you feel? That helps me and my dad sometimes."

"No. It wouldn't change anything."

"You never know." I looked over at him, giving him a sad smile, but I suddenly didn't feel like talking about them anymore. I was frustrated enough.

"Thanks. For listening to me complain." I said, but I couldn't help the way my smile faded.

"No problem." He grinned in return. "I'm a pretty good listener. Did talking about it help, at least?"

"A little." I admitted, shrugging.

"I'm glad." He replied, and we fell quiet. I wanted to change the subject.

"So, uhm.. We live close to each other."

"Yup." He replied easily. "I live on the next street over from you. Wanna come over to my house after school?"

Well, this was a first, and definitely unexpected. As weird as it was talking to someone at all, I'd never been invited over to someone else's house before. It confused me, but interested me at the same time. I was half tempted, but I knew I couldn't. I wasn't about to miss my chance to demand answers.

"I can't." I said honestly. "I'm getting picked up for a birthday party tonight."

"Oh." He muttered. "Maybe tomorrow?" He was still inviting me?

"Maybe. I'll have to ask my mom."

"Cool." He nodded, looking as if I just made his day. He was quiet for another moment, before he finally laughed. "So what finally changed?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, sighing a little.

"Why are you finally talking to me?" He asked. "Not that I'm not happy about it. I'm just.. Curious, I guess."

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I guess I just needed someone to talk to. I haven't really had the chance to do that lately."

"Well, I'll be that someone." He offered, giving me a kind smile, "Any time you want."

We talked the rest of recess, and I found him very easy to get along with. Like as soon as I decided he was worth talking to instead of just ignoring him, we became instant friends.

Not much had changed in the way of his rambling, except my attitude toward it. I found it was actually quite a pleasant change than the rambling in my mind. Actually listening to him, I found we had more in common than I thought we did before. I even smiled once or twice. Now and then offering a quiet reply or something to keep him going.

By the time school was over, he met me outside the classroom door, and we headed toward the parking lot together. I let him walk with me this time. Actually paying attention to him this time, instead of choosing to ignore the fact that he was there.

He was in the middle of a story, so I waited this time. I listened to it, not just walking off like I usually did. It was a little surprising that he walked with me toward the front instead of walking off toward the buses.

"You talk about your dad a lot." I pointed out, ignoring the other kids thinning out around us. "Is he nice?"

He thought about the answer for a few seconds, before he laughed. "As far as dads go, I'm pretty sure he's one of the best of them. What about yours?"

"Which one?" I snorted. "I have three of them." He frowned, seeming confused so I decided to explain in the simplest way I could.

"My real dad, my stepdad, and my foster dad." I listed them off, and that seemed to clear things up. "My real dad.. He's pretty cool. I like him, but he left when I was so young, I didn't want to go back to him when he came to get me earlier this year. My foster dad let me stay when my dad offered to give me up." This was the most I'd talked to him. Ever. He was attentive the whole time, and I quickly realized that he was a very good listener. "Out of the three of them, my foster dad wins. Every time."

"What about your stepdad?"

I looked down. Unable to answer at first, but I had mentioned him, so it was only natural for him to ask about Jack.

"He's.." I had no words to describe him. I didn't want to go into too much detail, and scare him off. Luckily, a car horn honked by the curb, the line of parents picking up their kids backed up.

"Oh." Andrew murmured, looking back. "My dad's picking me up. I gotta go." That explained why he wasn't going for the bus.

"Oh. Yeah, that's fine." I said, nodding. I was truthfully incredibly relieved that I didn't have to answer. I scanned the row of cars, finding one very familiar. "That's my sister's car. Well, foster sister." I gestured to the shiny red convertible sitting by the curb. I spotted Alice, grinning our way from the passenger seat of Rosalie's car. Andrew smiled back at her, noticing as well. He waved a little to her, and she waved back.

"Okay." He nodded to me. "So I'll see you around?"

"Yeah." I agreed. "Yeah, I think so."

"Cool." He grinned. "Okay then. Bye."

"Bye." I replied, watching as he walked away, headed toward a pale gold colored car. I stood there, watching him walk away for a few seconds before I thought to move. Shaking my head, I turned, heading toward Rosalie's car. Alice stepped out to let me into the backseat, flipping the seat forward. She smiled as I approached.

"Who was that?" She asked, but I didn't reply. Ducking into the back seat instead. Once I was settled, she replaced the seat and sat back down. "I think it's nice that you have a friend. You two are definitely cute together."

I frowned, unable to understand. "How is standing next to each other cute?"

"That's not what she means, Leandra." Rose replied for her as she started driving.

"Then what does she mean?" I asked in response.

"You'll understand some day." Alice giggled, and I sighed. I hated being told that. "So I heard what you said about Carlisle."

"It's true." I replied, nodding. I knew she probably had. I wasn't embarrassed to admit it.

"You really think he's better than your dad?" Rose asked curiously.

"Yeah." I said incredulously. "I have so many reasons to." I paused, trying to find the right words, "I'm not sure if it makes sense, but he makes it easy to breathe." They were quiet, and I watched Alice look to Rosalie. "Like.. When I'm around him, I don't have to be afraid. Of anything, because I know he wouldn't let anything happen to me."

"It makes sense, Leandra." Rose assured me.

"Not just that, but.." I said, my eyes out the window. "He just gives me so many reasons to look up to him. He's smart, he's nice to everyone he meets. Why can't I be like that?"

"You're still learning, Leandra." Alice offered."You'll get the hang of it soon. You have a friend now. It's definitely a step in a good direction."

"I hope so." I mumbled. "I hate it when I let him down, but.. That reminds me."

"Of?" Alice prompted when I stayed quiet.

"I know what you guys are doing." I sat forward. "Nobody's been around at night."

"Leandra," She sighed quietly. "I know how it seems-"

"It _seems_ like everyone's backing out of the deal." I pouted, frowning, "Why should I-"

"Because it's what's best for you." She told me, "Remember? You need to learn-"

"Independence." I rolled my eyes, "I know, I know."

It was quiet for a minute.

"Is she taking care of you?" To my surprise, Rosalie asked that question. I looked up front as Alice looked over at her, but Rose took my silence as confusion. "Your mother. Is she taking care of you?"

It was weird that she wanted some kind of confirmation. I revisited my thoughts from that morning.

"Yeah." I answered. "I mean, so far, it hasn't been that bad. I've got everything I need." Thankfully, that was all the answer she needed, given her calm nod. "It's just.. Different. It's different, and it's weird, and I don't like it."

The rest of the ride was silent. It wasn't too long, but I was eagerly anticipating being home again. The anticipation soothed the frustrating emotions enough to let me be happy for a minute. I could hardly sit still. I hadn't been home since I moved back in with my mom, and I realized I'd missed it so much. To see Jasper, and Edward again. To see everybody together, instead of just one at a time.

I'd gotten a gift for Bella, and lifted the box from my backpack as we climbed out. I'd gotten her a dark blue blouse with pastel pink flowers embroidered on it.

When we got in, most of the decorations were already in place. So all there really was for me to do was socialize until Edward brought Bella home. I came running in from the garage, already smiling, knowing they all were in the living room.

"Grr." I laughed, jumping onto Emmett's back. Wrapping my arms around his neck and hanging on as he laughed.

"Terrifying." He told me, looking over his shoulder at me. "I'm shaking."

"You should be." I replied seriously. "I hear I'm pretty scary." He laughed and pulled me up, over his shoulder until I landed in his arms. Hugging me properly. He squeezed me until groaned, and laughed.

"I still bite, you know." I warned playfully, and he stopped squeezing me, but continued to hold me.

"You wouldn't bite me." He said. "You'd hurt yourself."

"Probably." I allowed, laughing.

"So." He said, narrowing his eyes a little. "Have you been good?"

"You'd know, if you were there." I huffed, pouting a little.

"But I'm asking you." He countered, dodging my accusation. "Have you been good?"

"No." I answered, "But I haven't been bad either. Just lazy." He sighed at that, laughing a little.

"What are we going to do with you?" He shook me a little until I laughed also.

"Get a dog." I suggested. "I bet they do their homework."

"No." He mused. "They eat it." I laughed, struggling down out of his arms. "I missed you, shorty. Seriously."

Honestly, I could tell, but I was still mad.

"Then really." I said, sitting upright. "What the hell?"

"Leandra," Jasper spoke up, "Up until now you've been learning things you've never had to learn before."

"So?"

"Now is the time you learn how to function on your own with all those new lessons." He replied. "I know you're upset about our distancing techniques."

"Yeah," I snapped, "Because they fucking suck."

"You'll get the hang of it soon." He assured me. "In the meantime, you should probably work on that horrible little cursing habit of yours." I glared a little, looking down.

"It's _not_ that bad." I defended myself. I laughed a little humorlessly. "When Jack gets mad, he cusses like.. Every word he says." It was silent for a second as I felt my mood drop. With it, I looked down. "That was all the time."

"Well, he was wrong." Emmett replied firmly. "No kid needs to hear the stuff he said to you."

"Or I might start saying it?" I asked, glancing over.

"Worse." He corrected. "You might start believing it." He lightly flipped a pillow into my face. I caught it easily, setting it down in front of me. He just had no idea. He didn't know the things that came to mind when he said that.

"Too late for that." I sighed, standing up.

"It's never too late, shorty." He smirked. "Stop it."

"He's right." Jasper agreed. "It's never too late to change your way of thinking."

I had to admit. It was nice seeing Jasper so comfortable. I had a feeling it had a lot to do with the fact that I wasn't here all the time now. I'd known that my family's way of life was hardest on him, but seeing the differences between my last few weeks here and now made that real. I finally saw a bit of what Carlisle was talking about. Something I could only have gotten with a distant perspective.

I honestly didn't want to make his life harder. I didn't want to make anyone's life harder.

I had a few hours here. Edward wasn't bringing Bella over until seven. All around me, more decorations fell into place, and the closer it came to seven, I noticed something else. I sudden felt really under-dressed.

I still lounged around in my normal school clothes.

I was almost curious enough to bring it up, but before I could, I looked up at Alice suddenly beside the couch. I took one look at the dress she held up, and all I could think for a second was, 'That'll never fit her.'

Then it hit me.

"Leandra." She sighed as I jumped up and dashed upstairs. Scrambling in my haste.

"I might be a girl, but you can't make me look like one!" I called back. I heard Emmett and Jasper's laughter, choosing to ignore it.

"Leandra, you know I can still find you." She called, sounding very mildly frustrated.

"Prove it!"

"You're hiding in the linen closet nearest the stairs."

"Damn." It was actually quite cozy in here.

"Come on." She sighed, suddenly outside the door now. "It's not that bad."

"Yes, it is. It's horrible."

"If you wear this now, I won't ask you to again the next two occasions that call for it." She offered, and that got my attention.

"Four." I countered. "And it has to actually be a special thing for it to count. Normal days don't call for dresses, Alice."

I heard her laugh. "You're smart."

Eventually, she agreed. She managed to get me out of hiding, and into the dress. I hated it, hated it deeply, and it showed. I let her fix my hair, which gave me time to adjust slightly to what I wore now. Staring at myself in the mirror in front of me, which I never did for very long, there was a scowl there that deepened every time I looked at my clothing.

She pulled my hair back into french braided pigtails. Pulling it out of my face, and secured tightly. My permanent scowl announced my displeasure at the whole situation as she led me back downstairs.

"She's not happy." Jasper chuckled from the side, helping Rosalie rearrange some flowers on the table. Of course he would know. Even without looking at me.

"Tough." Alice grinned back at me. "It's about time she starts acting like a girl."

"Why?" I demanded. "You know I hate this dressy crap."

"She already sounds like one." Emmett gushed, pinching my cheek as I walked passed him. I swung, missing him but making him pull his hand away. I felt too sensitive. I felt overly-aware of every movement I made, and that made me anxious. This feeling was nothing new, though.

"I don't care." I huffed, sitting down. "You're the only one who cares, Alice."

"Should I remind you about Andrew?" Alice asked smugly, picking up another vase.

"No." I growled, blushing once again. That shut me up.

"Who is Andrew?" Emmett asked, immediately grinning.

"A boy at her school." I pouted as she explained, "We saw them talking outside today."

"Oh really?" Emmett asked, leaning over to look at me.

"He lives by my mom's house." I muttered.

"Do I have to bring out the big brother bat so soon?" Emmett asked, and I looked up, seeing he was serious.

"No." I said incredulously. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"Breaking hearts already?" Jasper asked, amused.

"No." I said immediately defensive. "I don't even know what that means."

"It means," Emmett said, sitting beside me on the armrest of the couch. "He probably likes you."

"Even without all this girly crap." I said, making my point, "And I don't think he likes me. I've known him forever."

"Really?" Emmett seemed surprised.

"Well.. For about as long as I've been going to this school." I clarified, "I used to ignore him a lot, but I don't know. I just really started talking to him today."

"But you said-"

"He's always talked to me." I explained, looking up at him. "I wouldn't talk back. He used to bug me, but he always sits by me."

"Persistent little guy." Jasper commented, laughing a little.

"He said it was because I looked lonely by myself." I ignored Alice's squeak of endearment. "So he liked to keep me company."

"That has got to be the cutest thing I've ever heard." Alice squealed, clasping her hands in front of her.

"I don't think it's cute." I mumbled, shrugging, "But he's nice. He doesn't bug me so much anymore."

Alice startled me, suddenly heading toward the door. I shrugged again, looking down.

I heard her talking, and given what she was saying, I knew Edward and Bella had gotten there.

"Upstairs until we're finished." She barked, and Edward's chuckle had me smile a little as well. "Everything has to be perfect."

"Leandra." Esme called my attention, having stayed quiet while I spoke. "Would you like to help?" I looked down, honestly considering it, but I felt like a cat that had just had a leash placed on it for the first time. Stiff and uncomfortable, not moving unless they either take off the leash, or drag it.

"Not really." I admitted sheepishly. "I don't wanna move around too much." She laughed quietly, nodding.

I looked up as Carlisle made his way downstairs, giving me an apologetic smile.

"I see Alice managed to get a hold of you." He murmured, making his way over to me.

"Ugh." I grumbled, looking down at the monstrosity I was wearing. It really wasn't that bad. The dress was a pastel colored blue, thin straps over the shoulders. It wasn't too tight, or too loose, and it came to just below my knees, but I still hated it.

Carlisle, seeing my discomfort, smiled and laughed a little. "I think you look great."

"Thanks." I muttered, letting him help me to my feet. I looked up at him once I was standing, suddenly reminded. I'd gotten sidetracked before.

"Why haven't you guys haven't been staying?" I asked, gaining Emmett's attention as well. "I mean, I know why, but.." I paused, trying to figure out how to word it.

"You were doing so much better." He explained. "You don't need us there as often."

"Yes, I do." I said immediately. "Just because I'm doing good, doesn't mean I don't need anyone there. I just don't think it's fair. I've been doing everything you told me to do, but you're not doing what you said you would." I crossed my arms over my chest, looking up at him.

"Leandra, our goal here is to help you become independent, and comfortable in your new home." He explained lightly. "The more often we stay with you, the less chance there is that the transition will be smooth. We were only there to help you adjust."

"Yeah, but-"

"I know you like having us there, shorty, but trust me. Us being there would only hurt you in the long run." Emmett spoke up, and I sighed, looking to him, "And before you say it, yes. You should still be doing everything you were doing before."

"Why?" I asked bitterly. "What's the point?"

"Because it's the right thing." He answered as if it were obvious. "You were doing so good before."

"Before, I still saw someone everyday." I argued. "Now I don't. So why bother?"

"Come on, shorty. Don't be like that." Emmett murmured. I was disappointed. Basically just being told that it wouldn't go back to the way it was before. I looked down, and turned, sitting back down on the couch.

As disappointed as I was, I found I couldn't feel it. Before it could overwhelm me, it was covered. At first, I was confused, until I noticed Jasper's eyes on me.

"Not fair." I grumbled, looking back down.

"Sorry, Leandra." Jasper chuckled quietly. I sighed, but accepted his calm. I didn't want to ruin Bella's party with my mood.

"Okay." I said, standing back up, "But will someone still come by? It doesn't have to be every night, but I still like the company."

"For a bit longer." Carlisle allowed, and I nodded.

"I can't stay here tonight, can I?"

"Sorry, Leandra." He said, hugging me into his side.

"My mom's working late tonight." I offered, hoping that would change his mind. "I know she won't care as long as she knows I'm here."

He sighed, looking down at me. I knew by the sound it was starting to work.

"We'll discuss it after the party, okay?" He asked, and I nodded again, this time smiling a little. I had hope again.

"Okay." Esme finally said. "Looks like we're about finished." I stood back up.

Alice stopped to readjust the presents on a table before dashing upstairs. I stayed against his side, my smile fading as I found myself wishing I really didn't have to go home after this. I looked up at Carlisle, and he smiled a little down at me.

I understood that the only reason I was given back to my mother, was because the court ordered me to be. I understood that they didn't have a choice in the matter. That if it were up to Esme and Carlisle, they would have kept me. I comforted myself with the thought that Carlisle would be keeping an eye on me, and my home situation. That if things were to go wrong, he'd save me. He'd be there.

Just like earlier when Rosalie asked me if my mom was taking care of me. I had a whole family of vampires looking out for me. There was no possible way my mom could fail.

Trying to comfort myself was all I could do. The only option I had. I had no other choice but to accept the way things were now. That's what they were trying to say. It would only be harder on me the more I fought it.

"Smile, sweetheart." Esme told me, smiling sadly.

"It's hard to." I admitted, looking over at her, "I miss you."

"I know." She said quietly, taking my hand and pulling me to her, "Believe me. We miss you too." I looked down before I could start crying again, and took a deep breath, once more accepting Jasper's calm.

I kept quiet, though. Returning Esme's hug as much as I could. Something didn't sit right with me. Along with being uncomfortable, I was nervous. I felt it in my stomach, and in my throat, and actually wondered if I would throw up. Maybe having to wear this stupid dress actually made me sick? Or it could have been the fact that I'd hardly eaten much of anything lately. Emotion having stolen my appetite.

I sighed and forced a smile as Bella, Edward and Alice all came back downstairs. Bella looked completely uncomfortable with the whole party idea, but accepted it. I offered her an apologetic smile from the side, which she returned. I understood the feeling.

That's when I moved to the side. The same sense of nervousness I'd felt the entire day pitting in my stomach in a more intense way, and I didn't like it. It wasn't exactly Bella that made me nervous. I knew that much, which confused the hell out of me. I just couldn't understand it.

Glancing up at Jasper beside me, he glanced at me in return. Not commenting. He understood, given the nod he gave me. He felt my nervousness too, and for a moment, I found myself wondering. Did my nervousness make him nervous? He felt everything I felt, but did it alter his own mood to do that?

That would suck, I decided, and without the option to turn it off, he'd be stuck always depending on the mood of others to feel what he wanted to feel.

So there I stayed, trying to ignore the nervousness constantly rolling in my stomach. I looked up at Jasper, still wondering if he felt nervous too. He sure seemed to. From what I could tell anyway. It only got worse as time went on, though, and I hoped he wasn't upset with me for being so nervous, but it made it better that he and I seemed to be the only ones nervous.

I watched patiently as a few pictures were snapped, and a gift was handed to her. As far as I was concerned, I didn't care if she took all night to open her gifts. I wanted to tell her to take her time. Don't rush. The longer she drew this out, the longer I could stay.

Bella's gifts weren't nearly as numerous as mine had been, so I knew it wouldn't take nearly as long as my birthday party had, but that didn't help me. If anything, looking to the tiny gift pile bothered me. Was there something wrong with them? Alice choosing one at a time to hand her, me watching each one closely as it changed hands.

It was when she was opening Esme and Carlisle's gift that things went horribly wrong. She seemed to struggle a little with the wrapping.

'Use your nails.' I thought, amused as Edward looked to me. My smile instantly faded, and I frowned as she gave a quiet yelp of pain, the thin wrapping paper cutting into the skin of her finger. At first, I was worried, because it looked pretty painful.

Suddenly, everything around me tensed. Everything sped up then.

Before I even realized what was happening, I was suddenly back. Shoved backwards and landing onto my butt on the carpet with a grunt, far away from Jasper in time for him to completely lose it. I hadn't even finished rolling back to roughly hit the wall before he was running forward.

I sat there, quite a distance back as Edward shoved Bella backwards first, before catching Jasper next. Shoving him back across the room, back toward me. I realized then, as Jasper landed on the unsuspecting piano, what had happened.

The blood that escaped the paper cut in Bella's finger was too much, and Jasper realized that. He felt himself slipping, so he shoved me away from him right before he snapped. Focused on Bella, and her blood escaping, I didn't appeal to him. Unless I would have, and he had to shove me away like he did to protect me.

Seeing first hand what blood could turn them into, I had to admit I was scared. The ache of nervousness in my stomach had turned into the chilling rush of fear while I watched things happen almost too quickly for me to watch.

Thankfully as the others restrained him, he didn't even look at where I was. I probably would have screamed, but he never did. I wasn't hurt like Bella was, I noticed, as I watched the blood flow slowly down her arm. I looked to Bella, frightened for her also, when I saw that when she'd been shoved back, she'd landed against the far table, glass shattering into her skin and cutting her far worse than the paper had.

Sure, my butt ached from landing on it, and my chest hurt from where he shoved me, but I was fine. A little shocked, but fine.

I found it rather difficult to breathe or catch what breath I'd lost by being shoved, but that felt more like a mild form of panic than actually being hurt. The trembling I felt was unmistakable.

Things slowed down again. Everything seeming to pause right there, nobody moving and ensuring Jasper didn't either. Alice attempted to calm Jasper, but at the same time, she only then seemed to notice that Bella's wound was worse now. Much worse.

When everything slowed down, it slowed down too much.

"Get Jasper out of here." Carlisle said to the group, and the room began to clear.

"Leandra." Esme murmured as they took Jasper from the house. "Honey." She kneeled beside me, helping me stand up.

"I'm fine." I immediately said, trying to shake off my instinctive fear. "I'm okay. He moved me before anything could happen." She sighed, in relief as she smoothed my dress down.

"You're sure you're okay?" She asked, and I glanced over as Carlisle helped Bella up the stairs.

"I'm fine." I nodded. "I know he didn't mean it." Despite what I said, despite how I thought I felt, I guess I was more shaken up than I thought, and I started to cry before I'd even finished saying that.

I hated the fact that I did so, because I did know he didn't mean it. I just couldn't help crying. It came out on its own. Immediately, she put her arms around me, comforting me as I returned her hug, crying into her shoulder.

"Come on, sweetheart." Slowly, she walked with me outside. Out onto the porch. The darkness around me only chilled me more, but it did help my attempts to stop crying. It helped clear my head, and stung my eyes just enough to clear them with deep breaths.

The only one out there besides us was Rose. The others must have been out with Jasper.

"Rose," Esme said, "Please keep her company. She's a little shaken up. I need to clean up inside." Rosalie nodded, agreeing silently to stay with me. Esme gave my hair one last comforting smooth, before leaving my side.

I stood there, awkwardly holding my arm.

"You don't have to stand around with me." I mumbled. "I'm fine." I sat down on the top step stiffly, sniffling as I struggled to stop crying. She didn't even acknowledge I'd spoken, and I concentrated on my aching backside. I'd landed pretty hard.

"That happens, you know." She told me after a minute, a hint of hidden bitterness in her tone. "I'm shocked it hasn't happened sooner. Jazz is getting better, though. Especially since he had just enough control not to turn and kill you." That made me a little nervous, but I didn't reply.

"I think he knew Edward would stop him." She mused, her tone turning thoughtful, and I listened. "He knew Edward would stop him, because he knew the snap was coming. He's good like that, but sometimes, even knowing its coming doesn't help. He knew nobody was close enough to protect you. You just mean that much to him, I guess."

I took a deep, shaky breath. Calming down further.

"So when he gets back, do me a favor." I looked up at her. "Now that you've had your cry, tell him you're fine." Of course!

"I will." I replied immediately. "He probably already feels bad enough, and I am fine. I just wasn't expecting that, is all." She nodded a bit.

"Edward's probably going to overreact." She sighed. "You watch." I didn't know what to say to that, but fell silent as movement across the yard caught my attention. Alice and Emmett came from the trees.

"How's he doing?" Rosalie asked as Alice made it to her.

"He's been better." Alice replied quietly. "How's Bella?"

"She's fine." Rosalie sighed. "Carlisle's taking care of her. Esme's cleaning up, so it should be safe to go back in soon." Alice's eyes fell on me, and she immediately sat beside me. Hugging me. I grunted a little with the force of it, wanting to tell her that this wasn't helping me catch my breath, but it did feel nice.

"I'm okay." I assured her, with more confidence this time. "It's okay."

"I'm so sorry, Leandra." She told me. "We were all just.. So focused on Bella, and-"

"It's fine." I laughed a little. "I'm not hurt anywhere." That was a lie. My chest hurt, and it was a little tough to breathe, but I was probably just sore, and had the wind knocked from me.

Before she could insist, the three of them looked back to the trees. Edward crossed the yard without even really looking at us, and the look in his eyes made my heart sink as he stepped passed all of us, up the steps and into the house. My head turned, my gaze following him until he disappeared inside.

Jasper followed a few steps behind, deeply angry at himself given the look in his eyes, but he stopped with us outside. He didn't go inside, which was probably the right move. I fought the way my mind tried to see him differently. After what had just happened, I hated the way I grew nervous at the fact that he looked at me.

"Are you alright?" He asked me pointedly, and though I was a little intimidated by his tone, I smiled a little.

"I'm fine." I told him. "Tired of nobody believing me, but I'm fine. I'm not hurt or anything. That carpet is pretty soft, and my butt is pretty padded." Another lie, but I added another small smile, laughing a little along with Emmett.

I was fairly sure wanting to make someone feel better came with its own set of emotions that he could understand. I wasn't mad at him, or upset with him. I wasn't afraid anymore, because I recognized him again. I wasn't injured, or concerned about myself very much. The anger in Jasper's eyes lessened significantly, and he sighed. Nodding.

"I'm pretty sturdy." I reminded him. "I'm fine." That only helped him even more, and it helped me too.

Alice stood up, and hugged onto his side.

"It'll be fine." She told him, and I looked to her. I could tell immediately that I wasn't the only one fibbing.

"Leandra." Carlisle's voice had me look back at him in the doorway. Around the front of the house, I heard Bella's truck start, and I figured Edward was driving her home.

"I'm fi-"

"Humor me." He insisted. His tone left no room for argument, so I sighed, standing up. It was easier to breathe now, so even if I was a little hurt, it wasn't that bad. I passed him into the house. "Upstairs. Into my office." I followed his instruction, slowly climbing the stairs. Through his open office door, into the empty room.

He followed close behind me, and I looked up at him as he stepped around me.

"Where did he hit you?" He asked, and I frowned. I didn't like that word.

"He didn't _hit_ me." I said. "He pushed me." He gave me a look, and I sighed. I gestured to my upper chest. "Here."

He nodded, letting me know to let him look. I sighed, unbuttoning the top portion of my dress. I peeked down the front, and winced. Carlisle was going to freak out. The bruising over the direct center of my chest wasn't too dark, but it was obvious against my pale skin. It wasn't too big of a bruise, but not small either. Already beginning to spread outward in a deep purple tint. Darker toward the middle.

I let him look, and he sighed heavily. Immediately looking closer at the already darkening bruise. Just as I figured, it concerned him.

"Does it hurt to breathe?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"No." I answered. "It was a little hard to a little bit ago, but now I'm fine."

"Take a deep breath and hold it." He told me, and I did as he said. As deep as I could, and despite how the bruise ached, it didn't really hurt. After only a few seconds, he told me to let it out. I laughed a little as I had to take another breath immediately after that.

"I think you're alright." He nodded.

"Told you." I mumbled, already buttoning up my top. He sighed, standing straighter. I was quiet for a moment. He seemed distracted. Deeply concerned. I never saw him this distracted over something so small. It made me even more nervous, watching him. As if something had changed.

I hated that feeling.

"Carlisle?" I asked quietly. He looked over at me sadly. "Is that what you meant? A-All those times you said I was in danger here..?"

"Yes." Carlisle sighed, continuing to clean up. "That is exactly what I meant." He didn't continue so I looked down.

"It wasn't anybody's fault." I wasn't sure why I said that, but it felt right. He gave me a tight smile, moving passed me to the trash can. The strong smell of rubbing alcohol and bleach made my nose sting, and I had a feeling it had the same effect on them as well.

"I can't stay here tonight, huh?" I asked quietly, and he looked down.

"That probably wouldn't be a good idea, Leandra."

"It's okay." I said, not wanting to be a pain. "Some other time, then."

Carlisle drove me home himself, not a word from him. I hardly noticed that I still wore the dress. That no longer mattered to me. Though I knew he was deep in thought, I didn't press him. After tonight, I had no doubts he was worried about what I'd witnessed. I didn't want him to stress over me, so I tried to comfort him.

"I won't tell anyone." I told him quietly as he turned onto my mom's street. "Don't worry."

"Thank you, Leandra." He said in response, giving me a smile. There was a tenseness in that smile that worried me.

It was dark out, no porch light on, which told me my mom still wasn't home. It wasn't that late, barely 8:00, so I knew that it wasn't weird. It was dark enough to make me nervous, though. I took my time finding the house key in the side pocket of my backpack at my feet.

"Something's wrong." I finally mumbled, looking over at Carlisle. He looked over at me too. He didn't reply, climbing out of the car first. I took the hint as he opened my door for me, scooting out without a fight.

He walked with me to the front door, standing with me until I got the door open and turned on a light on the table against the wall.

"Don't stay up late. You have school tomorrow, so get to bed at a decent time." He told me, and I nodded. Agreeing. "Good night, Leandra." I figured he was pretty eager to get back and talk to everyone. Especially after what happened.

"Good night." I replied quietly, standing there even after he'd closed the door behind himself. I knew I'd never be able to sleep, though, so I only moved to the couch.

Maybe I was in some kind of shock, but I couldn't stop thinking about how fast everything happened. It made me a little dizzy. Despite that, though, I still didn't see them as a danger. Accidents happen. I lost my temper all the time, and nobody ever told me I was a danger. Maybe it wasn't the same.

I didn't fully understand what happened tonight, but I knew it was nothing good. Rosalie said Edward was _going_ to overreact. Did that mean he wasn't done freaking out about it?

When I did manage to go to bed, it worried me enough to sit up half the night, watching the window. Hoping someone would come by, and explain. Looking around my dark room, it seemed cold again. Just when it was starting to warm up.

I tossed and turned when I wasn't sitting up, and when I did fall asleep, even my dreams were too slow to follow what had happened. It was a blur there too, but I hated the way my heart pounded harder in fear of it. I didn't want to be afraid. It was stupid to be afraid.

I woke the next morning, just as worried as the night before.

All through school, I avoided Andrew. Too worried to be bothered by him. My mind constantly on what had happened. I almost skipped school entirely, but knew that that wasn't what Carlisle would want.

I came home, hoping for just a phone call. Something to let me know that everything was okay now. Hardly eating at dinner in my disappointment at no phone call, I went to bed early. I didn't want to call, and bother them in what I was sure was a tough time, so I resisted.

The second day during school, Andrew caught on, finding me easily in the classroom at recess.

"How did the birthday party go?" He asked, sitting in the unoccupied desk beside mine.

"Not so good." I murmured, staring down at the top of the desk.

"Why? Didn't they like what you got them?"

"That's not it." I shook my head. "I'm just worried about my family. Something happened that worried my dad. A lot."

"Try calling him." He suggested.

"He usually calls me." I reasoned, shaking my head. "He'll probably call tonight." I could always hope, I thought.

There were no missed calls when I went home, so I sat there by the phone all evening. Biting my lip, and nibbling on my thumbnail in anxiousness until I finally went to bed early again. Mom was working late, so I didn't see her that day.

I fell asleep anxiously with the phone resting by my head.

Waking up awhile later, I jumped a little. It didn't take me long before I realized what had woken me. I sat up instantly, smiling at Carlisle as he closed the window behind himself.

"I'm sorry I woke you." He told me, and his tone instantly worried me. It was more tense than it was the last time I'd heard it. Saddened, even.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, watching as he sighed and crossed the room. Something was still wrong. More wrong.

"Nothing." He replied gently after a moment. "You should go back to sleep."

"But you're finally here." I mumbled. "How is.. Everyone?"

He sighed, glancing down as he slowly sat on the side of the bed.

"I won't lie. It's.. Not good."

"Oh." I murmured, looking down as well. "Carlisle, it wasn't his fault. You always told me that it was a very tricky thing."

"I know that." He nodded, "And Jasper knows that, but he does still feel responsible." I didn't know what to say, so I sighed. It was quiet for a minute. I felt his eyes on me, so I looked up.

"What?" I asked quietly. He was looking at me as if there was something he really wanted to say, but couldn't. Whatever it was, though, I somehow knew it was nothing good. Having him so worried made me want to cry.

"You should go back to sleep." He answered, and I frowned.

"Will you stay?" I asked, somehow now uncertain. Somehow, that question didn't seem so far off, and somehow, it seemed that question had more than one meaning. The look in his eyes told me that. "Please?"

Instead of answering, he gestured again for me to lay back down.

The fact that he didn't answer worried me even more, but I only did as he asked. Laying down on my side, and curling the blanket to myself with a quiet sigh. My hand rested next to my pillow by my head, and I slowly drifted off. It took me a few minutes. My mind wanted me to stay awake and demand answers, but the fact that he was there now made it harder to do that.

I was in that spot between half-asleep and half-awake when I felt him stand. Hardly moving me at all, or making any sound. I barely felt him smooth my hair a little, and I barely heard his whispered parting words.

"Good night, Leandra."

I woke in the morning to find him gone. I couldn't remember if I'd heard him correctly, or if that was a dream, but either way, it wasn't odd that he hadn't stayed.

I went to school that day, somehow not at all eased by his visit the night before. I was, if possible, more edgy. As if expecting something to happen. The tension couldn't keep going the way it was without me insisting someone talk to me.

I got home, and before I'd even set my bag down, I called Carlisle.

It took him a few rings to answer, which was extremely unlike him.

I was quiet. "How is Jasper? Are things any better? I know he didn't mean it-"

"Leandra." He cut me off. He never did that. Not in the way he just did. He was quiet for a moment, but I even felt the weight of the silence. Even through the phone. It was like I didn't want to take another breath until I heard what he needed to say. Like my breath depended on what he had to say. Again, I hated that feeling, but I wasn't prepared for what he had to say.

"We're leaving, Leandra." He finally told me. "We're leaving town, and will most likely never return."

I didn't understand at first. Leaving?

Until I did understand. Leaving.

I never expected to hear those words. I couldn't breathe for a second, dropping my bag to the floor, and sitting numbly in the chair behind me.

Suddenly, it hit me. Last night, before he left. His parting words. He hadn't said good night. He'd said goodbye. The two phrases sounded so similar, especially in the silent whisper he'd used, but they definitely meant completely different things.

"B-But.. Why?" I asked quietly, breathless.

"I need to ask you to behave yourself." He said, dodging my question. "Give your mother a chance. You belong there with her. Be good for her, okay? Please?"

"C-Carlisle? No. No, wait. You can't leave." I never expected him to leave me. Especially without giving me a chance to say goodbye. "I still need you. Remember?" My heart was breaking. My voice reflected that.

"No, you don't." He told me firmly. "You've grown up so much, Leandra. Please don't misunderstand. I'm so proud of you." I went to speak, but his voice interrupted. "No. I'm so proud of you, Leandra. You're ready to start moving on now." I looked over as my mom returned home from work, closing the door behind her and tossing her keys on the table beside the door.

"Carlisle, please." I whimpered. "Don't go. Don't leave me."

"Be good for your mother." He repeated, and I felt like I couldn't breathe again. Like I couldn't find a breath.

"W-Wait.." I murmured, "C-Carlisle.. No. You-You pro-"

"Take care of yourself, Leandra."

"You promised me!" I couldn't help that. My tight throat almost refused to let me speak, so that accusation came out louder than I meant it to. Tears shaking free with the next blink.

"I know." He murmured. "I promised I would always do everything I could to keep you safe. Everything I do is in your best interest. Please remember that. Please never forget that."

I heard the click as he hung up. Silence following. I sat there, numb for a moment before it hit me. They were leaving me. All of them. I hung up the phone, tears already falling.

"What's wrong?" My mom asked, concern in her voice. Without answering, I forced myself to stand, and jogged out of the room. Down the hall and into my room. Tears rolled freely down my cheeks as I laid face down on my bed, my heart breaking further.

I denied it. No. He always promised to be there. To never leave me behind.

I thought about what he told me over the phone. Every word replaying in my mind. Over and over again, I found myself dwelling.

He wouldn't. He couldn't just leave town, and never come back. Maybe I'd heard him wrong. Maybe I'd misunderstood. I just knew if I were to make it to their house tonight, it'd be just as bright, and warm as I ever remembered it. They'd still be there, surprised at my misunderstanding.

They'd tell me I was overreacting, and I hadn't actually heard him right. They'd be there to scold me for walking all the way there. They'd probably get me into trouble, or grounded for doing such a dangerous thing, but at that point, I would have taken anything.

I cried until midnight, when I slipped out of my window.

Unlike the first time, Carlisle wasn't there. He wasn't there to pull me into a hug or make me go back inside. I didn't take that as an answer, though.

It took me quite awhile. Just over half an hour. I knew the way just fine, and it really wasn't that far from where I lived now, but I eventually made it. I made my way through town, determination fueling me, but when I got to their house, I was crushed to find it dark. Completely dark. Not a hint of anyone, or even anything inside.

I panted, pausing at the bottom of the porch steps, looking up at the dark windows. The lights were never off. Not at night. Tonight, though, they were. I'd never seen it this dark before.

Jogging up the steps, I tried to look in through the window. From what I could see, there was no furniture. Just an empty house. Not completely empty, however. It held my memories. All the best memories I had.

They couldn't be gone. They just couldn't. They wouldn't just drop me and leave. The last month I'd been at my mom's, they'd always been there. They'd always helped me in one way or another. They always promised to be there! They wouldn't just leave. They couldn't.

Surely, I meant more to them than that.

They'd come home eventually. Of that, I was sure. When they did, I'd hug them so tight. As tight as I could, and beg them never to play a joke like this again. Tears literally pouring down my cheeks. This amount of pain was unreal.

Even in my years spent with Jack, I'd never felt this before. No. They couldn't possible be this cruel.

I turned around, looking around the dark yard. Feeling so lost. Slowly, I caught my breath, unsure what to do. I, at least, needed to rest before going back, so I stepped back. Sliding down the wall beside the door until I landed on my butt.

That was the first night I slept on the porch. Even as I sat there in the chilly night, outside an empty house that used to be my home, exhaustion finally took me over.

When I woke early in the morning, it was like waking up into a continuing nightmare. Nobody was here to wake me up. I was cold. I looked around myself, seeing that they hadn't come home, and I cried. Breaking all over again.

I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it. They wouldn't just leave. I kept telling myself that, but the empty living room through the window told me otherwise. I refused to believe it, even as the evidence lay right in front of me.

I made excuses, I denied the truth. I stood and tried the doorknob. It was locked, of course. They were just out hunting, I told myself, and changing out the furniture at the same time.

I made a promise to myself then. I'd sit here at night until they came home. I'd lay here at night until they came home. I didn't care how long it took. I wasn't losing my source of support. Not without a fight. I didn't have many ways to fight, and I knew full well it wasn't going to be very effective, but I promised.

I'd keep their porch warm for them until they came back.

I returned home that morning to get something to eat, and prepared to leave again that night. My mom had already left for work, so I assumed she thought I was in school already.

Today, I did stay home. I couldn't face school, my emotions were too sharp, stabbing me with every breath I took. I couldn't face anyone else, so all I did was lay in my bed and cry. It was Friday anyway. This had been the week from hell, so I doubted anyone would care if I skipped school.

The hopelessness was suffocating me. Despite how I refused to accept it, I was losing everyone that mattered to me, and that was a very painful thing to me.

When I left again that night, I thought ahead.

I waited for awhile, to make sure my mom was out cold, and I slipped out my window sometime passed midnight that night, huddled in my coat. It was unseasonably cold that night, and I doubted I would get much sleep.

Even as I walked through town, I shivered. My nose burned in the cold, as did my ears. My arms crossed over my chest, trying to hold in just a little bit of body heat. The sky was threatening rain, and I knew it wouldn't be a summer rainstorm.

I made it there, stupidly hoping the lights would be on tonight. They weren't.

I bit back the tears, settling further on the porch, close by the door once more. That way, I was under the overhang. I'd be protected when it finally started to rain. The house still protected me. It still comforted me, even if I couldn't find a way inside. I wouldn't let them go.

 **A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. My concentration is a bit scattered lately. Life is complicating things.  
THANK YOU! To those AMAZING reviewers! I have to say it every chapter lol it means so much to me.**  
 **Chapter Five, hopefully, won't take this long, but I also know it needs a whole lot of work. I don't like the pace in that one either. Choppy doesn't make me happy. :**  
 **Until Five, my friends! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Hey. Where were you yesterday?"

Andrew was just curious, but I couldn't answer him if I wanted to.

I felt like I now had a permanent emotional lump in my throat. Always seconds away from crying. I honestly couldn't wrap my head around it. It didn't add up. It didn't make sense.

Just the other day, I was being told that I'd always be protected. I'd always have them. Every single promise they made to me must not have mattered.

No, I argued with myself. That wasn't true.

I hardly slept at all the night before, and I was definitely feeling that now. Especially now that I had a full day of school ahead of me.

I really didn't think my mom would figure out that I hadn't been home at night, but I didn't want that to change. To be honest with myself, I didn't know what I was even doing, but I couldn't help needing to do _some_ thing.

Going through the motions seemed like my only option right then, and the motions included school, but every bit of it felt wrong. So suddenly, with no warning, everything seemed wrong. Everything had shifted.

Standing here, waiting for my stupid bus to get there to pick us up when I really just wanted to go back home and hide under my blanket all day was a really hard thing to get passed.

"Are you okay?" Andrew was really concerned.

"Not really." I finally replied, hoping that would make him stop asking. I was far from it. I was so mixed up. Lost.

"Oh." He muttered. "Well, whatever it is, it'll be okay."

No it wouldn't. I considered running home again, but I knew I couldn't be out of school too many times without my mom finding out.

 _God_ I hated thinking about that. I was now on my own there too. There was no longer an option. I'd have to get used to staying with my mom on my own, and I honestly felt so unprepared.

I now had no choice but to trust that she could keep me alive. I didn't have anyone else as back up or protection. Nobody was looking out for me. There was no way to describe the feeling that thought filled me with.

I bit back more emotion as I looked over at the sound of the bus approaching.

Part of me wanted to be grateful for Andrew's company, but his attempts to cheer me up over the course of the day didn't work. I didn't even know why he tried. By the time I was allowed to go home, I had found my limit for hiding my emotion. I used to be much better at it, but again, I'd never had to deal with this kind of pain before.

I slept the second I got home. Not bothering with chores or homework. I couldn't focus on that stuff anyway. I was dragging.

I ignored the quiet knock at my bedroom door, but unfortunately, it opened anyway.

"Leandra?" My mom's hesitant voice only made all this harder. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to face the emotions that came with the sight of her.

I heard her sigh. I felt the side of my bed dip behind me.

"Baby, it hurts me to see you like this." She murmured. "That might seem like a very insensitive thing to say. It would be, if I didn't know it'd make you happy."

"I'm not happy." I mumbled through my emotion. I really couldn't be.

"I know." She replied softly. "I know, but you need to eat something."

"I can't." Unfortunately, more of the sadness I'd hidden throughout the day came through, and shook me along with it. She sighed again, but she didn't reply. I knew she had to leave soon for her next shift at wherever, and she couldn't stay here to bug me. Soon enough, I'd be alone again.

I felt the unmistakable feeling of her attempting to smooth my hair, and I cringed away as much as I could in the limited space. She hesitated only a few seconds before I felt her stand.

"Dinner is on the stove." She murmured. "Please. Eat something."

She already sounded tired. Now she had to leave to go work another job for six hours. Part of me wanted to feel bad for her, but the rest of me felt glad she was suffering.

Unfortunately, I couldn't stay stubborn. It wasn't a choice anymore. As soon as she left, I had to pry myself out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. It wasn't much, but it was a step. I even put the rest away so it didn't go bad.

As soon as my mom got back home just after midnight, I waited just long enough for her to fall asleep before I was getting up. I moved to my closet to grab a sweater, but paused as I caught sight of one picture in particular hanging on the wall. Alice hugging me, taken about a week into June. Pictures were all I had left. She left me too.

As angry as that thought tried to make me, I didn't hurt the picture. I couldn't. I took it off the wall, and laid it face down on the top shelf of my closet. I took a moment to do the same with the rest of the pictures I had of them. I couldn't hurt the picture, but I also couldn't let the picture keep hurting me.

Finding one of my thicker sweaters, I was out the window.

I still wasn't sure what I was trying to accomplish, but I couldn't give this up. It was all I had left. That feeling. Holding on. I considered bringing a sleeping bag or something with me, but that would have been hard to carry through town.

The driveway was the longest part of the journey. Until I got to that driveway, I was fine. In the dark, it seemed a lot scarier than I remembered during the day, and I always ran as far as I could. I never ran into any animals, though. I never even saw or heard any, but that didn't stop me from freaking myself out.

I took my familiar spot on the dark porch, and I felt better knowing I was surrounded on three sides.

It was that night that I realized I'd found a new routine. It was a weird one, but it was a routine. I worked on this routine for two weeks.

Going to school had been such a bad idea. It had proved to be too much. Some days I could scrape together the will to go, but I always hated myself for it by the end of the day, so I tried to just stop going.

Unfortunately, my mom was informed after my third straight absence. She tried to talk to me about it, but it didn't get her very far. I did know that I didn't have much of a choice, though. If I didn't go, she would be the one to get into trouble. She said if she got into enough trouble, I'd probably have to go live with someone else.

Out of the two, I'd rather have stayed with her. I couldn't handle another family full of false promises and outright lies.

My mom started making me go with her on the mornings she had to leave around the same time I did, just so she could drop me off herself. All I had to do was show up. That was the best I could do.

I'd see Andrew on the days I went. He seemed really worried about me, witnessing for himself how far downhill I was sliding. I never admitted to him my nightly routine, knowing he'd think I was crazy, and he never asked. Offering a quiet source of support, which I needed.

Over the course of the last two weeks, I'd gotten the attention of both my teacher and the school counselor. Both tried to call the house, but I always got to the messages before my mom did.

My mom never noticed me gone at night. At least, if she did, she never asked about it. Letting me do my own thing. She probably thought it was good for the grieving process, instead of the possibility of me going insane.

Even if she had tried to stop me, I wouldn't have responded well to that. I probably would have just gone anyway, and not bothered to come home.

Despite the denial, I felt the heartbreak just under the surface. I was feeling like a lost kitten. The abandoned puppy. There was no promise to return. There was no reason to hope, no reason to hold on. Yet, here I was.

This was where I felt safe, and this was where I'd always go.

Curling into an upright ball, I brought my coat tighter around me, shivering into it as I lowered my head. Burying my eyes in my knees, I prepared to sleep. Spending the last night of September this way.

October came, and I took the whole first week to grow more into myself. More reserved, kept more to myself. Never speaking at all to anyone but Andrew, and even then, it wasn't much. He seemed to get me more than my mom did.

Even without speaking much to him, he knew I was hurting. Heartbroken, despite my denial. I had yet to go over to his house, but he didn't pressure me on that. He just stayed the same, caring kid who would ramble about random things when I needed him to.

With how few times I went to school or did my work, my grades plummeted. From A's and B's, heading steadily to F's. I didn't care. I didn't try. I saw no reason to.

The first week of October closed with a heavy rain. It was heavier than I was used to. It was cold today, but it was Sunday, so I didn't do anything besides lay in my bed. Staring at the window.

I was now torn. Both wounded, and locked in denial. I refused to give up, but I didn't hold much hope anymore. I wasn't staring at my window in hopes anyone would come back through it, but more because I needed something to focus on so I could finally stop crying.

It was getting harder to focus on anything besides my memories. I had so much time to think about how many times I'd been told I wouldn't ever have to feel like this again. How many promises were broken the second they left me behind.

It was nearly more than I could bear, but I did. I didn't have very many other options. It was Sunday, so I didn't have to be anywhere.

"Leandra." My mom called from the living room. Honestly, I thought she'd already left. I didn't reply. I continued to lay there, staring at the window. She tried again, but only got the same response. She'd been trying a new approach. I saw it the second it started, but I also had a feeling she was losing patience with me and my lack of effort.

"Leandra." Her tone was harsher the third time she called.

"Oh my god!" I snapped loudly. "What?"

"Don't give me that tone." She scolded, arriving in my doorway. "Didn't I ask you to put the dishes away?"

I shrugged where I laid.

"I asked you three times just this morning." She went on. "Get up and get it done." I almost laughed at her attempt to scold me.

"You do it."

"I have to be at work in twenty minutes." She countered, "And I told you to do it, so do it."

"No."

"Leandra, I don't have time to argue with you." She sighed heavily, "Whatever it is you're going through.. Stop. Life doesn't stop because you're sad. What do you want from me?"

"Just leave me alone."

"I'll leave you alone when you put the damn dishes away." She said. "I'm trying really hard-"

"A little late for that, isn't it?" I snapped, finally sitting up. "God, just _go_!"

"I don't even know why I try." She sighed, turning and walking away.

"Neither do I." I countered, "And shut my door next time, you stupid bitch." I was in the process of getting up when she came back in.

Her hand closed on my arm, pulling me off the bed and turning me sharply to face her. I jumped sharply, but tensed hard as she pointed her finger in my face.

"Don't you _ever_ say that again." She scolded me firmly as I looked up at her.

It didn't take me long to realize that she recognized that last bit of what I'd said as something Jack would have said, and she got upset that I was now saying it. _Oh_ , if she only knew.

"That's not even that bad." I countered, jerking my arm out of her grip. "I know a lot worse things than that, but what do you care? It's not like it matters."

"Whatever this is needs to end." She told me. "People move. Get over it."

"You don't know anything if you think I can just get over it." I snapped. "I owe them my life. The only thing I owe you is a punch in the face."

"Why do you have to resort to violence?" She asked. "Not everything calls for it."

"Your stupid face calls for it." I grumbled, turning back to my bed.

"Uh-uh." She snapped, grabbing my arm again. I stumbled along behind her as she whipped me around and dragged me out of my room. I started to fight her as she tugged me into the kitchen.

She turned me to face the sink, but I just rounded to glare at her as soon as she let me go.

"Put the damn dishes away." She told me before I could tell her off.

"No." I replied immediately, and she glared at me as well.

"Put them away."

Instead, I turned to the pile of clean dishes sitting there, grabbed a drinking glass, and whipped it across the room. Throwing it as hard as I could toward the nearest wall. It exploded against it, shattering into a million shards of glass showering all over the floor.

My mom was livid. I could see that as we glared at each other, but I wasn't afraid of her. I hated her so much, but it took me a moment to realize that it wasn't just her I was angry at. I was hurting and I was tired, and my mom was the one picking a fight with me, so I'd have been plenty happy just letting her have it.

"Should I keep going?" I asked firmly, "Because I can."

"I don't have time for this." She finally snapped, turning away.

"Big surprise there." I countered at her back. She left the house, slamming the door behind herself.

I didn't put any dishes away, and I left the glass right there on the floor. I wasn't cleaning it up. I just grabbed my jacket and left the house. I needed a walk to calm down, despite the pouring rain soaking me more with every step.

My mom's car was already gone when I left, so I wasn't worried about that.

I wandered aimlessly, lost in my thoughts for about an hour before needing to get back home. I was freezing cold, and even my nights sitting at the empty Cullen house didn't make that any easier to get used to.

I sat in the shower for another hour, just to warm up, before returning to my bed. I curled up under the blanket, struggling to keep just a little bit of warmth. I eventually shivered myself to sleep.

Over the next week, the day I actually showed up, my teacher tried to ask me about my behavior lately, but I never said a word in response. She just gave up. The effort wasn't there, and she saw that. I didn't have it in me.

She sent a request home with me to meet with my mom. I tore it up as soon as I left school, just like I deleted all the voicemail messages left on the house phone. I knew that wouldn't achieve anything, that she'd just keep trying, but I would worry about that when it came up.

I was also requested to see the school's guidance counselor. I ignored that too. I didn't need guidance. I needed my family back.

Mid October came, exactly one month after they'd left. What I'd managed to build of my life while they were here was in figurative flames around me, but I had yet to crawl out of denial. Staying in denial was better than accepting the alternative, but because I was still in denial, everything else suffered.

My mom and I fought all the time. Besides here or there around the house, our rides to drop me off at school were silent. The only time we talked was when we'd fight. I wasn't getting better.

Because I hardly slept, I was sure my reflection showed that fact. I was always cold. I didn't eat nearly as often as I should, the depression making any kind of appetite impossible, but I refused to give up.

Giving up meant accepting the fact that they weren't coming back. I couldn't do that. They were the only ones that had ever cared about me. I wasn't giving that up without some kind of fight.

Today was a little rougher than I was used to. The counselor wasn't okay with being ignored anymore, and had me sit in her office for an hour after lunch. She tried to talk to me, to get me to talk about what was going on with me, but I never bothered to answer her. It didn't matter anyway. There wasn't anything she could do.

After school, I returned home just as I always did, but I was a little surprised to see my mom's car sitting in the drive way. Along with another, different car parked behind hers. I almost didn't go in, but stupidly, I did anyway.

"Mom?" I called ahead of myself, letting the door close behind me.

"In here, honey." She called back, her voice coming from the kitchen.

I took my time walking forward, hesitantly peering ahead of myself as I let my backpack slide from my shoulder. I was really scared to find out who else was here.

Thanks to peering ahead, the first one I saw was an extremely unfamiliar man sitting at the kitchen table. As I got a step closer, my mom walked out to meet me, but I eyed the man instead.

Immediately, I distrusted him. My opinion of people was usually spot on. I was hardly ever wrong, so I knew from the very start this asshole couldn't be trusted. I didn't even know who he was, yet I hated him. He hadn't even spoken a single word to me, yet I didn't believe him.

"Leandra," She smiled as I slowly laid my bag to the side, still eyeing the man with trepidation, "This is Keith." He stood, and the first thing that went through my mind was, 'Jack.'

Same build, same height. About 6'4, maybe 6'5, cleanly shaven. Respectable looking guy. His eyes weren't the same shade of blue. Keith's was more of a grayish color.

"Nice to finally meet you." He spoke carefully, as if it mattered what I thought.

"Who's he?" I asked, ignoring him and looking up at her.

"Just a friend of mine." She assured me. "I.. I mean.. We really thought it'd be best for you to meet him before our next date."

"Date?" I glared a little, glancing at Keith before looking back up at her. " _Really_?"

"Was it too soon?" Keith spoke up hesitantly.

"No." My mom assured him. "No, it's okay. She's just.. A little sensitive right now-"

"I'm not sensitive." I said. "Are you that fucking stupid?"

"Leandra." I was immediately scolded.

"Whatever." I finally muttered, turning away. I left the room. That was her thing. I wouldn't be a part of it. If she wanted a guy, she could have him. I wouldn't stand in her way. All it did was prove me right anyway.

I listened to her apologize to him for my behavior as I reached my bedroom. She explained that I was "troubled" and eventually, I would come around. He seemed perfectly nice. He really did. It just bothered me.

My mom actually had him stay for dinner. I heard them talking for hours, so when my mom called me to come eat, I ignored her. Keeping my bedroom door firmly locked, I wasn't up to mingling.

"Leandra?" She called through my door.

"Aw, Gina." Keith laughed from up the hall. "Leave her be. I'm sure she's got a lot on her mind."

Smart guy.

"Maybe you're right." She sighed, and a few seconds later, her shadow was gone.

Keith stayed passed nine. Up until then, I heard mom laugh more in those few hours than I ever remembered hearing. More in the school-girl crush kind of way. I just hoped she knew what she was getting herself into. It was immediately clear to me that she knew him a lot longer than she was letting on.

'Go for it.' I thought as I made my way out my window.

That was the first night I left the house before she went to sleep. Her bedroom light was still on, and I knew what they were up to in there. I gagged a little, closing my window behind me. Grossed out beyond words.

I just couldn't understand it. I thought hard about it that night, shivering on the Cullens' porch. Why would she bring home a guy, when she knew how I felt about them? Especially given my past, did she honestly think I would ever warm up to him?

Eventually, I figured it out.

"She's crazy." I shook my head in the darkness, sighing heavily. She had to be out of her mind. I already saw it ending badly. I was ten, and I saw that.

I began to doubt myself then. Maybe this guy was different. Maybe he was different. Maybe she'd chosen carefully. I doubted it. She definitely seemed to have a type. I just couldn't help worrying. I really didn't _want_ to be right.

I walked back home before dawn, only to find his car was still there. That was weird to me. Normally, my mom was gone for work already. For the first time, I wasn't sure about going back in. How easy would it be to just not go back in? If I'd had any other options, I would have taken them.

I slid my window open, climbing back inside as quietly as I could. Other than whatever noise I made in my efforts, the house was silent. I removed my jacket with a heavy sigh, crawling up onto my bed. Maybe my mom was staying home from work this morning.

If she was staying home, so was I.

I felt like I'd just fallen asleep when a quiet knock at my door woke me up. I took a deep breath, squinting my eyes open.

"What?" I muttered, rubbing my eyes. Normally she left it up to me to wake up. The door opened while I laid back down.

"Everything okay?" My mom carefully walked in.

"No." I replied, leaving my eyes closed. I listened to her sigh, and she closed the door. Before she could say anything, I rolled over onto my back. "Really? A _guy_? What the hell are you thinking?"

"I don't.." She cut herself off. "Leandra, I don't like how long I leave you alone."

"And.." I muttered, "You think he's gonna help?"

"I've gotten to know him really well over the last few weeks, baby." She sat slowly on the side of the bed. "He's kind, he's funny.."

"That's exactly what you said about Jack." I snapped. "I don't like him. If you don't like leaving me alone, get a babysitter or something."

"I can't afford that right now." She countered. "There's no way I can pay someone just to keep you company."

"I'm fine by myself. I would rather stay alone than have him around. I _don't_ like him."

"In all fairness, baby, you wouldn't like anyone."

"Yeah." I replied incredulously. "I know. That's what makes this stupid. What? Is he gonna be here all the time?"

"Not all the time." She answered. "I know I should have talked to you about this sooner-"

Another knock at the door shut her up. I glared at her for several silent seconds.

"Yeah." My mom finally called, and the door opened again. I looked away, sitting upright as Keith stepped in.

"I couldn't help overhearing." He laughed a little.

"That happens when you're listening at the fucking door." I grumbled, and he laughed again as my mom nudged me in correction.

"Leandra," He said, "I totally understand where you're coming from. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. I just.. When Gina suggested that we should meet, I thought it might be a good idea."

"It wasn't." I replied sharply. "It was stupid. She knows it was stupid."

"Well," He shrugged a little, "I don't know if it was stupid, exactly. I get that you don't like me, but I'd love to get to know you a little better."

"Are you going to be around a lot?" I had to know for future plans. I had to know if he was going to get in the way of my routine.

"Uh.." He laughed again, looking at my mom.

"Let's talk about that later." She suggested. "Right now, you should finish getting ready for school." Considering I was still wearing my thick sweater, she must have assumed I had already been getting ready.

Gladly.

"Then get out." I snapped, already moving to get on my feet.

"Leandra, you don't need to be so rude-"

"Yes I do." I countered. "Nobody around here besides me has a brain. I'm kinda mad about that."

"Maybe I should go." Keith chuckled again. I didn't quite understand what he was finding so amusing about this.

"Good idea." I barked at him. "You shouldn't even be here." My mom stood up.

"Leandra." She actually tried to scold me. "I understand you're upset, but I expect you-"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."

She went on, ignoring my interruption. "I expect you to be polite to guests in this house."

"Is that what we're calling him now?" I asked. "You expect me to be polite, but I expect _you_ to think before you bring home whatever guy you find that makes you laugh like that. I guess we're both not getting what we expect, huh? Get out, and take _him_ with you."

She rounded with a frustrated sigh, throwing her hands up.

"I can't deal with you." She growled, stepping around Keith and leaving the room.

"You never could." I called after her.

To my surprise, she actually came back.

"I _am_ trying here, Leandra." She told me firmly. "Lord knows life with me isn't easy, but the least you could do is try."

"Why?" I asked. "Why should I try when you're just.. You're doing the same stupid thing all over again. I was only nice to you because I had to be. How hard is it for you to get that I hate you? I don't wanna be here. I never wanted to be here. Stop acting like it's such a surprise."

"Well, you need to get used to it because nothing is going to change." She countered. "I don't care what kind of fit you throw or how many curse words you toss around." I glared after her as she left the room again. "Get dressed."

"Can I say something?" Keith asked, still clearly amused.

"No." I snapped at him now. "I thought you were leaving anyway."

"I see what she was talking about." He chuckled, studying me a little. I hated him so much, and I hated that I got the feeling that it wasn't only because he was a guy and my mom liked him.

There was something there. Maybe I was just determined to hate this guy, but my people-reading skills were still sharp and what I saw in him was more than enough to know my mom had made a bad call.

He held my gaze, until I had to look away. I didn't like that I did that. He nodded with a small smile as he turned to leave the room.

For the first time in awhile, my mind was focused on something else as I walked quickly toward the waiting bus. I'd almost missed it, but thankfully, Diane saw me coming and waited.

I didn't know quite yet what I was looking at when it came to Keith. I didn't even really know where to begin figuring that out, either.

"Hey." I jumped, startled roughly out of my thoughts as Andrew landed in the bus seat beside me.

"Hey." I greeted after a second.

"Sorry." He laughed. "Didn't mean to scare you. How are you doing?" I shrugged a little. Standard answer. It meant 'not good at all, but I'm still alive'.

"I have a few friends that have siblings that go to the high school." He said, and I looked over. "Them leaving is still all over the place there too."

"Probably." I muttered. I highly doubted the talk was only at the schools.

For the first time, I thought about Bella. I wondered if they'd taken her with them, considering how much Bella had meant to Edward, but I immediately doubted it. I'd literally been part of their family, and they still left me behind like yesterday's trash. That had probably been a lie too.

"So." Andrew wanted to change the subject. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "Probably nothing."

"You know, you can always come over." He reminded me. I forced a small smile. It was nice to know he still wanted me to come over to his house. "I just think maybe you're too cooped up."

"Thanks." I replied. "I'll have to ask my mom."

"Are you still fighting with her?"

"More now." I admitted. "She made me meet her stupid boyfriend."

"She has a boyfriend?" He frowned a little. "Doesn't she work a lot?"

"Yeah. I don't like him."

"Well, maybe you won't have to see him that much."

"She says it's because she doesn't like leaving me alone so much." I explained. "She's probably gonna make him be there a lot."

"Oh." He muttered. "If he starts bugging you, I'd just leave." I nodded a little. I'd already planned on it.

Over the next few days, Keith was at the house a lot. It seemed like once she had the hurtle of him meeting me out of the way, my mom brought him over more than she would have if they'd just been friends.

It became clear to me that my mom had a lot more free time than I thought before. She'd just been choosing to spend it out with Keith. She was home more often, but they also went out a lot together. That explained her guilt over leaving me here by myself. She really didn't get that I preferred time alone.

I knew mom was taking things way too fast. Every time I'd see him, he always had a kind word, or smile to offer me, and for the most part, he made it easy for me to ignore him.

I still made my nightly journey through town, but I had to admit, it was for a different reason now. The Cullen house still protected me, and the small side glances I'd been getting from Keith made me wary. I wanted to be somewhere I felt safe.

After enough time, Keith must have passed some kind of test with her, because Keith started hanging out at our house while my mom was working. I walked in to find him sitting there, knowing my mom was at work for quite awhile longer.

Something about him didn't sit right with me. He left me alone every time, doing nothing but chuckling at the way I'd scoot from the room, but the way he watched me creeped me out.

It was like he was waiting to see something he was looking for. Probably waiting for me to come to him. To make the effort to like him. That seemed like a completely normal thing to do. Especially when dealing with a kid with my issues, but this was different. It was hard to explain, and I definitely didn't want to figure it out.

Until one day, about two weeks after I first met him and two full weeks of him all but living there, he called me into my mom's room. I ignored him at first, but then worried he'd come to me, so eventually, I stood up. My mom was at work for another hour, and I was supposed to be in school, but he and I both knew I hadn't gone that day.

"What?" I asked, poking my head into the door. That was the first word I'd spoken to him since he'd been around so much, so he probably thought he did something right. He patted the bed beside him, and I waited. I wasn't taking a step closer.

I couldn't help noticing what he had been doing. My heart pounded uncomfortably. He'd just finished cleaning a small hand gun, as the supplies were still out, and the reassembled gun sat on the bedside table.

"I've noticed that you and I have yet to have a good chat." He said, smiling and standing from where he sat.

I retreated quickly as he made his way toward the door, stepping passed me and heading up the hall. I watched him, glancing back into the bedroom at the gun sitting harmlessly on the table before following him into the kitchen.

"And?" I asked quietly, unsure.

"So I'd like to get to know you." He smiled at me, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table.

"Why?" I stepped into the kitchen, but just barely. He gestured that I sit in the seat he had pulled out. Slowly, I did. I kept my eyes on him as he rounded the table and pulled out another chair.

"Well.." He continued. "I'm going to be honest with you. I really like your mom."

"I can tell."

"We've been going out awhile." He went on. "Which I think you've figured out."

"I'm not stupid." I countered. "It wasn't that hard to figure out."

"No, you're not stupid." He laughed. "Maybe too smart for your own good, but not stupid." I narrowed my eyes a little.

"What's that mean?"

He took a breath, looking down briefly.

"She's been telling me how you and I need to start getting along better, if the relationship is going to go anywhere."

I was surprised, to say the least, when he told me that. I was surprised that my mom actually thought of me before getting too deep into this thing with him.

"She needs to lose that. So here's how it's going to go." Immediate hatred flooded me again at his tone. "You're going to tell your mom that we had a wonderful talk. Oh, you love me. Can't wait for me to marry her."

I realized now what I was facing. He was a control freak.

Jack had his controlling side, but this was different. I could instantly tell that controlling people was his thing. Jack's thing was beating me. That's what he did. It seemed to me that Keith's thing was making people let him have his way.

I narrowed my eyes, not liking the way he thought he could talk to me. I snorted.

"Right. That's not happening."

"It's either that, or you get shipped off to some school in Tahiti, or some institution." He chuckled. "Your choice."

"Good luck getting me to go." I growled, glaring again.

"I have my ways, you little nutcase."

"You're the crazy one if you think I'm gonna lie to my mom for you."

"Your mom tells me you have lots of problems." He clarified. "So many issues. I did a little research. I hope that's okay? But in light of what I found, maybe _here_ isn't the best place for you, sweetie." His condescending tone grated on my nerves. "I'm positive you'll do so much better in a place with medication, and nice doctors to watch you all the time."

"My mom would-"

"Your mom doesn't know about you leaving at night." He told me, and my heart sank. "At least, not yet. All she knows, is you're struggling pretty hard in school. Poor little thing." I glared his way, tense in my chair. "Your grades are horrible, and so is your attendance. She hasn't asked you about it yet, but trust me. She's deeply concerned. She knows you're not doing well, and she's looking for any suggestions that might help you. All it would take is.. A little knowledge being brought forth, and a teeny-tiny little suggestion. I could conveniently notice your absence, and panic. I wouldn't mind calling the cops on your ass. They'd catch you, and it'd be off to the nuthouse with you."

"You can't bully me." I growled, forcing myself to stand. "I know all about people like you."

"And I know about you." He countered, nodding to me. "She told me about Jack-"

"Don't bring him up." I snapped, and he grinned. He knew exactly which buttons to press, obviously. That was why he watched me so closely. That was what he was watching for.

"Look." He chuckled, standing as well. "We'll get along just fine, if you do whatever I tell you to do. Keep leaving at night. You could be a prostitute for all I care. I don't give a shit what you do, but you stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours." I glared heatedly at him. "As long as you tell your mommy that you adore me. It's not so hard."

"Go to hell." I growled. "I'm not afraid of you."

"One thing you need to realize," He said, and I paused mid-turn, "Is your mom is very happy with me. I think you've noticed. A little bit of extra income here and there secures your position in the home. And of course, I'm such a good guy, it ups her reputation with your social worker."

Social worker? I hadn't seen Mrs. Harrison since I'd been here.

His tone had darkened, and I glared forward. I couldn't even look at him as I heard him approach.

"You're going to do what I tell you. Trust me." I flinched forward, away from his hand as he cleared my hair from my neck. I spun, glaring up at him.

"You're not the first asshole I've dealt with." I shot back. "I've survived worse than you."

"Yes." He said, "I know. Jack was stupid. Arrogant. Nothing around here," He gestured around the house, "Is going to change. Nothing, except your attitude."

"Good luck with that one." I countered, "Really." He studied me close for a second, a smile coming to his face.

"You'll do it." He finally nodded, "Trust me. You'll do it."

"You can just go fuck yourself." I growled. I left the room, listening to his chuckle from the kitchen.

"Do it, Leandra." I heard him call, "And there won't be any problems."

I stayed in my room. Even when I heard my mom get home.

Honestly, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not. Knowing how things had been lately, she probably wouldn't believe me. I had no proof of anything he said, and my mom wasn't the best at believing me anyway.

And even if she did believe me, things probably wouldn't change. She'd let me down before. Why would I even think now would be any different? She wouldn't believe me, and he had dirt on me. Something to use against me.

On top of everything, she was happy. Keith made her happy, and when she was happy, she left me alone. Why shouldn't I just do what he said? It just felt wrong somehow. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't stand in the way, but I wouldn't just go along with it, either.

I cried hard that night. Needing my family now more than I thought they could ever know.

Carlisle thought I was ready to face things on my own? He was either lying to me, or to himself. I couldn't tell. I needed his advice, his comforting words. I needed him to tell me that everything would be okay, and that he was there for me.

I was scared, and I was alone. Two things he'd promised I never had to be again.

Carlisle had promised that I didn't have to feel this way, that everything would be okay. If he could see, he'd know that I wasn't ready to be on my own. I wasn't ready to live without them, and I doubted I ever would be. I needed him there. I needed all of them there.

Sobbing breathlessly most of the night, I honestly didn't know whether I should leave again or not. I wanted to, but I was afraid. I wouldn't doubt that he was right about my mom. He seemed too confident to be bluffing.

I only wound up falling asleep on my bed. Having cried myself to sleep.

After finding out about Keith, his smiles and glances grew a whole new meaning. Despite how much I hated him, though, I couldn't let my mom down like that. He wasn't wrong when he said that she was happy. He hadn't gotten her to drink again, so that was at least a plus. She'd gush over him whenever she'd mention him. I couldn't bring myself to squash that, no matter how shitty and stupid her boyfriend was.

She'd ask how I liked him, of course. I'd never answer her.

Keith took her out for Halloween, which I was okay with. I didn't want anything from either of them. The second they left, I did too. I had a feeling she wouldn't be back until late, and by then, she'd think I was sleeping.

Nobody questioned me walking along the sidewalks. Half the town's kids were out here, but I just walked. One destination in mind.

I took my time getting to the Cullen's empty house. It was still the one place I found some sort of comfort, and I still wasn't ready to let it go. Despite Keith's threats.

October passed. November started.

I was sick for the entire first week of November, but that didn't stop me. I only let my mom know so she could inform the school. She couldn't miss work, so I was here alone, which I was more than okay with. I was just glad she didn't make Keith stay here with me.

I started disappearing every night again, even as the nights grew colder. I didn't care, though. The house was cold, dark every time. No sign that anyone had been home. I'd sit up, awake on the porch until I finally fell asleep huddled against the front door. Curling up on my side, my face toward the yard.

It was the explanation of my "unexplained" colds. I was making myself sick, both figuratively and literally. Watching, waiting for their return.

At some point in mid-November, I returned one morning to find Keith sitting in my room. On the side of my bed.

It scared me, because it was the first time anyone had seen me coming back. He smiled as I closed the window behind me.

"What do you want?" Unfortunately, my voice shivered with me as I had yet to warm up after my night outside.

"I'm losing patience with you." He smiled. "You need to figure out what it's gonna be, because I'm about to choose for you. Come on. I don't want to be the bad guy here."

"Yes you do." I scoffed, removing my coat. "Just lie to her."

"I've tried." He sighed, standing up. "She won't believe me until she hears it from you."

"Well, I'm not gonna lie to her just for you." I countered. "Just.." I didn't know what to suggest.

"Tell her you like me." He told me. "I'll keep her busy enough, and she won't even care to bug you anymore." That was tempting, but I had to consider it.

"If I tell her I like you," I said, "Which I really don't.. Then she'll keep you around. If I tell her I don't, she'll get rid of you. That's how it works, right? That means you should probably be nice to me."

I wished I could believe that that was how it worked, but I knew if she knew about me leaving at night, she'd be pissed.

Another thing I had to consider, though, was the fact that she'd keep him around. What I told her would affect my life too. Did I really want him around all the time?

I flinched roughly as he suddenly reached out and grabbed my neck, nearest my jaw. The pain was something I immediately recognized, as he jerked me around to face him.

"Or." He growled quietly through his teeth, "You can just do what I fucking tell you." I whimpered, unable to help it as his grip was starting to really hurt. "I _hate_ kids so much. They're always thinking they're so smart.."

His grip was just as hard to fight as Jack's had always been.

"I'm losing my patience with you." He told me again. This time, there was no hint of a smile on his face. "I've tried to give you time. Now, we're doing this my way. Do it, or I swear to God-"

"Keith?" My mom's call from the hallway had him instantly release me. I stumbled back, trying to catch my panicked breathing. He rounded for the door while I fought my tears. He was gone, but I still felt the pain of his hand against my neck.

"Just having a little chat with Leandra." He said. "She's not feeling that good this morning."

I heard my mom sigh.

"I'll call the school."

My determination began to fade the longer my nightly routine carried on. They'd never been gone this long before. I slowly grew closer and closer to facing the truth. I sat up one night, shivering in my coat as I watched the snow fall, and it finally hit me.

They weren't coming back.

The crushing realization finally broke through to me, worse than before. Chipping away at my denial until there wasn't much left of it. I cried again as this happened. The first time I sat on their porch and cried. Normally, being here comforted me. It helped me feel just a little better. Tonight, however, I cried. Curling tighter into a warmth-preserving ball, I buried my face in my knees and cried.

My denial had finally faded, but I would stay. I wouldn't give up on them. I needed them too much. I needed them, and I needed hope. Just a shred of hope. Really, it was all I had.

Keith grew nearly intolerable.

Every time he'd see me, he'd chuckle, and softly mutter, "Tell her." He knew how to pressure someone. That was for sure. I wondered how long I had left at home. I refused to be pushed around, though. I couldn't just do what he wanted. Not after what he'd done.

His pressure increased. Until one day, about a week after what he'd done in my room, I grew tired of it. He was there again when I got home from school. Looking like he'd come straight over from work, he was just finished tidying up the kitchen when I walked in.

I went straight toward my room, but he knew I was here.

"You're gonna have a nice little chat with your mom tonight." He called after me. I growled loudly.

"I won't!" I shouted at him.

"It's only a matter of time, Leandra." He sighed, slowly wandering out of the kitchen and looking my way. He lowered the sleeves of his shirt, watching my every move.

"Or I could just tell my mom all about what you've been saying." I countered, crossing my arms over my chest. He studied me for a moment, his piercing gaze unwavering. Eventually, he looked down.

"Fair enough." He murmured, continuing on into the living room with a shrug. I thought I'd won, but I knew better than to expect it to last.

It turned out, I was right not to trust him. The next night, I disappeared, and I was found by the cops just as dawn was approaching. Within minutes, I was taken straight to the police station to wait for my mom to come and pick me up.

"What were you doing way out there, honey?"

I was asked that multiple times as I sat there, slouched on the wooden bench by the door. My gaze on the floor. Each time that question was asked, it was answered with silence.

"Whoa."

Unfortunately, Charlie walked by right at the wrong time. I looked down the second I saw him look my way, but it wasn't fast enough.

"Leandra?" He recognized me immediately. "What are you doing here?"

"We're just waiting on her mother to get here." One of the cops beside me answered for me. In a way, it was nice to see him. Someone from my old life.

"Okay." Charlie replied, still obviously confused, "But why? Why is she here?"

"She was reported missing six hours ago." Was the next explanation in a quiet voice. "She was just picked up out at the Cullen's old place."

"I thought there wasn't anyone there." Charlie frowned.

"There isn't."

"And she still went there?" He asked, trying to understand. I looked back down as Charlie glanced at me, before looking back over at the cop. "Give me a minute with her, guys. I know her."

I still sat in silence, even as the other cops wandered away.

"Leandra." Charlie sighed, slowly crouching in front of me. He seemed like he wanted to say more, but he stopped himself as I finally glanced up long enough to meet his eyes.

"Leandra." He recovered after a second or two. "Please. Help me understand." I frowned a little, unsure what he was asking me. He sighed again. "You're suffering too. Just like Bella. I see that same look in her eyes too. What was it about these people? The.. The Cullens.."

I looked back down immediately.

"I can imagine you're upset by them leaving." Charlie went on quietly, "But come on. This.. Running away, skipping school.. It's not normal." I didn't want to have this discussion with him, but I knew he needed something. I could tell he was just as lost as I was, but in a different way.

"They promised.." I finally managed to whimper under my breath. He still heard me.

"But it has to be more than that." He said. "Nothing has ever affected Bella like this."

"She's hurting too?" I asked hesitantly, and he nodded.

"Do you want to talk to her?" He asked. "Maybe you could.. Maybe you two can help each other get through it." He was almost begging me.

I slowly shook my head a little.

"I can't help her." I whimpered, "And she can't help me. There's nothing anyone can do that can help me get through it."

"Why?" He still didn't understand.

"It wasn't just them." I mumbled. "It wasn't just them that meant so much to me. It was what they were to me. They said I was safe."

"What were they thinking?" Charlie murmured in reply, and I looked up, ignoring the two fresh tears scattering down my cheeks. He studied me. "I always thought they were kind, but they don't see this. They aren't here to look into the eyes of the little girl they made those promises to."

I got the feeling he wasn't only referring to me.

I jumped a little as the door beside me opened quickly, and Charlie stood up. I spotted my mom's shoes easily, but I also spotted Keith's. He had come along to pick me up. His smile was smug when I glanced up, and I wanted to hit him. He knew what he was doing. I had to give him that.

"Leandra. Thank goodness you're okay." Mom sighed, pulling me to her. I glared toward Keith, and he just smiled back at me.

"Yes." Keith spoke. "I'm glad you're okay. We were so very worried, Leandra." My mom looked at him and sighed. Relieved.

"There are just a few things you need to sign, ma'am." One of the other cops stepped forward. My mom stood back up and walked with him toward the front desk.

"Oh, Leandra." Keith laughed, moving to sit down beside me, but I stood up before he'd even settled in the seat. I didn't want to be anywhere near him. He wasn't fighting fair.

"Who are you?" Charlie asked, probably noticing my behavior.

"I'm sorry." Keith chuckled, standing up as well. "My name's Keith. I'm a.. Good friend of her mother's."

"I see." He seemed to understand, but I could easily tell he wasn't happy about that either. At least I wasn't the only one.

More silence as I stood there, my arms crossed.

"Where was she found?" My mom asked, returning to my side.

"She was picked up way out at the Cullen's old place." The cop answered. I looked down as my mom sighed again, this time disappointed and looked to me. "She's free to go any time. Just.." He looked to me. "Try to stay home, honey."

"Don't call me that." I growled, kicking the leg of the bench.

"That's enough of that, Leandra." My mom corrected sternly. She looked to the cop. "Thank you." She took a firm hold of my shoulder with a glance at Charlie and led me toward the door.

We walked out into the chilly morning, but I just followed. I was exhausted.

"I'm just glad you noticed her missing." My mom said, looking to Keith on our way to the car, her arm around me. "Thank you, Keith."

He gave her a smile, and my eyes narrowed.

"Let's get her home." He said, gently taking her hand. "I'm sure she's very tired after her long night." I looked at their connected hands, hating the sight. I still didn't say a word, though. I kept my mouth shut, despite how bitter I felt at that moment.

Seated in the backseat, my glare stayed out the window. This made him look good in her eyes. She thought he'd saved me. I should have been saying something this whole time.

"I just want to know." My mom sighed, trying for the hundredth time. "Why were you out there? There's nobody there." Thanks mom, I thought bitterly, for the painful reminder. I stayed quiet. "And young lady, if you don't start going to school, I'm not going to be so happy with you."

"Good." I grumbled quietly.

"What was that?" She asked, obviously having heard what I said. I was quiet again, listening to her sigh, frustrated, and turn forward again.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with her." My mom looked to Keith, talking to him as if I weren't sitting right there. "Honestly. I'm.. Running out of options."

I looked back out the window in time to see our street come into view. I didn't want to be here. Why couldn't she just get that? I got the feeling that this wasn't the first time they'd talked about me.

"I'll talk to her." Keith assured her. "Who knows? Maybe she'll turn around." I looked down as my mom sniffled. Knowing I made her cry somehow bothered me now. I didn't want to fight with her, but she was just so _stupid_.

"It's like.. I don't know her." She whimpered. "I want to help her. I really do, but I can't if she doesn't let me."

I climbed out of the car before it had even fully stopped in the drive way, heading straight toward the sidewalk. I wanted to give them time to discuss whatever they were going to discuss. I refused to be a part of it.

"Leandra." My mom called behind me. "Stop. Where are you going?"

"Back." I called back to her, surprised when she caught up to me and managed to grab my arm.

"No, you're not." She told me, wiping left over tears from her cheeks. "Leandra, there is no one there. You need to face that. You need to get over it. You-"

"Get over it?" I demanded, yanking my arm from her grip. Glancing to Keith as he climbed out of the car as well. "This isn't something I can just get over!"

"For Pete's sake, Leandra, stop it!" She finally returned my shout. "You're _here_ now! They're gone! They left, and they are not coming back! You're going to get yourself straight, young lady. Or so help me-"

"What?" I shouted. "What are you going to do? Not a goddamn thing! You might not care, mom, but they meant _everything_ to me! More than _you_ ever fucking will!"

"Get in the house." She grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the door. "We are not having this discussion here. What would the neighbors think?"

I struggled heavily with her, "Oh _no_! I hope they _don't_ see what a horrible mom you are!"

She managed to get me through the door, me stumbling along behind her. Refusing to let me go while Keith trailed behind us. Despite the serious look on his face, I knew he was pleased.

I struggled in her hand, but she kept a tight hold. She was actually starting to hurt me, so I did the only thing I could think of. I lunged forward and sank my teeth into her forearm. Biting her harder this time than I had the last time. Her shriek of pain barely registered to me. Keith strode forward and grabbed a tight hold of my hair, pulling me free. He threw me backwards, making me hit the floor near the coffee table

My mom's shocked gaze met mine, and I looked. Seeing the damage I'd done. Her free hand covered a heavily bleeding wound. Keith stood beside her, his eyes on me as well. He'd lost that smug smirk, but he now looked pretty concerned himself.

I didn't know what to say. It was silent in the room as she slowly uncovered her arm, and looked over the wound briefly before turning her eyes back to me.

"What did he do to you?" She finally asked, her voice hardly above a whisper. I wanted to reply. I even had the words ready, but I couldn't make myself speak. I couldn't say them. They wouldn't come out.

"Go to your room." Keith growled, and at first, I just sat there. I wanted to be stubborn, but I knew that wouldn't last. I stayed there, until he took a step toward me, and clapped his hands loudly. I flinched at his step, flying to my feet and racing up the hall.

I had an easy explanation for what I'd done. I felt threatened. Cornered by Keith's hidden threat. She didn't know about it, but the fact that I saw what he was doing scared me. I didn't want to be sent away. I didn't want to be given up on. Despite my words, despite my actions, I didn't want her to give up. She was all I had left.

What if the Cullens came back after I was sent away? They'd never know where to find me. If they even wanted to. I didn't know how far away I'd be sent, and I didn't know where I'd end up. I didn't want to go. My mom's tears, though, told me she was coming close to her wits end.

Me not going to school was reflecting badly on her. Getting her into trouble. I knew that, but I just didn't belong there. She didn't understand that. Some people just didn't have what it took to take care of someone like me.

I couldn't control what I did when I felt threatened. It wasn't my fault, but I knew she wouldn't see it that way. Just like Carlisle had told me.

 **A/N: Crappy boyfriend! I hate that he showed up.  
Short AN today, guys. I don't have a lot of time lol  
THANK YOU! To my reviewer of last chapter! You're awesome! THANK YOU!  
Chapter six will probably take about the same amount of time. :) I'll do my best.  
Until Six, my friends!**


	6. Chapter 6

**ImPORTANT NOTE: Mentions of mild violence in this chapter. Heads up. AND I don't own the own the rights to the lyrics mentioned in this chapter. :/ Stupid that I have to put that here, but I don't need to get sued here.**

 **Chapter Six**

The following morning, a week before November ended, security bars were installed over my bedroom window. I watched, sitting on my bed, as Keith stood outside and put them up himself. Effectively blocking that escape route. Locking me in my room like an animal.

I guess I earned it, but it still bothered me. I didn't have a way out anymore.

It meant I couldn't leave. I couldn't get back to the place I felt safest. It'd take some serious effort to get through those bars. I could do it, but probably not without hurting myself.

I still wouldn't let him bully me. It was difficult to keep that promise to myself, however, because I was so small compared to him. I may have been ten years old, but I was still small compared to where I should have been for my age. He was way too much bigger than me for me to really do much of anything. That meant I would have to somehow outsmart him, but that was extremely hard to do when I didn't know him yet.

I didn't know yet his triggers, his pattern. It was only made worse by the fact that he already had the upper hand. I knew now he wasn't bluffing, because he did exactly what he said he was going to do. I knew now he wasn't making anything up when he said my mom was so close to giving up on me. I could see it in her eyes every time she looked at me.

She'd been the one most concerned back on my birthday. Even more than my dad, even before she really knew me. Now that she knew me a little more, I could only imagine how much more certain she was. Keith could tell her anything, and she'd believe him long before she believed me.

"Leandra." My mom poked her head into the room. "Ready for school?"

She hadn't brought up the fact that I'd bitten her. Not since it happened.

"Yeah." I muttered, scooting off my bed. I didn't feel like putting up much of a fight over school today. I didn't want to sit around and face the cage I now sat in. She nodded a little, allowing me to pass her in the doorway.

Keith's threats no longer seemed worthless. I was in real danger of losing my place here. As much as I knew I needed to rethink my entire strategy, I was actively thinking up alternatives. I refused to be sent away, with no hope of getting back home.

I had to try, though.

"Mom?" I hesitantly spoke up in the car.

"Yeah?" She asked, glancing over at me.

"I.. Need to tell you something." I mumbled. "About Keith." I instantly saw it. It wasn't so much a physical reaction, but I saw it. The instant defense in her expression, the way it hardened her eyes. She was bracing herself for a fight, and I had a feeling I wouldn't get very far.

"Honey, I know you don't like him."

"I don't." I kept my voice as quiet and calm as I could, hoping she wouldn't be so defensive, but I didn't have much hope, because I'd felt like that before. How just the mention of a single subject could make me so tense.

"You're just going to have to-"

"He's not the kind of guy you think he is." I cut that off. "Mom, please just trust me. For once, trust me."

She didn't speak at first, looking over at me.

"Okay." She said, and at first, I couldn't believe it. Until she spoke again. "I'll keep that in mind."

I slouched a little in disappointment, and she sighed.

"I can't just get rid of him because of a feeling you have, baby."

"Why not?" I asked. "You fall for any little lie anyone tells you. I know what guys like him are like."

"Leandra, that isn't fair." She countered. "I may have fallen for lies in the past, but I also know you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't trust anyone easily." She answered. "You believe the entire world is out to get you. That isn't your fault, but I really think this is just one of those times. Keith is a good guy."

"No he isn't." I replied firmly. "He-"

"Enough." She shook her head. "Please. I don't want to fight with you."

"It's my life too!" I snapped, unable to help it. "You're being stupid again!" That wasn't what I meant to say, but in my frustration, it had come out that way.

"Leandra-"

"I'm telling you." I knew it wouldn't help my case, but I actually started to cry. All the times I'd fought with her over stupid stuff was coming back to bite me. "If he's gonna stay, then I want dad's phone number."

"You're _not_ going to stay with your dad." She replied. "You can just forget that right now."

"I'd rather live with him than stay here with you."

"Well, I'm sorry, but Chris has no right to take you in." She countered.

"Then-"

"Just give it more time." She stressed firmly. "I'm done talking about this. You're angry at me, and you're paranoid. Maybe he's just not spending enough time with you."

She really wasn't listening. I was too mad and upset now to keep arguing with her. We were still a few blocks from the school, but that was too long. As soon as she stopped at the stop light, I threw my seat belt off, and climbed out.

"Leandra?" She demanded, but I ignored her, closing the door in her surprised face. It wasn't like there was much she could do. She was stuck in the middle of a short line of cars waiting at the light.

I made my way out of the street, onto the sidewalk. In full blown tears and only slightly embarrassed by the witnesses I knew were there, I ignored her further attempts to get me back into the car as I walked away.

"Fine." My mom eventually called. "Go straight to school."

I hated this whole situation so much. I just couldn't believe how selfish she was being. Without his number, I had no way to contact my dad, and she knew that. She only wanted to keep me from talking to him because she _knew_ she was being selfish, and she knew he would be on my side. That was the only explanation.

"Leandra!" I actually paused, turning at Andrew's voice calling from behind me. I was surprised to see him running along the sidewalk toward me, his backpack awkwardly clinging to his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I asked as soon as he reached me. He smiled, slightly out of breath. I did what I could to stop crying.

"My dad was taking me to school." He explained. "We saw you get out and start walking. He said I could walk with you."

"Oh." I mumbled, unable to say much else. I glanced back at the now-moving line of traffic, spotting the familiar gold car turning onto a side street.

"What happened?" Andrew asked, his smile fading sadly. "Another fight?"

"She's being so stupid." I sobbed angrily. "And she doesn't even _care_."

"About what?" He asked quietly. We started walking. "Her boyfriend?"

"It doesn't even matter." I grumbled, looking down at my feet. He was quiet for a second.

"Um.." He finally said, "It looks like it kinda does. If it makes you cry like that, it matters. A lot."

"There's nothing I can do about it." I added. "So it doesn't matter."

"Come to my house after school." He offered, and I looked over at him. "Come on. Just for a little while? My dad really wants to meet you."

That was the first time I'd heard that excuse.

"Why?" I frowned a little.

"I guess because I've told him a lot about you." He answered. "I don't have that many friends, remember?" That was true, but that didn't make it any easier.

"I probably can't anyway." I mumbled, looking forward again. We were nearly at school by then. It didn't seem like he was disappointed, which I hoped didn't change. I didn't want to disappoint him, but honestly, I was a little scared.

I had more than my fair share of trust issues, worse now than ever. That didn't go away just because I was friends with someone.

"Just think about it." He smiled a little, and I took a breath. "We can do homework together or something." I nodded. That didn't sound so bad.

He didn't bring it up again, and thankfully, he never seemed disappointed. With his help, I managed to calm down enough to function at school. In a weird way, he was starting to become like a security blanket.

I appreciated his presence more every time he helped me through times like this. He distracted me in a light way, while giving me the mental space I needed to think about things.

I still didn't know what I was going to do, but I did know one thing. I'd handled a lot worse than Keith before. He wouldn't hurt me. Yeah, he was a little grabby, but he hadn't hurt me. If he wanted my mom to stay stupid, he couldn't leave any marks on me, because then, I'd have the upper hand.

My thoughts drifted briefly to Charlie. I didn't want to bother him, especially after finding out that Bella was having a hard time too. Plus there was the question. If my mom's house wasn't fit anymore, where would I end up? In another foster home, with people that were either as crazy as Keith or as caring as the Cullens.

I couldn't get attached to anyone else. That ship had sailed the night the Cullens left. They took my trust with them, and that door closed forever. I'd trusted, and I got burned for it. In the most painful way possible, and I didn't even know what I'd done.

As much I wanted to stay with my dad, my mom was right. He'd given away his rights to me. He couldn't take me in even if I would go. I just couldn't imagine going to live with them any easier than just staying where I was.

No. Charlie wasn't an option. I'd have to figure this all out on my own.

I just didn't get it, though. Why would Keith care what I told my mom if he was so damn confident? Why would I even be in the way at all? It wasn't like she actually cared what I thought. I'd tried to tell her over and over that I would never be okay with Keith, but she just thought I needed more time. There wasn't enough time in the world that would make me okay with Keith.

I needed to figure this out on my own, but to do that, I needed more clues. I needed more information, and a better look at what I was looking at. I needed to find limits and lines. I needed to find something I recognized.

People never realized how deep things went with my story. It wasn't just black and white. Victim or abuser. I knew Jack probably better than anyone else on the planet, because I had to study him for my own survival. I needed to know him like my life depended on it.

I now knew that I needed to get to know Keith on that level. I needed to know him like my life depended on it, because it did. I wasn't so much worried about him killing me, though, as I was worried about losing everything that wasn't physical.

I needed to understand him, but to do that, I had to rustle him, and the best way to do that was by feeding him reasons to show his true colors. Confrontation seemed like it was a good way to do that.

I hadn't the slightest clue how this would turn out, and that made me nervous, but if Keith was anything like Jack, my fear would only make this easier.

I got home from school right on time, finding Keith's car there. My mom wasn't home.

I stormed inside, slamming the door behind me. Striding straight toward the kitchen. I found him sitting at the kitchen table, casually sipping a drink.

I glared at the glass in his hand, knowing full well what it was by the bottle sitting on the table in front of him. That stuff was a lot worse than the beer my mom used to drink. I could smell it from feet away, and my hatred of him only grew. I briefly second-guessed my decision to figure him out.

Jack was never a drinker. He had been drunk about as many times as my mom had been sober. I'd heard that drinking made it hard for people to control themselves. The fact that Keith was drinking now moved the pieces on the board into unknown territory.

"Why does she like you so much?" I snapped as I shook it off, and he lightly scoffed. "She's stupid, but she shouldn't be _that_ stupid."

"Look." He said, turning a little to face me. "I don't want to hate you, but you _are_ the only thing standing between me and your mom."

"Good. _Some_ one has to."

"That's your choice."

"Take the bars off my window." I told him. "And I won't tell my mom what kind of a piece of shit you are." I felt it and I knew he did too. That was a figurative jab. Things would pick up after this. Jack would never have let me get away with talking to him like that.

"You had your chance." Keith replied, chuckling. "Besides, I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, sweet pea. It's too late. The cat's outta the bag. She's on to you." We stared each other down as he finished the drink in his glass. Like he knew it bothered me. That was smugness, nearly a challenge. Again, I second-guessed myself. Maybe I shouldn't push it?

"Fine." I growled. "You might try to keep me home, but I can always find a way out."

"Oh, I'm not done." He assured me. He stood up, stepping away from his chair. I glared harder at him as he approached me. "A security system is going in next week, as per her request. Open the door then. Or a window. I dare you." He patted my cheek lightly as he stepped by me. I watched as he walked away.

He'd just figuratively jabbed back. It was my turn to push him again, but that would be harder because he had that bit on me.

"Happy or not, my mom deserves to know how fucking nuts you are."

He stopped, turning and looking back at me in the doorway. He was quiet for a second, clenching his jaw a little. Seeing that strong of a reaction, I had a way through. In my mind, I noted exactly what I'd just done to get that reaction. He didn't like facing accountability.

"Now, you're starting to piss me off." He murmured quietly.

I really should have stopped there, but I suddenly saw another way. One sure way to make my mom pay attention. Something she literally couldn't ignore.

Maybe if I pissed him off enough, I could gain some proof of my own, but that could end very badly for me. I'd have to be careful, because I really didn't know where this guy's limits were or what he was capable of yet. I knew for a fact that it was crazy, but maybe I was crazy? If it worked, it would be worth it. It would get him out of our lives.

"Okay." I finally shrugged. "Don't say I didn't warn you." I went to walk by him, but his hand snapped out, grabbing my arm. He jerked me to a stop, and I grunted a little with the force of it.

Confidence was another target of his. Just like Jack.

" _Warn_ me?" He laughed incredulously. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" I did everything I could to steel my expression. I didn't want him to think he had any sort of upper hand anymore. I recovered enough to remember that I was pissed. I attempted to jerk my arm away from his hand, but he roughly jerked me right back into place.

"I'm talking to you." I snapped. "I'm not afraid of _you_. I don't want you here, and soon, my mom won't either."

"I'm getting pretty fucking tired of your smart ass mouth."

Two curse words in a short space was also another warning sign for me. It really didn't take long to get him that pissed. That scared me as well, because I had to wonder just how like Jack this guy was. I obviously knew every one of his buttons, so I had to worry if this would be the same as it would be with Jack too.

I just couldn't stop it, though. I felt my own emotions on top of all this.

"I talked to my mom this morning." I said. "She said she'll make you leave if I said one more bad thing about you." It was a lie, but all I could do was hope that it didn't backfire.

"That's why you're not going to say anything." He replied through his teeth. I knew I'd reached the level of his temper I'd seen the other day.

"You're hurting me." I pointed out sharply.

"Good." He snapped, shutting me up. "Just listen up. If you screw this up for me, I swear, you will wish you were never born."

I countered. "I'm gonna tell her."

I thought I was prepared, but the following slap seemed to echo in the living room.

I was instantly shaken. I squeezed my eyes shut at the involuntary tears that sprung to my eyes, my cheek stinging painfully. It had been awhile since I felt that pain, and at first, all I could was look up at him. Surprised.

"It's that smart mouth I'm talking about." He told me quietly. "Try again." I glared up at him now, a handful of tears escaping. Quiet now. "What? No come back?"

Stupidly, I balled my fist and slammed it as hard as I could into his stomach. I knew it wasn't as hard as he could take, but it was effective enough to get me released.

He laughed a bit breathlessly as I scrambled back. I watched him lean forward in an attempt to get back some of the breath he'd lost, and I wasn't thinking. I hit him again. Right in the face, right against his cheek. My hand erupted in pain, but it was satisfying for a second.

Until all joking left his eyes and he looked at me in a way that flooded me with adrenaline. Before he could even move, I rounded and ran for my room. I had a strong feeling I'd just crossed some line, because I saw it. I saw the snap coming before it even happened.

"Good one." He called after me, and I slammed my bedroom door closed, turning the lock on the knob. My breathing raced as I leaned back against the door. Closing my eyes in my desperation. "That was pretty fucking stupid, though."

I collapsed into a crying ball against the door, drawing my knees up to my chest. My thoughts immediately on Carlisle, and how badly I needed him here. How badly I needed him to come back, and see what I was living with again. This was my fault, yeah, but I was terrified.

If Keith was anything like Jack, I had every reason to be terrified, and that changed things a lot.

Why couldn't he have just stayed? Did their leaving have anything to do with Jasper's behavior on Bella's birthday? Or was it because I begged him to turn me months ago? Was that the reason they just left me here?

Suddenly, the reason didn't concern me anymore. What concerned me was that they left at all. When I still needed them so much. I thought I'd never have to be afraid again, yet here I was. Frightened to tears, with nowhere to escape to. Every time I turned around, I was reminded of that fact.

I flinched away from the door at the sound of Keith punching the other side of it. "Open the door, Leandra."

"Go to hell." I replied, my voice thick with emotion as I made my way to my bed.

"Open the door." He commanded again, and I heard the patience leaving his tone.

"You're crazy."

"Last warning." He growled. "Open the fucking door."

"Fuck you."

Without another warning, the door seemed to explode off of its hinges. I flinched, giving a yelp as the pieces of wood hit the floor.

"There." He said loudly. "Problem solved." I watched him stride in, and I knew that the snap was still there. I ducked around him and ran from the room.

"Mom is gonna be pissed!"

"I had to." He angry voice was firm as he followed me leisurely. "You were threatening to kill yourself."

That confused me enough to make me stop. I spun to face him as soon as I reached the living room. He leaned against the wall across the room from me, watching me closely.

I hadn't been threatening to kill myself. That had been a lie, but the way he said it reminded me again of Jack. My mom was so _stupid_ to not have seen right through this guy. She didn't see just how identical they were. Two separate people, but Keith and Jack were identical.

I fought to find my voice again. "She'll never believe that."

"Are you sure about that, Leandra?" He asked quietly. "That's a pretty big fucking gamble. You're troubled. You've been having problems adjusting. It seems perfectly rational to me." My heart pounded in my fear.

"What do you want from me?" I finally snapped, and he chuckled. I was feeding it. Just like the bullies at school, he had gotten the reaction he wanted. He saw a weakness and he was regaining control, but I couldn't help that.

"I don't like kids very much." He admitted again. "All they do is get in the way."

"You don't have to like me." I replied. "I don't wanna be here. I never did. I'm not trying to stand in your way, or whatever it is you think I'm doing."

"Maybe not," He shrugged, "But as I stated before.. The fact is your mom isn't going any further unless you give your okay."

"You're making it really hard to do that. How am I supposed to-"

"Figure it out." He barked, and I flinched. "You hate her anyway, don't you?"

"I hate you more, and I still gotta live here too." I pointed out sharply. "If I give her my okay, you'll be here all the time. If I tell her I still don't like you, she'll get rid of you. What do you think would be better for me?"

In my tension, I'd just pushed back. Again.

He stood straighter.

"You're starting to become more trouble than you're worth."

"Whatever." I grumbled. "Tell her whatever you want."

I turned around, heading for the front door. That never would have worked.

Before I could open it fully, his hand slammed against it, shutting it again. He was faster than I thought. He stood right behind me now, and I locked up in my fear.

He didn't say a word at first, keeping his hand pressed firmly against the door. I didn't say a word either, my hand still on the knob. The silent threat this man posed was something I sensed immediately. I recognized it. I felt it in my toes, trembling on the spot.

"It wasn't a problem before," He murmured quietly, "But your behavior has upset your mom now. She's more focused on you than she is on me. Now you're messing with my happiness, and see.. I have a problem with that."

I stayed quiet, even as he waited for a response. When none came, he just chuckled.

"You're going to change your behavior. Turn around overnight, just the way you did before."

"I can't." I muttered breathlessly.

"You're going to."

"I can't." I repeated, firmer. Suddenly, I was turned around and pressed back against the door.

"Well, looks like you're going to do the impossible." He murmured. "Your mom is open to any suggestions at this point. And, well.. If she chooses to keep trying with you, what's to stop you from killing yourself? You're just too far gone to help, sweetheart." He tucked my hair behind my ear, smiling. "Sending you away would only be for your own safety. I'm giving you one last chance. Give up now, and I'll head straight to the hardware store right now for a replacement door, and she never has to know. Continue fighting, and see where it gets you. I will get what I want. With or without you."

Without another word, he dropped his hand.

I hesitated, thinking about my options. I wasn't going to be shackled to this place. I wouldn't give in. I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself. He was asking me to just give up everything I'd fought to build with the Cullens. Self-respect. I had grown up without any, and I wouldn't let it go without a fight.

I'd already lost everything else. I couldn't let that go too. I couldn't let him take that away from me too.

I eventually sighed and spun quickly, pulling the door open and running out of the house as fast as I could. Up the street, leaving the house behind. I didn't stop running until I'd rounded the block, just out of sight of the house. Only to start crying again. I had to stop eventually, sitting on the curb outside the corner neighbor's fence.

The way I left it, I knew that fight wasn't over.

I got lucky. I blown right passed his limit, but he probably knew just as well as I did that he couldn't leave any proof on me. The slap had hurt, but it wasn't going to leave any lasting marks. The way my cheek stung, and didn't ache, told me that no bruise would form.

I didn't really know what to do from here, though. I'd never been allowed to run away when Jack had been that mad at me.

Not wanting the neighbors to start wondering, I only sat there for a few moments. I didn't want to go as far as the Cullen's house. I knew if I wasn't directly around, my mom would only be angry, and it would make his story more believable. Where else could I go, though?

It took me a minute to realize I actually had somewhere to go, but it was breaking another of my rules. I'd just have to risk it.

I rounded the block, heading up the next street over. Looking on both sides of the street, I kept an eye out for someone familiar. I spotted a familiar gold car in the driveway of a cute little two-story house instead, and I made my way over to it.

I wasn't brave enough to go to the door, so I sat on the curb. While I waited to be noticed, I did a lot of inventory in my head. It would help me decide what I needed to do.

If this was like Jack, there was no way I could stay there. I couldn't live through that again, but I had only three options. Tell Charlie, find a way to talk to my dad, or run away.

If I got taken away from my mom again, and sent to live somewhere else while they figured out what to do about my dad's rights, I'd either wind up in a worse place, or with another caring family. Again, both were unacceptable.

My dad couldn't do anything without breaking like fifty laws, so calling him would only piss him off.

If I ran away, I didn't have anywhere to go. Unless...

It took maybe ten minutes before I heard the door behind me open, and I looked back, spotting Andrew coming outside. He smiled, dropping a trash-bag into the trashcan sitting near the garage door, and making his way over to me.

"Hey." He greeted with a small laugh. "You came over."

"I just.." I mumbled as I stood. "I could use some company."

"Oh, well come inside then. You don't have to sit out here by yourself." He looked over, smiling at me. He led me toward the house. "What happened to your cheek?"

"Huh?"

"It's all red." He said. Just as I thought, it wasn't bruised.

"I was laying on it for awhile." I replied. "It'll go away soon." He led me inside, not replying to what I said. I doubted he believed me. The screen door thumped closed behind us as I stood beside him.

Looking around the small entryway, the first word that came to mind was, "Homey." It was a typical entryway. Stairs to the right, a hall ahead toward the kitchen, and a living room to the left.

"Yeah." He replied, laughing a little. "My dad-"

"Andrew." I jumped at a man's call further in the house. "Have you finished the dishes, son?" I looked nervously to Andrew, and he smiled comfortingly at me. He gestured for me to follow him, and led me toward where he'd been addressed from.

We rounded a corner into the living room, and a man looked up from the magazine he sat reading. I was nervous, instantly distrusting. My history with men hadn't been the best, and this man seemed to sense that. I could tell immediately that he could see how timid I was. He offered me a small smile, and it tried to ease my frazzled nerves.

"Oh." He said. "Who is this?"

"Dad, this is Leandra. A friend from school." Andrew replied. "Leandra, this is my dad. He's.. Partly the reason why I never gave up talking to you."

His dad chuckled, "You just needed a little bit of encouragement, son. No big deal."

"Nice to meet you." I responded quietly, keeping my distance, watching as he stood. His dark brown hair matched Andrew's, as did his brown eyes. He wasn't too tall, maybe 5'10, but still built. I eyed him with hesitation, but his gentle smile never faded. It wasn't at all like Keith's smile. His was kind, supportive.

Sometimes I really liked my people-reading skills, but I wasn't used to finding good people. Now was one of the times I didn't trust it.

"I didn't know you were having a friend over." His dad chuckled, looking over at Andrew.

"I didn't know either." Andrew laughed a little too. "She kinda.. Was just there."

His dad nodded with another laugh. "Tell you what. I'll finish the dishes for you. You kids go upstairs. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks, dad." Andrew smiled. With that, he turned, waving me forward again and leading me up the stairs.

"How long can you be here?" Andrew asked, leading the way into what looked like his bedroom.

I looked down.

"As long as I want." I admitted. "I don't really wanna go back."

His room was a very typical boy's room. Random posters haphazardly taped onto the ocean-blue walls. Cluttered with toys, wall shelves holding random knick-knacks and photo frames, and his bed wasn't made, but it wasn't that bad. Even cluttered, it was welcoming and warm. Just like him.

"Why?" He asked, suddenly concerned at what I'd said, "What happened?"

"Nothing." I said, sitting on his bed. I sighed heavily.

"Seriously. Are you okay?" He asked, slowly taking a seat in a chair at his desk. I kept my eyes down. "You've been missing.. So much school, and then, what happened this morning.." It wasn't like him to ask.

"I know." Was all I would say on the subject. "So.. Your dad seems nice. I thought you made that part up."

"I didn't make it up." Andrew agreed, grabbing a baseball off of his desk behind him. "You seem surprised."

"I guess." I mumbled, looking at my hands.

"I know you don't wanna talk about it.." He started, his concerned eyes on me. "I don't mean to pry, but.. What's wrong? Really, Leandra. I'm worried." He wasn't letting it go.

I sighed, unsure if I should even bother telling him. I glanced over at him, seeing nothing but genuine concern in his eyes. He was honestly worried about me.

I focused on a certain poster hanging on his wall. The quote caught my eye. In intricate font, it read, "Standing on the moon with nothing else to do. A lovely view of heaven, but I'd rather be with you".

Maybe all I needed was just someone to talk to. Like before. That was one of the things I missed so much about my family. The ability to talk, and have someone listen. If there was anyone that would listen, it was him. I was a little hesitant, though, because I didn't want to let him in on that part of me. I didn't want to send him running.

If I didn't vent, though, I would explode.

"Okay." I sighed again, standing. "You know the Cullens left town."

"I know." He replied, watching me as I paced, "And it hit you hard."

"It did." I admitted, wringing my hands a little. "They were.. Really the only family I've ever had. They'd done so much for me. They took me in when they really didn't have to, but.. I.. They were always there when I needed them. I counted on them to always be there, and now that they're not.." I trailed off, shutting up before I could make myself cry. I swallowed a few times.

"Now you feel lost."

"Yeah." I mumbled. "Them leaving didn't change anything. I am where I am because of them. Now everything sucks again, and they're not here to know it. Everything sucks again, because they're not here to know it. They-" I stopped myself, thankfully. I was too close to ranting, and that couldn't happen yet.

His sad expression told me he felt bad for me.

"Anyway.. Um.." I now carefully chose my words. "Something.. Happened at the birthday party, and I think that was what made them leave. I.." I trailed off, studying an aquarium on a shelf.

I was trying so hard to hide the fact that I was crumbling where I stood, my bravery and rock-solid nerves shaken deeply. He had no idea how badly this hurt, and I didn't want to change that. Thankfully, all that gave me away was a slightly shaking voice. I held desperately to it, but it was quickly fading.

Returning to my seat on the bed, I took a deep breath before continuing.

"It's been two months since they left, and I haven't heard anything from them. Not a phone call, not a letter or even a damn postcard."

"You're hurt because it seems like they forgot about you." Andrew murmured in understanding.

"A little." I murmured, "But it's not even so much that. I miss them more every day. I never knew what that saying meant before, but now I do. Every day, it hurts even more. I miss them more than I've ever missed anyone or anything in my life. I need them so much, but.. I have no way to tell them that." I cursed myself quietly when I couldn't stop the way I cracked, tears scattering free. Andrew stood and made his way to me, sitting beside me on his bed and hugging me lightly.

"You have me." He offered, hoping it would calm me down. It didn't calm me down. It just made it easier to actually confess things I knew I shouldn't.

"You can't protect me like they can." I reasoned, a sob leaving me. "It sucks being so alone. _All_ the time. I loved them more than anything in my life. Now they're gone, never coming back. They always promised to be there. They swore to me that they'd never leave me unprotected."

"What do you need protecting from?" He asked quietly. I was quiet, unsure how to answer. When I didn't respond, he shook his head. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that."

"Thank you." I replied. "I just.." I pulled away, looking down. "I need them, but I have no way to find them. It h-hurts that I can't just.." I trailed off again. It was so hard to actually say it.

"It's Carlisle you miss most, isn't it?" He asked. "I remember you saying how close you were to him."

I nodded, closing my eyes briefly, "I can't believe he'd just leave me like that. I couldn't even say goodbye." I paused, looking up and meeting his eyes. "They were all I had. They were everything I counted on, and everything I'm trying to hold onto."

He pulled me into another, tighter hug. To my surprise, actually comforting me.

"I felt the same way after my mom died." He admitted after a moment, pulling back. "I still miss her every day, but my dad does everything he can to help me with that." I didn't know what to say.

"How did she.." I trailed off, looking over. I immediately felt bad for asking, but he seemed fine.

"She was sick." He replied, unfazed. "For a long time before she died." I wondered if his mom had been sick the way my mom had been sick. I didn't want to pry any further, so I took a breath and nodded.

"I'm sorry." I said, and he shook his head.

"It's okay."

"I shouldn't be whining." I muttered. "Yours is so much worse than mine."

"Don't say that." He replied quietly. "Mine's not worse than yours. Your family might not have died, but they're gone. They're not in your life anymore. That.. Has to hurt just as bad. Don't be sorry."

I briefly recalled thinking about the same thing months ago on my birthday. My life wasn't worse than anyone else's. What I felt like was no big deal might be someone else's life shattering. It wasn't only about my perspective.

It certainly seemed like he and I were a lot more alike than I thought before. No wonder I liked him.

I cried for a few more minutes, both of us just sitting there. It felt nice being able to cry about my family, and have somebody listen, offering a hug when I desperately needed one.

He leaned away to look at me when I was calm enough.

"Is that the only thing wrong, Leandra?" He asked almost hesitantly.

"No." I said, sniffling. I took a deep breath, but I couldn't answer right away. I needed to admit to what I'd been doing, because losing that was a huge part of how I felt now.

"What else?" He asked, still concerned.

"For the passed two months, I've been.." I cut off, unable to admit how crazy I was.

"You've been..?" He prompted gently. "What?"

"I've been.. Sort of.. Spending the night on their front porch." I looked down, waiting for his judgmental laugh.

"Leandra," He said after a moment. "That's not safe."

"You don't think I'm crazy?" I asked, surprised as I looked up at him.

"No. I think you're just looking for a way to be close to them again." That surprised me, and it showed in my eyes. "I can read people pretty well. I might not always get along with them, but I can tell things about people. You're not crazy, Leandra. I'm just worried about you walking around town at night."

"I've never run into any problems." I assured, "But that's not the problem. My mom's boyfriend, Keith, put bars outside my window. So I can't get out at night. I can't go through the front door, because I'd have to walk right passed their bedroom door."

"So he's keeping you there?" He asked. "Leandra, he's probably just trying to keep you safe."

"No." I said immediately, shaking my head. "That's not it at all."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm more than sure." I said. "He wants to keep me there. Just to be an asshole. All he knows is I leave at night, and that I'd rather be there than the house. Any day."

"So you think he's stopping you from leaving, just to make you mad?" Andrew asked, frowning. "Why would he do that? What reason could he have?"

I didn't know how to answer. I looked down. I knew his reasons. He wanted me desperate enough to leave, just so he could make his point and convince my mom to send me away. That shouldn't have been so hard to admit, but it was.

"And another question." He said. "Does going there really make you feel better? Or does it hurt you more? Because if I was in your shoes, I know going there when nobody was there would hurt me a lot."

"Whose side are you on?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes.

"All I'm saying," He said, defending himself, "Is it's just.. It's just reminding you of everything they took with them when they left you here. Your mom's boyfriend is probably just looking out for you. That's all."

"Good." I growled. "Then maybe you can be the replacement kid. You can stay there, and I'll keep my freedom, thanks. You can live with him." I turned, ready to stride from the room.

"Leandra." He called after me. "Wait." He managed to catch my arm in the hallway. "I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm sorry."

"You don't know what this guy is like." I stressed quietly. I didn't want his dad overhearing what I said. He studied me for a moment as if trying to figure me out. Suddenly, he seemed to piece everything together.

"Him. Keith is the one you need protecting from." He murmured, and I realized my mistake. I'd admitted too much in my ranting, and he was able to piece it together.

"Leandra, tell my dad. He's a cop."

Shit.

My heart dropped into my feet. Knowing what that meant. Cops meant attention. Attention meant being taken away, which wouldn't be such a bad thing, had it not meant that I'd be placed with another family.

Being placed with another family was just too risky for me. Whether they treated me worse than Keith or Jack, or gave me a safe place to stay like the Cullens did, I wouldn't accept either one.

"I messed up." I muttered.

I turned again, heading down the stairs. He followed me.

"This was a bad idea." I said back at him as soon as we were outside.

"Leandra, don't go." He plead in return.

"I'm not starting all that all over again!" I finally shouted, turning on the sidewalk and facing him, "And don't tell him yourself, because I swear-"

"I wouldn't do that." He said, shaking his head, "But Leandra, if he hits you or anything-"

"Stay out of it." I warned, forcibly calming my voice. "Please. I'm fine right where I am. I'm not going to another foster home." I shook my head, defeat in my eyes. "I can't do it. I can't do it, Andrew, please.."

"Okay." He said, raising his hands a little. "Okay. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. Just.. Don't go." I continued to hesitate. "Please." I sighed, looking around myself. Calming down a bit, or rather, hiding how scared I was.

"I have to." I said, calmer now. "I should get home anyway. I'll come back, though." He sighed as well, nodding and looking down.

"Okay." He said. "So I'll see you soon, then?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Don't worry." I wanted to tell him that I've survived someone like Keith before. I wanted to tell him that I knew when to get the hell out, but I figured he didn't need to hear that.

"Leandra?" He called as I went to turn. "If you need someplace to go at night, where you won't be cold but don't want to go home, come here. Okay? My dad won't care."

"Are you sure?" I asked, surprised.

"Completely." I smiled a little, unable to help it. His generosity never failed to surprise me. I'd never met anyone like him my age before.

"I might." I replied. "Thank you."

He returned my smile. It wasn't expecting. It wasn't demanding. It was just a kind, friendly smile. I was suddenly _so_ grateful I'd given talking to him a chance. I couldn't help it. I nodded, and I turned to walk away.

I did feel better, but I also knew I still had a major problem in front of me. That major problem was sitting in my mom's house. I knew I wouldn't be okay until I figured it out.

I rounded the block, heading for home. Keeping my eyes down until I had no choice but to look up. I paused, mid-step, at what I saw. An old, faded orange truck sat parked against the curb out front, and at first, I was nervous. Until I noticed who it was.

Bella noticed me as well as I continued on, hesitantly coming forward. She climbed out of her truck as I approached, and at first, we just stood there. I studied her features, but she hadn't even really looked at me yet. She looked so bad. She looked exactly like I felt. She looked tired.

"I don't mean to bother you." Bella mumbled, palming her keys weakly. "I just.. Got your address from my dad. He said he saw you the other day."

"You're not bugging me." I replied just as quietly. She glanced around briefly.

"Can we talk?" She asked, and I hesitated. She really seemed like she needed it, and fresh from my talk with Andrew, I knew first hand how much easier talking to someone can make things.

"Sure." I mumbled, "But can we talk out here? I don't wanna go inside yet." She and I both glanced toward the house.

"Yeah." She agreed easily. "No problem. Here.." She reached over and opened her door again. She gestured to me, so I took the hint and climbed up into the truck. Scooting across the seat until I landed on the passenger side just as she sat down again.

We were quiet at first. I hadn't had much interaction with her, but I liked her just fine. I was okay sitting here. I looked over at her now and then, but I didn't want to be the first one to speak. She needed to talk.

"I wasn't sure." She finally started. "If I was going to come over or not."

"Trust me, I get it." I replied quietly. "I'm happy you did, though."

"I couldn't believe it at first." She added, looking over at me. "That they'd leave you behind too." Oddly, she seemed honestly curious. Like she was looking for more than just a simple answer. I knew that feeling well, too.

"I never thought they would, either." I whimpered, looking down.

"I-I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." I assured her. "I'm just.. I don't know."

"My dad said you had run away." She prompted, "And you were found.. A-At their house." I knew why that detail would capture her attention. It was probably that detail that made her decide to come over at all.

I nodded, "Long story. I go there all the time. I've just never been caught before."

"Why?" She asked, obviously confused. "There's no one there."

"It's my home too. Even if there's nobody there, it's still the only home I've ever had." I had a feeling she'd understand, so I explained it easily. "This place isn't home to me. It'll never be home. That's the only place I ever feel safe."

"It makes sense." She nodded a little. She looked over, "And they've never contacted you?"

"No." I replied sadly. "You?"

"No." She repeated just as sadly.

We were quiet again for a second. She sighed heavily, leaning forward and resting her arms on the steering wheel in front of her. The vacant look in her eyes told me more than I was sure she wanted it to.

"Edward said it'd be like he never existed." She admitted, staring straight ahead.

"Carlisle said I would be better off here." I added, keeping my eyes down. "I'm really _not_ better off."

"I know the feeling." She nodded slowly, but the flat note in her voice worried me. For a moment, I could see why Charlie was so worried about her. She'd achieved what I'd been trying so hard to do. She numbed herself.

I briefly wondered if she would teach me how to do that.

I jumped roughly at the sound of a loud knock on the window beside me. Bella jumped as well, just not as sharply as I did. Naturally, it was Keith. He gestured for me to come out.

I groaned out loud, looking over at Bella again.

"I gotta go." I told her apologetically.

"Who is he?" She asked.

"Keith." I mumbled, reaching out for the door handle. "My mom's stupid boyfriend."

"She has a boyfriend already?" She asked, frowning a little. Even she'd heard my story.

"Already." I confirmed, opening the door.

"Wait." She requested before I could hop out. She reached out, finding a stack of post-it notes and an old pencil, and I watched as she wrote down a phone number. "If you ever need anything, please call me. You're not _all_ alone."

"Hurry it up." Keith barked at me. "You and I have to talk." I ignored him, and took the little square of paper Bella held out for me.

"Thanks." I told her sincerely. It really meant a lot.

I hopped out, landing beside Keith on the grass near the mailbox. I could smell instantly that he'd been continuing to drink. A lot.

"Who are you?" Keith asked firmly, probably trying to figure out if Bella was going to be trouble, or if she was someone that would help his case against me.

"Bella." She answered. "Swan. I just wanted to-"

"Chief Swan's kid?" Keith asked, and she nodded. "Nice to meet you. Tell your dad I said hi."

As he spoke, he took my arm and lightly turned me toward the house. Before she could really say anything else, he shut the door.

I glanced back apologetically, waving my goodbye at her as Keith pulled me toward the house. I knew she was watching me the whole time. I wondered if she could see the fights I'd already had with this man. I doubted it, but there was something there. Until I looked forward again, right as Keith herded me through the front door.

As soon as the door was closed behind us, Keith pushed me forward.

"You stay the fuck away from her."

I stumbled a little, catching my balance on the back of the couch. I rounded to look at him. I could barely tell by looking at him, but I saw the alcohol in his expression. It was so different, but I recognized it.

"Why?" I asked defensively. "Are you gonna hit her too?"

He laughed. "You think I hit you? That's nothing."

Without another word, I turned. I wasted no time, walking quickly through the house toward the hallway.

"Wise choice, Leandra." He called after me. I grit my teeth and continued on. Through my shattered bedroom door, carefully stepping around the broken pieces.

I paused, looking down at the pile of splintered wood, reminded forcefully of what waited for me. I'd wait around here and listen to Keith lie straight to my mom's face. I'd wait around here and try to talk to her again, only to get mad at her for choosing to believe Keith over me.

I tried to bite back the anger, but it wasn't working too well. The anger I felt meant he'd won. I'd lost with almost no options, and that only made it harder to calm down.

I quickly bent down and lifted a large piece of wood, and threw it as hard as I could up the hall.

"Fucking asshole!" I shouted, my words following the piece of wood up the hall.

"That's not very nice." He laughed, pausing to look, unimpressed at the piece of wood as he went to walk by. "Get out here and pick that up."

"Pick it up yourself." I growled, laying on my bed.

"I'm sorry." I heard in the hall, and I instantly jumped back up. "I don't think I heard you right."

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I grumbled, scooting passed him and heading straight for it.

"I'll have you trained yet." He laughed, watching me with his arms crossed over his chest. "There might be some hope for you."

"That makes one of us." I retorted, stupidly right when I was within arms reach of him. I grunted as I was suddenly pressed back against the wall. His hand on my neck, holding me painfully near my jaw. Just like the other morning.

"You just don't learn, do you?" He seemed heavily amused. "God, not even Jack beating the snot out of you was enough to make you learn, was it?"

I struggled a little, not liking the reminder. I briefly wondered exactly how he knew so much about my past, but that really didn't matter that much.

"Are you stupid, or something?" He asked. "You really must be as worthless as he says you are." I looked down, the words hitting me just as hard as they used to. Again, I wondered.

"How do you know about that?" I finally asked, and he smiled.

"Oh, I know a lot of things about you." He replied, releasing me. "Trust me. Try me." I honestly didn't know what to say to that, so I stayed quiet. He laughed, shoving me briefly against the wall in a mocking gesture.

"What? No wise reply?"

I suddenly didn't feel like trying him. I hated this feeling. Feeling so small again, rubbing my shoulder where he'd pushed me.

I continued to stay quiet, so he smiled and nodded. I looked toward my room, taking in the sight of what was left of the door. The only way at all he had to explain that was the excuse he told me earlier. He would tell my mom I was trying to kill myself, and she'd believe him. Guaranteed. She wouldn't even bother asking for my story. Not with something like that.

I was helpless. There was nothing I could do anymore. There were no right moves here. He'd won, and that was that.

I thought, and I thought. Searched my mind in those few seconds I stood there. The closest thing I could think of to safety, would have been my dad. I would have gladly gone with him now. I would leap at the opportunity, but I belonged to my mom again.

I belonged to her, but this wasn't going to work.

I was feeling more alone in those seconds than I had yet, and suddenly, it became too much. Talking to Bella had renewed the hurt. I felt the tears coming to my eyes, and no matter what, they wouldn't be stopped. I leaned back against the wall, falling to my butt with my knees drawn up, and just cried.

Falling to pieces right there in front of Keith. I didn't care if he saw. I didn't care if the whole world saw. I was in so much pain then, I wondered if there would ever be a time I would feel safe again. That wouldn't be possible. Not until my family came back, and maybe not even then. That thought alone made my tears fall faster, more intensely.

I didn't want to be sent away. I didn't want to be sent God knows where, never to see anybody again. I'd never see Andrew again. I'd never see Bella again. Or my dad. I'd never see my mom, no doubt it'd be too hard for her to see me like that.

I wasn't the perfect kid, and I knew that, but I was also beginning to realize that what I did when I was afraid quickly got me into trouble. It got me into a lot of trouble, which only increased my fear, which only intensified my actions.

I was stuck in a rut, a cycle I couldn't get out of, and what I faced when my mom got home was so much bigger than I was. I knew I wouldn't have a choice, and that was the scariest part of it.

Nobody understood me like my family did, and I needed them so much.

"Are those tears of defeat?" Keith finally asked, and I turned my eyes up, looking up at him as he stepped closer with a quiet chuckle. I watched him as he squatted in front of me, tears trailing heavily down my cheeks. "For your sake, I sincerely hope they are, baby."

The only response he got was a soft sob, which only made him smile, "Well.." He sighed. "I'm sorry to say that those are a little too late to save you. Once your mom gets home, and sees what I had to do to save you, she's not going to be happy." We both glanced to the shattered remains of my bedroom door.

"So.." He continued as we both looked back to each other. "What do you say? Truce while you're still here?" He seemed to find that funny. I whimpered, struggling to stop crying. I forced myself to my feet, and he did the same. Sniffling roughly, I looked up at him, "Come on. What have you got to lose? You've already lost everything." My lower lip trembled a little, but I bit it.

"Why?" I asked through my emotion.

"I told you." He said, "I really like your mom. Her little mousey, meek personality is just what I'm looking for. It's really damn hard to find anyone around here as submissive as she is, but you.. You're in the way."

I didn't really know what any of that was supposed to mean. All I really understood was that I was in the way of what he wanted from my mom. I knew no matter what I said, nothing would change.

Why should he get whatever he wanted? What gave him the right?

Suddenly angry, I acted without much thought.

With a grunt, I kicked him as hard as I could in the shin. Which both hurt him, and hurt me. To my surprise, though, after his loud shout of pain, he laughed. Swiping for me, I quickly ducked, dodging it.

Why the hell had I done that? I asked myself as I raced toward the living room. What in the world gave me the smallest impression that that was okay? That I could get away with that? What possibly could be going through my mind?

He was faster however, and easily swung me to a stop. Giving me my second rough slap of the day, holding me upright. I knew another one was coming, so I reacted. I was more scared now than I had been with my mom, and I needed to find some way to defend myself.

Of course, I bit him.

He shouted louder this time in pain, and I grunted with the effort with which I bit him. Letting all my hatred for what he did, as well as my fear fuel me in biting harder. He wasn't laughing anymore.

I didn't know why I expected that not to meet retaliation, but it did. It really did. He tried to pull me off, but at first, I only bit harder. Nearly biting off a piece of his arm. As it was, I was already tasting a lot of his blood in my mouth, and though I gagged a little, I didn't let go. Then, his grip moved to my jaw, painfully adding pressure until I had no choice but to let go. It was either that, or have him break my jaw.

Yanking me back, he threw me roughly to the floor, and landed a pretty decent kick to my stomach. My breath left in a coughing cry that curled me up.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He shouted down at me as I laid there, struggling for breath. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't take one in. I was starting to get scared, panic making my suffocation worse.

I remembered exactly what it was like not being able to breathe, and I was quickly learning to hate it just as much as I hated being alone. Without waiting for me to take in any air, he pulled me upright by my hair, and turned. He pulled open a door in the hallway, throwing me into it.

I hit the floor of the closet and I rolled a little, watching as he slammed the door behind me. Tears of suffocation rolled heavily down my cheeks, and I clenched my eyes shut as I forced myself to calm down enough for just one, minimal breath. My lungs decided to work again after that. They remembered what they were supposed to do, much to my relief. I coughed hard, trembling where I lay.

"You come out of there a second sooner than I let you, you'll be in for much worse than that, you little bitch." He threatened through the door, and I believed him. I was surrounded in darkness, other than the light coming from under the door.

The words he'd said hit me as hard emotionally as he did physically. I remembered Jack speaking those words, and it clicked something in me. I remembered the feeling clearly, and if I didn't know it before, I knew now. I needed to stop pushing him, but I could no longer stay.

It wasn't safe for me anymore, and I'd just given him more proof he needed to get me sent away. My mom had made her choices. I wouldn't stick around to deal with her choices again, but I wasn't being forced to go to another home or even to some mental institution.

My only other option was to run. As scared as I was, I knew I had to run. I wouldn't let that keep happening. I wasn't going back to that.

 **A/N: I know this chapter probably bothered some people, and I apologize for that. :{  
THANK YOU! To those AMAZINGLY AWESOME reviewers of last chapter! I love you guys!**  
 **Chapter Seven should be along soon. It's got a shred of goodness to it. Not a ton, but it's something.**  
 **Until Seven, my friends! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I didn't try escaping when I felt up to it. Not right away.

All I did was crawl to the back of the closet, and curl into a ball. Drawing my knees up to my chest. Watching the light, waiting for it to be interrupted by him stepping in front of it.

I knew he probably wouldn't let me out until my mom got home that night. That was four hours, at least, from then. If she didn't work late. I was stuck in here until then, facing an unknown future yet again.

I whimpered into my hands, knowing this slap would probably bruise. If only a little. Somehow, he'd make it out to be my fault. Maybe part of the struggle to save my life? Same thing with the new bruise I had on my stomach now? Every mark on both of us could be explained away, only making his lie more believable. I was aiding him by acting out.

I sat in there for at least an hour. Just sitting there. Now and then readjusting my hold on my drawn up knees. Thinking hard about my options. I was scared, his most recent threat running painfully through my aching head.

I was okay. That kick had been the most painful thing he'd done, but I was okay. I knew, though, that with people like him, it didn't take long for it to get worse.

I had nowhere else to go, though. I tried to reason with myself. They'd found me at the Cullen's house, curled up on the porch. They'd know right where to look for me when I returned to it. I was onto something, though. I thought harder, my eyes narrowing in the dark.

Unless, I thought to myself, I wasn't on that porch when they came looking for me.

The house had multiple layers, and every side had at least one balcony. A place I could hide, if I could somehow find a way to climb up, and get to it. Nobody would ever think to look up. Not expecting a ten year old to be able to climb the way that I could if I was determined enough.

That solved the problem of where I'd go, but how would I live? I would need food. And a way to keep warm. I would only have one straight shot out of here. I couldn't go to my room, grab the small stash of money I had, and still make it out.

I would be just asking to starve to death if I left here without that, though. I had about sixty bucks stashed away. Enough to survive on for quite some time if I was smart about it. I was desperate enough to want to.

I would have to be pretty damn fast to make it out of here with that. Unless he was sitting there staring at the door, though, I was pretty sure I could sneak out. If I could be quiet enough to get out, and grab the money, I could still race for the door before he even saw me. If there was one thing I was good at, it was running.

I silently climbed to my feet, hesitating for only a moment. I took hold of the knob, and turned it. Peeking out, I heard him in the kitchen. The water in the sink was running, and he was grumbling angrily to himself. I heard the sound of a glass lightly hitting another glass, and I knew he was pouring another drink.

My jaw set tensely.

As far as I was concerned, until I couldn't be anymore, I was still in control of my own life. I had to be. Everyone in charge of my life had absolutely no idea what the hell they were doing.

I heard the running sink turn off and the quiet 'thump' of his glass being set on the kitchen table. I ducked back into the closet, closing the door again as quietly as I could. I wasn't looking for another fight. I was about at my limit there.

"You better not have rabies or something." He barked, and I heard his voice moving away from the door. He was heading up the hall toward the bathroom. Sure enough, the bathroom door closed loudly.

I pushed the door open just enough to squeeze out, carefully controlling my frightened breathing, and keeping my eyes on the bathroom door. I was scared, though, because the bathroom was right across the hall from my bedroom.

If I got out of here alive, I'd never bite another person. I bargained with myself. Carlisle had tried to warn me about this, but I hadn't really believed him then, and in my defense, I thought he'd be there to have my back if it happened.

I carefully made my way down the hall, toward my room. Thanking my lucky stars that the hallway was carpeted, so my shoes made no noise. I made it through the door and ducked around the corner.

As soon as I was in my room, I quickly dropped down and crawled halfway under my bed. Reaching for the sock that held the small amount of cash I'd need to keep myself alive. I'd carelessly thrown it under the bed the last time I'd had it out, and it had rolled toward the wall. In the far corner.

I grunted quietly in pain as I had to stretch, and my aching stomach protested. Wiggling just a little further under the bed, my fingertips just managed to reach it.

Just as I pulled it to me, though, the light in my bedroom turned on. The breath in my lungs turned to concrete, and I froze, waiting for a second before I backed out from under the bed, looking up at Keith standing there. I hadn't heard the bathroom door open.

"Well." He said. "You lasted longer than I thought you would. For a second, I was starting to think you'd given up."

For the first time since I'd been home, I could instantly tell by his voice that he was far more drunk than I thought. As if he'd been drinking the whole time I was in that closet. That terrified me. I'd never really had to deal with a conscious drunk before. If a conscious one was anything like an unconscious one, he wouldn't care.

I took a deep breath, knowing I had to make it out of here soon, or he was going to grow bored of playing games.

In one quick burst, I threw myself up and around him. Headed for the door. Trying to dodge his grabs for me at the same time, I stumbled. Stepping on one shard of wood, it propped up, and managed to stab me in the side of my other leg.

Though it hurt, and I immediately started to cry, I couldn't wait. I couldn't let that slow me down. I ignored Keith's laughter, and pulled it out quickly before continuing on. Trailing warmth down my leg as I listened to him following behind me. My sock of money still clutched tightly in my hand, I ran for my life this time.

I knew he probably wouldn't kill me on purpose, that he was just trying to scare me, but he could easily kill me on accident. Not only that, but if I waited around for my mom to send me away, what little control I still had over my life would be gone. I had to get away. There was no doubt about it. This was it. I wasn't coming back.

I made it to the front door a second before he did, but before I could get it open, he slammed it closed again. Like he'd done earlier. In one swift movement, his hand balled in my hair on the back of my head and he shoved me up against the door. Pinning me there by my head, I coughed. My breath caught around a pain-filled gasp.

He just held me there for a second before he chuckled.

"Caught ya." He murmured, and I just cried. "Now, listen. You and I both know there aren't many options for you right now. I always get what I want. What I want is your mother, and I want you out of my way. I've put up with you for way too long. So I'm going to make your choice for you. See, kids run away all the time. Especially ones as fucked up as you."

I gasped again, sobbing out loudly as I reached back and tried to pry his hand loose.

"You were just on your way out." He pointed out, sighing heavily as he leaned closer, "But before you go, I just want to make sure we're clear. Don't ever come back here. I don't care where you go, but if I ever see your face again, we're going to have a huge problem. Do we understand each other?"

"Please.." I managed to gasp out through my emotion, but honestly, I wasn't trying to beg him. My quiet plea hadn't been to him.

My one hope wasn't that he'll let me go. My one hope was that just one member of my family would find me. That hope died the second it was sparked, and that caused me more pain that actually paled the physical pain.

He pulled me back, and slammed me against the door again when I didn't answer.

"Understand?" He snapped sharply.

"Yes." I cried desperately, now reminded where I was.

"Good." He replied. "Now get the fuck out of here. Before I change my mind about letting you leave." I twisted to get away. He released his hold, and I practically dove to open the door.

Throwing it open with violently trembling hands and throwing myself from the house. Stumbling off the front step, I took off just like before. Straight into the now pouring rain. The door slammed behind me.

He didn't chase me. He let me leave. This time, I didn't stop running to cry. I sobbed as I ran, tears racing down my cheeks as my lungs ached for air.

I couldn't come back. I wouldn't be back. I had one place I could try again, and even empty, it was still the safest place I knew. I craved that safety now, struggling to catch my breath around painful sobs as I remembered it.

But I'd made it. I'd made it out.

I slowed to a quick walk along the long drive, though, needing to calm down and catch my breath if I was going to have the strength to get where I needed to get. My leg was hurting quite bad at that point but I knew I couldn't focus on that just yet.

I couldn't help it, though. I glanced down at my pantleg, taking in how soaked it was in my blood. I knew it wasn't bad enough to kill me. It would stop bleeding eventually, but there was still the risk of infection. I wouldn't be able to use that leg on the climb. Now that I allowed myself to slow, I felt the pain of it.

I knew I wouldn't be bothered by the police until my mom came home. Keith needed her to see how much of a trouble-maker I was. Letting her find me missing herself would be the most effective way to do that. He didn't want me found before I could make sure I was gone for good.

I broke out into view of the house, taking a deep breath at just the sight of it. I ran again, as much as I could, crossing the smooth drive. I sat down for a minute on the bottom step of the porch. The quiet around me was indescribably peaceful, despite what I'd just gone through. I was so tired already, and trying to wrap my head around everything was making me a little dizzy.

I couldn't sit for long, though. I wasn't done yet. I still had to hide.

With that thought, I stood back up.

I looked up, studying the sides of the house, whimpering as I saw actually no way to climb. The side of the house was made of nothing but smooth wood. Even if I had the proper shoes, I wouldn't be able to hold on. The balcony I was thinking of had a railing. If I could somehow find a way to get up to the railing, I could climb over that easily. I just needed to get to the railing, but that was way beyond my climbing ability.

I looked around me. I could somehow use the porch railing as a boost, but there was still a huge space between the porch railing and the bottom of the next floor's balcony. And a fall from that height would hurt quite a bit.

I needed some sort of ladder, or rope. Or a log. But once I was up there, how would I move the log to keep anyone from suspecting I was up there? Damn it. I thought harder. I was desperate enough to do anything, but there was nothing I could do. I really didn't think this out, I was quickly beginning to realize.

Maybe if I used a small enough log. Just barely long enough, then I could somehow pull up behind me. There had to be one out there in the trees. I'd be cutting it close.

It took me quite awhile of searching, and a few tiring trips back and forth, but I found a light enough log that would hold me.

I stood the chosen log up on the railing, against the house. It was sturdy enough to hold me, but light enough to lift. I wiped my hands on my jeans, bit the sock to hold onto it, and prepared myself to scale the log.

I first made my way up onto the railing, balancing the best I could. The last thing I needed was to fall off and kill myself.

It was much, much harder than I thought. With nothing to secure the log, I couldn't pull back on it without it falling. I slipped more times than I could count, only succeeding in getting almost half way up the log, and scraping up my hands along the rough bark.

The sun had started to set by then, and the last time, I wound up on my butt. I growled in frustration. My leg was throbbing painfully, but I had yet to look at it again.

Maybe the log wasn't sloped enough. I stood back up, and readjusted the log. What I lost in height, I gained stability. I tried again. This time, I managed to get passed halfway, but fell back down when I reached roughly for the edge of the balcony. This fall hurt more, tearing up my elbows and knees. Though I was covered in several new bruises, I wouldn't let myself give up.

"Come on." I nearly cried in desperation. "Just a little further. Please. Let me get it this time." I paused, turning at the sound of a car approaching, and I knew by the sound of it that it wasn't my family. I knew it was my mom's car, and coming fast.

My desperation exploded, and I cried this time. I forced myself up the log, and my fingertips barely managed to grip onto the balcony when I lost my grip on the log with my feet. Under me, the log tumbled away, landing in just a way that made it roll across the driveway, coming to a stop just outside the foliage. It blended in.

I held on for all that I was. I didn't have time to readjust my grip. I just kicked my legs, hoping to gain a few inches. I slipped thanks to the blood on my hands, nearly falling, but I caught myself. My fingertips finding a crevice between two planks of wood the balcony was made of. Panting heavily, I grunted loudly and with a final burst of energy, I clawed my way under the railing, and up onto the wood.

I didn't stop to rest yet. I crawled forward, out of sight.

Just as she pulled out in front of the house, I took in deep breaths, trying to catch my breath and stay quiet at the same time. Curled in the corner beside the door, I listened to her climb out of the car. Anyone on the ground wouldn't see this far up here, but if my breathing gave me away, it wouldn't take much to get up here and get me.

"I doubt she's here, Gina." I glared downward at Keith's voice, not anticipating it.

"I want to check everywhere." She replied, and to my surprise, she didn't sound mad. "God, she has to be so scared."

"She wouldn't come back here. Not if she was found here before." Keith reasoned, and I listened to him climb out of the car as well. "She's insane, not stupid."

"Stop saying that." My mom instantly corrected. "I appreciate your concern, Keith. I do, but she's my daughter. She is the way she is, and I wouldn't trade her for the world."

'Go mom.' I thought to myself, smiling a little. It wasn't enough to bring me out of hiding, though. Not near enough.

"If I decide to send her to the facility in Tacoma, it will be my decision. Not yours." My smile instantly faded, "And it definitely will not be an easy decision."

Facility? Did that mean she was thinking about what Keith no doubt suggested already?

"We've already tried everything else, Gina." Keith sighed, his tone trying to reason with her. "She's too far gone to help." That definitely meant he'd already suggested it.

"But.." My mom's voice, which sounded so sure just seconds before, sounded hesitant now. "I can't give up on her."

"Don't think of it as giving up on her." He corrected gently. "Think of it as coming through for her. She needs help, Gina. The kind of help no amount of love will give her."

"She showed so much promise before." She argued half heartedly.

"Losing this family must have been the last straw." He pointed out, and the fact that she didn't reply had me close my eyes and lower my head into my knees.

"Maybe you're right." She finally spoke. "But first things first. We have to find her."

"She isn't here." Keith agreed. "Let's try the bus station again, and if she's not there, we'll go home, and let the police handle it." Their voices trailed off as they climbed back into the car. I waited to breathe normally until I heard them drive away.

Police? Shit. There went seeing Andrew again. I couldn't go back to school. They'd find me there. I'd have to be incredibly careful when going into town for food, or whatever else I needed. I'd be able to pull this off, if I was careful.

The balcony was more covered than the porch was, so I knew I'd have even more shelter than before. Now, at least, animals couldn't get to me. I was safe here tonight, but there was the matter of the cold.

I'd left without a jacket. Only my money sock, but that wouldn't keep me warm. That didn't change my mind about staying right where I was, though. I couldn't make myself move. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't. This was my home. They'd have to come and drag me away from it again. I'd always come back, though. Always.

Even if they weren't there, even if I couldn't even get inside, this would always be my home. As long as it was here, I knew they were real. They'd helped me more than anyone had ever helped me. What they meant to me couldn't be explained in words.

It grew colder the further night closed over me. I thought about Andrew's offer as I huddled into myself, listening to the night animals begin their nightly routine. Though I wanted to take him up on it, as I shivered roughly in the cold, I didn't want to leave.

Despite realizing the truth, I still held hope. I refused to fully believe that they would never come back.

I needed the hope too much. It was now, literally, all I had left.

Plus, I couldn't get back down. Other than jumping, I didn't have a way down with the log having rolled away. I didn't know what I'd do tomorrow, when I knew I'd have to get down, but for right then, I'd just stay.

I barely slept that night, too cold to even uncurl a fraction of an inch. I drew my arms and head inside my shirt, warming myself with my own breath. I shivered constantly, whimpering when a particularly rough shiver would roll through me. It worked just enough.

I gave up on sleep as dawn slowly approached. Staring toward the drive, hoping just to see a hint of them. Nobody came.

I was cold and hungry, which was the only reason I stood sometime after the sun had risen. My leg hurt even worse today, but I still couldn't make myself look at it. All I knew, was that it hurt to even put pressure on it, so getting back down was going to be tricky.

Looking around the yard below, looking for a safe place to throw myself. I didn't want to climb down, and not be able to get back up either. This was safety, but I needed something to eat.

I felt slightly cornered where I was, but I knew I had enough time to figure out what to do. I could take my time. I just needed to sit back, and take a breath. I just needed to think without the heavy pressure on me. I'd figure out a way.

I sighed, stepping back until my back hit the side door. I leaned against it, and slid down. Much like I always did. I was intending to sit curled against the door.

I'd slid down too fast, though, when my aching leg gave out, and my elbow hit the lever door knob. Suddenly, the door behind me wasn't there anymore, and I went tumbling backwards with a quiet, startled yelp. I landed on carpet with a quiet grunt of pain.

My elbow really hurt, but as I opened my eyes and realized I was now inside, the pain was forgotten. I scrambled to my hands and knees, turning on the spot to look around. The door behind me still open. I almost laughed with how simple it was. Thrilled at the simple fact that the door had opened. It was simple, but it was so huge to me as I realized what happened.

They'd locked all the ground level doors, but this one was left unlocked.

A grin came to my face. Happiness exploded in my stomach, and I let out a quiet yell of joy. This solved my shelter problems, and my warmth problems. As well as the issue of getting down from the balcony.

I was safe again.

As long as nobody knew I was here, as long as I was careful, I was safe. I didn't have to go home and suffer. I didn't have to be sent away just to live.

I crawled forward, and gently kicked the door closed. Loving the feeling of the carpet under my hands, I cried again. This time in relief. Kneeled there on the floor, I cried. In relief, and in happiness. My head hanging as I cried.

I only allowed myself a few moments to cry, though. I quickly stood up and left the room. I had to see what I had to work with. I had to see what, if anything, was left behind. I limped through the house, doing inventory.

There was very little furniture left in the house, but there was some. A few beds, and a chair here or there. A handful of blankets in the upstairs linen closet.

To my surprise, even some cans of food were left in the pantry in the kitchen. Fucking score, I thought to myself. There were boxes of pasta in there. I had some options, but I didn't know how I'd cook it. That made me think, though. I reached over and turned a knob on the sink faucet.

I smiled as water actually poured out. I turned it off, and looked through the kitchen drawers. Most everything was gone, but a few dishes and utensils. A can opener, and a lighter in another. What was the lighter for?

I tested the stove, but it didn't light. After a few seconds of nothing but a hissing sound coming out, I quickly got scared and turned it off. I'd figure something else out. I just didn't like playing with things I didn't quite understand.

I tried a light switch. It didn't work, but I figured I'd deal without electricity. The house was insulated well enough to keep the cold from affecting me too badly. I was sure of that, so I didn't need the heater.

And if I got too cold during the night, I could light a small fire in the fireplace. I just had to make sure it was out long before morning. I could do that. It would be easy with the water if I had to use it.

Looking around myself in the living room, I sighed deeply. Setting rules for myself even as I stood there. I had to be smart. I had to be careful. I couldn't leave any evidence that I was here where anyone could see it from the windows. I knew after long enough of me missing, they'd come back here to search. I just hoped my family didn't decide to sell the house while I was still here. If they did, I'd be back out on my butt.

Not being seen would be achieved easily by choosing a room upstairs, only coming downstairs when I absolutely had to.

I limped back upstairs, wincing as my leg protested. I paused, deciding to at least get a look at it. I stopped in the upstairs bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub. I winced as I raised my pantleg, the dried blood making it painful to do so.

Immediately, I knew it was infected. The redness, and swelling around the silver-dollar sized wound told me that it was, but at least the bleeding had stopped. I cursed quietly, gently touching the skin around it, knowing it was deeper than it looked.

I looked around myself in the bathroom. I doubted there was anything there I could use to clean it. I checked the medicine cabinet, not finding anything but dust. Maybe in Carlisle's office, there would be left over medical supplies.

It didn't hurt to check. It actually did hurt to check, but I chose not to dwell on it. I crossed the hall, and walked in. Trying to ignore how empty it looked along with the memories of the many talks I'd had with Carlisle in this room.

I only found a ten pack of alcohol pads on one of the upper shelves. That'd have to work. I sighed and left the room, closing the door behind me, but I paused in the hallway. I looked to my dirty jeans. Cleaning the wound wouldn't do any good with my dirty clothes. It'd just stay infected.

If I knew Alice, she wouldn't take every article of clothing she owned. I hadn't checked her room yet, but I knew for a fact she wouldn't mind if I put some of her old clothes to use.

As it turned out, I was wrong. There was no clothing left in her room, or Rosalie's. Nothing.

I was starting to worry about having to go into town for something clean to wear, when I found something in Carlisle and Esme's room. It wasn't Esme's clothing I found, though. There were three of Carlisle's shirts left hanging up, and considering it was the only clean clothing I had to wear, I pulled one down. I wouldn't have any bottoms to wear, but the shirt easily went to my knees, so I wasn't too worried about that. I didn't like it, but I would deal with it. If it meant I didn't die from the infection in my leg.

Plus I was here alone. What did it matter?

I cleaned the wound, cursing loudly as I did so. Biting my lip harshly, squeezing my eyes shut at the pain, but I managed to get it, and the skin around it cleaned with one pad. Hopefully, I wouldn't need more than ten.

I sat there afterwards, realizing just how tired I was. Exhausted, really. Not having slept the night before, I needed to rest before I did anything else. Even the hunger could wait.

Stepping back into Carlisle and Esme's room to retrieve my old clothes, I sighed.

"Screw it." I muttered quietly, climbing onto the bed that still sat there. I didn't even need a blanket, still so much warmer than I was outside. I honestly couldn't believe my luck, but I had to wonder. Things had been left behind. Things I could definitely use. They didn't ever leave anything half-done.

Had they known I'd come here eventually?

That only hurt me to realize, though. All it did was make me cry, because even when they weren't here, they were taking care of me. Believing that they left those things there for me to find proved that they weren't lying when they said they cared about me. That I wasn't crazy to hold onto anything I could.

I had at least a few months worth of food in the kitchen if I was careful with it. I had running water. I had shelter, some clothing, and a safe place to sleep. I had a way to live without having to be afraid. They didn't know what they'd given me by doing this.

Through tears, I looked out the window at the surrounding trees, feeling more comforted than I had since they left, and I let my eyes close.

Promptly falling to sleep, curled into a ball in the center of the soft mattress.

While I slept, I didn't dream. I wasn't plagued by nightmares of Jack or being alone. I still missed them, even while I slept, but somehow, being home provided me enough comfort to sleep dream free.

I jerked awake a long while later, and at first, I was disoriented. I was confused, looking around the dark room until I remembered. I smiled again, laying back down. Being relieved once more, I just breathed for a minute. Calming down.

One pressing issue made me open my eyes again. I noticed that it had fallen dark outside. Hours having passed while I slept.

Damn. I'd wasted the entire day. In my still half asleep state, I looked around myself in the dark room again. I didn't want to leave the room, but I had to eat something soon. I was starting to feel sick.

I hadn't realized just how dark it got in here without any light. As badly as I hated the dark, it wasn't like I had any other choice. I frowned a little in thought. Unless I did have a choice?

Holding tightly to the railing, just in case, I made my way downstairs. I really didn't feel like falling down the stairs tonight.

I felt my way into the garage, and I hesitated in the doorway. It was darker in there than in the rest of the house. I was looking for one drawer in particular. It was tough to see anything, but I felt my way along the row of drawers against the far wall. Guided by pure memory now.

I pulled open the third drawer from the end, hearing something roll to the front. If this was still here, I would be the luckiest kid in the world. Picking it up, I laughed as I clicked it on.

"Yes! Thank you." I whispered, smiling at the flashlight and leaving the empty garage.

I hesitated again, scanning the dark area outside the windows before ducking into the kitchen. There were many options in the pantry, but I didn't hesitate when I caught sight of the canned peaches.

I knew I couldn't just eat everything, though, so I stopped at the one can. As hungry as I still was, it was way better than nothing. I just didn't know where I was going to put the empty cans. Maybe I could find a way to get to the store soon and buy some bags. I knew I'd have to get there soon anyway, as I needed more than just some alcohol pads for my leg. I wasn't stupid.

That could wait for right then, though. I returned upstairs, pausing just long enough to grab a blanket from the closet before going back into the room I'd obviously chosen. I wrapped myself up in the blanket like a burrito, falling back down onto the bed.

There wasn't even anyone here, yet I felt protected. I felt more sheltered and secure here than I ever did with my mom. I closed my eyes, just resting them in my relief.

I'd searched for this security for almost three months straight, and dammit, I was going to lay there in a blanket burrito and just enjoy it for right then. Being wrapped up like I was only comforted me more. Like it was okay just to be broken and breathe.

I had so many memories in this house, but it wasn't just the memories I held onto. It was the family that helped me make those memories. As safe as I felt, I still felt empty.

I looked around, but unfortunately, I couldn't see that much. It was too dark, so I closed my eyes. I didn't know how long I had here, to be honest, and I wanted to make the best of it if it was going to be taken from me.

Tomorrow, I'd rinse out my clothes, and give them time to dry. Tomorrow, I'd have to try to get to a store in town. Tomorrow, I'd give more serious thought to what I was going to do. I did understand that I couldn't stay here forever. As much as I wanted to.

Tomorrow, though. It could wait. Curling tighter into a burrito in the middle of Carlisle and Esme's bed, I quickly drifted off to sleep.

I didn't dream this time either, but I woke up in the morning, still curled up and thinking about the last time I saw all of them. Bella's birthday party, way back in September. I woke up with tears in my eyes and dampening the side of my face. I'd been crying in my sleep.

There were so many things I would change about that day. If I had known that that was the last time I saw them, I wouldn't have acted the way I did. I would never have been so mean and demanding. I would have thanked them..

I needed to stop thinking about that. I was only hurting myself, but I couldn't help it. If I had only known what would happen, I would have pushed Bella away myself. I wouldn't care if I got hurt. If it meant I didn't have to live for so long with this feeling, I wouldn't have cared.

Seeing Bella, and the pain in her numb expression really got to me. She was hurting, and though I felt really bad about that, I knew no amount of talking about it would help. Not really. Talking about it wouldn't fill the holes left behind in their absence. Not for her, and definitely not for me.

Seeing her, I'd been jealous of the fact that she was able to numb herself. I couldn't do that. I had too many other things going on to do that. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I desperately wanted to just shut down the way she seemed to, but I honestly couldn't. Not with my mom around. Not with Keith.

As badly as I knew I needed to get moving, given the aching pain throughout my leg, I didn't move. As much as I knew I needed to get things done, I didn't get anything done.

I was useless all day, just hiding out and laying there. Sleeping when I could, recovering from the day before while I was awake. I never got around to washing my clothes. I never left the bed. I lost the entire day to emotion and memories, and I figured that was okay.

It was probably better I didn't try going into town during the day anyway. Unless I wanted to get caught immediately. If I went at night, to the store I was thinking of, my mom wouldn't be there and there was less chance of being seen by anyone who mattered.

I sighed and climbed off the bed some time after dark, wishing I could somehow cover my leg wound before I pulled on my jeans, but I didn't have anything. I had no idea how late it was as it was, but I could take my time. I ached from my physical activity and the day I'd had the day before, but I had no choice. I really didn't want a bigger problem.

I grabbed my sock off the floor, and took a deep breath.

I made sure to leave a side door unlocked before leaving. I did not want to be stuck outside again. I was pretty used to wandering around at night by then, so it really wasn't that bad.

I listened for any noises out in the yard, but I heard none but the normal night sounds. I closed the door quietly behind me, and quickly started toward the drive. Trying hard to ignore the sharp, stabbing pain in my leg with each step.

I still had no idea how late it was, but I wasn't passed by one car as I made my way toward town. I slowed once I reached the first street light, trying to catch my breath. There was a twenty-four hour general store that I had in mind. The same one that my mom worked at during the day.

I looked around myself, paranoid that at any second, someone would see or recognize me. I practically dove into the store, scaring the hell out of the clerk reading a magazine.

"Jesus, kid." He grumbled. "You scared me."

"Sorry." I mumbled, glancing out the window at the still brightly lit street. His eyes were on me. Watching me closely. I had a feeling he thought I was going to try and run off with stuff. Either that, or he was wondering what the hell I was doing out so late on my own. Or both. I shook my head.

With that, I got to work. I quickly found the medical supply aisle. It was scarcely stocked, at best. I sighed and scanned the shelves, trying to figure out what I could use. I knew a normal band-aid wouldn't cover it, so I grabbed a big box of the large gauze squares and some medical tape. Just to offer the wound a little bit of coverage. Antibiotic cream would give me a little bit of a fighting chance.

I also found a toothbrush and the cheapest tube of toothpaste I could find. I didn't want to spend all the money I had so quick, even if I didn't need it for food. I had to be careful, but I was also spending too much time in here.

I threw it all onto the counter, much to his relief. I looked up, waiting impatiently for him to scan and bag it all up.

"This it for you, kid?" He asked, and I nodded quickly. "Eleven bucks." Not bad. I handed him a twenty, and he gave me change. "Next time, try not to give me a heart attack, would ya?"

"I'll try." I mumbled, grabbing my two grocery bags. I left, glancing up and down the street once more before heading quickly back through town.

I thought I'd made it once I reached the highway, almost to the drive, but a car's headlights behind me had me quickly diving into the trees a little earlier than I wanted to. I paused in the shelter of the trees, waiting to see if whatever car it was slowed down. If they slowed down, then for sure it was a cop. If they kept going, then it wasn't.

It slowed.

I didn't wait. I turned, running as quickly as I could back in the direction of home.

Unfortunately, getting incredibly muddy and scraping myself quite a bit more before I paused in the trees around the yard. I heard whatever car it was coming up the drive so I raced across the yard as fast as I could, heading straight for the side door. It closed behind me, and I locked it again just as the house was flooded with the car's headlights through the many windows.

I panted hard, slightly trembling with both pain and exertion.

I stuck to the shadows and darted upstairs. Finding the linen closet, and stashing what I'd bought on a higher shelf, I chose the bathroom window to look out toward the drive, spotting a cop car, and it's driver out checking the trees with his flashlight.

"No, no, no.." I shrunk down, silently pleading with myself. Hoping he'd check the doors, and move on. Hoping he was just as oblivious to the upstairs doors being unlocked as I had been. I heard the door knobs rattled downstairs, holding my breath. Curling myself into an upright ball in the bathtub. "Please, please, please.."

If I was found now, that'd be it. I'd never have another moment of freedom again. I'd never get another chance to come back here. I was so scared in those few moments, hoping beyond anything that I was as safe here as I thought I was. Please, don't let them be able to come in. If they ever somehow came in to search, I would be found immediately.

I couldn't go back home. I wasn't going back to that. Tears escaped my eyes at just the thought, but I still kept silent.

After what seemed like an eternity, I heard the unmistakable sound of another car door slam, and looked back. I was half afraid he'd called someone else, but looking up, I peeked out in time to see the cop driving away. Leaving the yard just as dark as before he arrived.

I sobbed in relief, dropping back down, and relaxing in the tub for a moment. I had no doubts they'd be back eventually. But for tonight, I was safe. I hoped. The doors had kept them out just as effectively as they'd kept me out.

I took a few calming breaths in the dark room.

I quickly changed out of my soaked and now worse torn clothing, back into the shirt and hanging them up to dry, before getting to work with tending to the wound, and new scrapes as well. It still amazed me when I turned the water on and it worked.

I could live without electricity, but water was needed to survive. I swore, it seemed like they knew. It was like they knew I'd need a place to hide. Too many coincidences to count. I didn't question it, though.

I shed the shirt, making sure not to get it wet, and kneeled beside the tub to carefully rinse out the scrapes, and especially the wound on my leg.

I didn't want to get the shirt wet, as it was a little chilly already. Not nearly as chilly as outside, however, for which I was incredibly grateful, but the water was like ice. Without electricity, the only water I had to work with was cold. I wasn't complaining though. I'd done it before. I could do it again.

I air dried before tending to my leg. Pouring peroxide over it, careful not to waste any while it bubbled angrily. and wiping it again with the alcohol pad. I sat there for a second, letting it air dry for a few minutes. I couldn't help thinking, though, as I sat there.

Everything I was doing now I'd learned from Carlisle. I'd learned a lot from him, and it was really coming in handy now. The things he taught me was how I knew to worry about infection at all. If it wasn't for him and what he'd taught me, I probably would have just left it.

I applied the cream to the wound carefully, and covered it. It ached badly after I'd just pissed it off, but I knew that would happen. I headed downstairs only long enough to eat. I sat on the floor, hidden from the windows by the counter behind me while I ate some kind of canned pasta. It wasn't bad cold.

Dammit. I realized once I was done that I'd forgotten to get bags. I wasn't going back there for awhile, so the plastic bags I'd been given with the stuff I bought would have to do.

I returned upstairs after rinsing everything I'd used and put them back.

I thought again about everything they'd left behind for me. I wondered if Alice knew I was here now. I wondered if she knew why I was there. They'd obviously left things for a reason, but I doubted they knew when they did it that I'd need it. Maybe it was a precaution.

I couldn't help wondering, though. If Alice knew I was there, surely someone would have come back by now. Unless, for whatever reason, she still believed I was better off without them. Like Carlisle had said.

I had to admit, I wasn't doing a bad job of taking care of everything myself. The only problem I had was Keith, and I'd gotten away from there. Relatively unharmed.

It still scared me. Thinking about my next step from here, but more often than before, my thoughts went back to my mom. As scared as I'd been when I'd left, and as angry as I'd been at her choices, I had to stop for a second.

It was _so_ hard for me to even think this way, but what if she was being stupid because she actually didn't know? She wouldn't see the things I saw. She wouldn't recognize the signs the way I would.

She'd spent most of the last few years blissfully unaware. She didn't see Jack the way I saw Jack. Her mind was closed. Maybe she just needed help seeing it from where I stood. Leaving her behind to face that alone, again, might not have been the right choice.

I just didn't know what the right choice was. If I left here to try to help her, I would never get to come back. I couldn't go back to that. I couldn't keep living that way. I got away from that kind of life. I'd earned my freedom. I'd worked too hard to just give up and go back to being kicked around.

Then, there was Keith's threat I had to consider. He'd warned me to stay gone. He'd been pretty clear about that.

I whimpered, hiding my face in the blanket. Fighting the tears.

I had to much to lose by going back, but at the same time, I realized I felt sick imagining my mom back in the same situation she'd been in. Only this time, I wasn't around to take his focus. Maybe she just needed some help being brave?

I found comfort in this place. I found safety here. I found my way in right when I needed to, and it hurt me so bad to think that someday soon, I would have to leave it. Time stopped for me here. I could be calm, or I could cry. I could think, or I could just sleep. That was a lot to give up, but eventually, I would run out of food and I'd have to find another way to survive.

Either way, no matter what I did after this, I'd have to leave it behind. That thought made me so sad, because I knew I wouldn't only be leaving the house behind. I'd have to move on. I couldn't keep grieving over people that didn't want to be there.

It really wasn't an easy decision, and one I avoided thinking about for right then. If I went back, I lost everything, but if I stayed here, I risked a lot as well.

A week of this routine passed, and with each passing day, I was settling into the routine. I'd stopped by the store again and I picked up a few other things, too. Like soap, both for me and my clothes, extra flashlight batteries, and a little battery operated clock. Using the flashing bank sign in town to set it.

The cops had been back once to look around the outside of the house. Like they expected me to be stupid enough to come back here. I smirked a little.

November ended, and most of December passed this way.

As my leg wound healed quite a bit, I chose to stop cleaning it so often.

I couldn't go into town anymore. Not with missing posters plastered up on every street corner. I knew the clerk recognized me, but as of yet, he hadn't said a word to anyone. Going into town at all, though, was pushing my luck.

I'd badly miscalculated when I first got here. To conserve food, I now only ate once every two days. Which wasn't a problem for me. I'd done it before.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do once that ran out. I was ten. No hope of getting a job. Even odd jobs were out of the question, because someone was bound to recognize me, and turn me in.

I relished in the safety of the house while I still could. I knew once my food supply ran out, I'd have to leave. If I wasn't going back to my mom, I really had to come up a way to live. To find somewhere to stay that would provide me with opportunities to eat, but not be recognized. Once my food supply ran out, I'd have to move on.

Despite how I'd become independent, it still hurt me to live here. I felt safest here, it was true, but I remembered clearly what it was like to have company. This was their house, first and foremost, and I was incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity to live here while I had, but the truth was, I needed them to come back.

I couldn't handle leaving.

It seemed as if nothing in my life made sense without the Cullens. Nothing was right. Nothing was okay. Everything had just fallen apart right in front of me, and I couldn't pick up the pieces without them shattering further. While living here covered the emotional wounds they left, almost numbing them to a more tolerable level, they weren't healing. Knowing I'd have to leave here soon made that painfully obvious.

I was okay for right then, but the time would come soon when that wouldn't the case anymore. I dreaded having to leave the house, trying to find some way to survive in the middle of winter. Without any winter weather clothes. Not even a jacket.

They'd always been there when I needed them the most. I needed Carlisle, and I needed Esme. I needed all of them. I was officially at my lowest point. I officially needed them more than I ever had before, and I was so scared.

They would come back. They had to. They'd forgotten the one thing that was most important. They'd taken the furniture, most everything in the house, but they'd forgotten the most important thing in their lives. Me.

Keith had been a part of this I hadn't anticipated.

I knew something was bound to go wrong. I'd known it from the moment I learned I'd eventually have to go back to her, but I didn't know then how wrong it'd go.

I still didn't trust my mom with him, and I had a feeling he just wanted someone to control. Well, if he was willing to chase me from the house to achieve that, he'd be willing to do just about anything. I really had to wonder how my mom was doing. I wondered if she'd moved on. Written me off as dead, and just forgot about me.

The night of December twenty-first, after my painful food choices and getting ready to sleep, I was calm, not sleeping but resting. It was _so_ quiet, and almost comforting despite my constantly running mind. I still felt sheltered. I was sure they were still searching for me all over town, but I didn't care. I wasn't letting that pressure me.

I was getting restless, though. Like I knew there was something I needed to be doing, but I was in denial. It was so quiet here. Most of the time, the only thing I had to listen to was my own thoughts.

Tonight, I was sorting through a few more memories of the family. Every word of every promise they ever made me, but the silence was messing with me. The silence made me think about the dream I had that made me ask Carlisle to turn me.

It didn't sit right with me, and turned my stomach to think about just how accurate it was now. They were gone, just like in the dream. My mom was useless, and I had another Jack in my life again. Just like in the dream, I was alone. I didn't think much of that, though, as I wondered if they remembered that dream too.

Not long after that dream was when everything started slipping away from me. The night of my tenth birthday. A birthday that had felt wrong from the start. I needed better memories. Right.

Independence, I realized. I wondered if this was what they had in mind when they said I needed to learn independence. Though I was lonely, it was far better than the alternative. Independence and being alone were supposed to be different. To me, right then, it was the very same thing, and soon enough, I'd have to go be independent somewhere else.

I bit my lip, looking around the room.

I finally decided that I couldn't go back to my mom. Keith's threats were scary enough to make me burn that bridge without much thought.

If I wasn't going home, I didn't know where I would go, honestly. Maybe look for a place to stay in Port Angeles, or if I was brave enough, Seattle. Seattle would have more opportunities, but a lot more danger. It would be easy for a kid like me to get lost or hurt in a city that size.

The chances of getting hurt was enough to make me lean more toward Port Angeles. It was far enough away that nobody would expect to find me there, yet their crime rate was probably much lower.

I had settled on Port Angeles as my next landing place, but with that, came a whole lot of other things I needed to think about. It was literally the middle of December, and really cold out. I wouldn't last very long out on my own. Having a house to hide in was one thing. Yeah, it was cold in here, but not bad enough to worry about. Outside was a whole different story.

Plus, how would I even get there? I knew there was a bus that took people to Port Angeles every day, but I didn't know how to take a bus like that, much less how I was supposed to get on it without being caught. And I didn't know what time to be there, so I'd have to stand there until I found out. Out in the daylight where anyone could drive by.

I'd just spared a few thoughts to the holiday coming up, hating every moment of the second my thoughts were there, when my attention was taken by the sound of a door opening downstairs. The sound was loud enough to yank me violently out of my thoughts.

My eyes opened and the first thing I noticed was the now-illuminated room. There were lights outside. I froze at first, unsure. My heart pounded harshly, my mind freezing in its tracks.

Could it be them?

I jumped up, running to the window. I only found something concerning, rather than comforting.

 **A/N: Sadness. :(  
THANK YOU! To my awesome, amazing, wonderful reviewer! Happy face!  
Chapter Eight has a familiar face in it, but I'm not sure we should be happy to see it. :{  
Until Eight, my friends!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Two cop cars sat outside. Snow heavily falling in the headlights shining at the front of the house. How had I not seen them pull up? They hadn't been here in weeks, so what made them come back?

Listening to voices downstairs. I quickly crossed the room, gathering my clothes and scurrying under the bed as silently as I could.

"Come on, John." I heard. "It's probably just a water leak."

"Doubtful." I heard another's reply. "Places like these don't get water leaks. Someone's been using water here, and since nobody is living here, I think it's safe to assume she found a way in."

My heart pounded as I heard them climbing the stairs.

Shit. I didn't even think about them being able to know water was being used. I whimpered almost silently, scooting back and trying to hide nearest the wall. I silently rolled over, pulling on my jeans, but leaving the shirt where it was.

After briefly considering jumping out the window, I realized I'd have to pass right by them to get out the door. I was trapped. I didn't trust these cops as far as I could throw them, and wanted no part of me vulnerable. I heard them out in the hall, and tried to think. They would for sure find me here if they were looking for any obvious hiding spots. Like under a bed, or in a closet.

I had to try.

Crawling out silently, I slowly tip toed toward the door, peeking out at them having found my stash of stuff in the closet. I quickly rounded the door and headed for the third floor.

"Hey!" My heart dropped in fear as one obviously caught sight of me.

I listened to the sound of them following me, and the only direction I had to go was up. My bare feet made no sound on the carpeted stairs as I pulled myself up as fast as I could.

I swung around the corner, finding myself in Edward's room. I ran across the room, straight to his balcony door. I pulled it open, nearly jumping out in my desperation. I stopped myself once I stepped out, my feet sliding a little on the accumulated snow on the smooth wooden ledge.

There was no way I would survive that fall.

A few things happened in the couple of seconds I stood out there. One, I shivered roughly as I was nearly covered instantly in the heavily falling snow.

Two, I started to cry. Fearfully trembling there on the ledge. I wasn't about to jump, but I also desperately didn't want to be caught.

Three, I felt myself watched. More than just by the two cops hesitating in approaching me. I felt eyes on me, and for the first time in all the nights I spent there, I felt vulnerable. Open. Exposed as I stood there.

I could hardly see two feet past the headlights in the yard, the darkness beyond them seeming to stretch forever to the trees. I saw nothing in the darkness, but this feeling scared me into fruitlessly trying.

This went beyond some simple nervousness. Tonight, I was truly afraid. A sense of fearful anticipation choked me, making it harder to breathe. Like at any second, my life would end. I'd never felt this way before, so it shook me deeply.

I listened for any normal sound. Any normal nighttime sound, but never heard any. Just the sound of my elevated heart rate, and my nearly panicked breathing.

"Leandra." I didn't look back at the cop's voice. "Leandra, honey, come back inside."

"We've been looking for you for a very long time, sweetie." I didn't trust their kind voice. I wasn't buying it. They only wanted one thing, and that was to turn me in. Return me to my mom only to have her send me away.

I scanned the trees, looking for any reason to confirm that I was being watched. Any reason at all to shake off the feeling. Before I could find anything, my arm was gripped almost roughly and I was yanked backwards, pulled from the ledge and back into the room as I was swung around.

I gave a startled shout and instantly began my fight. The cop that held me firmly wrapped his arms around mine, pinning them to my sides. Out of reach of my teeth, so someone must have tipped him off.

Writhing and twisting, I sobbed loudly in my desperation. It wasn't unnoticed that I was being taken away, literally kicking and nearly screaming, from where I wanted to stay more than I wanted my next breath, and back to a place I'd already vowed never to go.

"The door!" The cop that held me shouted at his partner over my cries. "Get the door!"

I was wrestled down the stairs, kicking and fighting as hard as I could. I was dragged outside into the snow, and my sobs intensified as I was carried toward one of the waiting cop cars.

In one last desperate try, I slammed my head back, finally making contact with something. I was released with a loud shout of pain from the cop behind me, dropped to my bare feet and instantly, I was off running. Barely dodging the other cop's grabs for me.

My bare feet immediately burned painfully in the cold, but I didn't stop. I ran for all I was worth. Racing toward the drive. Though the back of my head hurt, I knew it was nothing compared to the damage I'd done to the cop.

"Go catch her! Goddammit!" I heard muffled behind me. That only made me push faster. I had to find somewhere else to hide out until I could safely leave town. Chased from this house as well. I was out of places to run.

They might have thought they were helping me, but they really weren't.

I had to outsmart them, but somehow, not freeze to death during the night. I turned, jumping quickly into the trees. Since I had a head start, he wouldn't know where I'd gone unless he was looking for my tracks in the light dusting of snow on the drive. I could only hope he wasn't.

I kept going as long as I could and as quietly as I could through the trees, gasping the whole way.

After suddenly sprinting as fast as I could, though, my lungs ached with my desperate breathing. It'd been awhile since I'd run that fast. I needed to catch my breath, but that was really hard to do through my intense emotion. My breath visible in the air around me as I searched every direction for an answer, somehow before that second cop caught up to me.

I needed to hide out. I needed a place to hide to recover just a little bit before I could keep going. Somehow the snow hadn't reached this area, so no tracks would be left. It hadn't made it through the tops of the trees yet.

"Leandra?"

The cop's voice reminded me to keep moving. Although he wasn't directly behind me, I didn't want to give him a direction to search. I crouched down in an effort to blend in with the foliage around me, and then I spotted it.

I found a fallen tree with ferns and thick vegetation growing around it, just feet in front of me. Crawling forward as quietly as I could, I jumped over it, and parted the tall ferns away from it. I laid down between the trunk of the fallen tree and the ferns. Just as I thought they would, they curled back over and covered me.

I heard my name again, but further away, so I knew I was okay to start breathing again.

I laid there for quite awhile with no idea how much time was passing. I shivered violently the entire time, curled into as tight a ball as I could get and tucking my head into the shirt. My eyes swam with terrified tears, and my head swam with panic. The entire time I laid there, expecting to be caught at any second, I listened to the woods become very active off in the distance. Back in the direction of the house.

I was very nearly too frozen to move by the time I sat up, shivering violently again. I was so cold, I hurt. Everywhere. My entire body ached in a pain I felt in my bones. I couldn't go back.

They'd be watching the house now, but I had to get somewhere else, and quick. Somewhere to warm up, or I'd die out here. I was facing freezing to death now, and I had to think. With just Carlisle's shirt and my jeans to keep me warm in the snow, I needed another option.

I remembered what Carlisle told me months ago about what a feral child was.

How they went to extremes to avoid someone or something. Would laying on the ground of a forest in the middle of winter barefooted and without a jacket be considered extreme? Hurting people to get free, and running for my life, even if it meant dying alone in the cold? I just couldn't tell who was good anymore. As far as I was concerned, those cops were only helping my mom. They were just helping Keith. They weren't trying to help me.

I sobbed silently to myself, curling into an upright, warmth-preserving ball. I could keep moving, but at the same time, I couldn't. I was dizzy and tired, and I wanted to just sit for a little while longer.

Several times, I had to cover my burning toes with my hands. They hurt so much, I couldn't stand it. The pain traveled sharply from my frozen toes, up my legs. Being so intense, and strong that I couldn't find a comparison anywhere in me. I shivered, roughly biting back the sobs of pain.

"You shouldn't be out here." I jumped, yelping as I threw myself upright at the voice behind me. Trying to stand, but my frozen feet wouldn't have that.

I spun, my eyes landing on Laurent, the vampire that had stood in our kitchen several months ago. It took me a moment to recognize him in the darkness, but when I did, I struggled back a bit further.

Seeing my fear, he chuckled a little. "You have no need to be afraid."

"That's not what I was told." I mumbled, keeping my eyes on him. It was hard to sound tough when my voice shook violently along with me.

"Perhaps that was the case last spring, but I've chosen another way." He explained. His voice was calm, but I knew he wasn't feeling as calm as he let on. Even in the dark, I could see that his eyes were a black color I'd seen before. Before the Cullens left.

"I hope so." I replied meekly, "Because I can't outrun you." He smiled, staying back. I kept my voice down, still quite worried about being caught by the search party in the distance.

"You shouldn't be out here." He repeated, frowning in confusion. "Why are you?"

"I don't want to be caught." I found myself admitting. "I have no other choice." I shivered roughly as I said that, trembling where I sat. My breath coming in thicker puffs in front of me, meaning it had only gotten colder.

"I saw." He said. "I saw you fight the two other humans."

I couldn't reply to that yet. I lowered my head briefly, sobbing quietly. I was too shaken to do much else. Just looking at him brought forward memories that I didn't want to face, and the physical pain I was in rivaled the pain of the bruises I'd worn back then. Every tense shiver that rolled through me felt like a beating in itself.

"Here." Laurent called my attention. I watched, slightly nervously as he shed his jacket, and held it out to me. He lifted it a little when I didn't immediately move forward to take it.

"Here." He said again. "Consider this an apology." I still wasn't sure so he laughed a little, moving forward. Hanging it on a low, dry tree branch, and moved back.

I kept my eyes on him as I slowly crawled forward, keeping my deep red toes off the ground as I reached for it.

"Why do you not want to be caught?" He asked, obviously interested. "Why did you fight to get free? You could die out here." The thick jacket slipped from the branch and landed on my head at first. He'd given me a jacket. The least I could do was answer him. I pulled on the jacket, trying to find the words.

"They'll send me back home." I told him. "And I don't want to go. I'm just fine on my own."

"Your coven?" He asked, and I frowned in confusion. "The Cullens?"

"Oh." I said. "No. Not them. They haven't been back."

"The Cullens left town?"

"Yeah." I muttered, curling my feet into the jacket as well. "They've been gone since September."

"And they left you?"

I took a deep breath. "Can you help me? I-I need to get somewhere warm, but I can't go back to the house, because they'll catch me there." He studied me closely for a few seconds.

"Only if you help me." He finally replied. "I want to know what you know about the other human."

"Bella?" I asked quietly, and he nodded once. "I don't know. I don't see her much anymore. Hardly ever in fact. I know she lives in town, though." He looked down in thought.

"They left her too?"

"Yeah." I muttered. "Why?"

"No reason." He gave me a smile I didn't trust, but I didn't ask. "Only curious." He paused, and he studied me again. I studied him right back, looking up at him where I stayed crouched. I was waiting now for him to keep his end of the deal.

"You need to get out of the area?" He asked, and I nodded. "Without detection?" I nodded again. "There is no way physically possible for you to achieve that. I would have to carry you."

"Never mind then." I grumbled. I wasn't okay with that thought on many levels.

"It is the only way." He pointed out, "But I highly suggest you decide quickly. The tracking dogs have arrived." The dogs would lead them right to me.

I thought hard about it.

"Can you carry me without biting me?" I asked timidly. That seemed to be my answer.

"Where do you need to go?"

"Anywhere for now." I almost plead. "Anywhere but here." I had a way to get anywhere I wanted, but I had a choice to make because it was a one time deal.

He sighed.

Off in the distance, I clearly heard the sound of a few dogs getting really excited. The baying that echoed right to me told me my time was up.

"Please. Just.." I whimpered, "Get me out of here. Leave me somewhere in town, and I-I'll figure it out from there."

"You specified somewhere warm-"

"Mayberry street." I finally said, which nearly hurt to say. That was the street my mom lived on.

He gave a nod, striding over and lifting me easily, drawing a fearful whimper from me. "Close your eyes."

I did so without argument, hardly breathing while he held me. As badly as I didn't want to provoke him, I cried. I knew at any second, he could end my life, but he wasn't. The more breaths I took, the longer my heart beat, I slowly began to believe that he was only helping me get out of there.

Suddenly, I was on my feet again, and I opened my eyes. Sure enough, he'd left me right on the corner of Pine and Mayberry streets. Snow still fell heavily all around me, but I was standing here alone again.

I thought about just going to my mom's house, but I thought again.

Somewhere warm. Andrew had told me that if I ever needed a warm place to go, but I didn't want to go home, I could go there. Back at the Cullen's house, it sounded to me like every single cop in town had been there to look for me. Maybe his dad was there too, meaning I could talk to Andrew without his dad turning me in.

Through the snow, still barefoot, I managed to get moving. I slid to a stop on the sidewalk outside Andrew's house, studying it a bit.

The gold car wasn't sitting outside, just as I thought, but the lights inside his house were on. Including the one in his bedroom. I had to risk it. I was in too much pain to fight anymore.

I slipped in the snow on the first porch step, landing hard on my knees, but I managed to make it up to the front door. I rang the bell, bouncing anxiously as I shivered violently and waited for Andrew to come open it.

Finally the door opened, and my heart sank a little as I looked up at his dad standing there.

"Leandra?" He seemed honestly surprised to see me, but I backed up a step as he pushed open the screen door.

"I-Uh.." I mumbled. "Sorry.. I'm sorry, sir." I went to turn, but he gently stopped me.

"No, sweetheart." He said sadly. "No, no. Come inside. My God, you're frozen half to death." I could have probably fought him, but I just didn't have it in me anymore. He was offering warmth. "And please call me Richard."

Very briefly, I recalled that I had an uncle named Richard, on my dad's side, so it was a little funny. Though I was nowhere near tempted to laugh.

I allowed him to herd me inside, and the second my feet were on the warm carpet, I started to cry. Not just because the warmth sent a brand new shock of pain through my frozen feet, but also because of the Christmas decorations every direction I looked. It was another solid reminder I could have really done without.

"Where have you been, sweetie?" Richard asked, closing the front door. I glanced up at him, and he sighed. "That can wait. Come in."

I was surprised when he put his arm around me and turned me toward the living room. I had no idea what I was expecting, but he was warm. It was too nice to move away from.

I took the hint, sitting on the couch across from the fireplace. I accepted the blanket he offered from the back of the couch. Wrapping it gratefully around myself with trembling hands.

"Sit tight for a minute." He told me, and I just nodded. The warmth from the fireplace felt too good to even consider running away from. He nodded as well. He reached down and grabbed his cell phone off the table, before turning and striding from the room.

"Andrew." He called up the stairs. "Come down here. Into the living room, please." He didn't wait, though. He continued on toward the kitchen.

I closed my eyes, resting them while I waited. I couldn't believe how quick everything happened. I was so tired of being uprooted. I should have been sleeping.

I looked over as soon as I heard Andrew's footsteps down the stairs. As soon as he saw me, he moved faster. Hurrying the rest of the way down the stairs and nearly sprinting toward me.

"Where have you been?" He asked, landing on the couch beside me. "Leandra, everyone's been looking for you for like a month."

"I didn't wanna be found." I admitted. "I'm fine. I'm just.. I mean.. Y-You said I could come here-"

"I know." He said, cutting off my nervous rambling. "You still can. It's okay." I nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to slow my tears.

"I didn't know your dad was here." I sniffled. "The car wasn't out there."

"He parks the car in the garage at night." He explained, and I sighed. I hadn't thought of that.

As we sat there in silence, I managed to hear Richard's quiet voice from the kitchen. I couldn't hear what he was saying, so I couldn't really tell who he was talking to, but I grew a little worried.

"Who's he talking to?" I had to ask.

"Probably his boss." Andrew replied, glancing back toward the kitchen. "He kinda has to." Charlie was his boss.

I whined pathetically. "I didn't want anyone to know."

"I know, but you've been missing for so long, there's a lot of people that gotta know."

I fell quiet for a few minutes. Richard eventually came walking back in with a quiet sigh, and two coffee mugs, which he handed to us. Curious, I looked into mine, only finding hot chocolate. Instantly, the ceramic warmed my hands, and it felt amazing.

"What's gonna happen now, dad?" Thankfully, Andrew asked for me, as I was too busy burning my mouth.

"Well," He sighed, "From here, she'll be taken to the hospital. Just to be sure she's okay. Depending on what they say, she gets to go home." That didn't relieve me.

"But.." Andrew mumbled, frowning. "There's a reason she ran away from there. Doesn't anyone care about that?"

"Of course we care." Richard replied gently. "Running away, though, isn't reason enough to look closer. Now, if she were to say something to someone, then we'd-"

"You would throw me somewhere safe, until everything is figured out." I finished for him. He smiled sadly. "I know how it works."

"I'm told there was a huge search going on for you." He said quietly, sitting in a chair. "What happened there?"

"I didn't wanna be found." I mumbled.

"Why not?" He asked. "You've been at that house for quite awhile."

There was a part of me that was telling me to run again, before anyone could get there, but I couldn't. I was too tired.

"Why did you run away, sweetheart?" He asked, but I just looked down.

"What do you know?" I asked quietly.

"We know you had a pretty bad fight with your mother's boyfriend." He explained. "We know you ran away after you attacked him."

I scoffed. Of course that was the story he would be sticking with. I could set the story straight right there, and I knew Richard would believe me.

I could tell him everything right there, but I also couldn't.

I once told Carlisle everything. Once, I trusted Carlisle to help me get away from a life I couldn't keep living. I did everything I could to make sure everything was done right. I went through the motions. I did what I was supposed to do. I followed the rules. I nearly lost my life for that cause, and at first, everything got better after that. It was so much better.

But those few months I was with them also made this hurt so much worse. Obviously, they cared but at the same time, I felt stupid for trying so hard when it was obviously so easy to give up on me.

I looked away from Richard, toward the front door.

That pain, the pain of being abandoned the way I had been, reminded me again why it was stupid to trust anyone. That was why I fought so hard to stay on my own. It was so much safer that way. That was why I now reconsidered my Port Angeles plan. I refused to trust, but I refused to be beaten again.

I shouldn't have come here. I should have just found a way into my mom's house, gotten my stuff, and left again.

"Can I use the bathroom?" I asked instead.

He smiled sadly again, knowing I was dodging his question.

"Sure." He replied. "Half way up this hall, there's a bathroom on the right." I nodded, setting my cup to the side. I stood up stiffly, and turned toward the hall. I'd have to be fast. I was tired, but I was more tired of trusting people to make choices for me when it only hurt me in the end.

Giving them both no time to react I rounded for the front door and pulled it open. Shoving the screen door open, and unfortunately running right into someone. I didn't even stop to see who it was. I shoved them away before their arms could close around me, and again, I slipped free.

Just like that, I was gone again. I raced down the steps and right back out into the snow.

"Leandra, stop!" It was Charlie behind me, but I bolted. I heard him following me for quite a distance, but I was faster. I glanced back when I heard his steps fade, and he'd turned back. Probably to go get his car.

I knew I should have just kept going, but I had to at least see, though.

I ducked through the alley between two houses, popping out on the other side of the block. I stuck to the yards, keeping my footprints out of the visible snow until I reached my mom's house.

The house sat dark. Nobody was home, but I tried the back door anyway. It was unlocked, probably in case I came home. It was warm in here too, but I didn't let that slow me down. I had limited time.

I could barely see anything as I dashed down the hall into my room. There was no door there, which told me they had yet to replace it.

Keeping the light off, I threw on a pair of the thickest socks I had, and my shoes. I rounded for my closet and dug through a box in the back, grabbing a hat, and a pair of gloves buried. I wasn't concerned with being careful.

I took a deep breath, pausing just long enough to glare at the bars still over my bedroom window before I left the room. On my way out the front door, I grabbed the few dollars and change left on the table beside the door.

I didn't do things the way people expected, so that explained why Charlie wasn't waiting outside to find me as I made my way out the front door.

I closed the door behind me, startled into stillness at the sound of a car door closing off to the left. I worried at first that it was my mom, but instead, it was Keith. He walked across the snow-covered grass toward me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded under his breath, and I made my way down the steps, just to put space between him and me.

"I needed some stuff." I replied. "I have to figure something else out, but-"

"Get the fuck out of here." He growled quietly, pointing to the street. "I thought I told you-"

"I'm trying!" I finally snapped, and he looked around himself. "I don't wanna be here either. What are you even doing here?"

"Your mom got a fucking call." He replied. "She's on her way here now, so I suggest you get your ass out of here before-"

"Leandra?" I sobbed, turning to look back at Andrew's voice approaching from the street. I knew Keith wanted to say more, but with Andrew here now and his dad not far behind, he really couldn't.

"As I was saying," Keith spoke normally now. "Going somewhere again, Leandra? Before your mom can even get here?"

Andrew reached my side, looking over at Keith before he looked me over. I knew he was noting the additions I'd made to my outfit. I couldn't stop the tears now if I tried.

"Leandra," Andrew murmured, "Don't run anymore. Please. Let my dad help you."

"I can't." I stressed, glancing over as Richard reached us. "I've gotta.." I trailed off for more tears as my mom's car rounded the corner and quickly pulled into the driveway beside Keith's.

I clearly heard Keith's heavy sigh as she climbed out of her car faster than I'd ever seen her move. I had no way to anticipate the strength in the hug she gave me as soon as she reached me. The second her arms closed around me, I felt my window of opportunity slam shut. Whether it was what I wanted or not, I was stuck here again.

However, her tears were contagious. I cried too, but I didn't understand why my heart broke. Despite my effort, I wasn't fast enough this time. She cried like I'd never heard her cry before, holding me tightly in her arms, but in a weird way, her tears didn't sound entirely like ones of relief.

I looked over as the porch light was suddenly turned on. Keith had gone over and turned it on, but in the light that suddenly surrounded us, I looked up at my mom and saw something I recognized.

She pulled back enough to hold my face between her hands, tears down both her cheeks. One of her cheeks, though, was just a bit of a different color than the other. The look in her eyes was different too. I saw that difference when anyone else looking would just think nothing had changed.

"I'm sorry." I had no idea where that had come from, but she accepted it. Hugging me tighter now. She smelled like flowers. Not alcohol, like I'd half expected her to this whole time.

Only a minute later, Charlie showed up. Richard must have called him again.

"You need to stop doing that." He seemed annoyed, but not angry.

"Sorry." I said again from my mom's arms. She had yet to release me.

"Do you need to talk to her?" My mom asked quietly, looking over at Charlie. He sighed, looking down at me.

"Eventually." He answered, "But it doesn't have to be tonight. It's late, so I'll come by tomorrow." I knew he was trying to do me a favor, but I wasn't looking forward to his return already.

Richard took Andrew home, and Charlie left, but I was still in the trap of my mom's arms until we were inside the house. I grew nervous as soon as the front door closed behind us, and Keith stood there for a moment.

"Come on, sweetheart." My mom murmured, turning me toward the hallway.

"Put a leash on that kid." Keith finally snapped after us. We both glanced back at him, but neither of us said anything.

My bedroom, being without a door, wasn't a safe place to talk to her about what I could still see. I walked in, pulling away from my mom and whipping my hat off of my head. I was mad that it wasn't needed.

"Baby," My mom started, "How did you get in that place?" So that's where she'd been. She'd been part of the search party.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I mumbled, pulling off my gloves. As angry as I was, I hated the tears that burned my eyes. I decided to deflect.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, and she looked over at me. "When there's something wrong, you say things differently than you normally do. So what's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong, sweetie." She forced a more genuine smile on her face. I stared at her, and she suddenly looked so on the verge of crying, but she bit it back.

I saw her, but she wanted to believe so bad that I didn't.

"Nothing's wrong." She said again, taking a breath.

For a moment, I was stunned. I was so suddenly looking at someone I'd never met before. She was still my mother, but someone new. Someone I'd been blindly ignoring. Before, I knew her to be so collected, a surge of focused determination. This woman looked as fragile as egg-shells. One wrong breeze would knock her over.

But she fought hard to hide that. Like it was taking her every bit of what she had just to be here. Like she was scared, but didn't want to be.

I didn't ask her about it again.

I was finally allowed to take a warm shower, which felt amazing, to be honest. I had yet to fully warm up, though, and crawling into bed without a word felt just as amazing. I wouldn't be going anywhere else. At least not without them having to send me.

My mom sat with me the entire next night, and I knew how tired that probably made her, but I couldn't tell her that when I rolled over to look at her the following morning. I looked up at her, and instantly saw the change I'd noticed the night before. The fact that she'd gone a little too long without replacing the make-up on her face.

I had to point it out. I had to let her know that I saw it, and that required talking. I hated that I'd been right in assuming. Now I knew what he wanted her for.

"Mom." I whimpered, and the fact that I spoke to her seemed to thrill her. Until I went on, quieter. "He hits you too."

"No, honey." She tried to deny it, shaking her head and looking down, "No-"

"Yes." I nodded. "He does. I see it. I'm sorry."

"What?" She asked, looking back up and taking my hand. "Why, honey? Don't be sorry."

"I should have warned you." I replied. "I should have said something."

"He hit you?" She asked sadly.

"That's why I left." I murmured. "I thought.. I saw how you were happy with him. I didn't want to say anything, and ruin your life. He said you were going to send me away. He said.. That.. You didn't want to deal with me anymore."

"Honey, let me tell you something." I let her pull me onto her lap, wrapping her arms securely around me. She took a breath once I was settled. "I'm a mother, first and foremost. It's my job to be stronger-willed than you are. You can fight, and you can yell at me all you want. It's not easy, believe me, but I will deal with whatever you're willing to dish out. I told you I wouldn't fail you again, and I.. Well I did. I let you down, but I'm here to deal with those consequences myself. I'm not sending you anywhere. You've been under that impression for all this time?"

I looked up at her, surprised at the tears down my cheeks.

I nodded a little, and she closed her eyes, clearing my hair from my face, and she firmly held the back of my head. Sighing gently.

"Honey, no. I'm not sending you anywhere. They would literally have to come here, and take you from me before you went anywhere. Even then, I wouldn't let you go. I would never let you go, honey. Please believe that."

I turned, hugging her with a small sob. She wrapped her arms more securely around me, sighing in what sounded like relief.

In a way, that explained why she wasn't okay with just leaving me with the Cullens, and why she refused to let me go live with my dad. She needed me to be strong for herself. I helped her just by being there.

I was her determination. Just like I had been before Jack beat all the determination out of her. She lost it for awhile, but as soon as I cleared the path for her, she started finding it again. When I ran away in November, things got worse with Keith because I wasn't there to give her that reason to fight.

I closed my eyes and sobbed. I was such a horrible person.

"I'm never giving up on you." She murmured into my hair. "I'm always on your side. I know sometimes it doesn't feel like it. We're gonna argue and maybe never get along, but I'll never stop trying."

I sobbed again, holding onto her tighter. There was several years' worth of pain in that sob, and I knew she heard it, because she gave her own and she started slowly rocking. I didn't forgive her, but it was a sob only meant for my mother to hear.

"I'm so sorry, Leandra." She whispered. "I'll never, ever forgive myself for what happened. For what I did. I can never fix it, or make it right, and that hurts me so _damn_ bad."

I just cried now, struggling to keep it back, but there was no keeping it back anymore.

"It's okay." She told me, "I promise, baby. I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

"I'm scared." I finally sat back, tears down my face, "I'm so afraid of him."

She pulled me back to her, "Shh.. I know."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself." I cried, "I wasn't. I would never do that. I'm not that stupid. He.. Was trying to boss me around, and I said something he didn't like, so he hit me. I hit him back, and ran to my room, and I wouldn't open the door, so he kicked it in. Mom, you can't keep him aro-"

"Shh." She told me, and I paused. "He gets.. Pretty upset when I tell him to leave."

"You can't keep him around." I whispered this time. "I can't live with that again." She sighed, and I felt her look at the doorway. "Please, mom. He's more controlling than Jack was. I shouldn't have left you alone with him."

"I don't blame you." She admitted. "I just wish you would have let me know you were at least safe, but I understand now why you didn't." She sighed. "I just don't know what to do, but I will figure it out."

"Tell Charlie." I suggested, looking up at her. "Or Richard. They can get him out for you-" I cut off as she lightly touched her fingers to my lips. Shutting me up.

Before she could reply, the doorway became occupied and I instantly shut my mouth on my own. I hadn't even known he was here, so I was glad my mom had shut me up when she did if he got angry at the mention of him leaving.

"Well." Keith turned, taking in the sight of me on my mom's lap, "I'm glad you finally decided to show back up. To be honest, I thought you were dead." He laughed at that as if it were funny. My mom seemed as uncomfortable with that as I was. "But now that you're back, there are some new rules. You will not be leaving the house. You've missed too much school this year for them to take you back, so now you're stuck here. You're back, now we're being watched again."

Again, I stayed quiet. I bit my lip, looking up at my mom. She smoothed my hair from my face.

"You'll cut that biting shit out." He continued and I looked to him again. "I'm not raising some kind of animal. You're a fucking kid. Act like one."

"You're not raising me." I corrected quietly.

"Oh, are we in for another round? Maybe you can teach your mom a thing or two about covering bruises." I grit my teeth, but looked down.

"No." I answered quietly. "Sorry."

"Well, that's better." He seemed to approve. "Anyway, yes I am. No one else wants to step up for your worthless ass. Might as well be me." It really was Jack all over again.

"Keith, please-" My mom spoke.

"And you." He barked, making her flinch. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I took the day off." She informed him. "I think they understood-"

"I'm sorry." He said, shocked. "Who in the hell told you that was okay?"

"Back off." I barked, hating the way he was bossing her around. I couldn't stand it. If she wouldn't stand up for herself against him, I would stand up for her until she did. "You're not the one paying her to do her job, so shut the hell up about when she works."

He seemed amused, which was a good thing. It meant I hadn't pissed him off.

"It's been quite some time since I've had someone brave enough to argue with me." He finally said. "Forgive my surprise. I'd almost forgotten how incredibly stupid you are."

"I'm not the one arguing with a ten-year-old." I countered, "And losing."

"Leandra, don't." My mom murmured. "Please."

"Mom." I whispered, looking up at her. "You can't let him get away with hitting you. First chance I get, I'm going to Charlie. He'll set him straight."

I yelped a little in surprise as my mom suddenly sat me to the side, and stood, standing between Keith and me as he strode forward.

"She didn't mean it." She told him firmly. "She's tired, and hasn't had a chance to adjust yet." Each time he went to step around her, she countered. Eventually he got tired of that, and gripped her roughly by the neck. I kneeled up instantly, glaring his way. He didn't seem to be hurting her, given the fact that she made no sound. Or even bother to struggle.

"You keep that little brat under control." He growled to her. "Do you hear me? You control her, or I will."

"I'm not scared of you." I spat. "Let her go."

"Leandra." She spoke gently, despite how scared I knew she was. "Go into the kitchen. Get something to eat, okay?" I hesitated, watching her. "Please?"

I suddenly felt like my refusing to listen to her was only making it worse. So I sighed, and climbed off the bed. A rough slap to the back of my head had me glare back at Keith, rubbing it.

Before I even made it to the kitchen, a knock came to the door. I sighed and crossed the room, pulling open the front door. I was genuinely surprised at finding who it was. I wasn't expecting him to come by until much later.

"Charlie." I murmured. "Uh.." I glanced back toward the hallway. "Want me to get my mom?" I wondered what would happen if he needed to talk to my mom.

"I came to see you." He replied. "Remember? I hope now is a good time?"

"No." I answered. "I don't mind." I glanced back once more before stepping back and waiting for him to come in. Once he was clear, I closed the door lightly.

"Are you feeling any better?" He asked as I led the way over to the couch. I listened hard for any sounds back toward the bedrooms, but I didn't hear anything.

I finally answered. "I'm not freezing anymore."

"That's a plus." He chuckled a little, "And you look a whole lot better."

"Yeah." I nodded. "That too." I might have looked better, but I didn't feel better.

He was quiet for a moment until he finally sat down in an adjacent chair.

"I came to ask you a few questions. I only want as honest of an answer as you can give me."

"I'll try." I said, looking over at him.

"First. Is it still safe for you here?"

I had to think about what I'd just realized in my bedroom. I was my mom's determination. If I told him about Keith right then and there, he'd take me away and make her have to figure him out on her own. I had a feeling if I wasn't here, she'd never get away and I'd be stuck wherever they sent me.

The back of my head still stung as I was forced to answer.

"Yeah." I finally mumbled. "It's still safe. I only left, because.. My mom isn't them. I wanted them."

"What.. Is it about those people that made you stay there for so long?" He seemed honestly baffled.

I paused, sighing.

"I had just counted on them to always be there. They'd always promised to be there, and told me I never had to be alone again. That meant a lot to me, and I hung onto it. Part of me still does. Part of me still thinks they'll come back, and that little part of me wants to be here when that happens."

"Where else would you be?" He asked, frowning a little. "How would running away and putting yourself in danger help?"

I hesitated, unsure how to answer that as I looked down. I wanted so badly to tell him what was going on, but I stopped myself. I thought of the whole foster family process again, and I knew that's probably what would happen if I said anything now.

"But I digress." He shook his head a little. "Leandra, what were you planning to do last night? I know you were caught before you could leave. You weren't going to stay."

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I just wanted to do whatever I could to get away. _Where_ didn't really matter as long as I could stay there."

He took a breath, studying me and I could see how skeptical he was.

"Honey, if there was anything going on around here that wasn't supposed to be, you'd let me know, right?" I looked down. "And I know you know what I'm talking about. What are you not saying, and why aren't you saying it?"

Dammit he was observant. Again, I didn't answer.

"I've seen that look before." He reminded me, and I closed my eyes. "You're holding back."

Of course I was.

"There's nothing." I mumbled.

"Are you _sure_ about that?" He stressed quietly. "Leandra, do I need to get you back into contact with Mrs. Harrison? She's only a phone call away." That wasn't a threat, and I heard how tempted he already was in his voice.

"Why?"

"It's her job to make sure that where you're placed is a good place for you to be." He explained. "If something isn't working out, she can help you." I immediately shook my head. "Running away is a pretty good indication that something is wrong here."

Before I could deny it again, I jumped roughly, looking back sharply at the sound of a door closing in the hall. I partially hoped it would be my mom, but I equally doubted that it was. Seconds later, Keith came walking into the room.

He paused near the kitchen, looking toward me in the living room. I noted the glance he gave Charlie before he spoke to me again.

"I thought your mama told you to get something to eat?" He asked, and I stood up. "Get in there, and get back in bed. You need to be resting." He was in a bad mood now, but he laughed. Trying to ease Charlie who stood as well.

"I agree." Charlie said. "I'd like a talk with Gina anyway-"

"Oh." Keith said. "She just laid down for a nap. She hasn't felt very well for awhile now." I instantly looked up at him, glaring and starting off toward the hallway. She wouldn't be laying down now unless he'd done something to her.

I paused outside her bedroom door, listening to her cry on the other side of it. I sighed and shook my head. I was beginning to understand what she meant by she wouldn't let anyone hurt me. She was going to try to handle it herself.

I just didn't understand it.

Carefully, I turned the knob and walked in. Closing the door behind me. She laid on her side on the bed, so I crossed the room to slowly crawl onto the bed behind her.

She knew I was there. I knew what had happened. I didn't know what else to do but sit there. I'd never had to comfort anyone in a situation like this. It'd always been me that had to cry, so I was a little lost.

On top of everything, I was still learning how to adjust to living here again. I was having a hard time switching over like that, going back to living under such a direct threat. I felt a bit numb.

"Mom?" I whispered. "Charlie is here." I knew she knew why I'd tell her that, but at the same time, she knew I wouldn't tell him myself. "He helped me before. He can help us again."

No response, but I sighed, climbing back off the bed. I quietly left the room, just in time to hear the end of what Charlie was saying.

"Yeah. Well, if you find out anything, be sure to let me know." He said quietly. "And don't worry. I'll be around, so it'll be very easy to get a hold of me."

"Sure thing." Keith replied firmly, and before he could even walk him out, another urgent knock came to the door. "For the love of Christ."

I moved closer to the living room, and Charlie shook his head at Keith's attitude. Charlie reached over and pulled open the door. I blinked in surprise at who I saw step inside, but I wasted no time in moving forward.

"Dad." I called ahead, and he looked right at me. I passed between Charlie and Keith to hug my dad. This definitely wasn't an unpleasant surprise.

"Hey, kiddo." He laughed, lifting me up to hug me easier, but I heard the solid relief in his sigh that told me he knew I'd been missing. "Once I got word that you were found, I came as soon as I could."

"I'll be going now, Leandra." Charlie told me, and still sitting in my dad's arms, I turned to look at him. I looked down as he held a card out for me. I took it, looking down at it in my hand. "Any time. Day or night. If you need _any_ thing at all, please.. Don't hesitate to call me, okay?"

I didn't miss the glance he gave to Keith. I did as well before I looked back to Charlie.

"Thanks." I replied, nodding. In a way, it was nice to have a back up plan. Knowing I had _some_ one on my side, even if I couldn't ever use it.

"And.." Charlie added, holding out another card. "Just in case." I took that one too, studying it over the top of his. It was Mrs. Harrison's card. It had two different phone numbers on it.

With a nod to me, Charlie walked out.

Since my dad and I were already inside, Keith shoved the door closed as soon as Charlie was out of the way. Since he was right there, he reached over and plucked both cards away from me.

"Hey." I protested.

"I'm just putting these in a safe spot." He replied firmly. My dad reached over without pause and yanked them back.

"They're safe with her, I think." He countered, handing them back to me. I closed my hand around them with a glare toward Keith.

"Don't be staying long." Keith muttered at my dad, walking away.

I looked down, and I nearly felt his tension as he watched after him.

"Baby." My dad finally murmured. "I think we need to talk."

I glanced toward the hallway just as Keith disappeared into my mom's room.

"Why?" I asked, looking at him again.

"It wasn't your mom that called me." He answered. "Charlie called me himself, and now I think I can see why." I sighed sadly.

"Outside?" He asked, and I nodded, falling to my feet. "Okay. Go get dressed. Don't forget a coat. I'll be right here."

I turned and made my way up the hall.

My head was spinning with how busy this morning had already been. Spending the last month completely alone was messing with me, now that I so suddenly had all this attention. I wasn't sure how much time outside we'd be spending, so I chose a thick sweatshirt and jeans.

I'd just gotten my sweatshirt on when I was suddenly shoved from behind. Toward the corner opposite my bedroom doorway. I spun, my back now in the corner as I faced Keith.

"Keep your fucking mouth shut." He whispered quickly to me. "You will _not_ fuck this up for me, you hear me?"

"Then you should just leave while you have the chance." I whispered back. "Now, people will believe me way faster than they'll believe you. If you hit my mom one more time, I'll go straight to Charlie."

I could see in his eyes that me threatening him had only made him mad, but he didn't have a chance to reply.

"Where the hell is your bedroom door?" My dad's voice from the hall before walking in made Keith take a step back. My dad's concerned eyes fell on Keith, and I saw the crease in his brow deepen in what could only be described as suspicion.

"Long story." I finally managed to say. "Something happened to the old one. It was half broken when we first moved in, but Keith said he was gonna get me a new one today."

Keith glanced down at me.

"In case you hadn't noticed," Keith told my dad, "We were a little busy trying to hunt this kid down. I'm sorry our priorities were on finding her, instead of going out and buying a fucking door, but I don't see you pitching in."

"Where is your mom?" My dad asked me.

"Not now." I sighed. "Let's talk first." He seemed reluctant to agree, but I moved forward. Around Keith and toward the door. Thankfully, my dad followed me.

As soon as I was in his car, I couldn't help it. I started to cry. He gave a glance over at me, but he wasn't letting that slow him down. He backed out of the driveway anyway, as if he knew that was the better option.

He was quiet, letting me get a better hold of myself before he spoke.

"Start talking, sweetheart." He said, keeping his eyes forward. "Who the hell was that?"

"I don't want you to get into trouble." I sniffled roughly.

"Just start from the beginning." He suggested. "I want the full story. No lies. What happened? What went so wrong?"

"What went so wrong?" I asked in return. "I was born. That's what went wrong."

"Don't say that." He replied.

"It's true." My tears restarted. I shook my head, looking down. "I don't get it. Why is it so hard for anyone to like me? What is so wrong with me?"

I knew I was only worrying him even more, but I couldn't stop myself anymore. I told him everything. He just drove, giving me the space and time I needed to just vent absolutely everything to him, aside from certain details. Knowing he would actually listen.

I didn't tell him about the birthday party, or the fact that Keith was a bit more physical with me than I had said before.

I told him about my trips through town. I told him about the comfort I found in the empty house, and why I still found it to be safer than anywhere I'd ever land again.

I told him about Keith's threats. His ultimatum, and how hard I tried to get my mom to listen. I told him my reasons for running away, which he really didn't like to hear, but he never interrupted me. He let me talk until I couldn't anymore. Until he was completely caught up. He took some time to process everything.

"We're going back there." He told me after a few minutes of silence. "You're going to pack some clothes, and you're coming to stay with me."

"Mom will never let that happen." I shook my head.

"Then we'll make a stop before we get there." He countered. "We'll talk to Charlie. I'm sure he's got his own concerns."

"I can't just leave her there."

"Leandra, you are not responsible for saving the world." He pointed out. "Your mother made her choices, but that is not the kind of environment I want you growing up in. You aren't going back to that kind of life. Not if I have any say about it."

"What did you mean when you said he called you?"

"Back before you went missing," He explained, "The day before, in fact, Charlie called me, and said his daughter had visited you. She was a bit concerned by your mom's boyfriend and the way he looked at you."

A look could be wrong?

"Oh."

"I'm sorry if you're feeling a bit blindsided by this." He sighed, calming down, "But I'm applying for emergency custody." I frowned.

"What does that mean?"

"I wasn't going to do it, but it's safe to say I've been convinced." He went on. "Emergency custody can be given to me if there is reason to believe that your current home isn't safe anymore. I get to hold onto you temporarily until your mother can prove that the house is safe."

"That's a thing?" I asked, honestly surprised. "Mom said you couldn't."

"That's a thing." He answered. "I've actually rented a small apartment in Port Angeles until we know how this will go."

I blinked.

"What about Rachel?"

"She understands." He nodded. "We'll be going back to visit during Christmas, but we'll be staying close until I know for sure and to let you adjust to living with me before making you move on to a full house. It's safer for everyone that way."

I nodded. I could deal with that. I couldn't believe this solution was there the whole damn time and nobody told me about it. The fact that he was willing to give me time to adjust to him before making me live with Lily and Rachel was amazing to me. It kept me in the area, too, while I got used to the idea of moving away from it. Unless my mom proved, again, that things were safe. I cringed at the thought.

I had to think though. Maybe this was the reason Alice never came to find me. She knew this was in the works, and had she stepped in, it never would have even sounded appealing.

I had another thought then. I'd been drawn to Port Angeles for awhile now.

"How long have you had the apartment?" I asked quietly.

"I put in the paperwork about two weeks ago." He explained, "But I had to wait for Charlie's call before coming by and actually signing. I'm free to move in any time. It's furnished, so there's no need to worry about anything like that."

That's about as long as I'd been thinking about Port Angeles. That freaked me out.

"So what do you say?" He asked, glancing over at me.

"Okay." I mumbled nervously.

I felt bad, though. My mom had told me they would literally have to take me from her before I went anywhere. That was exactly what was happening, but my dad was right. It wasn't my job to save her. Not again. I could help, but only so far. Now that I had another option, I didn't see a reason to get hurt over her choices.

"Okay."

 **A/N: This chapter fought me so freaking hard. I changed so many things, but honestly, they needed changed. I think I finally got it, though, and I know this solution will appeal to many people.  
THANK YOU! To my MANY reviewers! AHOMG I could bake you all some cookies or something! THANK YOU!**  
 **Chapter Nine might take a bit, but I'll get that going as soon as I have some free time. :}**  
 **Until Nine, my friends!**


	9. Chapter 9

**ImPORTANT NOTE! READ ME!: Unpleasant mentions of abuse in this chapter. No descriptions as I keep this within the guidelines, but it's not fun. If you're sensitive to that, proceed cautiously. Reminder, this FIC is rated 'M'.**

 **Chapter Nine**

As it turned out, my dad wasn't bluffing. He took me straight to the police station, and apparently, there was something called emergency custody that he was able to get.

Pending my mom's investigation by children services, my dad was given temporary custody of me, and my mom would have two weeks, give or take, to prove once again that it was safe for me to go back to her. There would be inspections done, but I was told she would still have a chance since there was no formal complaint made against her or anyone else, and I wasn't about to make one.

Me running away was what put this in motion, and I felt bad for that, but I had an opportunity here I couldn't pass up.

It surprised me how quick they were able to get that done. All my dad had to do was sign a few papers. I got the feeling that it was something that was just waiting to happen. It bothered me a little, though. They talked about custody like I was just some piece of luggage they were fighting over.

My mom didn't take the news well. She looked even more tired now as she looked over the packet of papers in her hand. Those papers told her everything she needed to know. She'd lost me again.

Charlie had to send another cop to come with us to give her the news while I gathered some clothes. My dad stayed by my side the entire time I did this, just because he knew Keith could be around.

"What the hell have you been telling everyone, Chris?" She demanded, but the cop made her stay in the living room while my dad followed me into my room. I immediately got to work opening drawers and digging in my closet.

"I haven't said a damn thing to anyone." He called up the hall. "Leandra's actions are loud enough. I might have screwed up when she was a baby, but I'm doing this right this time. You're _really_ lucky I'm not suing your selfish ass for full custody."

"That's not fair."

"How is that not fair, Gina?" He demanded in the doorway. "You were obviously not ready to take her back, and it _pisses_ me off that you'd rush this. What were you trying to prove?"

"How would you know?" She barked back up the hall. "I've been the one providing for her this whole time, and you only come back when something comes up? How is that helping her?"

"The point is I'm here when she needs me." He replied. "She clearly needs me."

I grit my teeth through the tension, stuffing clothes into my backpack. It bothered me so bad to hear them fighting like this, and I briefly had to wonder just what I'd signed myself up for. My mind was still spinning. There were so many legal parts to this that I just didn't get.

Before I could even finish packing, Mrs. Harrison showed up.

"I was in the area." I heard her voice waft up the hall. "Mrs. Wallace, please step outside with me for a moment."

I paused. How had I not noticed that before now? My mom still had Jack's last name. I knew enough to know that that meant she was still married to him.

"What?" My dad asked me, seeing my hesitation.

"She never divorced him?" I asked, frowning. He frowned as well, glancing up the hall.

"Maybe it was a money issue." He explained, and I looked down. Maybe. "It's not cheap to file for divorce. Lengthy too when the other person is in prison. It could take months under normal circumstances. Unless you find a lawyer like Jack had, in which case it gets pushed through faster than sanely possible."

I nodded a little. That made sense.

I was glad the fighting had stopped, so I finished packing what clothes I could fit in my backpack. I had enough in there for the full two weeks, but I didn't expect to be there that long. With Mrs. Harrison's help, it wouldn't take her long to figure it out.

But it gave me time to figure some more stuff out.

My dad took my bag from me, and left the room while I stepped into the bathroom to grab my toothbrush. If I had to leave, I would rather be with my dad than some stranger. I just had to vow not to get attached to him.

I was so tired of moving around, though. I'd spent the last year of my life in limbo. Never staying in one place forever. I had a feeling, though, that I wasn't done. I kept hearing words like 'temporary', and 'custody', and 'placement' when I'd never heard them before I met the Cullens.

How was not knowing where I was going to be in six months any better than being beaten? Maybe that was part of the reason why I hated Christmas this year. It certainly added to the loneliness.

Christmas was supposed to be about family, and having a home to stay. Of course I'd never had that before, but it was harder now because up until four months ago, I'd had a family. Everything went straight to hell when my mom took me back.

I was happy. Maybe if she hadn't taken me back, they would have had to take me with them. Wherever they went. If it wasn't for her, I'd still have a family. Now, I had nothing but a broken heart and resentment toward the ones that caused it. That resentment made me angry. I didn't want to be mad at the Cullens, but at the same time, they should have tried harder to keep me away from her.

I was angry at my mom again as I left the bathroom, and left the house. She caught me outside, crouching in front of me as I rounded to face her.

"I'll figure this out, baby." She told me quietly.

"Don't." I couldn't hold back my tears. "Keep Keith around, but leave me out of it." I was surprised I managed to get through her hug without hurting her. I was so mad. As soon as she let me go, I rounded again and walked away. Toward my dad waiting by his car.

I wouldn't tell Charlie about Keith hitting her. She was the grown-up, I reminded myself. It wasn't my job to stop it. It wasn't my job anymore to fix it for her. She needed to do that on her own.

I climbed into the front seat, slamming the door behind me before I really broke down. It wasn't fair! I felt so much like a volley ball, being tossed around like it didn't even bother anyone else.

Mrs. Harrison had a few words with my dad before he was allowed to leave with me. Thankfully, his door had been closed, so I didn't hear anything that she said.

My dad finally climbed in, but I wasn't done.

"Why weren't you here?" I had to ask. "Like mom said."

He sighed quietly. "Leandra, I live eight hours away. It's not easy getting the time away I need to come see you. I admit, I get a little busy with work-"

"Just like before." I grumbled, turning my eyes out the window.

"No." He replied. "Nothing like before. I understand how it can feel the same, but I swear. I'm not too busy for you."

I couldn't really say much. He was here now when I needed him to be. He was helping keep me away from that place.

The apartment building didn't look too shabby. The buildings around us were tall, three apartments high. A balcony and front window showing where each apartment was. The grounds were well manicured, and looked rather pretty covered with snow. This place looked even nicer than my mom's house.

My dad was in the office for almost half an hour before he came back out. Apologizing for keeping me waiting so long. He left the front parking area and drove around to the side road, following a map.

The apartment he'd rented was on the second floor, so stairs were required.

He'd rented a furnished one, so when we were finally let in by the office manager that came a few minutes later, I wasn't surprised to find furniture inside. The front door led straight into small entryway, but beyond that one way was the small kitchen. The other way was the living area. I found the matching front window just to the right of a small entertainment center in the corner.

It had a couch and a love seat, both brown leather. It had a coffee table, and two end tables, along with two matching lamps. Basic, but nice. I wandered in, ignoring the manager as she talked with my dad about rent. I didn't really care about that.

I went straight, through the living room and to the hall. This set up was a lot like my mom's house, but the hallway was much shorter. The other difference being the master bedroom was the one in the hall. My room was a much smaller room at the very end.

There were beds already there, and a night table along with a small lamp. Nothing fancy. Mine was a full sized bed, while the queen sized bed in the master bedroom was obviously for him.

The bathroom was a little small, but it wasn't that bad. At least my short time here wouldn't suck.

The master bedroom was the room with the sliding glass door to the balcony. I stepped outside, carefully approaching the railing. It wasn't that great of a view, and I clearly heard the rest of down town Port Angeles just off in the distance, but it was still pretty neat being up this high.

"What do you think?" My dad asked, stepping outside with me. I pursed my lips and shrugged a little. It was okay. "I know it's not home, but it'll work. When we go home for Christmas, you'll see what I mean."

That was still an issue. He was talking about dragging me to wherever he lived in Idaho to spend Christmas there like it didn't even matter. Of course I'd hate it no matter where I was, but the people around me influenced my behavior. I knew I wouldn't feel safe to hide away around Lily and Rachel like I would have with my mom.

"I still hate Christmas." I thought I should warn him.

"That's okay." He laughed, gently patting my shoulder. "We'll change your mind."

I sighed, turning away from his hand. "You can't." Nothing could.

My dad ordered pizza for dinner that night, and stupidly, I started getting nervous again. It was evening, the time of day I'd start to get scared, and I didn't even notice it before it already had a hold of me. Even with Keith there, I hadn't felt this in a long time. I'd just spent months looking forward to evening, because evening meant night, and night meant I could go back home to the Cullen's house.

The last month I'd been happy about evening, because that meant I didn't have to worry about being seen. Until those stupid cops showed up. Within less than a day of that, I had been uprooted again and landed in a brand new place with a person I'd never spent the night with before.

I knew I was safe with my dad, but at the same time, dads had a way of hurting me. One way or another. Whether that was originally being made to feel abandoned by my dad, getting me to trust them and throwing it all back in my face like Carlisle had done, betraying my trust like Richard had done, or everything else that Jack had done, I didn't have the best record with dads.

"I'm going to bed." I mumbled before it could get too dark.

"Okay." He yawned. "Sleep well, sweetie. Get some sleep. We'll be leaving first thing in the morning." He'd already let me know this, so it wasn't a surprise. I was already car sick, though, thinking about 8 hours stuck in a car with him after a day like today had been.

I was a volley ball again.

I slept hard that night. Despite it being a new place, with a new person and new smells and new bed placement, I passed out too deeply to remember dreaming. It might have had a lot to do with the fact that I locked my bedroom door before I laid down. That little bit of security made sleeping possible. Along with the fact that I knew my dad would never hurt me like that. I couldn't risk it.

I woke to a quiet knock at the door.

"Leandra." Of course it was my dad, and it was morning. "Time to wake up, honey. Time to get your shower."

I took a deep, waking breath. "'Kay."

He didn't even seem to care about the door being locked. I heard him walk away, taking my time waking up. I didn't fall back to sleep, but I laid there for a minute. I laid there, until I smelled something I'd never smelled before. It was interesting enough to get me to roll out of bed.

"What is that smell?" I asked ahead of myself as I left my room.

My dad laughed from the kitchen. "You've never smelled coffee before?"

"I guess not." I admitted, wandering out of the hallway. His hair was straight out of bed messy, but it wasn't that bad. I knew mine was probably messy too, even though I felt like I hardly moved during the night.

"Good morning." He chuckled. I was still a little out of it, so I grumbled and rubbed my eyes. "Go ahead and get your shower while I make breakfast. It shouldn't take long." I nodded and rounded. Maybe a shower would wake me up a little more.

I yawned while I chose my clothes for the day, leaving the rest packed. Might as well. For some reason, this bothered me so much.

"Eight _hours_?" I whined after several minutes in the car, and my dad laughed.

"Well, to be fair, there is a time change in there somewhere." He replied. "But. That's eight hours we have to talk. You know? Catch up. Just think. I usually make this drive alone."

"Don't you get tired?" I frowned.

"Yeah, it can be pretty tiring." He allowed, "But it was worth it every time."

"Why'd you move so far away?"

"That's a long story." He smirked. "Good thing we have plenty of time." He took a breath, settling further into his seat as we started on the interstate.

"Let's see. Where do I start?"

"Anywhere." I suggested and he nodded.

"I am the middle of three boys." He explained. "You actually have a pretty big family on my side. I grew up in Idaho, and I moved to Washington when I turned eighteen. I wasn't really cut out for college, but I was looking for something different and I wasn't too comfortable moving too far away from my dad and brothers."

I nodded, letting him know I was following so far.

"Well," He sighed, "After your mom and I split up, I guess I was looking for home. After all I'd lost, I needed to know that there was still one place I could go. Besides. I really didn't want to end up getting arrested for breaking the law, which definitely would have happened had I stuck around."

"So.." I mumbled. "I have more than one uncle?"

"You actually have three." He nodded. "Two on my side, and one on your mom's side."

"I didn't know mom has a brother."

"A younger brother." He nodded. "I haven't seen or heard from him since you were in diapers, but last I heard, he lived somewhere in Utah. There isn't much else to her side, I'm afraid. Her father passed away when she was just a kid, and her mother passed away not long after we were married. I know she had an aunt somewhere, but I'd never met her. She was never really one to talk about her family much."

"What's yours like?"

"My family?" He asked and I nodded. "We were a.. Typical family. My dad worked hard his whole life to raise us the best way he could. Of course my brothers and I never made that easy on him. He still owns a couple of horses and a few acres just outside town."

I'd never seen a horse in person before, so I couldn't really imagine what that was like. It was a detail I skipped over.

"And your mom?"

"She passed away." He replied. "A very, very long time ago. Unfortunately, and my dad never remarried. It was just us guys." He smiled a little, probably to lighten the mood. "Fun fact. You're the first girl to be born into our family since my aunt was born."

"Really?" That was pretty interesting.

"Really." He nodded. "My older brother, Rich. His wife had a boy about two years before you were born, but about a year after you were born, she had a girl. Then, of course, came Lily, but you broke the curse."

It was so weird to think about it like that. When he listed everyone like that, it sounded so much like I had some sort of place there. For some reason, I hadn't even thought about the fact that there were people, other than my mom or dad, related to me. There were other kids in my family besides Lily. My cousins.

I really _had_ been thinking small.

"But you can bet you'll be meeting everyone during this little trip." He added. "We're hosting everyone for Christmas Eve. My dad is especially eager to meet you."

I whined hesitantly. "He is?"

"Don't worry." He heard my nervousness. "I'll be there with you the whole time, and that's beside the fact that my father is one of the most caring and patient men I've ever met in my life. Which why it bothers me so badly to learn what you were put through growing up. I _know_ you would have been much happier if I'd had a chance to raise you."

Honestly, that thought didn't do much. I thought it should have made me sad, but at the same time, I couldn't really miss what I never had. Yeah, it sucked, but I didn't know any of these people. I figured that feeling might change after I'd had a chance to meet them.

"Ehh.." I wasn't convinced, and now, he'd just given me more to worry about.

"You're gonna love Idaho." He said with another smile. "The sun actually shines there, and it's not constantly damp."

As it turned out, eight hours being stuck in a car felt like thirty. Leaving when we did made it possible to get there in one day, but by the time he pulled into the driveway of a rather large two story home, it was just after 6pm, and I'd tossed most of my nervousness out the window. I was just begging to hurry up and get there before I had to throw up out of pure boredom.

My head felt the pressure of elevation difference, and it was starting to hurt.

"Now I get it." I mumbled as he turned the car off. "I'll never complain about you not visiting again." He laughed.

We sat outside for a minute, listening to the quiet 'click' of the engine cooling down. I stared up at the house, glaring only slightly at the colorful lights that clung to the roof. There was a dusting of snow here, but nothing like at home.

"You know." My dad finally said in the silence. He paused for several more seconds before he laughed sadly. "It's going to break my heart to have to take you back. I feel like I just brought you home."

I looked down.

"There's just this.." He sighed. "I don't know. This sense of.. Peace, I guess, that I've never felt before. The peace of knowing for sure, one-hundred percent, that you're okay. I'm gonna miss that."

I couldn't imagine it. I didn't know what that was like.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be." He replied. "Don't be sorry for the way I feel. I love you with all my heart, and just to be given this chance to spend one holiday with you is.. Far more than I ever could have asked for. Don't worry about me, or how hard it's going to be for me to let you go again. You give me so much just by being here, and you don't even know it."

I didn't know what else to say, so I sat in silence. I jumped, though, when the porch light and the light over the garage turned on.

"Oh." My dad laughed again. "We've been found out." Half a second later, the front door opened off to the right.

My dad opened his door, and I opened mine in time to hear a nasally voice squeal.

"Daddy!"

I watched, as I closed my door, Lily fly into my dad's arms like he'd been gone for years. He caught her, hugging her just as tight. I hadn't anticipated the way seeing that would make me feel. I didn't understand it, or the new way it twisted my stomach. This was where my dad was when he wasn't with me.

Rachel walked out a bit slower, smiling at me in greeting. I didn't really get a bad feeling from her anymore. To me, she seemed like a perfectly normal woman.

"She could hardly contain herself." Rachel laughed, coming to stand beside my dad. She looked to me. "I see it went well."

"About as well as could be expected." He replied with a sigh. "You haven't lived until you've seen Gina when she's caught off guard."

"Well, I can't really blame her." Rachel countered. "I'd be a little upset too, but I am glad you got things sorted."

"Ah." My dad murmured hesitantly. "To a point. We need to talk later." She studied him a little, but eventually sighed.

"Okay." She smiled at me again. "Well, I'm glad you're able to be here with us, sweetie. Please come inside. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?"

"Not really." I answered quietly. "I mean.. No thanks. I'm just tired."

"I'll bet." Her smile turned sympathetic. "That's a long drive. It's amazing how tiring sitting still can be, huh?"

I smiled a little. No, she definitely didn't seem that bad.

"We'll let Chris here get the bags." She went on. "Lily, honey, can you show Leandra her room?" Lily nodded immediately, hopping down out of my dad's arms.

"Wait." I said. "Room? I thought.. I thought I'd just sleep on the couch or something."

"We have a guest room, honey." She assured me. "It's no problem." Guest room. That wasn't so bad.

I stepped around the front of the car, glancing over at where my dad stood with Rachel, but I was surprised by what I saw. Rachel was pregnant. I hadn't noticed it at first because of the angle and her black t-shirt, but from the side, her stomach was obvious. She wasn't huge, but she was big enough to tell.

"Come on." Lily pressed excitedly when I stopped. I threw a questioning glance toward my dad, but he was already getting the bags from the car.

The inside of the house was even more decorated for Christmas than the inside was, and I honestly wondered if throwing myself from the roof was a good excuse to not have to stay here. The large, decorated tree sat in front of a bay window in the spacious living room, and green garland with red bows bordered every freaking doorway and banister I could see. I smelled pine and cinnamon the second I walked in, and I wanted to puke.

I couldn't wait until this was over with. I had a lot on my mind, and I really didn't think it would be this hard. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but it was definitely harder than I expected.

My room was at the top of the stairs, the first door on the left. Whether it was rude to do or not, I locked myself in the room as soon as I had my bag and as soon as I could get Lily to leave. I needed space. I turned out the light without even changing into pajamas. I was already hating this.

I thought I would have time to adjust? That was one of the only things that made me agree. It wasn't just that, though, that got to me. This life wasn't mine. I saw that in thirty seconds. It was a nice life, sure, but I would probably never fit here either. I was a puzzle piece that just didn't fit.

"Leandra?" I jumped awake the following morning at another knock at my door. It was my dad, thankfully.

I didn't answer, and it took me a moment to remember what day it was. Christmas Eve. I hated the feeling, but I knew I wasn't going to do well this year. It had been hard to figure out a pattern, and it was something I didn't quite understand yet, but some years had been harder than others, and everything that happened this year made sure it'd be my worst one yet.

"Um.." I called back quietly. "I'm just gonna stay in here."

He was quiet for a second. "Okay. Well, if you change your mind, we're right downstairs."

"I won't."

I was fine in here, but it would be harder to hide from my memories at every look around the rest of the house, and smelling the Christmas-sy smells. Cinnamon and pine. Each table, doorway, window, even the damn walls. It was everywhere, and it made me sick.

My dad hadn't left. He sighed. "Really, baby. What's bothering you? Talk to me."

I had many issues with Christmas. Just the time of year was enough to drag me down, but especially now. After all I'd gained and all I'd lost in the last year. The sense of being alone for every Christmas I could remember was only a part of it.

"Talk to me." He repeated when I stayed quiet. I felt better knowing he couldn't come in and I wouldn't have to look at him.

I'd always told myself I'd die with the real reason behind my hatred of the holiday. Now was no different. Instead of answering him, I rolled over on my bed.

I couldn't be happy about it just because everyone else was. No amount of pretending would ever make anything about it okay.

"Leandra." My dad still waited, and I buried my face in my pillow.

"I just don't like it, okay?" Unfortunately, my voice gave away my emotion. "Make her take all that Christmas crap down. I'm not coming out of my room until it's gone."

"Leandra-"

"You said I had time!" I accused, unable to help it. "You said I could get used to you first."

"Leandra, I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You knew I hated it." I cried. "What? You thought it was something I'd just get over?"

"Truthfully, yes. I thought-"

"Go away."

My dad sighed. "What is it about Christmas that upsets you so much?"

"Stop asking!" I finally rolled over and shouted at the door.

"Sweetie, the fact that it upsets you so bad is reason enough for me to worry."

"Why?" I snapped. "You never cared before."

"I do." He replied calmly. "I care. So much more than you can imagine."

"No you don't."

"I know what you're doing." He told me. "It's not going to work."

"What am I doing?"

"You're trying to spark an argument." He answered. "Because you're scared, and fighting is familiar to you. You crave that tension, because it's all you've known. It's your basic function." I blinked in surprise. Well, that was new. I hadn't even realized I'd been doing that. "I've done a bit of research, baby. I wanted to learn how to help you the best way I could."

That didn't change anything, though. Definitely not how I felt.

"Come back when we're leaving." I muttered, throwing a pillow over my face.

"Baby, I'm not leaving this spot until you tell me what is bothering you so bad."

"Have fun with that." I grumbled.

"Are you that afraid to meet your family?"

"No." I was afraid, but not afraid enough to do this.

True to his word, I couldn't believe he actually sat outside the door for over an hour. He wasn't forcing me to open the door. Just annoying me until I finally did. Just to make him shut up.

I wasn't letting him annoy me out of the room, though. Lily did that for him.

She promised to stop singing the wrong words to some stupid song on the radio _really_ badly if I went downstairs and ate something. My dad's suggestion. I didn't like being ganged up on, and him using Lily as a weapon was really low.

Unfortunately, I made it to the bottom of the stairs just as the doorbell rang, and I froze in surprise. Then I remembered. He said they were having his family over for Christmas Eve.

"Early as always." My dad followed me, carrying Lily with him. I darted back before he could open the door, now watching from beside the couch. My dad set Lily on her feet before pulling open the front door with a smile.

A younger man stepped just inside the door, grinning in greeting. I considered running away, but my dad hugged him like there was nothing in the world wrong. They both laughed a little.

"Steven." My dad said. "How are you?"

"Doing good." The man, Steven, replied easily. Lifting Lily up into his arms. "And you? It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"It's been a hell of a year." My dad admitted with another laugh. "I've definitely got to fill you guys in."

"I heard you had some trouble back in March. Or was it April?" Steven asked as my dad closed the door. "I'm sorry I haven't really been in touch. School's been a nightmare."

"I'm just surprised you haven't dropped out yet."

I tensed only a little as Steven's eyes landed on me. Instantly, his grin got wider.

"This must be her."

My dad looked over at me as well, smiling comfortingly and gesturing me forward. My every step was watched by both of them, Steven's smile very friendly.

"This is Leandra." My dad told him, lightly resting his hand on my shoulder.

"Chris," Steven said, "She looks just like you. Wow. I see she's got the green eyes."

"Leandra," My dad said, "This is Steven. My little brother." He didn't look older than mid-twenties, so it was a bit hard to believe that he was my dad's brother.

"It's great to finally meet you, kid." Steven told me. "You're how old?"

"Ten." I answered quietly. I couldn't help feeling very shy.

"Ten years." He chuckled, "And your dad never brought you around to meet this crazy bunch? Man, have you been missing out." Before I could be bothered by that, the doorbell rang again.

"Ah." Steven laughed, letting Lily down onto her feet next to me. "Hold that thought." He rounded toward the door, yanking it open and greeting someone on the porch excitedly.

I leaned over just a little, curious to see who he was greeting. It was another kid. A boy. Older than me, but not by much. I recalled what my dad had said about his older brother. I knew he had kids, but I'd never really tried to picture them before.

I jumped a little as Rachel arrived at my side, and I backed up as another girl squeezed her way through the door, beside where Steven and this girl's brother were greeting each other. The girl made her way forward and hugged my dad eagerly, grinning.

This was suddenly a whole lot of other people.

"Make room, guys." Rachel laughed, stepping forward to urge them away from the door. They both listened to her, stepping further into the room.

"Man, look at you." My dad laughed, hugging the older boy next with his free arm. "You both need to stop growing so much. Geez."

My attention was taken back to the door as a woman stepped in next reaching forward to hug Rachel, but Lily ran outside through the still-open door. Curious again, I moved forward and leaned over a little more to look outside.

Lily ran straight to a man who greeted her excitedly. Lifting her completely off her feet and over his shoulder with his own laughter. She greeted him just like he was another dad.

"Leandra." My dad called my attention and I turned to look back at him. "Come over here and meet your cousins." I stayed where I was for several seconds, more comfortable that way. I was feeling quite overwhelmed, and a little claustrophobic.

I eventually did move, though, wandering closer.

"Leandra, this is Dominic," He pointed to the boy. The girl next. "And Callie." I was about the same height as Callie, but Dominic was taller up close. They both smiled, and weren't really unfriendly, but they seemed as shy as I was. "Guys, this is Leandra."

Though we were only cousins, I could see a lot of my own features in theirs. A little bit here or there, but it was enough to know we were related. It was the weirdest feeling.

Steven finally turned and called out the door. "Rich."

The man Lily had greeted stopped spinning Lily around on his shoulder to respond. "What? We were both just about to throw up." That was a good thing? The way he said that made it seem like he thought so. Lily was still laughing uncontrollably, not even seeming to care that he'd stopped.

"Get over here and meet your niece." Steven replied. That seemed to prompt him into moving. He carried Lily with him into the house before setting her down onto her feet. She and Callie immediately took off toward the kitchen, and I briefly wondered how many cookies Lily had already had.

I moved closer to my dad's side as this man approached, glancing up at him nervously.

"Well, look at her." The new man, they called Rich, chuckled as he came to stand beside Steven. "Looks like you made her all by yourself, Chris."

"This is Richard," My dad told me, "My older brother."

"Oldest in the bunch, but you'd never know it." Rich replied. "Call me Rich, because I like to pretend I am. It's so nice to meet you, Leandra." He held his hand out, and I hesitantly took it. He closed his hand around mine, giving me a gentle smile.

"You too." I mumbled in response. I had to admit. I didn't hate these two yet. Two uncles. I never knew I even had one. Now I was looking up at my dad's two brothers.

Steven looked very much like a younger version of my dad, and it was easy to spot the similarities. Same color hair, same green eyes. I guess that was something that ran in the family more than I realized.

My own dark auburn hair was what I took from my dad, along with his eye color, a very clear green. My eyes had always been something that set me apart, as not many people had this color. Now I was looking at at least one other person that had it besides my dad and I.

Richard's looks were a little different. Clearly older, but not too old. A tiny bit of gray in his dark auburn hair proved he was a father of two. His eyes looked more hazel, blue-green, versus our clear green.

Both seemed really happy to finally be meeting me, so it hadn't been a lie on my dad's part. They didn't seem to mind how shy I was, either.

"You're sure she's ten?" Rich asked, looking at my dad. "She's not much bigger than Callie."

"That's a long story, Rich." My dad replied, "But yeah. I'm pretty positive that she's been alive ten years. I was there." They both laughed, but I turned away. I didn't feel like listening in while they caught up.

I was feeling really weird. A mix of just about every emotion I'd ever had. Not one at a time, but everything all at once. This was my first Christmas without Jack, so needless to say, I was extremely out of my element.

Clara, Rich's wife, was a rather soft-spoken type of person. She was the mother of Dominic and Callie, my cousins. Callie was the eight-almost-nine year old busy chatting with Lily. Dominic was twelve, and also the spitting image of his father.

Both Clara and Dominic were also very nice to me. I found that it was pretty easy to like them both. Callie, on the other hand, I wasn't sure of. Not that she was mean, but I didn't get much of a chance to talk to her. She never stopped long enough to.

About an hour after everyone had shown up, the doorbell rang again, and it took every ounce of strength in me not to groan out loud. Dear God, what now?

"Guess who?" Steven laughed as my dad moved toward the door. I searched my frazzled mind, trying to recall who all my dad had told me about.

I figured it out right as a much older man stepped inside. I couldn't see him very clearly, but I stood up anyway from my seat off to the side as they greeted each other and talked a little. I had absolutely no experience with grandfathers. About as much experience as I had with uncles. I had no idea what to expect.

My dad looked over at me, and smiled. Bringing his dad's attention to me as well.

"There she is." His dad's voice was firm but clear. "The mystery granddaughter." My dad laughed, turning first and making his way over to me. His dad following.

"Leandra," My dad spoke, seeing my hesitation. "This is my dad."

"Mine too." Steven pouted slightly from across the room, obviously trying to joke.

"Well, now.." His dad crouched slowly in front of me, and I studied him just as closely as he studied me.

His hair was a lot grayer than I'd ever seen, and the lines of his face a lot more defined, but it was so hard to imagine that I was actually related to this man. I wouldn't be around if it wasn't for him.

He studied my face like something fascinating.

"Hi there, sweetheart." He finally told me with a smile. "You don't have to call me grandpa. You can call me Anthony if you want to." I nodded a little. I appreciated that. He held his hand up for me, and I took it. His hand was a little cold from the temperature outside, but it wasn't bad.

Anthony smiled, "She looks just like your mom, Chris." I smiled a little at his admiration, and he returned it. "Her mini-twin, I swear."

I really looked. Under the gray in Anthony's hair, the color was more brown than auburn, to my surprise. He had the blue eyes Rich had. It took me a second to understand. My dad and Steven had gotten their looks from their mother, not their father, and I got my looks from my father. It was mostly her looks that I'd taken.

"I thought she looked just like Chris." Steven shrugged.

"Chris looks the most like mom out of all of us." Rich chuckled. "He always has. I was the lucky one to get dad's striking good looks."

"Right." Steven snorted.

"Oh, don't start on that." My dad chuckled in return. "Remember what I did last time?"

"I still remember what you did the first time I ever told you that." Rich replied. "That wasn't funny. Damn near took my arm off, you animal."

"Stop it, both of you." Anthony rolled his eyes as he stood up. "Leandra is gonna think we're nuts."

"I know we're nuts. No need to go filling the kid's head with lies of sanity." Steven muttered. I stayed close to my dad's side, his arm around my shoulders, which helped.

"How?" I asked, gaining their attention. "How did my dad almost tear off your arm?"

Rich chuckled. "Well, when he was a kid, he had a pretty bad temper. The littlest thing would set him off, and as his brothers, it was our job to set him off."

"They were relentless." My dad added.

"He was.. Ten, I think. Just about your age. That would have made me thirteen, and to a ten year old boy, telling him he looked like our mother was the worst insult in the world." Rich continued. "It was basically telling him he looked like a girl, so what did he do? Chris picks up the nearest shovel, and whacks me as hard as he can. With the side of the damn blade."

I must have gotten some of my temper from my dad, which didn't surprise me much. Considering I got most of my other traits from him.

"He had to get thirty-seven stitches." Steven laughed.

"Thirty-seven stitches." Anthony confirmed with a nod. "Scared the hell out of me. I swear, a nurse in the ER fainted."

"If he'd hit any harder, the impact would have reached bone." Rich explained. "That's what the doctor said."

"Is this story appropriate?" Clara asked from the kitchen.

Steven added. "I still remember laughing at him."

"You were four, baby brother." Rich pointed out. "You laughed at the characters on the cereal box."

"Shut it." Steven argued. "I do remember laughing, and I'm still laughing. Ha. You deserved it."

I had to admit, they were amusing. I didn't feel quite up to laughing, but I did have a hard time not smiling.

From my spot off to the side, I listened to their stories. It was pretty interesting to hear what kind of family I came from. Through their constant little jabs at each other, I could easily tell they were all very close. Which explained why Lily was so eager to see Steven and Rich.

I was okay as long as the attention stayed off of me.

Quite a few gifts were brought into the house from everyone for Lily, and even a few for me. I had a feeling mine were so last minute, but the mention of gifts for me didn't make me lighten up much.

Even with all the distraction, the reason I hated this holiday always stayed at the back of my mind. Weighing on me like a hippo, and making me feel like I was drowning.

Dinner was a buffet type set up, and we all just sat anywhere to eat. Their little table wasn't nearly big enough to fit everyone, but nobody seemed to mind. However, my attention was more outside at the fading daylight. I didn't eat much, too sick to focus on it.

The more nobody focused on me, the more I was tempted to just disappear upstairs and hide away until I didn't feel sick anymore. Sometime around the New Year.

I was relieved for a second when Anthony stood up with a heavy sigh. I thought that signified that everyone was going to go away, and I'd get to hide away. Of course, it didn't mean that.

"Who's ready for the presents?"

What presents?

"Huh?" I choked out.

Thankfully, Dominic leaned over. "Someone hands out one random present to everyone to open on Christmas Eve while we're all here."

"Can I say no?" I couldn't help whispering. He laughed a little.

"No." He replied in his own whisper. "I've tried." He and I watched Lily and Callie bulldoze their way toward the tree like a pair of speeding trains. "It's way easier to just open it and pretend to be happy about whatever it is. Don't be surprised if you get a sweater, or socks or something. And I'm pretty sure Uncle Steven's gift to you is just money. Nobody really knew what to get you. We didn't know what you'd like or even if you'd be able to come."

"But I really don't want anything." For multiple reasons.

"Sorry." He shrugged a little.

I was handed a small, wrapped gift and I just held it there. Even after the okay was given to open it. Mine was from my dad, and I knew it was so stupid, but I was so afraid to open it. I was nearly in tears over it.

I was okay with it during my birthday, because it wasn't that much of a big deal. Christmas, however, was a whole different story.

I was holding on decently, until my dad approached me. He sighed and crouched down.

He smiled a little. "I think you're old enough for the gift I'm giving you."

I froze for a second. Those words echoed too closely to the words I'd heard years ago. When the hatred of Christmas started. My heart suddenly pounded, and without my consent, I felt the intense fear I felt back then.

I set the gift to the side, bolted up, and raced for the stairs. Ignoring the stares behind me.

"Leandra?" My dad called, surprised. Of course he was surprised. He had no idea what he'd just done.

I couldn't breathe around the panic as I landed in my room and attempted to close my door. My dad had followed, catching the door before I could, and that just made me panic worse.

"Leandra, please." He murmured. "What did I do?"

I sat into the corner, though, and curled up. Falling to my butt and hiding my face as I suffocated on my sobs. I couldn't speak now if I wanted to. I knew he was worried about me, but again. I couldn't stop.

It's not the same, I told myself. It's not the same. I wasn't there anymore. I sobbed when I could breathe, fell silent when I couldn't.

"Talk to me." He insisted this time.

"I can't." I cried with tight breath.

"Why?" He asked, rounding the bed to look at me. Sitting tensely. "Leandra, I don't know what you're hiding, but you don't have to try to protect me from anything."

"I'm not trying to protect you." I finally snapped. "I'm trying to protect _me_."

"You?" He frowned. "Just-"

"Just _go_!" I hid my face again.

"Chris." Rachel arrived in the doorway and I looked up. "Go back downstairs. Let me talk to her."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." He immediately replied. "I'm told she gets a little rough when she's like this." Who told him that?

"I'll be fine." She urged, walking in. "Go ahead." He seemed hesitant, but he eventually did make his way out.

She let me cry myself out. She didn't say a word until all I did was sniffle. She wasn't impatient. She just sat on the side of my bed, watching me.

I couldn't stand the way that had burned me. It wasn't his fault, and I knew that, but the fact was it hurt me more than he could ever imagine. That was a new experience for me. I'd never had a nightmare like that while I was awake.

I felt the same things I'd feel in a nightmare, and my mind was stuck on back then. Things I'd thought I'd forgotten came forward, but those made me react the way I reacted just now because I knew how that night had gone.

"I don't wanna be here." I whimpered. I hated that I acted like this in front of people I barely knew.

"I know." Rachel murmured softly. "I told Chris not to push it, but I guess he really wanted to be here for Christmas. I knew our crazy family would be really overwhelming for you." She was quiet, but eventually sighed. "This is so hard."

"What?" I asked quietly, keeping my eyes down.

"You see my condition?" She asked, and I nodded without looking up. "It's so hard not to go over there to comfort and hold a baby I see hurting _very_ badly." Despite her smile, I knew it did bother her.

"I'm not a baby."

"Oh, but you really are, honey." She murmured. "You're so young. You're too young to have had to face all that you have, and I'm _so_ sorry for that. I'm not going to pressure you to talk to me, but please know that you can. I know I'm not your mother, and I'm not trying to take anyone's place, but I can be a friend. If you'll allow me to be."

That helped me like her a bit more. She wasn't expecting anything of me. She chased my dad out of the room just so I could calm down. I liked that. I wouldn't ever talk to her about this, but I appreciated her effort.

"Thanks." I sniffled.

"Would you like to be alone now?" She asked and I nodded. "Okay. Just come downstairs if you feel up to it. No pressure, okay?" I nodded again. I really liked her.

She smiled again, and stood up. Leaving the room without another word.

This was part of my story I wished so bad I could erase. It was one of the parts of my story that I fought the hardest with because of what I didn't know then that I knew now.

I spent the rest of Christmas Eve in my room. I still hated the way I acted, but not enough to try to change it. Nobody ever bothered me, or tried to get me to come out. I just stayed there. I heard everyone leave, and I heard Lily get put to bed.

Unfortunately, I had to dream that night. In this dream, I wasn't at my dad's house. I wasn't even at my mom's house. I was back in Sappho, in my old room in the old trailer. As hard as I fought it while I was awake, the memory of that Christmas Eve night four years ago played freely now.

I was so stupid back then. I still didn't know what to expect when it came to Jack. I was still learning. It was my only memory of that age at all, but it was big enough to mean more than that entire year's worth of memories put together.

I was so stupid back then. I was confused, but not suspicious, when Jack actually decorated the front room for Christmas. I should have been suspicious.

I was so stupid back then. I didn't ask questions when he said he was going to give me something. I should have run and hid. I should have done more to avoid it.

Jack gave me a gift I could never forget. For as long as I lived. That was the night everything changed for me. That was the night fear darkened my entire world. I didn't understand any of it at the time, and that just made it worse to remember it so vividly now.

Jack knew how scared I was, and that was why he did it. He told me later. He knew what that night did to me. It taught me things I didn't ever want to know, or ever learn again.

It was a hard lesson, but it reminded me of everything I'd been forgetting in the last year. He made sure to remind me every night he could after that night that it was so stupid to trust anyone. Being hurt that way was something I could probably never learn to let go of.

The fact that my dad giving me a gift was enough to make me turn on him like that proved it.

That was why it felt so wrong here. This wasn't my life. It wasn't the life I was supposed to live. I wasn't good enough for a life like this. I was never good enough for the life the Cullens tried to give me, and they must have finally seen that. I didn't deserve any of it because of the things I'd done. I was a bad person. A horrible person, and my dad bringing me here only made me see that even more. Because of Lily.

Lily was the person I would have been had I never done the things I'd done. It was a feeling I hated, but couldn't shake, and seeing how happy she was only hurt me more. That was why I was having such a hard time here. My dad saw someone in me that didn't exist anymore, and not having the heart or courage to tell him that was hurting me.

I didn't cry out in this dream. I'd been told not to, so I kept my cries quiet, but they were intense. No beating he'd given me yet had ever scared me this bad, and remembering that fear so fresh in my mind when I sat up out of sleep changed me even more.

Of course I would have that dream. Of course I'd remind myself that way. I wasn't good enough for this life. I wasn't good enough for this room, or this bed, or even these nice clothes. I felt sick, too warm but shivering at the same time. Just like in the dream.

There was no possible way for me to feel any lower. I'd never felt like this yet. My heart felt too broken to cry anymore, which was a whole new level.

On top of the pain my memories brought me, I still had so much more to worry about. I couldn't give everything the attention it needed all at the same time. I wouldn't have wished this feeling on anyone.

I had to think about what Rachel told me earlier in the day. She said I was a baby. I knew she didn't mean literally, but she was wrong. She saw a kid, but I really didn't feel like one. I didn't feel like anything. I felt like I had nothing left to give anyone. I'd done my grieving, I'd done my crying and fighting.

Jack was a cruel person. He'd shown me every meaning of the word, especially with his mind games, but to me, what the Cullens had done was way worse than anything Jack had ever done, and the worst part was that they didn't even care to know.

At that thought, I found my tears again. I held my breath through the worst of them, letting them escape because I didn't have it in me to fight them anymore.

I cried myself back to sleep, curled up on my side. I needed to talk to my dad. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. He needed to know what he was dealing with, but was it even worth it anymore?

I was a mess all Christmas day, barely holding on as the hours crawled by, but they were probably just happy I was there at all. I knew my dad saw my late night in my tired eyes, but he didn't ask about it. Probably in fear of upsetting me again.

The gift he wanted to give me the night before was some kind of kit to learn how to make quilts. I actually did like it, but it just made me feel worse.

We were back in Port Angeles the following evening, and by then, I wasn't feeling any better. As it was, the trip had been mostly silent while I pretended to sleep in the back seat. My thoughts had been busy, though.

I had no reason. I didn't have a reason anymore. My mom was useless, my dad was oblivious, and I had no reason. I couldn't go back to my mom and wait for her to mess up again. I couldn't stay with my dad and watch him hurt himself trying to treat me like someone I wasn't.

What kind of person was I that I didn't even fit with my own family? And what would happen the moment my dad really started to see what kind of person I was? I remembered his worry when I snapped at him. I didn't want to see the moment he actually changed his mind about me.

It was raining here, but it was cold. Turning the snow to slush, but the sound was enough to numb me, and it numbed me for good.

Thinking I was asleep, my dad dashed through the rain to take the bags inside, no doubt intending to come back and get me, but when he got back, I was already gone. I took what money I found in his wallet, grabbed my coat and my hat, and I was gone. I just walked away.

Well, I jogged away at first, just to make sure I was gone by the time my dad came back out, but once I'd put distance between him and me, I wandered. I wasn't running away from him exactly, but I was done trying. I had no clue what I would do from there, but Port Angeles was pretty big. I was fairly confident I could disappear.

I thought about his feeling of peace, knowing I just completely squashed it, but the pain of staying was more than I could have lived with. Whether that was actually liking him and being forced to leave, learning to eventually trust him and having him turn it against me, watching him give up on me, or even being truthful and watching him realize what kind of person I was. I couldn't live with any of those.

Four days before December ended, I was running again.

 **A/N: I honestly didn't mean to devote an entire chapter to (freaking) Christmas, but I felt like it was informative. Forgive me if this bothers anyone. Just a reminder, though. I had already written out this entire story before I started releasing chapters. I'm editing it and adding to it as I go along. I'm fixing things, like the pace, and switching things around. 97% of this chapter is brand new, so please forgive me if there are any mistakes or if it seems dull in some spots.  
ANYHOO!  
THANK YOU! To my REVIEWERS of last chapter! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!  
Chapter Ten may take a little bit of time, because I have to adapt that, but it's got a fairly good outline. That one is a bit harder to work on because of how emotional it is, on many levels, but I'll make it through.  
Until Ten, my friends!**


	10. Chapter 10

**ImPORTANT NOTE: It gets a little rough in this chapter. Heads up.**

 **Chapter Ten**

I really didn't know what to do from there, so I started to wander.

Spending the last few weeks doing almost nothing but laying or sitting around, it had been awhile since I'd had the opportunity to just wander. Just walking.

I missed the house, especially the warmth. Despite still being numb, it was terrifying to suddenly be out here with nowhere to go. I didn't know the first thing about anything, and I really started to see that there was a lot more to this than I had thought before.

But even that wasn't enough to make me change my mind.

I tried to stay off of the main streets, because I knew for a fact that my dad was searching for me. I hated to think about the worry I caused, but I knew he'd get over it. It seemed like I was only made to be thrown away or kicked around.

As more evening fell, the city seemed to slow, not many other people out anymore. It was late enough for most of the shops to be closed along the street. Even with the coat I wore, the cold still bit at me, but I was still very grateful for it.

I couldn't wander for long. The nearly-frozen rain coating my hair soaked my head in no time with it melting. Even my hat didn't help. I sought out the nearest overhang when I finally decided I couldn't stay out in it.

The building attached to the overhang was still open, as I could clearly hear many conversations inside. As much as I wanted to go inside, just to get warm, I didn't. The last thing I needed was for someone to say they saw me.

What was I even doing out here? It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was _promised._ They _promised_.

My first night in Port Angeles was the worst I'd had in a long time. I was only here a few hours, and I was already strongly considering giving up. I was cold and exhausted, but my mind refused to slow down.

I found a park to hide out in. It wasn't the same one my dad had taken me to in the spring, but a much smaller one.

One thing I didn't think about, one of the little details, was when I was out here and I got snowed on, I'd stay wet. There was no drying off unless I went in somewhere, but _where_? I had nowhere.

As nice as my dad's family seemed, it would never work for me. There were too many people that wouldn't understand why I hated them. All the awkward glances, constant worry, and uncertainty.

Christmas had been my breaking point. What really made me see that it never would have worked out. The memories were still too fresh, and I was still too wounded, and with me so extremely unwilling to face those memories head on, I couldn't work through them enough to ever make it okay.

Christmas Eve, four years ago, was the first time Jack ever hurt me the way he had been doing at night. So much fear was held in that one night that I couldn't stand even one second of thinking about it head on.

It was hard to avoid, though, because that one night defined me more as a person than the rest of my life so far. That night was what kept the flames of fear burning in me at every second glance from anyone I knew, and it pushed away any hope of any real, lasting trust.

What had I done to deserve something like that? My only crime was finally being old enough, but that didn't stop the guilt from turning my stomach when I looked at myself. I didn't even know why. It was just something I wouldn't let go of.

I spent the next week and a half struggling to get by. Living on the street was much, much harder than having somewhere warm and safe to go. I was still learning, but if I didn't learn, I didn't get another chance.

By the third day into the week, I was once again considering just turning myself in. Anything would be better than continuing living this way, but I thought about it. Would my dad even still be there? He probably gave up after the first day and just went home.

Better that way.

There was at least one other homeless man around this town. I avoided him like the plague, which wasn't always easy. I couldn't just find somewhere else to go, because downtown had all the opportunities, but I didn't exactly feel like asking him for advice.

I learned quick that it was a lot harder to hold onto money than it was while I had somewhere to hide with food already there.

Once I'd spent the whole $32 I'd managed to grab before I left, I perfected the whole snatch-and-run technique from the little restaurants along the street. The ones that had outdoor eating areas, and those stupid enough to use it. Nobody ever chased me further than a few feet, shaking their heads and sitting back down. Knowing I was too fast for them to catch.

I hated doing that, but it was either that, or shoplift. I would avoid doing that for as long as I could. And I was not about to dig through trash cans. There was a limit to what I would do.

For now.

Tonight seemed a lot colder than I'd faced yet. I spent most of the evening behind a pharmacy. There was an exhaust vent there that probably saved my life that night. I sat curled against the wall directly below the vent, just looking for some sleep. That was all I wanted, but I couldn't stop shivering.

It certainly didn't help that I was soaking wet, and had parked myself in a puddle. At the time, the puddle had been worth it. Now, I wasn't so sure.

I was on my feet in record time, though, when the back door opened. I was off running before the employee had even caught sight of me.

I made it back to the main street before I stopped running, long enough to catch my breath and sniffle. I hurt in the worst way. I was so sick of being cold. I woke up cold, spent my day cold, spent the night cold, and went to sleep cold.

There were very few places still open, despite how early the night was. Most of the restaurants and stores were dark, but there were still enough places open that made the streets somewhat busy.

I hadn't eaten yet today, so as I approached the first open cafe I found, I eyed the trickle of people coming in and out.

One man in particular caught my attention. He had just walked out of the cafe, and I stood there, watching him toss a white paper bag right into the trash on the curb. He turned away, now focused on unlocking the car parked there.

I couldn't resist anymore. Without wasting a second or even waiting for the man to move away, I ran forward and grabbed the bag right off the top. Before I could dart away, the man turned in surprise and grabbed my wrist.

"Whoa." He barked as I struggled briefly. "What are you-"

"You didn't want it." I snapped, my wrist firmly captured in his hand.

"Easy." He told me, but I glared as he studied me. I refused to 'easy'. I wasn't equipped to 'easy' anymore. Definitely not with my option to run taken away.

I tugged again, whimpering when it didn't get me far.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?"

"Same thing you are." I countered, and he eyed me again. I couldn't help feeling badly cornered. It was dark on this part of the street. It was snowing heavily again, I was cold, and almost completely alone with this guy. Now and then a car would drive by, but I doubted anyone was really paying attention.

My heart pounded harder the longer I stood there letting him look at me. I was losing feeling in my hand thanks to his tight grip around my wrist.

"I'll tell you what." He spoke quietly now. "I'm feeling charitable. Let's make a deal."

"What kind of deal?" I asked, unable to keep the tremble from my voice.

"I want to help you out." He said. "I'll help you out if you help me out."

"But I don't need your help."

"Look at you." He replied pointedly. "You need all the help you can get."

"If I need so much help, what do you think I can help you with?" I frowned. "What do I gotta do?" I was really confused. He smiled at me.

"You just let me worry about that." He answered, and I immediately shook my head. I wasn't okay with that arrangement. I twisted again.

"Now, come on." He said. "I won't hurt you. I promise." He laughed again, turning around and tugging me with him.

Again, I wasn't okay with this.

With one swift movement, I dropped back and I broke free, but he anticipated this. Reaching down with his other arm, scooping me up off my feet, jarring me into stillness and pinning me against his side with nothing but pure strength.

"Maybe this'll teach you a lesson about approaching strangers." He muttered, but weirdly, it sounded more like he was talking to himself than to me. He practically shoved me head-first into the driver's side backseat of his car.

He was fast, I had to hand it to him, but I was faster. The second he shut the door, I threw myself across the backseat. Fighting like a bobcat toward the passenger side door. I had it open and I was falling out onto the street in the time it took for him to look around for me.

I hadn't run this fast in a really long time. I still didn't really know what he wanted from me, but I didn't exactly feel like ignoring every single one of my flight instincts just to find that out. I could see right through him and I honestly didn't like what I saw.

I ran as fast as I could across the slushy street, disappearing along the next street. Part of me knew he wasn't chasing me, but it took nearly suffocating in my exertion before I could even slow down. I fought hard to catch my breath. It made my lungs ache in a way I wasn't used to.

I got as far away from that place as I could before I had to stop. I was far too tired to keep going, but I found the most coverage I could behind the hardware store. There was a precarious stack of wooden pallets underneath a thick tarp up against the wall. This would have to do. It was dark here too, but more silent than I'd heard in a very long time.

I curled up in there as small as I could, drawing in on myself as I kept watch. I shivered hard, but at least it was dry in here.

Exhaustion eventually took me, despite how I tried to force myself to stay awake. He was right, though. I didn't plan on ever approaching anyone again.

As scared as I was, I was still even more terrified of going back. I still felt the threat in Keith, but if I wanted to be honest with myself, deep down I did know that this would probably end in me going back there. One way or another, I knew I would wind up back there.

Not knowing what would happen from there was what made me pause.

I didn't come out of my pallet fortress until I woke to see the first bits of morning.

The cold was finally starting to get to me. Despite my jacket, it wasn't near thick enough to keep me as warm as I needed it to.

January came and went with even more cold and rainy weather. I managed to stay out of trouble, and avoided being caught.

I was very sick for the first half of February, and it wasn't letting up. I had little to no shelter from the cold rain. Effectively making it worse. Each breath I'd take would rattle quietly in my chest, making it very difficult to sleep. My stomach and ribs were now aching horribly thanks to the coughing fits.

I knew this cold would just get progressively worse, and I'd probably die from it. I almost laughed with the humor of that thought. I would have if I could breathe properly. After everything I'd been through in my life, it'd be a cold that killed me.

I chose not to consider myself homeless, despite the fact that's very much what I was now. Probably thought dead by my mom, and my dad. Both were better off. The wind had picked up a little bit, and my damp hair blew behind me as I walked. Everyone was better off. Even the Cullens. All of them were busy with their own lives now.

What did I matter?

If being out here had taught me anything, it was that I didn't matter much. Whether I stayed here or went back, it didn't matter. Nothing I did mattered. I had nothing left to give anyone.

I knew I didn't look well. Either health wise, or appearance wise. Given the looks I got from other people as I wandered during the day. Nobody even noticed the obviously struggling ten-year-old, though. Nobody cared enough to see me, but I was used to that.

If anyone recognized me, they never said anything. They just kept moving. Getting to where they were going before they could make themselves turn around.

I'd found a new routine, though, so that was a plus. I'd also picked up on a few rules by now. I had to give at least three blocks between me and where I'd stolen from the day before for at least a day or so. Stay away from certain alleys, as that's where other homeless people lived. I'd found them. Stay away from the bars, and the less pleasant parts of town. Stick to the main streets only.

And the main rule: Trust absolutely no one. The only ones that stopped to ask me if I needed anything were men, and had a price in mind. A price I wasn't willing to pay, I rather quickly figured out.

It came to a close call one more time, when I'd found myself too desperate to refuse one night, but I managed to get away by using my biting trick, and a well timed swinging fist. I got free, running back to the safety of main street. I wondered how he would explain the brand new bite mark on his cheek to his wife.

Tonight, though, I wandered along the rainsoaked streets. Sometime passed seven in the evening. Daylight had faded early, giving an almost eerie rainy gloom to the small town. I hated nights like tonight. When the sky couldn't decide whether it wanted to rain or not.

I coughed hard as I walked, hoping for just a little bit of the fluid in my lungs to come up. It never did. My nose, pinker than it should be in the cold, burned and ran roughly. Another cough left me as I paused at the crosswalk, waiting for traffic to stop so I could cross.

I let out a small sob of pain at the ache in my lungs. They hurt so badly, and every breath I took felt like inhaling glass, which made me cough even more. There was a restaurant I hadn't visited in a few days just up the street, and it was calling my name.

Unfortunately, I had to pass one of the well-used bars to get there. I hated the people that walked in and out of that place. I tended to avoid the place as often as I could, as it was dark out front of it. The streetlight outside the building hadn't worked for as long as I remembered, and that always made me nervous.

I bit my lip as I neared it, pausing as three obviously drunk men came out. I didn't even look at them as they stumbled passed me, back in the direction I'd just come. Flattening against the wall to let them pass.

"Hey, kid." This call came from elsewhere, and out of instinct I glanced at the car parked against the curb. A different stranger stood looking at me. I continued on as if he hadn't spoken, until a loud whistle startled me, and I very obviously looked his way. "C'mere for a second." I shook my head and continued on.

God, I thought to myself, just leave me alone. I closed my eyes as I listened to him leave his car. It wasn't often that I got a follower, but I hated it every time. I increased my speed, desperate to get to the lighted part of the sidewalk. He landed beside me just before I did. I saw the busy street corner just ahead, and I had a feeling he wouldn't pursue me across that street as well.

"Don't bother." I growled. "Keep moving, asshole."

"Well, that's not very nice." I wanted no part of his obviously too-sweet conversational tone. I'd heard it before, and it was useless on me. "I only want to help you."

"Save it." I growled again. "Leave me alone." Despite my tone, my heart pounded in fear.

"Just stop for a minute, would you?" He grabbed my hand pulling me to a stop on the street corner. "All I'm asking for-"

"I said, _no_!" I shouted up at him as loud as I could. My shout had gained a whole lot of attention, which was exactly the effect I was looking for. He immediately released my hand as if I'd burned him, looking around before turning and heading back up the sidewalk. Leaving me be.

I briefly wondered how many people I'd chased away or ignored who actually wanted to help me, but then I dropped that thought. They were all bad. I didn't matter. Nobody really wanted to help me.

It didn't take very long before most of the on-lookers continued on their way. I stuffed both of my hands into my jacket pockets, and I shivered as I stood there. I kept my eyes down, staring at the sidewalk in front of me, until something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Out of instinct, I glanced across the busy street.

Immediately doing a double-take as every one of my thoughts froze.

A blonde haired man, striding down the sidewalk across the street instantly gained my full attention. Seeming oblivious to the fact that I now stared his way like an idiot. The restaurant forgotten, as was the man I'd just chased off.

My heart leaped for a second, and my breath caught, before I told myself it wasn't him. It couldn't possibly be him. There was no way. I looked harder, but I couldn't control the way my throat closed.

I was too far away to really see his face, but I couldn't stop myself from clumsily reversing my steps. Nearly tripping, I followed him back up the sidewalk, back in the direction I'd come. Keeping my eyes on him, trying desperately for just a glimpse of his face. Now and then glancing up and down the slushy street, waiting for the flow of traffic to slow enough for me to cross.

"Change your mind, kid?" My follower asked from his car, but I ignored him, continuing on.

It was darker on that side of the street, and he seemed to stick closest to the buildings, away from the streetlights.

"Carlisle!" I called, knowing my voice wasn't as strong as it normally was. I'd gained a lot of other people's attention, but he didn't stop, or turn. Or even acknowledge that I'd spoken. It was a pretty busy street. Maybe he didn't hear me.

"Please." I choked.

The man never noticed me, or let me know he was aware I was following him. He wore a dark suit, dressed sharply. Much like Carlisle always was. Seeing this man brought emotions forward I didn't want to feel.

The way he walked, I recognized. The way he held his shoulders, I recognized. I called again, louder but it hurt my throat. I shoved through groups of people heading the opposite direction as me. Desperately hoping he'd just look my way. Just once. Just so I would see for myself that this wasn't him.

"Move, move." I grumbled, shoving people out of my way, "Dammit, move!" Trying to keep my eyes on him for just a moment longer, but I was falling behind. I wasn't fast enough.

I knew this wasn't him, but my heart wouldn't let it go. If I had given up, stopped following him for just one second, I would never rest. I'd always be thinking what if.

"Please.." I choked again, but I knew that it wouldn't be loud enough if my other attempts hadn't been. My voice broke, however, with my sudden return of emotion and desperation. It was more of a quiet whimper, a painful plea for him to turn. To look at me just once. Tears followed the very next breath, but I wasn't slowing down for the world.

Finally, the traffic in the street ebbed enough for me to dart across the street, barely managing to hop up on the sidewalk before a car honked my way. I jumped, turning to flip the driver off. When I looked forward again, the blonde haired man was gone.

Once again, my heart dropped as I scanned the entire sidewalk ahead of me.

"W-What.. No." I panted shallowly. "No, no, no.."

I whimpered a bit, jogging up the sidewalk toward where I'd seen him last. Looking around frantically, I didn't see even a hint of him. I looked through the shops windows, up and down the alley to my right. Nothing.

Running made me cough, and sniffle. Any type of exertion had the same effect, but especially running. I couldn't help it, though. This man fit Carlisle perfectly, and I couldn't help but need to find him.

The longer I searched, looking around, the more I wanted to cry. To fall to pieces right in the middle of the sidewalk. I felt it, but I fought it. The breaking.

I felt like I'd been stabbed.

The movie theater in front of me was lined with people waiting for their show to start. Maybe he was in that group. I walked forward and searched each face for one I recognized, and even their hair color. I cursed quietly, questioning my eye sight when I found no blonde men.

I wouldn't doubt starvation and this fever would play tricks on my eyes. I was hopelessly tired, too, and I was sure that didn't help. Add in the cold, rainy night and the chaotic way the traffic headlights played on the damp streets, and that's just asking to see things that weren't there.

I still couldn't breathe. Was I really stupid enough to lose him a second time? Or had I just seen something that wasn't real?

Someone I did recognize in the movie theater crowd, though, was standing in the back of the group, looking down.

I spotted Bella.

This was the first time I'd seen her since we talked that day, and boy did she look like shit. Probably not as much as I did, though. She was with two guys, both looked like friends from school.

I gave one last look around me, my heart breaking all over again. I turned on the spot, looking at every single person that walked passed me.

"Please." I whispered to myself. "No.. Why?"

When I still saw nothing to hint that he was ever there, I had to take a moment. I stepped into the alley. Out of the way, where I could effectively fall to my butt on the rough concrete, and crumble.

I hated the way my mind had just tortured me, roughly rubbing my eyes. I hadn't had much of a chance to dwell on missing my family lately. Sure, they were on my mind every day, but I'd had to focus so much on just getting through the day, I couldn't dwell.

Having just most of the last several months alone, I was more desperate for them to come back than I had been in the beginning. To see what they left behind. To see what I was forced to endure, just to avoid capture and to stay. To hold onto them the way I wished so hard they would have held onto me.

Not like this. Not where I could easily get hurt. Not where I had to be scared just to walk down the street. I sobbed silently into my hands, bringing my legs to my chest. I wanted to give up.

Then I thought about it. What was stopping me?

What did I have left to lose? I had nothing to my name. I was cold, tired, and hungry. I was alone. I was lonely, scared, and desperate. I had no one. Nothing. Nobody was going to find me here, and my family wouldn't ever come back for me.

I'd been reduced to living on the street, sleeping in alleyways and stealing food from strangers. Not a clean inch of skin on me, and if I didn't do something soon, I would die that way. I was facing starvation now, and dying of pneumonia, and for what?

Why was I putting myself through this? Because I couldn't bear to face life without them, but I'd been doing just that since they left. I was fighting the life I was living without them. I was making it harder on me, but there was that one part of me that would never let go. It was that part that was hurting me now.

Thinking about that day, the day Carlisle told me they were leaving, and thinking about where I was now stung me in a way I wasn't used to. He said I was better off. He told me to give my mom a chance. He said I deserved a chance to live a _normal_ life. Was this normal?

I felt myself watched again, but that was nothing new. There was always a curious stranger with their eyes on me. Yet not willing to lift a hand to help me. I had no doubts that my little breakdown had gained someone's attention. There was no privacy when someone my age lived the way I lived.

Despite the fact I knew I was being watched, that only made it harder. The night was darker now. More hopeless. I cried harder now, crying for the way it was before. How easy life was before, and how much I'd obviously taken for granted. My sobs echoed softly down the alley, letting me know just how truly desperate and breathless they sounded. How heart-breakingly realistically evident my pain was in the depths of them.

I thought, for just one second, I'd found hope again. Losing sight of the blonde haired man had just crushed me all over again, and made me see just how desperate I truly was. How very easily I could forget, for just one second, that I was no longer cared for.

God, it was killing me.

Forcing myself to stop crying long enough to breathe, I struggled for what shallow breath I could take. I stood up, peeking around the side of the building and looking to Bella still outside the movie theater. Looking down, hardly speaking to her friends to either side of her.

There was one way to solve everything, and I just had to do it. I had to give up. I had to learn to know when enough is enough. And enough was definitely enough. I couldn't take anymore of having to be afraid of everything around me.

How each second I spent out here was as dangerous as the last. I couldn't do it anymore. Like standing on the ledge that night. I knew if I were to fall, I wouldn't survive it. Well, I was falling. It was up to me to stop falling.

I whimpered, hating the way I did so, but I gave up. I would go back to living with being smacked around, and locked in closets if it meant I didn't have to struggle anymore. I would let myself be sent away, because I had no reason to stay. Tonight had somehow proven that they'd moved on. It was stupid of me to keep holding onto them when they weren't holding onto me.

Without another thought, before I could talk myself out of it, I picked myself up and walked forward. The taller, darker haired guy beside Bella spotted me first as I approached, and he nudged her. She looked at him first before following his nod my direction.

Bella looked up, her eyes widened as she seemed to recognize me instantly, despite how dirty I was. I was a little surprised. I certainly didn't recognize myself anymore.

"My dad has been looking for you for weeks, Leandra." She told me, shocked. "The whole town has."

"Hey." I recognized one of the two guys standing there as he spoke to me. "I know you, right?" I ignored him, not giving him much more than a glance. He'd been there when I got into a fight that day at the high school. I tried to keep myself together, but I was quickly failing. I was tired. _So_ tired.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, ignoring him too. "You just vanished." I didn't answer, and her eyes saddened. A sad sort of understanding. My eyes welled with tears again, and I looked down. Closing my eyes and shaking my head a little.

"I can't anymore." I fought through the sob as I spoke, and she accepted that.

"Who is she, Bella?" The dark-haired guy that had nudged her asked, still concerned.

"I'll explain later." She told him quietly, and he nodded, but he never took his eyes off of me.

"I-I.. Didn't know what else to do." I mumbled, and Bella looked back down at me.

"Are you okay?" She asked again. "Are you hurt?"

"Those are two different things." I trembled lightly with the effort I used to hold back my emotions, and I knew she could see it. "I can't do it anymore. I can't be okay anymore. They're not coming back."

She didn't hesitate, stepping forward and hugging me. For the first time in several months, I returned a hug.

"Could you guys give us a minute?" Bella asked quietly.

"Sure." The dark-haired one murmured, and I glanced over to see them walking away.

"I'm going to call my dad and let him know you're here." She told me almost apologetically. "In the meantime, come over here and sit." I couldn't help it. I followed her as she led the way toward a ledge beneath a window of the shop next to the movie theater.

I didn't argue. I didn't run. I didn't shake my head. I sat down.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, and though I knew I should be, I shook my head. I wasn't hungry. I felt sick.

It hurt me, it bothered me so much to just give up. After all I'd fought for. Like I was losing a part of me by giving up the fight, but I kept telling myself. It was useless to keep it up. I had no reason anymore to keep fighting. Why bother? I'd given it a good run, but running into Bella had been the sign I needed to wake up. To face the facts.

Carefully, she sat beside me as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

I listened as she spent thirty seconds talking to her dad, who seemed to be in a rush now. I heard his voice on the other end of the line, telling her not to let me out of her sight. Not for a second. He sounded urgent.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Bella asked once she hung up, despite her dad's strict instructions. I had a feeling she was just trying to give me a choice, but I didn't want to ruin her night.

"No." I mumbled. "No, it's okay. Go ahead."

"Are you sure?" She asked. "You won't leave?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I can't anymore."

It turned out Charlie didn't trust me to stay either. Not five minutes after Bella had disappeared into the movie theater, a police car drove up. It wasn't Charlie, but a cop here in Port Angeles. I couldn't imagine how fast he'd called ahead.

As ignored as I'd been for so long, I definitely had a lot of attention now from people walking by as a very nice police woman approached me slowly. When I refused to answer any of her questions, she requested that I let her take me to the station.

Before she'd even finished saying where she wanted to take me, I stood up and followed her without a fight.

It was a short trip to the police station in town, but the warmth of the car exhausted me almost immediately. I was nearly asleep by the time we got there, and it took me a minute to find the strength to leave it.

Once inside, I was led into a small lounge to wait for Charlie to make the hour-long trip here to pick me up. Finally being warm took its toll, and I was curled on the couch in no time.

I jumped at the sound of the door opening, and it took me a second to calm myself down enough to keep from bolting.

It was a weird feeling, waking up warm and dry, even if I hadn't been asleep that long.

"Leandra." Charlie spoke to me and I looked up. The relief was slightly dampened by his clear concerned disappointment. He didn't know yet my reasons. All he knew was that I was finally found.

I stood up without prompting, crossing the room to the door. I walked out. Minutes later, I was settled in the back seat of his car.

"How did you get to Port Angeles?"

"Why did you stay?"

"You can't just disappear for two months without some kind of explanation."

Charlie was getting frustrated with me before we even made it halfway back to Forks, but I refused to talk. I never even acknowledged his questions.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

Again with that question. Why was everyone worried about that? Did they not know I could take care of myself? Did they really doubt the fight I had in me?

I rolled my eyes a little, but again, I didn't answer.

He gave up after awhile. Just taking me straight to the hospital in town. Just the sight of the building, even this late at night, forced tears from my eyes. As stubborn as I was, I couldn't hide how sick I was, and I couldn't pretend that the memories I had here didn't break my heart in a sharper, more forceful way.

I didn't see anyone I recognized while I was sitting and waiting for Charlie to talk to someone, but that was a relief to me. It made it a lot easier to just keep my eyes down, and pretend I wasn't here.

I had to be threatened with a physical exam before I would bother answering any questions, and even then, it was only a nod or shaking my head.

I was given a clean hospital gown to wear and admitted for the night. Apparently the noise my lungs made with every gasping breath was a bad sign. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to shower yet. As bad as I wanted to, they were strict about getting straight to bed.

I decided then to sleep a little. It felt like a very long time since I'd been able to sleep in a bed, but I'd only managed to snooze before I was startled by someone coming in.

Right. That was what I hated most about hospitals.

This nurse was bringing me some food, though, so I didn't hate her for long. It was late, so I was promised there wouldn't be that many interruptions. They just wanted to keep an eye on my breathing, and keep track of how the antibiotics were helping that. I'd accept that. It was still a million times better than trying to sleep in an alley somewhere.

I felt exactly like I hadn't slept in two months, so when I finally did sleep, I slept hard. I didn't wake up for any other nurses coming and going, but when I did finally wake up just before dawn, I was surprised to see my mom sitting beside my bed. She looked exhausted, but she sat reading a book.

I tried to pretend to be asleep for as long as I could, but a random, unavoidable cough alerted her. She looked up quickly, and immediately set her book to the side as she leaned closer.

"Leandra." Her voice was so relieved, quiet with emotion. "Hi, baby. How are you feeling?"

I shook my head, closing my eyes. It was true. My stomach tumbled uncomfortably and my whole body ached, but the plus side, I could breathe a little easier. Stiffly, I rolled over onto my back, and I figured out why I could breathe easier. The plastic tubes resting uncomfortably against my nose bugged me the second I noticed it was there. _That_ hadn't been there when I fell asleep, so it puzzled me.

I instinctively tried to reach up and pull it away, but my mom captured my hand instead. I took the hint, looking over at her instead. Really looking, I noticed now exactly how tired she looked. How broken.

"I never stopped looking for you." She murmured, a stray tear scattering down her right cheek. "I never gave up. Baby, where have you been? Why did you leave?" I looked down. Not a word in answer. She seemed to accept that, thankfully. Instead of pressing, she reached over with her other hand and gently smoothed my hair back.

She had no idea how nice it felt to be comforted, even if I still had my reasons to hate her. I closed my eyes again, fighting back confused emotion of my own. I took that as a sign that I was okay for now. I wouldn't be sent away immediately.

I looked over as the door opened, and a friendly nurse walked in. She was rather pretty. The chart in her hands already open, a page flipped up.

"Good morning, Leandra." She smiled warmly, giving my mom a nod as well. She paused a second, looking over the page in front of her. "Well.. It looks like all your tests were normal, so I think we can rule out anything serious. Everything looks good vital wise, and you responded well to everything, so I do think all you really needed was some good rest."

"Does that mean I can go home soon?" I asked quietly.

"Um.." My mom murmured quietly. "I'll, uh.." The nurse laughed awkwardly.

I picked up on her tone, detecting the difference. She actually sounded nervous. Not eager, not relieved. The nurse didn't seem to notice.

"If everything pans out, I think she can leave today." She nodded, "It really looks like you caught it just in time. Um.. I'm going to prescribe just a basic antibiotic, taken twice a day for about a week just to avoid any more infection." My mom nodded, and I looked down as the nurse continued. "And as for the symptoms, I'm suggesting just a basic over-the-counter cold medicine. You can get it at the pharmacy. It should help her rest for a few days while she gets better. Okay?"

"Yeah." My mom replied. "That's great. Thank you. I'm so glad she's going to be okay."

Again, I picked up her tone, and the things she was saying wasn't meant the way she wanted me to think they were meant. I picked up on that instantly, because I recognized it. Her ability to change words around, for them to mean something else by just changing the tone of her voice. I'd done it on so many occasions.

"Okay." The nurse smiled again. "Great. Well, I'll be off now, unless either of you have any questions."

"No." My mom replied, forcing a soft smile. "I think we're okay now. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." She replied, and she turned. I looked over at my mom once the door was closed.

"Honey," She spoke before I could even think to ask. "There's something you should know. You'll be coming home with me when they release you, but.." She trailed off.

I knew what she was saying.

"I know." I muttered. "I kinda figured Keith was still there."

She looked down as well. Not denying it.

"It was either accept you back, or let you go to a foster home." She murmured. "I'm not doing this because I want you to get hurt. I know I'm not the best parent. I'm not even a good one, but I'm taking you back to.. Well, to keep from losing you."

I didn't bother replying to that. I understood that, to a point.

I'd lost something in me the night before, but at the same time, it helped me too. I wasn't sure yet if it was worth the trade.

Keith was there waiting impatiently by the time my mom took me home, but because I didn't talk back, he pretty much left me alone. He told me to go to my room, and I went. The only thing I hated was the way he started barking at my mom about how late she was.

I slept the rest of the day.

Every day after, I kept my head down as often as I could, but I knew it wouldn't be good enough. It never was. I remembered this so much with Jack, except now, my mom was around to be a target instead of me.

I took the medication I was supposed to. I did what I was told. I stayed out of the way, but I observed. I watched them both, but it took me awhile before I could figure out what I was seeing. This was strange to me. This was new.

As the days passed, though, I watched things get worse between them. Of course it wasn't her fault in any way, but she'd be pushed too far by him and his insults, and it would spark something in her that only fueled more yelling.

Something had changed between them while I'd been gone.

It seemed like for two weeks straight, it would get steadily more tense, and I began to watch for those signs. I'd do something not just right, and Keith would get on me about it. He wouldn't hit me over it, but the tone of his voice impacted me just as hard. My mom would jump in, somehow take responsibility for my mistake. She'd argue with him, and I'd scurry away, knowing what was coming.

In many ways, it really seemed like my mom had grown tougher, but I knew she was only doing it to stay the target. She read something in him that I hadn't quite decoded yet.

My mom was on day two of missed work as it was, but today had been especially bad. She was just trying to get some housework done, and he was following her around and yelling at her for no reason. The half-empty bottle of dark amber liquid sitting within reach had a lot to do with his anger.

Of course I wanted to help, but it honestly just seemed like I was in the way.

Some things were yelled back and forth between them, a couple of door slams and the last living room lamp was shattered.

Keith had been outside half an hour after a very tense dinner, doing something or other on the car, and my mom had yet to come back out of her bedroom. Usually she came right out, just to pretend like he didn't hit her. I hated this routine, this little game she tried to play, but she refused to listen.

"Mom?" I asked meekly, gently pushing open her bedroom door. I stepped in. "Mom?" She looked over from her spot on the bed, looking at me. The dark spot down the side of her face and around her neck weren't shadows. I hated seeing this even more than I hated the routine.

"Are you okay?"

She sniffled roughly and gestured for me to come in. I closed the door behind me before crossing the room and settling on the bed beside her.

"Leandra, baby, I'm so sorry." She cried, and again, I felt horrible. I kneeled up, hugging her. I'd noticed this quite often, but it seemed more real now.

The situation now wasn't the same as it was with Jack. I knew at any second I could become his target again, and the stress that caused me made it hard to sleep, but for the most part, I had to watch my mom be the one he wanted to hurt.

As much as I used to wish she'd feel what I felt, just so she could understand, I hated it now.

"Mom, I hate this." I whispered, and she pulled back. "Can I call please call Charlie?"

"No, honey." She murmured, shaking her head. "No."

"Then.." I whimpered. "Then just.. We'll just go."

"Where?" She asked pointedly. "Honey, I don't have anyone I can burden with this."

"I hate seeing you like this." I told her pleadingly. "You can't keep letting him do this to you."

"I-I.." She sighed, shaking her head again.

"You're stronger than this." I found myself saying, and she looked up at me, "You won't have to say anything. I'll tell him myself. Don't let someone like that asshole control you like this." She shook her head, clearly doubting what I was saying.

What could I say to get through to her?

"He's just like Jack." I paused. "Just like him. Mom, he's just the same. I'm so scared he's not gonna ignore me forever."

That seemed to do it. I'd convinced her. I saw it when she looked over at me. I knew that was a fear she had as well, as she'd worked so hard lately to keep that from becoming the case. Enough was enough.

"You have to leave him." I said urgently. "Just leave everything behind, and we'll go someplace else. At least until we can get him out. Please, mom-"

The bedroom door opened behind us. I knew immediately that Keith had heard me, and I cursed silently. Darting to my feet and rounding to look back at him as the door slammed back against the wall behind it.

My mom was on her feet as soon as I was, but I saw it. She wasn't considering it anymore. I looked up at my mom, and saw everything I'd told her was just immediately undone. She was just going with what she knew again.

"Trying to convince her to leave me?" Keith asked, forcing a small laugh. "Leandra.. That's not very nice."

With no answer from me, he strode in, took an iron grip of my arm and pulled me away from her roughly. She went to protest, to reach out and grab his hand, but he pointed at her firmly. "Sit your ass back down."

The pure threat in his voice floored me. I hadn't heard it quite that threatening before, and instantly, I was afraid. Unbelievably afraid. He was getting worse. The longer he was allowed to do this, the more he did. He wouldn't choose my mom over me this time.

Honestly, I didn't know whether to argue or fight back, or if I should just shut up.

I stumbled a little as I was dragged from the room, my mom right on his heels. I knew I was being taken to my room, yet I couldn't struggle. Not at the pace we were going. One hand securely on my upper arm, the other free. He swung me out into the hall, and I was shoved through my bedroom door. He stepped in behind me, fought my mom back before closing and locking the door behind him.

Pulling his belt free with his other hand in one whipping motion.

The sight of it being pulled free was enough to send me scrambling across the room. Instantly terrified. I pulled open the curtain, only to find fading daylight, and that the bars were still in place. He'd never taken them off, so escape out the window was out of the question.

My heart pounded painfully, and the first step he took had me spin to face him again, crouching in the corner between the window and my closet. I was literally cornered.

He and I both ignored my mom's pounding attempts to get through the door.

"I'm tired of your fucking attitude." The thick strip of leather sat ominously looped in his hand.

"Keep that thing away from me." I tried to make my voice brave, but it shook, trembling along with the rest of me.

"I'm sorry." He said, "But this is for your own good. You need to learn some respect." He took another step toward me and I was instantly up, standing.

"It's hard to respect a coward." I could see I'd just made it worse, but there was no way I was letting that happen again. He'd have to catch me first.

"Is that what you think?" He laughed, but the sound wasn't a light one.

"She should leave you." I whimpered, crouching a little as I braced myself to run. "Y-You need to leave. She doesn't want you around."

"I'll tell her what she wants." He corrected. "She doesn't get a say. And you.. You need a firm fucking hand. I'm done playing."

He reached for me and I scurried passed him right for the door. He whipped the belt at me as I passed, and I caught a good blow across my back. I did stumble and land partially on my hands and knees for a second, the searing pain spreading down my spine, but I clawed my way back to my feet as fast as could.

He made another attempt, but I ducked away. He had to get a better grip on the belt around his hand, which gave me the precious seconds I needed to unlock and open the door. My mom blew into the room right passed me, more angry than I'd ever seen her.

My mom stopped him in the hallway as he tried to follow me, and they both started to fight each other loudly. I couldn't help the tears, though as I stopped in the living room. The pain of the one hit I got was nauseating, but I knew I'd be okay. I looked around for somewhere to hide and wait out the storm.

I heard him hit my mom, and knew he was coming for me again, but her voice was following right along with him.

I froze at the sound of the doorbell. Literally saved by the bell. I couldn't calm down enough to keep from crying as the fighting in the hallway stopped immediately.

I looked over as Keith strode quickly forward. I flinched roughly as he paused just long enough to grab the back of my neck and growl under his breath.

"Get in your room."

He turned me and shoved me violently. I stumbled, nearly hitting the floor, but I recovered and scurried toward the hallway. I stopped in curiosity as Keith opened the door roughly. My mom approached my side quickly, out of breath herself as we both stood there.

"What?" He demanded, which told me it wasn't anyone he needed to be respectful towards. I felt my hope die.

It took whoever was there a second to reply.

"I need to see Leandra. Now."

I immediately recognized that voice. It was firm, leaving no hint that it was even a request. She was mad.

My heart stopped and shattered at the same time, which was announced by my gasping sob. That only brought Keith's attention back at me, and the fact that I hadn't gone to my room like he told me to.

I ran forward as fast as I could, and as badly as he wanted to, Keith wouldn't stop me. I cried heavy tears as I landed on the porch and hugged Alice as tightly as I could. Sobbing all my breath out as she returned my hug.

"Leandra." She sighed, both relieved and disappointed.

I was too busy suffocating to say anything. As badly as I wanted to hate her, and be angry, she was there. Those things could wait, but right then, I needed to breathe.

I cried hard. Unable to help it.

"Alice?" My mom approached the door as well, clearly too surprised to remember the bruises on her.

"Look at me." Alice told me, pulling me back. I couldn't. I was shaking too hard.

"What are you doing here?" My mom asked, probably just trying to understand.

"And I'm sorry," Keith added firmly, "But Leandra is in trouble. She's not allowed visitors." It took my shocked mind a moment to remember what she'd just saved me from. I looked back at Keith, flinching away as he reached for my arm.

"Don't leave me here." I choked out, looking over at Alice for the first time since I'd hugged her. Her eyes were on Keith, though.

"It won't take long." She told him angrily, gently taking my hand and turning us off the porch. Again, I was too busy crying to breathe. She was still mad. I could tell, but that didn't do anything to calm me down.

She was the last person I ever expected to see, so I really wasn't sure how to feel. My mind wasn't working. Behind us, the front door slammed shut, and though I glanced back, she kept pulling me along.

She led me straight to a very familiar black car sitting against the curb. I took the hint before she'd even opened the passenger door all the way. I dove in, still fighting to catch my breath.

"Leandra." Alice spoke as soon as she was sitting in the driver's seat. "Start explaining."

"I-I.. What?" I couldn't figure out what she wanted.

"I want to know exactly where your head has been at." She explained. "Every single decision you made that-"

"You first." I cried, looking over at her. "Y-You promised!" I immediately regretted using that tone. Forcing myself to stop, my voice dying in my throat before I spoke again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. P-Please-"

"It's okay." She assured me, and I hated the way the scold in her eyes faded to sadness at just the sight of me. "It's okay. I know. You're right."

The pain down across my back was enough of a reminder.

"Don't make me go back in there. _Please_." I whimpered, looking over at her. When I couldn't keep going, I curled up. Drawing my knees up, my bare feet braced on the edge of the seat.

"Leandra, really." She murmured. "Just.. Tell me something. Who is that?"

"It's a long story." I mumbled, taking a breath. "Plus I don't know what you saw." What exactly concerned her enough to come here? "His name's Keith. He's my mom's boyfriend."

I glanced over at her again at the sound of her slow intake of breath. She was mad again.

"Stay here." I jumped as she suddenly turned and left the car. I frowned a little, confused as she rounded the front of the car, and without hesitation, walked right up to the front door. She just walked into the house, leaving the front door open.

In the short time she was gone, I attempted and failed to figure out exactly what her arrival meant. I had many memories in this car. It was the same car I'd been in while my life changed so much before.

Alice was only gone for maybe a minute, but when she came back out, she was on her phone. I didn't hear anything she was saying as she paced calmly long the sidewalk.

I was still confused as she seemed to end one call, and immediately start another one. I opened the door so I could listen, but she didn't seem to really care that much.

"I need a little bit of help." She murmured, glancing over at me as I watched her. "I'm in Forks. There may be a few things I haven't mentioned, but I'll explain that later. I stopped first to see Leandra."

She paused, and though I strained in the silence to hear the voice of whoever she was talking to, I couldn't hear anything.

"You'll agree when you see what I found." She replied quietly. She paused before she scoffed a little. "You knew this was pointless from the beginning, and you and I both know I'm not the first one to bend the rules. Don't even try to argue with me on that."

She glanced at me again.

"I need some help, because I can't leave her here, but I can't take her with me. I can't be in two places at once, Carlisle. I need you to stay with her, while I take care of something."

I sat up straighter, surprised. I'd never heard her use this tone before, much less to Carlisle.

"You'll find out when you get here." She said. "She'll explain." Another brief hesitation made me look up, before her voice got firmer.

"No. I'm sure she has a lot to tell you, and you're not going to like hearing a single word of it, but I'm finally righting some wrongs. Leaving here was _wrong_." She paused again before her voice got easier. "She'll be waiting at the house. I have to get her out of here now, so just make it fast. You're her story."

With that, she swiftly hung up the phone.

Story? I was more concerned with the thought that Carlisle was coming back, though. I took the hint as she walked over, leaning clear of the door as she closed it.

What would I even say? I was still stuck on the fact that Alice was here, and honestly, I could feel that I wasn't taking it well. I hadn't thought as far as Carlisle yet. Now that the initial shock at seeing her had worn off, I felt like I didn't even know my own emotions anymore. There was a hardness there that wasn't there before, and I tried so hard not to let myself be angry.

I wanted to sit there, and not show another emotion. I wanted to be careful, as I knew they weren't going to stay long. I wanted to sit there and hate her, and I hated that. Behind that hardness was a tearing I'd felt before, but it was worse now. Because she sat there, driving me to their house like it was any other day.

Like I hadn't just been through hell and back for the passed six months, losing my mom to her boyfriend, and eventually, my dad to my own insecurities. Like I hadn't slowly abandoned all hope and faced the fact that they didn't care a bit about me.

The trip to their house was faster in a car than it was walking. Much faster.

"Leandra." Alice only spoke when we stopped outside the still-empty house. "I'm telling you right now, your running days are over. You're going to sit here and wait for Carlisle. Am I clear?"

Silently now, I nodded.

"He doesn't know." She went on quietly. "I didn't tell him about most of the things I saw. I am so sorry for that, but believe me when I say he only wanted what was best for you."

Again, I was silent. She was making it really hard not to cry. I kept my gaze down on my hands balled in my lap.

"You were wrong." I mumbled, and she looked over. "I don't have a lot to tell him. I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. What am I even supposed to say? I don't need a babysitter."

"No." She replied. "You don't need a babysitter, but let someone _save_ you. I heard exactly what was going on in that house, and that man is _really_ lucky I've got another obligation-"

"I did." I sighed, pushing open the door and climbing out of the car. "I did let someone save me. Look where it got me." Her eyes saddened. "You better get to wherever you need to go." I had a lot more to say, but I closed the door before I could. With a shake of her head, she drove away.

I turned around and walked straight up the porch steps. Landing on my butt on the top step, and leaning forward to cross my arms on my knees. I had no intention of running away, but I still wasn't sure what I was doing here in the first place. She said Carlisle was my story. Whatever that meant.

I still had to be grateful to her, though. She kept me from having to face that kind of pain again by showing up exactly when she did. As it was, I was hurting quite a bit, but I was fine. That thought sent me back. Back to October, when I first met Keith.

The whole time I'd been alone, I'd avoided injury for the most part. Though most of my decisions were stupid, like Alice wanted to talk about, they kept me going. I took some comfort in that.

I still wasn't sure how I felt, but at least I'd stopped crying like a baby. I wondered if that would change if Carlisle did show up. I wasn't sure. As often as I thought about what I'd say or do when, or if they ever came back, I had a feeling that this was another thing no amount of thinking could ever prepare me for. I really didn't know myself when it came to them, but that was nothing new.

I kept my eyes down, inspecting a small tear in my jeans.

I still felt like I needed to be careful. None of them knew exactly what I put myself through this whole time. Only Alice did, and even then, I doubted she knew everything. None of them knew what that kind of pain did to me. I didn't even know the full extent of it.

Only a month ago, I'd faced the fact that they were gone. I lost my fight that day, and it hurt me even more, because it was all I'd had left.

Slow movement off to my left took my attention, and I was actually surprised to see that Carlisle had come. I was a bit more prepared to see him than I had been seeing Alice, so I did absolutely everything I could to keep my emotions beaten back. I tried so hard, but I couldn't stop the way my eyes burned with tears.

As far as I was concerned, he'd been the one that hurt me the very most. Esme, now suddenly standing beside him, a very close second. Alice said they didn't know anything about what was going on with me this whole time, but that didn't change the fact that they abandoned me so easily in the first place and never once thought it would be a good idea to check on me.

I just looked back down.

I didn't know what they were seeing in my expression, but whatever it was, it made them approach. Just as I thought, I didn't expect this feeling, and I completely folded under the weight of it.

I hid my face behind my arms, hanging my head and just sobbed. All the sadness, anger and fear bubbled free in the sound, and I hated it. Not because it would obviously hurt them, but because it made me vulnerable.

Something I couldn't afford to be anymore.

 **A/N: I'm sorry this took so long! So much happens in this chapter, and I wanted to make absolutely sure it made sense at all. Time to focus on this has been scarce. Little KNeu has finally learned how doorknobs work, and started boycotting his nap there for a minute. D: Unfortunately, even Leandra takes a backseat to my mommy duties.  
A MILLION brownie points to those that REVIEWED my last chapter! I know this chapter will help.  
Chapter Eleven _should_ be the last in this story, but I'm not entirely sure. It really depends on where it leads. We'll see.  
Until Eleven, my beautiful readers!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

I was so confused.

"I don't know why she called you." I mumbled when I could. I had yet to look at them again. Instead, I focused on the trees across the yard.

I was trying so hard to be careful, and I knew they could tell. I was trying to treat them like I'd treat anyone else I didn't trust. It was harder, though, because they'd earned my trust so long ago and decided to throw it away.

"It must be pretty important." Esme replied gently. "Maybe it might help if you tell us what she was concerned about."

"I didn't know she was coming today." I ignored the tears that scattered free when I blinked. I ignored the tremble in my voice.

"Neither did we." Carlisle added from where he stood. Esme seemed to be the only one brave enough to sit on the porch step with me.

"Leandra," Esme started, her voice quiet and hesitant. "I know it seems-"

"But you don't." I mumbled. "You don't know. None of you do. I don't even know." I couldn't help the way my own quiet voice hardened. "I don't know why you would even come back."

Beside me, Esme attempted to smooth my back like she used to when I was upset. I wasn't fast enough to cover the flinch, slight arch and whimper I gave, and by the time I remembered I should probably hide it, my reaction was out and she'd pulled her hand back in surprise.

Despite the instant flush of embarrassment in my face and brief increase in my tears, I kept my eyes forward.

"I'm fine." I sobbed bitterly before she could ask.

Carlisle's sigh told me he wasn't about to believe that.

"Who was it?" He asked quietly.

"What do you care?" I mumbled, standing up. This wasn't working. Not today. Not with how crappy today had been already. I wanted a do-over.

In the time it took me to make it off the last step, I suddenly realized something. I finally figured out this feeling. I knew it'd been familiar.

This was exactly how I used to feel toward my mom and dad. I hated my dad for leaving, and that was the anger I felt toward Esme and Carlisle. It broke my heart even more to realize that it was because they'd done the exact same thing my dad had done.

They left me behind, hoping my mom would be good enough to take care of me.

That feeling was why I told myself it would never work living with my dad. I couldn't handle being abandoned a third time. That feeling was why I couldn't breathe when I thought about forgiving them.

I'd spent all this time trying to find a way to forgive them, but I could never let it go. Now that I was faced with it, I couldn't even look at them.

"We care." Carlisle replied, and I scoffed. He attempted to take my hand, but I threw my hand away from his and rounded on him. The one person I never would have thought I would turn on. I glared up at him as heatedly I could manage through the ripping pain in my heart.

"Don't you get it?" I shouted. "Dads don't leave their daughters! T-They're supposed to protect them, not leave them!" I sobbed. "I know it wasn't like that for you, but.. I-It was for me, a-and you just.. You threw it away! I still needed you!"

I hated this so much. I hated yelling at him, and I hated myself for needing to. I hated that both of them had hurt me so badly, and I hated that they were able to.

Carlisle reached for my hand yet again, like he would have done when I was angry. Again, I yanked my hand away and took a step back.

"You never should have saved me that day." I growled. "I never should have believed you. I never should have trusted you. You don't know what it feels like, do you? Lucky you. I was the stupid one, though. I told myself-"

Esme stood up, her voice gentle. "Leandra."

She was just trying to make me shut up before I said something I regretted, but it felt like I'd been stabbed again, right in the pit of my stomach. They needed to know it.

"I told myself I was being stupid, but you both told me I had it wrong." I gasped through sobs and clenched teeth. I turned my glare back up to Carlisle. "I wish I never met you. I'd rather get beaten every day than feel that for one second. At least then, I knew I was just something to throw away."

Part of me was hurting so bad the more I said these things, but the other part of me knew that this was true. All of it was true, but it was killing me to say them to them.

He finally spoke. "Leandra, please. Just-"

"God, just stop." I was so angry. "Go back to forgetting about me already. You've done enough." I needed to walk away. Right now. "Pretend I died. I'm probably going there anyway."

With that, I turned and started walking toward the drive. I didn't get that far, though. Carlisle was suddenly in my way, so I stopped.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, but I kept my eyes away.

"Move." I muttered bitterly.

"Leandra, I understand you're upset, and you have every right to be, but I can't let you leave here without knowing exactly what you mean by what you just said."

"Am I a hostage now?" I asked. "What does it even matter to you?"

"I saved you last year because you needed someone to show you that you are not disposable." His voice was urgent, but gentle. The way he always spoke to me when he needed me to understand what he was saying. I clenched my teeth, setting my jaw in emotion. Fighting back the impending break down as long as I could.

"You may regret meeting me," He went on, "But I can't seem to make myself regret meeting you. You have taught me so much, and you're right. I.. We never should have left the way we did, but at the time, I foolishly believed that with your biological mother was the best place for you. You expressed your concerns, and I only saw your fear.

"I pushed you too hard, thinking that was in your best interest to get passed that fear only far enough to begin adjusting." He went on. "I made a terrible mistake when I believed your mother was adjusted enough herself before doing this, and I'm sorry for that."

I sobbed through my teeth, keeping my eyes away from his. Instead I focused on the porch. The same porch I'd spent so many nights on. I reminded myself of those nights. I needed to remember why I was mad.

"My terrible mistakes do not change the fact that you, Leandra, are not disposable." His voice stayed steady despite how quickly I was crumbling. "Leandra." Through my tears, I looked at him. "I know you're upset. No one is asking you not to be, but please just.. Just tell me what that meant."

I stood in silence for a moment, studying his expression through my tears. Just for a second, I saw the fact that he was actually pleading with me.

I eventually looked down and squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn't stand it, and I broke. I held my breath as long as I could behind intense sobs that shook me. I trembled with the amount of effort it took.

I didn't back away this time as he kneeled down and pulled me into a hug. I returned it as fast as I could, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry." I cried with a choking gasp. He immediately shook his head.

"Don't be." He murmured under the sound of my sobs. "Don't be sorry. You're absolutely right, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I truly thought I was doing the right thing. By stepping back, and by leaving.

"I couldn't bear the thought of you turning your back on your human life before even giving it a real chance. The longer we were in your life, the more real that risk became, and I must admit, I was a little scared. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if you had gotten hurt because I wasn't strong enough to let go. I'm so sorry."

"I still needed you." I bawled, no anger left in the sound. "So much."

"I see that now." He replied. "I know."

I flinched, but only hugged Carlisle tighter as Esme gently raised the back of my shirt. Immediately, she sighed. I knew what she was looking at. The one bruise I was no doubt getting, laying across the old scars there. It acted as an emphasis on what I said. I still needed them. I'd needed them this whole time, and the status of my safety didn't change that fact.

I jumped, leaning back with a sniffle as his phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket with a sigh. Before I could look closer, Esme took my hand and turned me to face her.

"Honey," She murmured. "Who did that?"

"It doesn't matter." I whimpered, trying to look down.

"Yes." She corrected, catching my chin. "It does matter." And I could hear it. To her, it did matter.

"My mom's boyfriend." I mumbled. "He's why Alice couldn't leave me there." I noticed Carlisle look at me from the side.

"I'll let her know." Carlisle spoke into the phone. "Thank you." I turned to look at him, frowning a little as he ended the call. My tears forgotten for right then, despite how they were taking their time stopping.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately.

"That was Charlie." He said. "He knows you're here. It's your mother. She's been admitted into the hospital." Though part of me wanted to be surprised, I knew better.

"Oh." Was all I said. At least she was safe for now. I blinked slowly at the ground. He really didn't know. He had no idea.

"This isn't a surprise." Carlisle had caught that too.

"Yeah." I said. "I mean, no. It's not. He hits her all the time. Today was the first time in awhile he's turned on me, but that was my fault, I guess."

"How could it possibly be your fault?" Esme asked quietly.

"He heard me telling my mom to leave him." I replied, turning away. I headed slowly back toward the steps. "I was trying to help her, because I knew she couldn't do it on her own."

"This has been an issue before?" Esme asked, following. Carlisle followed to my right.

"Things.." I hesitated, my voice hardly making a sound. "Things haven't been good since you.. Um.. But I just.. I don't really wanna talk about it." I really didn't. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her nod.

"Aspirin should do fairly well in easing any discomfort in the bruise, but if it doesn't, just let me know." He murmured. I didn't mind. The bruise was pretty numb by then.

"I'll be fine. I've had way worse." I mumbled, and again in my peripheral vision to my other side, I saw him glance over at me. I knew he was noticing every little thing about me. For some reason, those little things interested him. I was still torn, almost painfully numb, and I knew that came forward in my voice like a neon sign.

I sensed another very painful conversation coming up soon. I was doing my best to avoid it. I wasn't sure why. I didn't want them to know. I'd spent the last week learning how to accept it.

Now, they were back. Sitting with me on the top step of the porch of the house I'd held onto as long as I could. Esme to my right, Carlisle to my left. These two people were the reason why this house meant what it did. I was having trouble with that. That's where I was getting stuck.

I had to have known all along that I was angry at them, yet I held onto the place I had the most memories of them.

I was quiet, keeping my eyes down as I found a seat back on the top step. I had yet to look at him again.

I'd had an extremely long and painful day so far. I'd woken up that morning to my mom fighting with Keith. All the way up until that painful afternoon, and the emotional evening. I was tired now, and very confused. I needed to rest, but I doubted I'd let myself do that until I had more footing.

I jumped a little at feeling his hand smooth my hair, but relaxed immediately. I closed my eyes, tolerating the gesture.

"What does that mean for me?" I asked quietly. "If she's in the hospital."

"It means you're going to need someone to watch you." Carlisle explained. "For as long as she's there." I scoffed again. He looked over.

"I don't stay anywhere I don't wanna be." I had to explain at least a little bit.

"Unless you're with someone who can hear your every move." Esme corrected lightly. I shrugged a little.

"Hasn't happened yet." I pointed out. "My dad didn't even see it coming."

"You won't be going back. At least not tonight." Carlisle murmured. "Not until I can be sure it's safe for you."

"It's not safe anywhere." I sighed. Which was very much the truth.

Probably wanting to change the subject, Esme looked over. "You visited your father?"

"Long story." I sighed. "It wasn't really a visit. He was _trying_ to help me, but he picked the wrong time of year to do it." If I was being honest, I wasn't sure I'd be any warmer to the idea at any other time of year either.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked.

"He took me to his house." I replied. "For Christmas." They knew from my reaction on my birthday that that was a hard topic for me. "He said the wrong thing, so as soon as we got back to Port Angeles, I ran away. I haven't really heard anything from him since I was found."

That reminded me. My voice seemed weaker now as I looked over at Carlisle.

"Were you there?"

"I tried not to be." He admitted. "I wanted so badly to believe that you were doing well. I wanted you to have the chance to heal, and grow up to live the life you were meant to." I was quiet, and I knew he knew what I was asking him. "I heard you that day, Leandra. I did hear you, and it killed me. To find you like that, in those conditions, it killed me. I had to try one more time, though. I led you that way, knowing you'd follow. You followed me, and you saw Bella."

"I cried so hard when you were gone." I whispered, my voice breaking. "I needed you so much." I closed my eyes softly, brand new tears trailing down my cheeks. I leaned forward, my arms on my knees.

"You needed your life more, Leandra." He murmured. "Or so I told myself. From what you've told me about Keith, I know why you were out there. What I want to know, though, is why you never told anyone."

"Nobody would believe me." I whispered, shaking my head. "Especially not my mom. Especially not after I bit her. Not until it was too late."

He studied my expression for a moment before I looked back down.

"I see." He told me gently. "I see you. All we worked for, all I tried to do for you has been undone, and for that, I can only apologize."

I turned away. I recalled easily all my nights waiting for them to come back. He was here now for me to blame, and it wasn't good enough that he could only apologize. I'd spent the last several months on autopilot and in survival mode, and all he had to say was 'sorry'?

Before I was there for for very long, I was suddenly stolen from my seat. I gave a yelp, whimpering as I was squeezed, and spun around.

"Ow!" I snapped, my tears renewing once more and suddenly, the squeezing stopped. I looked up, meeting Emmett's eyes. His eyes narrowed a little bit, and he suddenly but gently flipped me over, tucking me under his arm, like a backward facing football for a moment and lifting the back of my shirt a bit.

"Okay." Emmett growled. "Who am I killing? What son-of-a-bitch is dying tonight?" I kicked a little, not used to being held.

"Nobody." I mumbled, letting Emmett set me on my feet.

"Are you kidding me, shorty-"

"Don't." I said, shaking my head. "Just.. Don't." I looked down, sitting slowly back down.

"Carlisle," Emmett muttered, his eyes on me. "I take it it's not going well? What happened?" He'd noticed how much I'd changed as well. Immediately. A rather painful memory slashed again at my resolve. It seemed I had my own set of emotions for everyone. They were all similar, but it was different.

"You would know.." I whispered, glancing up at him. "If you'd been there." I'd said those exact words the last time I saw him. At Bella's birthday party months before, and I knew he remembered it too. His concerned expression turned sad, and though I felt bad for making him feel bad, I needed to make a point.

I saw the difference in me just as much as they did. I knew. I heard the changes in those words.

"I'm sorry-" He tried.

"Don't." I said again, shaking my head.

I honestly didn't know how to act. I didn't know what the situation was, and I still didn't want to get close to them again. I was trying my best to protect myself, even if all I really wanted to do was just give up. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak again.

I had a feeling that I was losing that struggle, though. Even as I stood there, successfully biting back the tears for the time being, I knew that it'd be harder to do so if either one of them showed me any more kindness.

"Leandra. Please look at me." I closed my eyes at Carlisle's request. I couldn't last. The resonating pain in my broken heart refused to let me stay that strong. It was too painful to beat back. If this kept happening, I wasn't sure how they were supposed to watch me.

I stood up instead.

"You don't do that." I whimpered. "You don't promise someone you'll always be there, and then just _leave_ them. I had no one. I was alone."

I looked at each of them. I didn't want to feel like this. I needed it to stop, but I didn't know how to change it.

My voice got even quieter, more emotional, and breaking softly.

"Why would you just.. Leave me like that? What did I do?"

Emmett looked down, and I heard his sigh from where I stood.

"Remind me to hit Edward next time I see him. He's definitely got it coming."

He was quiet for a moment, letting me calm down enough to breathe before speaking again.

"I know how much it seems like we just left and forgot all about you, shorty, but believe me." He said. "There was no chance. The entire time we were gone, all we thought about was you and Bella. Wondering what you were up to. We couldn't let ourselves come back, though, and risk making our goodbye be for nothing."

"I didn't get one." I pointed out through quiet tears, and under his breath, he cursed. He knew what I meant. He fell quiet for a second.

"Hold that thought, shorty." He sighed again, and a second later, I heard what had taken his focus. The sound of a car. I darted up the steps out of pure instinct.

"It's just Charlie." Emmett told me, for once not amused.

"That doesn't help." I admitted, shaking my head. I didn't want to see him. Besides. I'd trained myself to be afraid of anyone that approached the house the whole time I stayed here. "He'll just take me home, and leave. I'm _not_ going back there until Keith calms down."

"Who's Keith?" Emmett asked, looking at me.

"Not with your mother in the hospital." Carlisle stood up. "Leandra, it's time to tell him the truth."

"No." I scoffed. "I don't need two people hating me for making them go to jail." That was a reason I'd never spoken out loud. "And I'm not getting sent to some other family. I'm not gonna start all over again."

"Is Keith the piece of shit I'm gonna kill?" Emmett asked pointedly.

"You're not going to do anything." Esme stood up as well, looking over at him. I turned and ran to the wall, choosing to sit there instead right as Charlie's car pulled up in the driveway below.

I heard him get out.

"She is, by far, the hardest person I've ever tried to keep track of." Charlie sighed heavily. "She's still here, isn't she?" As he was asking that, he scanned the front of the house, eventually spotting me in the shadow there.

"I don't wanna go back yet." I mumbled, hoping he could hear me with the distance between him and I.

"There has been an ongoing issue with Keith." Carlisle explained for me, but Charlie looked at me again.

"Leandra, is he the reason your mother is in the hospital?" He asked, and I nodded.

"They fight all the time." I explained. "He hits her all the time. So it probably was him. But really, it's my fault."

"Whatever happened wasn't your fault." Charlie stressed quietly. "But he's there too, I'm told. Hold on."

I watched as he turned away, pulling out his phone. He returned to his car, but the way he left the door open told me he wasn't going anywhere yet.

In the silence, I watched Emmett. After about a minute of listening, he grinned.

"What?" I asked, and he looked at me.

"Keith isn't going anywhere for awhile." He replied. "Two broken wrists and three fractured ribs will make sure of that." I frowned. My mom wasn't nearly strong enough to do all that.

Alice.

I looked up again, but his smile was gone. I couldn't read his expression, though. I suddenly worried about what else he might have just heard.

"What?" I asked again. He seemed to hesitate for a second.

"Your mom's not doing that well." He admitted. As worried as that made me, I was grateful he decided to be honest.

I didn't have a chance to reply before Charlie ended his call. He stood back up and came back toward the porch.

"How long have you been here, Leandra?" He asked.

"Awhile." I shrugged. "Alice picked me up before dinner. At like.. Five-ish." He checked his watch.

"So you didn't see anything happen?"

I shook my head. I hesitated before I spoke again. "Is my mom going to be okay?"

"I don't know. I really don't." He sighed. "I haven't been to see her yet. I was only told she was there- Why didn't you tell me? Has this been going on since you went home from the hospital?"

"Hospital?" Emmett asked, surprised again.

"I was afraid you'd put me in another home." I ignored Emmett, replying to Charlie, and that wasn't a lie. "I didn't want to go anywhere else, because I knew Carlisle was coming back." That part was a lie.

He spluttered for a moment, before shaking his head.

"Regardless." He looked back at Carlisle. "It wasn't up to you to take her. You should know this. If you knew about something like this, you're supposed to let me know first."

"He didn't know." I said. "And he didn't take me. Alice did."

"Alice was the one to call 9-1-1." Charlie pointed out.

"She must've went back then." I countered. "Because when I left to come here, everything was fine."

"Then I have a few questions for Alice." He responded. "Where is she?"

"I don't know." I answered. "She never said where she was going. Just that she had something else she needed to take care of."

He seemed to want to find any excuse to be upset with Carlisle. Well, I wasn't about to be his excuse. I looked over as Esme approached my side.

"Please don't be mad at Carlisle. Or Alice." I added. "It's not their fault that I didn't tell."

"In a way," Charlie scoffed, "I'm sure it is."

Charlie sighed, but I could understand what he meant by that. I looked to Carlisle, offering a very small smile. Hoping I was helping a little. I curled up, and I hung my head a little in exhaustion.

"Well," Charlie finally spoke again. "Since you weren't there, I guess I don't have to question you, but I do need to find you a place to go in the meantime."

I shook my head. "I'm not-"

"We'll keep her." Esme offered, and I looked over. I wasn't expecting them to actually stick to that.

"Hell yeah." Emmett agreed instantly, but he wasn't joking. He wasn't even smiling. He was tense.

"I don't think that would be a good idea." Charlie replied. "Given how easily you all seem to skip town, I'd like her to stick around." Suddenly, I understood. That was his grudge. He was mad at them for hurting Bella. I didn't really make his job very easy because of it, either.

"Kidnapping isn't our thing." Emmett countered.

"You don't even have any furniture." Charlie tried another direction.

"Rose is taking care of that." Emmett smiled. "She should be here any minute with the first of the furniture."

Was she really?

"Emmett?" Esme asked, looking over at him.

"Like we were going to just come back here and then leave again." Emmett rolled his eyes. "Come on."

"But.." I mumbled. "I-I don't know if-"

"I still don't think it's a good idea." Charlie grumbled. He gestured for me to get up. "Come on, sweetheart."

Hesitantly, I stood up. Looking over at Esme. I'd been so sure just moments before that I wasn't going to trust them again, but again, I had to think about all my nights here. I held on for a reason. I would have given absolutely anything to have them back. I was getting that chance, but I was so close to blowing it.

"I don't want to." I finally said.

"We're just going to see your mom." Charlie sighed. His tone suggested he realized he was fighting a losing battle. He and I both knew I wouldn't stay where I didn't want to be. He knew me by now. He looked to Carlisle as I carefully descended the steps.

"I'll need to see some furniture in this house before I bring her back here, or I'm finding her another place to stay. We can sort the rest out in the morning."

I started forward, but I stopped myself. I hesitated and I looked back at Esme, Emmett now beside her. From there, I looked over at Carlisle. In the weirdest way, he knew why I was hesitating.

"Go ahead." Carlisle told me gently. "We'll still be here when you're finished."

"We're not going anywhere, shorty." Emmett added.

I stood there for a moment longer before I looked back over at Emmett. "Do me a huge favor, and never tell me that again." He looked down, and I started forward again.

"And please.." Charlie spoke again, looking at Carlisle as well. "Keep.. Just keep Edward away from Bella as long as you can. At least until I can focus on everything again. I'm really not sure how I feel about her seeing him again after everything she's been through."

He didn't wait for a response. Gently taking my shoulder in his hand, Charlie turned with me toward the car. I wasn't sure how I felt either, so I totally understood where he was coming from.

I willingly climbed into the passenger seat. Letting him close the door behind me. I fidgeted in my seat as he climbed in as well, but that was the most I moved. I looked out the window at the house again, unable to help it. It was everything I wanted before, seeing at least a few of them standing there.

I looked down at my hands as Charlie drove away.

"See, now you're manageable." Charlie pointed out as we left the house behind. "I get why you were manageable in Port Angeles, but this is different. I don't understand you, Leandra."

"Nobody does." I mumbled. "Sometimes I don't even understand me."

"How long has this been going on?" He asked me. "With Keith? Since October?"

"For me.." I sighed. "Since I've known him. He didn't hit me at first, though. I don't know how long he's been hitting my mom, but tonight was so much worse than it usually is. She kept fighting back this time."

"You say he didn't hit you at first?" He asked and I shook my head.

"It was only threats at first." I replied.

"Has he hit you?" He asked pointedly. I kept my eyes out the window.

"No." I replied. "I-"

"Is that why you kept running away? And going there?"

"No." I said. "I just knew I was safe there. Until the police kept hunting me down." I paused. "I just.. Missed them a little less when I was there."

"Tell me something." He murmured. "Even if, by some miracle, they do get their furniture back into that house by the time I check in, is staying with them again really something you want?"

I took a breath.

"That's hard to answer." I admitted.

"Can you really forgive them?" He added quietly.

"I guess I'm still trying to figure that out. Sometimes things aren't as easy as that. I'm pretty good at hating people, but I.. _Can't_ hate them, because I know why they did it, but.. Nobody else speaks my language."

He smirked, amused. "Your language?"

"That's what I call it." I shrugged. "They get me in a way nobody has ever gotten me."

"I wonder if Bella feels that way." He mused.

"Maybe." I replied. "I know it was different for her than it was for me." I paused. "And.. Um.. Thanks. For asking her to come see me that day. I don't think I ever thanked you for that."

He looked over. "I never asked her to do that."

She must have done that on her own. I couldn't really blame her.

"It didn't do much good, though." He shook his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Leandra," He sighed. "Can I give you just a little bit of advice?" I sat quietly, waiting. So he continued. "You can't keep living your life expecting every good thing to turn bad. You can't keep living your life, putting real effort into sabotaging yourself. It's a scary thing, imagining what your life will be like when you're older if you keep it up."

"It's not like I can just change." I pointed out. "The Cullens.. They changed me when they took me in last year. It meant something to me. I went from being this kid that nobody wanted, to being important to somebody. When they left, though, they must have taken that with them because I think I've just been spending this whole time trying to find it. Nobody else had that. Now that.. I guess they're back.. I want that feeling again."

"You do understand what this means, don't you?" I looked to him. "It means no more running."

"I know."

"You could have gotten seriously hurt today had Alice not taken you out of that house when she did." He went on, firmer. "Because I know that, I cannot comfortably let you go back to her when she's recovered enough. Now that there is physical proof of the violence she's subjected you to-"

"I get it." I sighed. "But I won't go live with another family. I can't risk it. I've risked too much already. If you put me anywhere else, I'll just keep running."

We were quiet the rest of the ride.

I watched as he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Choosing a spot near the front. Together we walked inside, and he found the ICU pretty easily. There was another lounge, sitting outside of it with the light off. He gestured into the room with a sigh.

"Go in there, and stay put until I come back." He instructed. "I might be awhile. I'm going to talk to the nurses first, so just sit tight." I nodded, sighing and heading into the room. I chose a seat nearest the door, because there was another person in there. The man was oblivious to my presence, but I didn't want to change that.

The whole time I sat in there, it was silent. I thought about every single detail of the situation. I had a chance now to reflect, which I desperately needed.

I thought about the way the day had started. I started the morning before with no idea how drastically everything would change just hours later.

I was wrong before. Keith wasn't like Jack. He was crazy in a whole different way. It wasn't me he wanted, unlike Jack. Keith wanted my mom like he wanted a prized pony. I was just in the way of that, so he wanted to get rid of me any way he knew how.

I just couldn't understand it, though. It didn't make any sense to me. If he liked her so much, why would he hurt her? Why would he hit her, insult her? He hurt her in so many more ways than physically.

"Leandra?" I looked over at Charlie's quiet voice in the doorway. He nodded and I stood up. I followed him from the room and toward the closest hallway. A few steps were taken in silence, but he did eventually speak.

"I'm told it's bad." He murmured. "But she's been asking for you." I knew that, so I didn't respond. He was only letting me know, not stopping me.

We hesitated outside a room on the left side of the hallway, the door propped open. The steady beeping sound coming from inside made me nervous. I could see her laying in the bed from where we stood, but she seemed to be sleeping.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Charlie asked, and I glanced up at him. I had to admit, I liked that he offered. I nodded a little, taking a deep breath. He nodded as well, gently urging me forward.

I walked in slowly, unsure as I approached the bed. I couldn't believe at first that we had the right room. The woman on the bed had so much bruising, it was hard to believe it was her. It hurt me so much to see her like this, despite how much I hated her just a few months before. Somehow knowing she was like this because of me made it that much harder to see.

I saw how badly he'd hurt her in such a short amount of time. It suddenly made so much sense why Alice couldn't leave me there. I thought it was only because Keith was mad at me, but I saw now that she just didn't want me to see this.

I thought before that black bruising was the worst it could get, but I was wrong.

The left of her face had bruising from her brow, to the bottom of her jaw. Spreading across her cheek, and over the bridge of her nose. Darkening her swelling eye, and her split lip. Purple, swollen, and even red just under the skin. Her left arm was in a sling, which I recognized from my own time spent in one, but there was a cast there that wasn't there before.

It was hard for me to look at her, but the fact that there was more than that bothered me even more. Around her neck, where he'd gripped her multiple times. To me, it easily looked like she'd survived a fall, or being hit by a car.

"Mom?" I asked quietly, and she opened her eyes. Well, one eye. The other was dark purple and swollen shut. I couldn't help the slow tears that escaped. I stepped closer as she reached for me, and leaned gently on the bed beside her.

"Leandra." She sounded so relieved to see me, and thankfully, she still sounded like herself. Despite the thick bruising around her neck. As soon as I was close enough, she reached up and cupped my face. Her thumb gently smoothing away a tear.

"I'm okay." I whimpered, but the tear that escaped her eye made me cry even more as well. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, baby." She told me, reaching down and taking my hand instead. "You were right. This whole time, all this time, baby, you were right. About everything."

"No I wasn't." I shook my head a little. "I'm so sorry for all the stuff I said to you. I'm sorry I got you into trouble."

"This isn't your fault." She replied firmly, but her voice shook a little. "Baby, I never want you to feel responsible. I made my choices, and again, those choices got you hurt. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me, but I know it'll never be enough."

She took a breath, trying to calm down.

"What.." She started. "Baby, do you have somewhere safe to stay tonight?"

She was worried about me.

"Yeah." I answered. "I'm okay."

"The Cullens are back." Charlie quietly informed her. "As far as I know, she'll be staying with them tonight, and.. Well.. Maybe a little longer than that."

I still wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"What do you mean?" My mom asked, obviously confused. "I mean, I understand she'll need a safe place to stay tonight, but I won't be in here longer than a day or so."

"Leandra." Charlie took my attention. "Would you mind waiting out in the hall for a minute? I have a few things I need to talk to your mom about." I knew what he needed to tell her, and I couldn't blame him for not wanting me around while he did it. She was going to be upset.

I looked at my mom again.

"I'll be okay." I told her, and she attempted a smile. "If you don't kick Keith out now, you're pretty stupid."

She forced a breathless laugh.

"He's not going to be a problem for a little while." Charlie muttered from the side. I nodded again with a sigh.

I took the hint. I carefully stood upright, wincing a little as I did so. The bruise across my back was quite sore, but it was still just a shadow of a familiar pain. One I was used to.

"Don't go far." Charlie insisted. I nodded, immediately turning toward the door. Once again, I got the impression that I was in the way.

I wandered out of the room, keeping my eyes down. I felt better, but also worse. I knew she was going to be okay, but I hated seeing her like that. It was also hard, knowing there was a lot nobody was telling me.

I made my way back to the waiting area. It was still dark in the room, but it was empty now. Outside, thunder rumbled in the distance. It brought my attention out the window and I just then noticed how thick the clouds had gotten. A few fat raindrops had just started falling, pelting the window as a breeze carried them my direction.

A storm was coming.

Charlie was in there for quite awhile, giving me nearly enough time to fall asleep before he came back out to get me. I followed him silently out of the hospital, and out into the now pouring rain.

He sat there in the car with me for a minute, sighing as he checked his cell phone. He seemed disappointed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking over.

He shook his head. "I've been trying to get a hold of Bella all evening."

"Maybe she's with Alice." I mumbled, reaching back for my seat belt. He didn't reply, setting his phone to the side.

"I'm just going to assume they went ahead and pulled off a miracle, so we're going to stop at your mother's house for some clothes before I take you over there." He sounded pretty frustrated by that.

"Okay." I mumbled quietly.

It was a short trip, which I was grateful for. I just wanted to get this part over with. I would have been happy never going back there, but I did want some clothes. That would be helpful.

He pulled up to the curb, the entire house dark.

"Do you need me to come in with you?" He offered again, but this time, I shook my head.

"I'll be right back." I said, and he nodded.

I couldn't believe how quiet it was in the house. I took my time inside, looking around the house as I went through it. It was true, I didn't have hardly any positive memories in this house, but there was something to it now.

I stepped around the blood stain in the hallway, kept my eyes away from the half-open master bedroom door as I walked into my room. I gathered some pajamas and a few pairs of jeans. T-shirts, socks, pajamas, and other stuff I might need. I still had no idea how long I would be there, but I wanted a choice while I was there.

When I got back out, closing the front door behind me, I returned to the car to find Charlie on the phone.

"I understand it's a pretty big occasion," He was saying, "But that's no excuse to ignore my calls. Call me as soon as you get this message, or so help me, you're grounded forever." I winced as he ended the call. He was leaving a message. I wondered if Alice really was trying her hardest to get Bella in trouble.

He sighed, looking over at me as I threw my bag into the back seat. I knew he was really worried, given how tense he was the entire drive back to the Cullens house. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't _me_ he was irritated at, but I did know he wasn't happy with the choices I'd made.

In the driveway of the Cullen's house, there was a giant moving truck filled with furniture. Almost like proof they were actually doing what they said.

"Would you look at that." Charlie muttered unenthusiastically. "A miracle."

Just like my thought earlier, it came forward again. Why was I agreeing to be here? Even if they were here now, it really didn't mean they would stay. It didn't mean I could trust them now, or that they would want me back. Did I want to fool myself for just one minute, if it meant having to deal with the pain later?

I knew he needed to get home, so I did all I could to make sure any hint of doubt was gone as I climbed back out in the driveway. Getting instantly drenched in the pouring rain.

I had a feeling that the relief I got when I saw the inside of the house lit up in the night would be hard to hide, though. After all my nights spent here in the pitch darkness, it was a very welcome sight.

Carlisle stepped outside, Emmett following and heading toward the truck. He smiled at me, but I couldn't return it.

Charlie sighed as he climbed out as well. Just enough to stand.

"I'll be back first thing in the morning to figure this out." Charlie said firmly as I slowly made my way toward the porch. I tossed my bag up onto the dry part of the porch, and it rolled out of the way. "She's got a bed, right? And food?"

"Yes." Carlisle replied.

"Good." Charlie sighed. "Don't let her run, and I'll be happy. I need to get home." I pursed my lips, watching as Charlie turned and sat back down.

"I'm so tired of packing my stuff." I mumbled as Charlie drove away. I was already soaking wet, though, so I didn't bother diving for an overhang. I was still getting used to the idea that someone was here again.

"Hopefully you won't need to anymore." Carlisle responded, but I ignored that. Continuing to stand there, only glancing over as Emmett easily pried a full-sized sofa out of the truck and sprinted toward the house with it over his head.

Instead of heading toward the house, I sat down on the bottom step, letting the rain continue hitting me. My clothes were soaked, as was my hair, and I felt like a drowned rat, but it was still better than rushing right into anything.

"My mom's not doing that good." I admitted. "She's there because of me."

"What happened isn't your fault." Carlisle drifted closer, and sat beside me with a sigh. He was just as drenched, but he didn't seem to care in the least.

"That's what she told me." I countered. "I should have shut up. I should have made sure he couldn't hear me."

"You are not responsible for the choices other people make."

"I tried to help her the only way I could." I went on quietly. "I just.. I couldn't stay there, though. I couldn't tell anyone, but I couldn't stay there."

"I've spoken to your father." He told me, and I looked over. "I thought he deserved to know that you were safe again." I ignored that part, too.

"How much does he hate me?"

"He doesn't hate you, Leandra." He replied. "He's relieved that you're safe. He's not angry that you ran away. He told me exactly what happened."

"Like I said." I mumbled defensively. "He said the wrong thing."

"He doesn't understand why what he said would upset you so much."

"Good."

"Good?" He asked gently.

"Good." I said again. "I don't want him to know. I hate that time of year anyway. I don't need people finding out why."

"Why?" He asked. "Are you worried about people thinking differently of you?"

"Kinda." I admitted, my guilt quieting my voice. "I don't wanna talk about it, but maybe now he'll leave for good."

"Is that really what you want?"

Dammit. How did he still do that? I couldn't help thinking about all the talks I used to have with Carlisle. It made me so mad that it was still effortless.

It really didn't take me very long to start shivering. I was cold, and the rain didn't help that. I wasn't very fond of the reminder of my time in Port Angeles, so I shoved the observation away. Focusing instead on an answer.

"No." I grumbled. "I don't want that, but it would happen anyway. I'm nothing like those people. I can't just _change_. I've tried."

"I'm sure he wasn't asking you to be like them." He said in return. "I'm sure just being you would have been more than enough."

"Not for me." I snapped lightly. "You don't know what I would _give_ just to forget half my life. I hate the way I am. I hate hurting people because of the way I am, and I feel like I don't even know myself anymore."

"We were making progress." He sighed sadly.

"Were." I mumbled. "Until you gave up."

"We never gave up on you." He replied instantly. "I believed-"

"I know that part." I snapped again, harder this time. "You thought I should get to have a normal life, but I'm not normal. I've never been normal. I have all the memories to prove it."

"It is normal for someone to struggle with accepting a past like yours."

"It's not my past." I argued firmly. "It's not my past if it makes up everything about me now. I don't know how to be anything else. I thought I wanted to be something more than what Jack made me into, but I was so stupid. It took me way too long after you left to figure it out."

I felt it, another snap, but I couldn't help it.

"I hate that you lied to me. I hate that you made all those promises, and told me I was worth something. I hate that you just.. You could just walk away and never look back. I hate that I couldn't do that. I hate that I couldn't be more. I hate that I couldn't be better, and I _hate_ that I _believed_ you, and _trusted_ you."

Instead of replying, he reached over and hugged me into his side. I allowed it, until I couldn't anymore. Pulling away as my tears really started, and I stood up.

"Don't do that." I cried, rounding to look at him. "Why? Why could you just do that? Didn't I matter at all? Even just a little bit?"

Just like before, he hugged me, but this time, I accepted it. My silent sobs shook me again, and thunder rumbled overhead just as I returned the embrace.

"I just wanna come home." I cried, my voice trembling along with the rest of me. "Can I just come home? I don't wanna hate you anymore, but it still hurts so bad."

"Would you like some help with that?" Jasper's voice on the porch had me turn away from Carlisle just enough to look back.

I hadn't seen Jasper yet, so to say I was surprised would have been an understatement. I'd forgotten what it was like to be able to trust my emotions to someone else. All I wanted was just a moment without feeling everything I felt, so of course, I nodded.

I knew eventually I would have to face these emotions, but while Jasper controlled them, maybe I could have an actual conversation with them without blowing up or crying like a baby. There were so many questions that needed answers. On both sides.

I wasn't sure if it was actually how I felt, but I didn't blame Jasper for what happened all those months before. It really wasn't his fault.

It was nearly instant, but as I was able to start calming down, I lost a lot of my energy too. Left over tears clung to my cheeks, but I was able to breathe. Sniffling, I took a few seconds before I nodded again.

I noticed again how cold I was getting, so I glanced up at Carlisle. He seemed to understand, gesturing me toward the door. I shivered harder with each step, but I made it up the steps.

As soon as I walked inside, though, Esme gently pulled me to her into a hug I'd missed and could now finally return. Jasper helped so much by taking away the heart-break that was causing the doubt and hesitation.

She pulled back, clearing my wet hair from my face with a sad smile. I took a second to look around. While we were out there, Esme had been putting things back together in here. At least to a point.

"Your bed has been made." She told me quietly. "I think it'll be pretty comfortable."

It took all I had in me not to sprint for that bed right then.

"Thank you." I murmured again, looking down.

"Can I hug you now?" Emmett asked, and I looked over as he approached.

"Sure." I mumbled, more tired now than upset. Without waiting a second, he wrapped me up off my feet in a bear hug I wasn't used to, but also deeply appreciated.

He suddenly stopped, holding me up off my feet.

"Wait." He said. "Why are you lighter?"

"What do you mean?" I asked a little breathlessly.

"You've lost weight." He pointed out, squeezing me a little. "Maybe I've got it wrong, but aren't humans supposed to get heavier the older they get?"

Honestly, I hadn't even noticed that, but it was a big possibility.

"I haven't been eating a lot." I admitted, carefully falling to my feet as Emmett released me. "Even after I was found. There was food at my mom's, and I was allowed to have it, I just.. Wasn't really that hungry."

Emmett, instead, hugged me into his side. Like he didn't want me to wander free.

"How long had you been out there, Leandra?" Carlisle asked, and I finally looked over and meeting his eyes. "Why weren't you at very least with Charlie?"

"It's hard to answer that." I mumbled, shrugging a little.

"Out where?" Emmett asked.

"The night I came back," Carlisle explained with a sigh, "I found her in Port Angeles. Living on the street." I tensed as Emmett tensed, pulling me back a little to look at me.

"Why would you do that?" Emmett asked, shocked. "Don't you know how.. Extremely dangerous that is?"

"I know that more than you know." I mumbled. "I'd been there for like two months already." My voice had suddenly become pleading. "I had to."

"Why were you there?" Emmett asked. "You never answered that." I finally moved away from Emmett's side. He was just making me colder.

"Because." I answered. I sighed, sitting down tiredly on the edge of the couch. "Okay. I was there because it was the only move I had left." In a way, it was so nice to be able to talk about this stuff without emotion shutting me up, but at the same time, my mind was telling me to be careful.

"My dad had emergency custody of me after I came back the first time." I explained further. "He _said_ I would get a chance to adjust, but he rushed getting me to Idaho because of stupid Christmas."

"I heard that didn't go well." Emmett pointed out.

"It _really_ didn't." I replied. "I was stupid, and my mind wasn't listening to me."

"That explains what you meant by what you said." Carlisle murmured.

"I don't stay where I don't wanna be." I confirmed. "And nobody has been able to hold onto me. Better that way."

"How is that better?" Emmett asked.

"I'm safer that way." I admitted, looking down, but that reminded me. "Charlie's going to come for me." I murmured, "Tomorrow, he's gonna come back. He's pretty mad. I have to be gone by then." That seemed to surprise them.

"What are you talking about, shorty?"

"I know he's going to want to take me to some other home, and I'm.. I'm done with that. I can't."

"Do you really think he won't let you stay here?" Jasper asked quietly from the side. I glanced to him, before I looked down again.

"I.. I can't." I mumbled, shaking my head. "Maybe it'll be okay for tonight, but.. Not a long time. I know you're not here to stay, anyway."

"The least of your worries is going somewhere else." Emmett said determinedly. "Sit tight, shorty, because you're not going anywhere."

"Don't tell me that." I shook my head again, standing up.

"Why not?"

"Because I'll wanna believe it." I replied, looking up at him, "But I don't wanna be broken again." He and Jasper both looked down. "I'll be fine. I'll just go back to Port Angeles or something."

"Like hell you will." Emmett looked back up, surprised I'd say that. "Hell no, shorty. Sit your butt down."

"I was doing just fine, until I saw Bella." I reasoned, sitting back down. "I should have stayed."

"Leandra." I turned, looking up at Carlisle. "The condition in which I found you could hardly be described as 'fine'. Do you have any idea how many things could have gone wrong while you were there? Any at all? You could have died."

"I wouldn't have cared." I told him honestly. "Not one bit. Nothing could have hurt me more than losing you guys hurt me. I didn't care anymore. Not until I thought I saw you again, but.. Now I _know_ everyone would have been better off if I'd have just stayed gone."

"You don't mean that." Esme murmured beside me. "You're just upset."

"Yeah, I'm upset, but I do mean it." I said, looking to her. "I know it." I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut for a second before I opened them again. "I have to leave."

I had to admit, I was starting to get a little nervous.

"You're not leaving." Carlisle said. "Not to go back to that."

"I can't stay. Not if I'm just going to be thrown away again." There it was. How I truly felt, and I immediately regretted saying it, squeezing my eyes shut again. "That hurts way more than anything else anyone can do."

"Is that how you feel?" Emmett asked sadly. I was quiet for a moment, trying to find the right words.

"How else am I supposed to feel?" I asked. I was honestly confused. "I never got to say goodbye to anyone. After everything, I never even got that."

It had been my emotion keeping me awake. Without it, I definitely felt how tired I was, but I really didn't want to go to sleep. I gratefully accepted the blanket Esme offered. She helped wrap it around me, and I bunched it in my hands in front of me.

"I didn't know how.." I went on in their silence, sniffling a little. "I didn't know how to feel that much. I didn't know how to let go, so no matter how bad it hurt, I never did. In the beginning, I wouldn't let myself believe it. I ran here that night. Waiting all night, hoping someone would come back."

"You stayed here that night?" Emmett asked. "Outside?"

"All night." I confirmed quietly. "That night, and almost every night until December. It took me that long to figure out that the door upstairs was open. I lived here as long as I could, but they found me again."

"And nobody noticed?" Emmett asked. That seemed to bother him.

"My mom was really busy." I shrugged a little, keeping my eyes down. I swallowed around the pain of emotion that tried to well up. "Keith noticed, but.."

"But?" Emmett prompted. "Who is that piece of shit?"

"Emmett." Esme sighed in correction.

"It's another long story." I mumbled, holding the blanket tighter around me.

"Shorty," He said. "We've got nothing but time, and probably won't be satisfied until you give up every detail of every second we were gone." Hesitantly, I looked over at him. He smiled, but it was a sad expression. "I just gotta know how bad I failed you."

Eventually, I sighed again and finally stood back up. I felt edgy, but there was no emotion behind it. It was the weirdest feeling.

"At first, I was here at the house all the time, but whenever I'd be at my mom's house, it was empty. My mom worked so much, and she felt bad for leaving me there by myself so much." I paused to gather my thoughts. "Um.. My mom.. I guess she thought she was doing something good. So she brought Keith home to meet me sometime in October."

"That was stupid." Emmett's blunt, matter-of-fact statement actually made me have to fight a smirk.

"I thought the same thing." I allowed. "I mean, I didn't like him from the start, but.. He was nice enough to my mom, but it only took me a few weeks to figure out what kinda person he was. I know should have said something then, but.. I just didn't."

It was silent and still as I just sat for a minute, gathering my thoughts. They were a bit sluggish.

"He told me I was just in the way of what he wanted. He told me that my mom wouldn't let anything between them go anywhere until she knew I was okay with him." I explained quietly. "He told me I had to tell her whatever he wanted me to say. I wouldn't. Pretty much all through November, he was around a lot more, most of the time he would be there before I even got home. While my mom was still working."

"Wait, wait, wait." Emmett spoke up. "Your mother.. Let this guy pretty much have free reign over her house while she was working?"

"Pretty much." I mumbled.

" _Knowing_ that you lived there too?" He asked again. "Or did she just randomly forget?"

"I think she was afraid I'd burn the house down if I was there by myself long enough." I shrugged. "Since nobody was there to watch me. I fought with her a lot in the beginning. Like.. A _lot_ , and I _might_ have told her a few times that I would." I took a breath. "Anyway.. The first day I met him, he started staying nights, so-"

"Oh my _G_ _od_." Emmett growled under his breath.

"Emmett." Jasper murmured. "Please let her talk."

I ignored that. "I don't even know how he found out.. Maybe he heard me or something, but he knew I was leaving at night. He tried to use that against me when I still wouldn't do what he told me to do."

I looked down, pacing a little in nervous energy.

"He told me that because I was acting out, he would be able to make my mom send me away. To some nuthouse, he said, and even I could tell she would take his advice after all the fighting and stuff. If I didn't do what he said to do, he would tell her that I was leaving every night, and she'd send me away just to keep me safe."

"He tried to blackmail you?" Emmett asked, more for clarification.

"I guess." I replied, shrugging. "It didn't work, though. I still left. I still came here, but he didn't tell my mom until after I told him to fuck off one day." Emmett smirked. "He told her I was gone, so she called the cops and said I ran away. I kinda did, but she didn't know I'd be coming back. I always went back."

I paused for a breath.

"I was found by the cops the next morning." I explained. "On the way home after she picked me up, she cried. I could tell that she was pretty tired of how I'd been acting, and she didn't know what else to do. We fought. Me and her. That was the first and only time I bit her. I thought that by doing that, I made sure she would send me away."

I wasn't sure if I needed to keep going or not, but that was answered seconds later.

"Please." Carlisle murmured. "Continue."2q

He knew I still had a lot more to this story, and I really did. I nodded a little, hesitating only long enough to gather my thoughts.

"The day I had to leave.." I mumbled. "I think it was right before December started. It was because I fought with him."

"Tell me he hit you." Emmett was on his feet. I hesitated, glancing toward Carlisle. Everything about Emmett's new stance told me I needed to answer carefully. Unfortunately, that brief second of silence answered for me.

When I looked back at Emmett, he was biting his lip, and tensely nodding his head in a silent decision I worried about.

"Well, no." I answered anyway. "Maybe once, but-"

"He put his hands on you?" He asked, and again, I hesitated. I might not have been tough enough to hurt Keith, but Emmett sure was.

"It wasn't that bad." I said, but that didn't seem to help. "I fought with him. I started it, but.. That fight was pretty messy. He kicked in my bedroom door, because I punched him. He was going to tell my mom that he had to do that, because I was trying to kill myself. I wasn't. I was just trying to hide from him, but he was mad. Way madder than I'd ever seen him, but the story he had.. I just knew my mom would believe him."

"Did she?" Jasper asked, and I shook my head.

"I don't know." I replied. "I wasn't around when she got home. I took off."

"If they found you here before, how did they not know to check here again?" Emmett asked.

"I grabbed whatever money I had, and I ran here. Yeah, I'd been found here before, but I thought that if I could find a way up onto the balcony on the second floor, they'd never think to look there."

"That explains it." Jasper murmured, looking to Emmett.

"I climbed up a log." I sighed. "I made it. Barely, and after falling a lot, but I did. I didn't find out the door was unlocked until the next morning. I stayed here as long as I could, until right before Christmas. Until the cops came here to find out why the water was being used. I didn't think about that, so I should have been more careful."

"Chased away again." Emmett sighed.

"I was gonna leave anyway." I shook my head. "I didn't want to, but I knew I'd starve if I didn't find another way. I wasn't ready to leave, though. I just did what I had to do. I ran from them, and hid. I was.. Right out there." I gestured to the trees. "Hiding from them. I wasn't out there that long, but it was so cold.."

"In the snow?" Emmett asked, shocked.

"Yeah." I said. "I really didn't want to be sent away." He shook his head, but was otherwise quiet. I continued, "From here, I.. Found a way back to town, and I was gonna leave again, but Andrew's dad was home when I didn't think he would be."

"I'm glad he was home." He said. "But how did the cops not find you first?"

"Laurent." I answered, and that shocked him even more.

"You're kidding." Emmett muttered flatly.

"No." I replied. "He saw the whole thing. He asked me why I ran from the cops. I told him, and he helped me get back into town so I could warm up a little. All he wanted was for me to tell him whatever I could tell him about Bella." I paused at the looks that passed between them. "I couldn't tell him much. I'd only talked to her once up til then."

"What'd you tell him?" Emmett asked quietly.

"Just that she lived in town somewhere." I said, "I asked him why he wanted to know, and he said he was only curious. He helped me anyway, even though I couldn't tell him very much. He carried me into town, where I went to Andrew's house before I even went home. I haven't seen him since."

"Okay." Emmett nodded. "And from there, your dad entered the picture. Took you to Idaho. Which was another stupid move, by the way. He.. Said something? And you didn't like it?"

"It was a little more than that." I muttered, defensive now. "I kinda freaked out, and when I turned that freak out at him, I could tell I would probably never fit in there. You should have seen the way he looked at me."

I felt enough shame to make me sit.

"Shorty, your temper scares anyone who isn't made of stone." Emmett pointed out. "He was probably caught off guard."

"Yeah, well.." I said. "I didn't think of it like that. I just.. I took off again. Anything would have been better than being tossed around like a volley ball between people that didn't want me. I just wanted to stop for awhile. I didn't even _think_ about how hard it would be living on my own like that."

"And dangerous." Emmett pointed out.

"And dangerous." I agreed, shifting nervously. "I mean, I'm okay. I wasn't dumb enough to really trust anyone, but.. It was still really scary."

"But you still didn't turn yourself in?" Emmett asked, sitting heavily beside me. "No offense, shorty, but that was-"

"Really stupid." I finished for him. "I know it was dumb, but I did it anyway. I was so tired of people giving up on me. It was either that, or go back home, and let Keith smack me around or tell Charlie, and wind up in another foster home."

"For two months." Emmett prompted. "You were out there for two months."

"I learned a lot out there." I mumbled almost silently. Just remembering all I'd gone through tried to scare me. The fear was enough to release a few tears as I looked over at Emmett. "It was nothing like I thought it would be, but that night.. The night I thought I saw Carlisle, I thought.. Just for one second.. That I didn't have to be scared anymore, but when he was gone, it was so much worse than when you all first left."

I looked down. I knew Jasper was really putting his gift to work with me. I knew that was the only reason I was able to speak. To tell my story without having to sob uncontrollably. I glanced to him, seeing his eyes still on me, and I continued.

"After that, I went to Bella. I gave up, and let Charlie take me home. I figured I would deal with being hit if it meant I didn't have to fight to live anymore. Or.. If it meant I didn't have to fight to hold onto you guys, when I knew you weren't coming back." I paused. "The morning after I came back, I saw right away that Keith had been hitting my mom too. She tried to say he wasn't, but I saw it."

I paused, looking down at my hands, fighting even more emotion back.

"That's when she told me that she'd always fight to keep me, and protect me. The rest of the time, until tonight, she spent doing that. Keeping Keith's hands off of me, and on her. They fought.. All the time. I think she was just fighting back so he'd forget about me for awhile."

Esme shook her head.

"Earlier today.. I went into her room to try to talk her into leaving him, but he heard me, so he took me to my room. I knew he was mad, so I was scared anyway, but when he took off his belt, I just tried to run. He got one good hit in before I could open the door, but.. That's when Alice showed up." I paused for a deep, shaky breath. "She _really_ saved me today. I know it would have been a lot worse if she didn't."

My voice quieted, and I looked up at Carlisle. "The rest you know."

"So by that story," Emmett muttered, "You're saying you haven't spent longer than a month or two in any given place." I shook my head. "No wonder you're tired."

It was silent in the room aside from my quiet sniffles. It wasn't until I yawned that Esme spoke beside me.

"Would you like to sleep?" She asked me, and I numbly nodded. My round of questioning could wait.

"Just for now." I mumbled, "But I have to be up before Charlie comes." I looked to her, watching her glance to Carlisle.

"Come on, sweetie." She murmured, standing and helping me stand as well. I looked up at Carlisle as well hesitantly.

"You'll still be here when I wake up?" I asked almost hesitantly. "I won't wake up alone?"

"No, Leandra." He answered gently. "You won't."

"Good." I replied quietly, "Because as bad as I wish this was a nightmare.." I paused, "It's one I don't wanna wake up from." I looked to Emmett and Jasper as well, before my eyes landed on Esme beside me.

I looked up, meeting her eyes pleadingly. "Please.. Don't leave me. At least.. Not yet. That's all I ask. Just.. Not yet." Her eyes softened in intense sadness, and she pulled me into her side. I hugged her tightly, closing my eyes. "Please."

I took a fast shower before anything else. I tried not to look around too much while I was in there. I didn't feel like remembering anymore. At least not for right then. After everything I just admitted to, I had no idea what my mind was going to put me through that night.

Esme was still in my room when I got back. I had chosen a too-big sleep shirt, and I figured that was good enough. I was too tired and too sore to worry about pants. Without much else, I climbed into bed. The bed I'd always found so much comfort in. I fought emotion at just the brief memory.

Esme sat beside me on the bed once I was settled, softly smoothing my hair back. Somehow, her doing that eased my nerves. It comforted me deeply, easing my worry over her leaving, as she silently promised to stay. At least for right then. That's what mattered to me.

Listening to the soft thunder outside, as well as the rain picking up against the glass of the window, I closed my eyes. Curled, safe and warming up in my bed, I had a feeling I knew what my dreams would hold. I knew they wouldn't be pleasant, but I needed sleep so badly. I couldn't hold off the sleep any longer. I fell asleep to Esme's gentle movement.

 **A/N: I'm aware there's a lot of talking in this chapter, but I wanted a recap. Those are nice to have every so often. Plus, it was pretty nice to get their reactions and responses to what she had to say.  
THOSE REVIEWERS are awesome! I love you guys!  
SO..  
This means there will be a chapter twelve, because things aren't quite settled yet. They're not where they need to be, and I didn't want to skip right passed all this resolution, but twelve shouldn't take too long. I'll get on that ASAHP.  
Until Twelve, my friends!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

My eyes slowly opened, wincing a little at the bright cloudy daylight filtering in through my window. My head spun a little, letting me know I still needed to sleep, but something wouldn't let me. My eyes burned tiredly, and begged me to close them.

Just laying there, I already knew what kind of day I would have.

It was the kind of day that no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't just lay here. I couldn't let it get to me, and I had to swallow back the overwhelming emotion, and get shit done. The emotion could wait until later to deal with, but for now, it'd just be one foot after the other. It was the one step at a time kind of day until I knew for sure where I stood.

Before I could even finish that thought, Jasper gave me a large dose of calm, making it hard to even want to climb out of bed. Completely obliterating my nervous strength. Letting me know he was aware of my emotions, and that he was there to help if I needed it. Guaranteed, I would.

"Thank you." I mumbled into my pillow. Knowing I was awake, and would need it much more now, he took the liberty. I didn't mind. In fact, I accepted it easily and appreciated it.

I yawned deeply, rolling over onto my back. Giving a quiet whimper of pain as the new bruise across my back protested. After I took a few breaths, it eased into a more tolerable level.

I realized then what it was that had woken me. The smell of something cooking had me smile a little. Esme always knew. She never forgot. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes.

"Emmett.." I heard Rose calling to him out in the living room, and by her tone, I knew he was happy I was awake. She was telling him to wait, let me come out on my own, but I doubted that was going to happen. I wondered when she got home. I didn't remember seeing her the night before.

"It's okay." I mumbled, my eyes closed. "He can come in." Immediately, the door opened just as I yawned again.

I opened my eyes, and looked up at him as he was suddenly across the room to my bedside. He kneeled beside the bed, folding his arms on the side of it, just watching me.

"Hi." I told him.

"Hi." He replied, smiling a little.

"Can I help you?"

"You know there's no help for me." He answered, and I just shrugged a little.

"Can't hurt to try." He seemed to find that amusing, laughing a little and sitting on the side of the bed.

"So." He said. "Sleep good?"

"Like a rock." I said, which was a yes. I sniffled a little. "I don't even think I moved. I have a headache, though."

"I'm sorry." He said honestly. "Anything I can do?"

"Nah." I mumbled, shaking my head. "It's nothing big." He was quiet for a moment, and so was I. Just laying there watching my folded hands on my stomach, trying to get used to him being there again. "Charlie hasn't been here yet, has he?"

"He was here." Emmett allowed. "But he left already." I sat up slowly, confused.

"And nobody woke me up?" I asked. "How come?"

"Shorty, I couldn't." He replied apologetically. "I couldn't be that cruel. After what you've been through, the only thing we wanted to do was let you sleep."

"Oh." Was all I said at first.

"He was here about two hours ago." He explained gently. "Carlisle and Esme both sat down with him, and just let me tell you. When Esme wants something, she gets it. She can be even more persuasive than Carlisle sometimes. Not that she had to be, though. After last night, Charlie thought it was best to let you sleep, and stay where he knows you want to be for now."

"B-But.." I mumbled, narrowing my eyes a little in my confusion, shaking my head. "Wait.."

"You seem upset." Emmett frowned.

"I am." I said, climbing out of bed. Emmett stood as well, following me from the room as I went in search of Carlisle. Luckily, I found him in the living room, sitting in one of the replaced chairs, looking up and meeting my eyes as I stopped in front of him, waiting for him to explain.

"What's the matter?" He asked, concerned.

"I can't stay." I said, shaking my head. "I told you last night."

"Shorty, I thought you said you refused to go to another family." I looked back at Emmett.

"I do." I said, "But I can't stay here either. I have to protect myself." I looked over, watching as Jasper sighed and turned, attempting to leave the room. "You. Get back in here." He paused, just as surprised at my tone as Emmett was. Given Emmett's chuckle, he was amused as well as surprised.

"Leandra." I looked back at Carlisle, turning to face him again. "Please. Explain."

"I can't stay here. I'm not talking about protecting myself like physically. I don't care what happened in September. I don't care. What I'm talking about is keeping myself from being lied to again."

"We've never lied to you." Carlisle reasoned softly.

"Yes, you did. All the time. You.. All of you.." I gave a quick glance around. "You told me I would never be alone again. That was a lie. You told me I never had to be afraid again. That was a lie. You told me I'd always have a place with you, that you'd never forget about me. That was a lie. Over, and over, and over. You lied straight to my face, and I'm not falling for it again."

"Let me explain." Carlisle requested with a quiet sigh.

"I don't care what the reason is, Carlisle. There is always going to be a reason for whatever happens. It could even be true, but it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me, is that you promised to always be there, and you broke that promise. That's what matters to me. You said I deserved to grow up to be happy. You knew that wasn't gonna happen if you left, and you left anyway. To me, that's worse than beating me." His eyes grew sad and I looked down. "That would have been easier, actually, because that pain heals. This won't."

"If we were to go anywhere again, shorty, you'd be coming with us." Emmett tried and I looked back at him.

"Words." I said, and he got the point.

"And just where do you think you'll go?" Rose finally asked.

"I don't know." I said honestly, sitting down with a sigh. "I'll figure something out, but I won't go to a new family, and I can't stay here. I'm better off on my own." I looked down at my hands.

"You're kidding, right?" She asked, snorting.

"No." I said, not appreciating her skeptical tone. If there was one person who wouldn't hesitate to speak her mind, it was Rose, so I knew I was probably in for it.

"Leandra, you're ten years old." She said, slowly stepping forward. "What kind of life will you build for yourself living on your own?"

"I don't care."

"That's apparent." She said, "But you listen up, and listen good. Despite what you may think, we do. We care about what happens to you." She paused, listening to me snort. She chose to ignore that for now.

"Now, Carlisle left, because he didn't want you having to live in fear of us. He wanted you to at least have a chance at a normal human life, and yes, that means the bad times too. That's the whole point of living your life. He didn't know how bad things would get for you, and he's apologized for that."

"That's not the point." I said again, shaking my head.

"Yes. It is the point-"

"No it's not." I stood back up. "Everyone's always gonna have a reason for everything. Just 'cause there's a reason doesn't mean I don't get to be mad."

"It's very much the point, because you're blaming him for what happened while he was gone."

"No, I'm not." I argued. "All I'm saying, is that I can't stay here and pretend I'm not afraid of you leaving me again. That's not how it works."

"So you get to place all the blame you have on Carlisle?" She asked. "Is that how it works?"

"Yes." I said. "It is. You don't know how hard it was to trust _anyone_ in the beginning. All you guys did is prove me right."

"Leandra, what happened to you is not our fault." She was getting agitated, and so was I.

"Yes it is!"

"Don't you yell at me." She shook her head sternly. I attempted to fix my tone.

"It is your fault, because if anyone had been there, they'd know what was going on. If someone had been there, I wouldn't have had to be so strong on my own."

"Rose.." Emmett murmured, touching her arm.

"So because we weren't there, you're blaming us?"

"Yes!"

"Why?" She demanded.

"Because I have nobody else to blame." I panted a little in my anger. "It's not fair! Why'd you have to go? Why'd you leave me like I didn't mean anything to you? Why'd you just.. Pack everything up, and leave me behind like some cat you didn't want anymore? Do you know how much that hurts? Have you ever been left like that? Just.. Dropped somewhere, never to see the ones you love again? You have no idea what I went through!"

"You're angry." She pointed out.

"Yes! I am! And I always will be!" I wasn't surprised at the tears that had come to my eyes while I shouted. My pain making me angry because it didn't have to be there. "Tell me. Please just tell me what I did wrong to deserve what you all did to me."

"Just take a breath, and calm down." She instructed. "You can yell at me all you want, but you know it won't change how you feel." I growled in anger, spinning and sitting on the armrest of the couch. My back to the room. "Tantrums don't solve anything, Leandra." I sobbed quietly, crossing my arms over my stomach. "You've been alone all this time, and you've yet to learn that."

"I never had to." I grumbled over my shoulder.

"Despite what you're telling yourself, we're not letting you leave here on your own." She told me firmly. "You can either accept that, or not. It's your choice, but the next time you decide to accuse Carlisle like that, you'll deal with me. Is that clear?"

"You can't tell me what to do." I rounded again. "You-"

"I have every right." She interrupted me. "Leandra, you made your own choices, many of which being the _wrong_ one. I understand why you think we would be responsible for those choices, and in a way we might be, but you played your own part in it."

"I was fine."

"No you weren't." She countered. "Two months isn't long enough to fully realize just how much danger you'd put yourself in." I didn't bother replying, so she continued.

"You want to blame us for your actions, Leandra, and that's not going to fly. You're putting all the blame you hold on yourself on us, and that isn't fair." I spun again, turning my back to her. "Losing yourself in Port Angeles was stupid. Lord knows you've had a hard life, but what you've gotten so far is nothing compared to what you could have had while you were out there, on your own in a city like that."

"Whatever."

"No." She said, her tone significantly angrier. "I'm not kidding. Leandra, while you were out there, without anybody to protect you, you have no idea the danger you were in. You were a kid, obviously homeless and without a place to go, who nobody would miss if you weren't found. Human beings are disgusting creatures that would do some.. Unspeakable things to someone like you without a _second_ thought!"

"Rose. Maybe-" Emmett tried again.

"I'm not that stupid." I sneered a little. "I knew not to trust anyone."

"You wouldn't have had to." She said evenly. "If you'd come across the _wrong_ human, you wouldn't need to trust anyone. They could just pick you up like nothing. What happens when you can't fight away? When there are more than one of them, or when they're too strong?"

"Then I'll-"

"Or you can't bite. For whatever reason?"

I paused for a second. That was almost the case on at least one occasion. I looked down, clearly remembering the first time someone like that approached me. How scared I was. I must have forgotten about it for a second, because the second I remembered it, I realized she was right.

"Leandra, what you're not understanding here is that you're ten, and you're a human. You're even small compared to other ten year old humans. There are some sick, sick people out there, and now more than ever is when you need to avoid them at all costs."

"I'm not stupid!"

"You're lucky!" She returned my shout firmly. "You got extremely, indescribably lucky while you were out there! You have no idea. I _mean_ it. What you've lived through is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to what those psychos would love to do to someone like you."

I glanced around, a little unsettled by the fact that no one corrected her. Meaning, what she was telling me was true. I swallowed nervously. She felt strongly about this, and I started to face the fact that there _might_ actually be some things she knew that I didn't.

"If they'd wanted you bad enough, there would have been nothing you could do to stop it, and let me tell you. They'd have no hesitation, no concern about leaving you alive. I'll be damned if I'm letting you go back to that. If you want to leave, you'll have to go through, at very least, me. I'm not afraid to move you. Is that something you really want to try?"

I looked down as she went on.

"If you're not stupid, then prove it. You don't want to go to another family, and that's just peachy. That's fine, but then your only choice is to stay here. Understand?"

I sat back down, trying to hold back more tears of anger. If I was wrong, which I was getting the hint that I was, I didn't want to keep fighting with her and make myself even more wrong. I was backing down. She waited a moment, waiting for several seconds for any signs of arguing further.

"That's what I thought." She growled when I kept my eyes down. "You're here. We're here, and we're not going anywhere. Deal with it, and adjust your attitude accordingly." Each word was emphasized with determination and a firmness I couldn't fight. With that, she turned and stormed from the room.

"Uh.." Emmett muttered after a few seconds of shocked silence. "Yeah. What she said." With that, he turned, following her. The seat beside me gently became occupied and I looked up. Meeting Esme's eyes.

"She's lying, right?" I asked quietly. "About the wrong kind of people? She was just trying to scare me." I couldn't imagine anything worse than what I'd already been through. How could it get worse than that?

"I'm afraid not." Esme sighed, glancing to Carlisle. "She's right, honey. There's so much out there that you still don't understand. Things you cannot even begin to imagine." She paused, reaching over and taking my hand. "I know it seems like she was being hard on you, but she doesn't want to see anything like that happen to you. Neither do we."

"I was okay before." I reasoned, "I mean, yeah, I had to run a few times, but I was fine." But that was a lie. I was still fresh from my time spent there. I remembered how cold I always was. How impossible it was to warm up. I really didn't wanna go back to that.

"She wasn't exaggerating, Leandra." Jasper muttered unhappily. "She wanted you to understand. Running away in Port Angeles was never a good option, and the fact that you made it out of there completely unharmed is nothing short of a miracle." I looked down.

"Okay." I grumbled defensively. "I won't go back. At least not alone." I sighed. "I didn't really wanna do that anyway. I was so cold all the time."

"I know you don't want to stay, Leandra," Carlisle spoke. "But it's really-"

"I never said I didn't wanna stay." I replied, looking up at him. "I never said that. I said I _can't_. I wanna stay more than anything in the world, but I _don't_ wanna be hurt again. When you left, it killed me. I can't handle that again."

"That'll never happen." Jasper spoke next and I looked to him. "Let me see if I can explain it in a different way. One you might understand."

I watched him step over, offering his hand to me. Without hesitation, I placed mine in his, and he pulled me slowly to my feet. Standing me in front of him. His hand came up, touching the top of my head where it measured compared to him.

"This is how tall you are." It hardly reached his chest. "Or I should say, how small you are." He paused, sighing. Trying to come up with the right way to word what was on his mind.

"I know that." I said quietly. "You don't have to tell me."

"If anything.. I mean, _anything_ had happened to you that day, I'd have never forgiven myself." I looked down, knowing what he was referring to. He was referring to Bella's birthday party. "You're so much smaller than Bella. So much more breakable. I don't think anyone has explained to you what happened." I shook my head and he glanced to Carlisle.

"Okay. You deserve to know. At least." He paused, making sure I was listening. "You understand that we're vampires." I nodded. "What you don't seem to understand, though, that the diet we choose is wrong. The way of life we choose is wrong. This," He gestured between himself and me, "Is wrong. It's not meant to happen."

"I'm supposed to be what you eat." I murmured, and he smiled sadly.

"Yes." He said. "But it's more than just that. It's instinct for us to hunt you. It's in our nature, the entire make-up of what we are." He paused, probably making sure I was still listening. I knew he was also feeling my emotions for any hint of fear. When he found none, he continued. "Every time we deny that instinct, it goes against what we are. It's harder to do than I think you realize. The animal blood.. It helps. It does, but it's nowhere near the same. We're not meant to hunt them. Do you follow me so far?"

I nodded, sighing a little.

"Okay." He nodded. "What you saw.. That day, with Bella.. So many things went wrong. First, and foremost, it was my fault." I frowned. "Let me explain." He released my hand and sat me down, back beside Esme.

"Your scent.. It's strong. So very strong, and so very, very enticing. Inviting. It takes.. A very large effort on our part to resist that scent. All of us."

I glanced over at Esme, and her apologetic smile told me she agreed so far.

"It's not just your scent." Jasper went on. "It's everything about you. Your heartbeat is clear as day to us. It's a tool, a way to find you. It's supposed to be that way, as we're designed that way to hunt humans. Those of us that are more practiced at resisting have an easier time. I'm the least practiced. I wasn't.. Initially a part of this family. Alice and I came later. Much later." He paused and I nodded.

"Now, that scent. Your scent. To us, it intensifies a thousand fold when your skin, what protects your blood, is torn. In the time it takes for the first bit of air to hit the wound, all of our instincts focus on that wound."

He was quiet again, letting me consider that for a second.

He sighed. "If, for one second, we're not in complete control of ourselves and skin is torn.. Well, it's painful. It's a balance that can't be taken lightly." I nodded slowly in understanding. "What happened that day, was I wasn't prepared to feel that pain. I was pushing myself when I really shouldn't have been. I wasn't completely in control of myself, not expecting to smell that tear in her skin. So.. I lost myself."

"I remember." I mumbled, nodding sadly. I remembered how often he had to hunt through few months I'd been there. "Rosalie said you felt it coming, because you pushed me away, so couldn't you have just stopped it?"

I wasn't blaming him. I was very curious.

"Yes, and no." He replied. "I felt it coming, but it was impossible to stop. It seems like it happened so quickly to you, but for us, a split second isn't so split." I was actually learning a lot. These were details I'd never gotten like this.

"I pushed you away for a few reasons. Mainly because I knew that when the snap came, I wouldn't remember that you were in the way. Carlisle or Emmett would have had to have gone around you, wasting time they needed and you could have even accidentally gotten hurt by being there. When the snap came, I wouldn't remember that you're only ten years old, or that I care very much for you, and you were standing so closely.." He trailed off, and I nodded even more sadly.

"I still hate to consider what could have happened." He admitted, and his voice reflected that. "You can't begin to imagine the danger you were in that night. That fear, right there, is behind most of the reason why we left."

"Is that the only reason?" I asked quietly. "Or was there more?" I was quiet, watching him pace.

"Edward reacted the only way he could." He explained. "He wasn't prepared either, and he used too much force moving Bella, not even meaning to. All he was thinking about was separating her from me. Which was the right move." He took a breath. "But.. Edward's quick reaction hurt her, and he really does blame himself. From the very start, Bella has been warned, just like you were, about what we are. Edward feels guilty for letting her into his life, and he feels that that was what caused her to get hurt."

"Shit happens." I replied, looking up. "Sometimes things go wrong."

"I'm.. A little relieved you're choosing to see it that way." He said, shaking his head a little. "Now. We're on the same page. You understand what happened." I nodded.

"Edward's guilt is a very big part of the reason we left. He wanted to give Bella a chance at a normal human life, just as we wanted to give you the same thing. He wanted her to choose humanity over us. Which.. Was a very selfless thing to do, considering what she means to him. She didn't see it that way."

"Just like I didn't." I commented, looking back down.

"Exactly." He said. "Leandra, you should always choose humanity over something like this. To want this, is turning your back on everything you are. Choosing a life of constant pain."

"I'd be trading up." I insisted.

"Anyway." He continued, choosing to stay on topic. "The decision to leave was very sudden. Hardly any warning, whatsoever. There were.. Many arguments between Carlisle and Edward over it. Nearly constantly those entire few days. Edward knew that if Carlisle were to stay, for you, his plan to leave would be for nothing. Carlisle knew, if he were to leave you.. Something would go wrong. He knew he'd lose your trust, and that's why he fought so hard to stay. Leandra, the decision to leave you wasn't easy. Not in the slightest. Not for any single one of us, make no mistake."

I was quiet. Sniffling a little.

"I know us leaving hurt you. I do. It hurt us too, please believe that. Leaving you brought us more pain than we ever imagined or even believed to be possible, but we wanted to comfort ourselves with the small hope that just maybe.. You'd be better off. That was our mistake, and we can't undo that. I know you're angry, and you're hurt, but that's the great thing about mistakes. We learn from them."

"Leandra." I looked to Carlisle now as he spoke. "I know it'll take a lot to earn back your trust, but I'm not asking that of you right now. All I'm asking, is for you to just try. You mean too much to me to give that up."

"We're not perfect." Jasper said quietly. "It's not often, but we do make mistakes, too. If you want to blame someone, blame me. It's my fault things went so wrong, and I deserve it. Carlisle doesn't. Not when both he and Esme tried so hard to keep you. To stay." I glanced over at Esme, and her small smile had stayed. "Even after all I made them give up, they never turned their back on me. I can't express how grateful I am, but I am very sorry to see exactly what that decision did to you."

"I think I get it better now." I mumbled. "I guess I never really thought about it like that. There's so much I didn't know before. Like.. I didn't know it hurt you so bad."

"Resisting human blood is extremely painful." Jasper confirmed.

"Not that." I said. "I thought it was so easy for you to leave. I didn't know it hurt you too. And after awhile, the promises you guys had made stopped meaning much anymore, so I just.. It made me rethink everything."

"It was the single most difficult decision I've ever had to make, Leandra." I looked back at Carlisle at his reply. "And I don't use that description lightly. I've been around a very long time, and I've yet to meet anyone else like you."

I sighed as I stood back up. I slowly stepped over to him, now ashamed of what I'd said.

"I guess I could try." I murmured, looking up. "Just.. Don't promise me that you'll stay. I can't take that. For now, I just.. Want to stay believing that this is only for now. Staying here is way better than.. What Rose said."

"It is." Carlisle agreed, nodding sadly.

"I don't want that. I don't know how it could be worse, but I don't wanna find out."

"If anything like that happened to you.." He trailed off, unable to say the words.

"I'd seriously wipe out Port Angeles." I looked back at Emmett's voice as he and Rose came back in. "All of them would-"

"Emmett." Esme stopped him from continuing.

"And that son of a-"

"Emmett." Jasper tried to interrupt him this time.

"-Biscuit better watch his back. Thinks he can hit my sister and get away with it?" Despite hating the reminder, I couldn't help laughing a little. "He's getting a warning from me, though. I don't care. If I find out he's been anywhere near either of them again, I'll teach him a thing or two."

"Emmett, shut up." Rose finally said, shaking her head.

He added anyway, "I'd have loved to see his face if I'd been there to pick you up instead of Alice."

"I don't know." I said quietly, instantly gaining everyone's attention. "I think he was pretty scared of Alice by herself. She was so mad, but at least now I know why she went back in there. I don't know if it's something I said or if she heard something, or what it was, but she just.. Went right in."

"She's had a stressful few days, Leandra." Jasper explained. "I doubt she had much patience for men like him." That explained it.

Emmett scoffed, "And wusses like that aren't used to someone that can kick their ass standing up for the ones that can't." I looked down.

"I tried." I allowed, shrugging a little.

"And that was brave of you, Leandra." Jasper sighed, looking to Emmett, "But don't listen to Emmett. He's got the compassion of a tree branch."

"What?" Emmett asked in defense of himself. "What'd I say?"

"Sometimes he doesn't think before he speaks."

"It's okay." I looked down. "I get it. I'm just not used to having someone else stand up for me anymore. I'm used to having to do it myself."

"But now you don't have to anymore." Esme pulled me back to her, sitting me down beside her.

"Because he's gone now, I know." I kept my gaze down, "I've just.. I didn't know what to do."

It was quiet for a moment.

"Leandra, about your mother.." I closed my eyes, hating this reminder from Carlisle even more. "Your mother signed away her rights this morning. Voluntarily, before they could officially be taken away."

I looked up, frowning. I had a feeling something like that would happen, but it did surprise me that she'd do it willingly.

"She did?"

"She said she needed to get her life together." Emmett explained. "And she wanted to make sure you were safe and taken care of while she focused on that."

"Wait." I frowned a little. "Does that mean she's not going to be in my life anymore?"

"Honestly," Carlisle sighed, "I don't know, but.. I am concerned by what you saw happen between them. That may leave a lasting impression on you." I knew that. I realized way before now that it was just as hard to watch it happening than it was going through it.

"I know." I murmured quietly. "I hated seeing it, but she tried. When she figured out that I wasn't lying or making stuff up, she tried. She did all she could."

"Regardless." He said. "I want you to know that you can talk about it."

"I don't even know why she liked him." I dodged that a bit. "He reminded me too much of Jack. Even from the beginning."

"It might not have been that obvious to her." Jasper replied. I shrugged. "You forget that she's missing just as many years of her life as you had taken from you. Getting back up after an extended period like that can be a very hard thing for anyone to do. Especially with the guilt she constantly felt. I'm sure that got worse while we were gone.

"Maybe she felt inadequate alone. She was very naive, but again, she was new to this. I do agree, though. She should have learned how to get her own life straight before even attempting to bring you home with her."

"Maybe."

"So, shorty.." Emmett spoke up. "You staying?" He was trying to change the subject, which I appreciated. I didn't want to face that right then.

I didn't have much choice. My mom was giving me this chance because she knew she could never give me what I needed. My dad would probably feel better now that I was where I was. Neither of them knew how to help me, so I knew this was the best choice between them.

"I don't know." I mumbled honestly. "How long would it be for this time? Couple months? Or whenever someone else comes along?"

"Well, let's see.." Emmett mused. "Neither of your parents have any rights to you anymore, and there's no one else qualified to take you in.."

"I understand how selfish of a decision it is," Carlisle went on. "But I see no way it would be possible to let you go again. Especially to a place where I can't take care of you. The option to leave will always be there if it ever were to come up, but until you make that choice, you'll stay here. Is that acceptable?"

I looked down.

"I guess." I sighed. "Just.. As long as it stays just for now. For now can last as long as I need it to, and it's not a promise."

"Of course." Carlisle nodded. He remembered my request.

"I'm sorry." Rosalie took my attention. "For being so hard on you just now."

"It's okay." I replied. "Thank you for talking me out of doing something _really_ stupid." She offered a small smile. "And I know. You're right. I was really lucky."

"Everything else aside," She nodded a little, "I am so relieved to hear that." I could tell.

"So you're staying, shorty?" Emmett really needed a straight-forward answer.

"Yeah." I mumbled. "But.. Couple things."

"What's that?" He asked.

"I'm not that short." That got a laugh out of him, and I even managed a small smile. "And when can I eat?" That seemed to remind Esme. She stood back up, and wandered toward the kitchen.

"You're short compared to me." Emmett said. "So you're a shorty to me." I groaned and turned, climbing up and standing on the couch. He seemed amused.

"Better?" I asked.

"Don't rush it." He said, gently pressing his finger against my nose. "You already act older than you are. You might be small, but you're definitely strong. Don't underestimate yourself." He left his finger there, so I snapped my teeth at him. He pulled away easily, shaking his head. Chuckling a little. "Will you ever outgrow that?"

"Probably not." I answered honestly. "I'm feral, remember?"

"I'm seeing that." He sighed, but it wasn't a joke. It was more of a sad statement as his smile faded.

"Nobody gets me like you guys do." I said quietly, stepping up onto the armrest to be higher. More on his level. "That's why I don't think I belong anywhere else. I'll never be like Lily, or either of my cousins. I think I missed my chance."

"Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you're here." He replied. "You might not fit there, but you definitely fit here. We've all got our moments, shorty. Some.. We're not so proud of, just like you. Just never forget where you came from." I nodded, taking a calming breath. I could agree to that. "What do you say? Are we on the same page?"

He held up his hand, palm facing me like he wanted a high-five. I sighed, only taking a few seconds to consider it, before I placed my hand against his.

"I think so." I said. "I think I get it a little better now."

"Good." He said. "Because Charlie is coming back tonight. With an official." He closed his hand around mine when I almost lost my balance.

"Tonight?" I asked, and Emmett sighed, nodding.

A silence entered the room, waiting for my reaction. I thought back to what that meant. I should have known that I already knew what I wanted. I'd be crazy to say no.

"Then he's leaving with the official. Without me." I told him evenly. "He knows me and he knows he won't win." Emmett grinned.

"Charlie has mentioned your reputation a few times." I looked back at Carlisle's voice.

"He has?" I asked, turning around.

"He's never met anyone like you." Carlisle replied, nodding and standing.

"Leandra," Esme murmured, coming back into the room. "Please don't climb on the furniture." By her tone, she was worried I'd fall. It was weird to have someone worry about me again.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked Carlisle, stepping back down onto the cushion. "Or bad?"

He sighed, "It can be both, I suppose. Those that haven't met anyone like you before tend to make a lot of decisions regarding you that simply won't work. It's good, because it gives them a chance to see beyond what they think a child should be. It expands their experience."

"You're a learning opportunity, shorty." Emmett chuckled behind me.

"He can learn from me all he wants. As long as he knows that it'd be impossible to put me somewhere I don't wanna be." I said, stepping down off the couch. "I feel bad, though. I know he's mad that I never told him about Keith. Like.. I knew I could, but I didn't because I knew what would happen if I did."

"Keith would have gotten arrested, and that would have been that." Emmett finally pointed out. "You were only given to your father because you ran away. Not because of him. They wouldn't have taken you away because your mom was being abused. That would be crazy."

"I thought that too." I replied. "But when I got back after first running away, and staying here for awhile, and I saw the bruises on her, I knew it was too late because she wouldn't have _wanted_ to keep him around.

"I think my dad might have tried to keep me." I went on. "Because instead of saying the reason for it was because of Keith, he told Charlie it was because my mom was keeping Keith around because she wanted to, and he was worried about what I had to see."

"That was kind of low." Emmett grumbled.

"I know why he wanted to." I shook my head. "He's the first one I told anything to. He just didn't know what he was getting himself into."

The rest of the day consisted of eating until I was too full to move, and sitting around. Mostly thinking quietly to myself. It would be hard, I knew it, but I'd do what I promised to do. I would try.

It wasn't that I didn't want to try. I wanted to. I really wanted to, because I needed them, but I was afraid. I was afraid of needing them, and I was afraid of trusting them. Maybe I'd have time to figure that out.

Sitting there, slouched back on the couch, staring at my hands in my lap, I almost felt Jasper's eyes on me. Glancing to him, I was right.

Ultimately, he was the one that turned my attitude around. He made it possible for me to say the things I needed to say, and to listen to what was said to me in return. Without him, I probably would have messed everything up. I owed him a lot.

"Thank you, by the way." I murmured. "For.. Keeping me calm." He offered me a small smile.

"Keeping you calm helps keep me calm." He replied. "I'm happy to help." He gave me a small nod. I attempted a smile, looking back down.

"I'm going to need you a lot." I admitted gently.

"I know." He replied just as quietly. "There is more to my gift than I think you know." I looked back over, letting him know I needed him to explain. "Everything you're trying to feel, I feel. There's a lot going on in you right now, and it's.. Dizzying."

"I'm sorry." I sighed.

"What do you possibly have to be sorry for?" He asked, sitting straighter. "Feeling something?"

"I guess." I mumbled, shrugging a little.

"Leandra, do you realize how foolish that sounds?" I frowned, looking over. "Feeling anything is never something to be sorry about. Emotions are something far more complicated than I think you understand."

The tone of his voice was something I hadn't heard before. It was a mixture of a scold, and patient understanding. I'd been scolded before, and I'd had things explained to me before. This was both. I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't know whether or not to be defensive.

"I don't have your gift." I shrugged again, looking back down.

"You don't need my gift." He corrected, "Not to understand your own emotions." He laughed a little. "Sometimes I think I know you better than you know yourself. If you were to work on them, on understanding all that you feel, you wouldn't need me anymore."

"I do need it." I shook my head, meeting his eyes again. He had to understand that without him, I would be a complete wreck.

"You always have." He said. "I understand that. But hiding from what you feel isn't going to solve anything. I'm only here to assist."

"I know that." I sighed. "I just can't feel all of that right now. Not with everything going on."

"How else are you going to learn?" He asked. "But through experience. I'll help you for now. I understand the need to hide now and then, but one day, you're going to have to learn. Because one day, I might not always be around you to help you deal with these emotions."

I'd thought about that too. "That's when I hit people."

"Violence isn't always the answer, either." He corrected.

"It's solved a whole lot of problems from what I've seen." I looked back down to my hands. "It gets me free, and that's when I run."

"Often into more danger than what you left behind." He pointed out, but sat back with a sigh. He wasn't going to push it tonight, and I saw that. I appreciated that. I was quiet for a moment, until I thought of something.

"Jasper?" I asked meekly, looking to him.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Where is Alice?" I couldn't help wondering. "Everyone else is here, but Edward and Alice aren't."

"That is a very long story." His tone was tense as he looked down. "One that I really don't feel up to explaining right this moment."

"Okay." I accepted that. I knew how that was. I was quiet for another moment. "Jasper?"

"Yes?" He seemed hesitant to hear my questions anymore.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

Given his quiet laugh, it wasn't a bad question.

"Do _you_?" He asked in return, which confused me.

"Do I, what?"

"Do you think you're crazy?" He asked, leaning forward again.

"It doesn't matter what I think." I frowned.

"That's where you're wrong." He countered. "You know your reasons. You know why you do what you do, and nobody can pretend to know better than you do. Not one person has ever been where you are, or thought what you've thought, or done all that you've done in your life. You know your reasons. Why should what I, or anybody else thinks matter?"

"I don't know.."

"Little sister, you've got plenty to worry about without worrying about what other people think of you." He stressed. "You are the way you are for a reason, and what other people think isn't going to change you, unless you let it. See, how anyone else thinks of you isn't what matters, but it's how you think of yourself that makes all the difference." I smiled a little. "What do they know?" I nodded, looking down again.

"Thank you." I murmured, and he chuckled a little.

"Don't listen to them. Don't believe the ones that tell you that you can't do something, just because you're small." He laughed. "I learned a long time ago to never underestimate anyone. Much less the small one." I looked back up, another small smile on my face. Reflecting his.

I looked up, watching as Esme made her way into the room, followed by Carlisle. Carlisle continued on, crossing the room just as knock came to the door. I swallowed in nervousness and made myself stand. Jasper stood beside me.

"Remember what I told you." He murmured. "It's up to you." I watched as he turned, heading up the stairs. Briefly, I wished I could follow him. Just to avoid having to face Charlie.

I took a deep breath, stepping to Esme's side as I listened to Carlisle leading them inside. I took Esme's hand hesitantly, hoping she didn't mind. She only squeezed my hand gently, letting me know that it was perfectly fine.

Both Charlie, and an unfamiliar man looked my way. Charlie looked completely exhausted, and I knew why. I'd given him so much to deal with.

"Leandra." Charlie spoke, stepping forward along with the unfamiliar man. "This is Mr. Turner. The official now assigned to your case." It was odd, because I was expecting Mrs. Harrison again. She must have been busy with another kid. I glanced to Carlisle, and I knew he was hoping I'd behave.

"I'm not going anywhere." I said firmly, seeming to startle the both of them. "I don't care what I have to do, I'm not leaving."

"Easy, Leandra." Mr. Turner murmured, shaking off his shock. "That's not why I'm here."

"Then make it fast, because I don't like you."

He only chuckled, looking to Charlie, "You weren't kidding." Charlie shrugged, shaking his head.

"How about we sit for a minute-"

"No." I said. "I'm fine with standing."

"Sit, Leandra." Charlie spoke this time. "I need to speak to you, too." I looked down, not willing to do as he asked. I knew what he wanted to speak to me about. I just spent months holding too much back. Of course he needed to hear it from me.

"Didn't my mom already talk to you?" I asked bitterly.

"She did, but I need to hear your side." He told me firmly. "Come on. It won't take long."

"I'm not worried about it taking long." I admitted. "I just don't want to talk about it."

"Leandra-"

"They both hurt each other, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Case closed." Esme squeezed my hand again, silently correcting me. I took half a step behind her, preparing myself to run if the need arose.

"No." Charlie sighed. "Not case closed. I need you to tell me yourself. I just want to understand."

"Whoa, whoa." Mr. Turner spoke, stepping between us. "Okay. Leandra." He looked to me, taking in my defensive gaze. "You've made your opinion very clear. You're wanting to stay here, right?" His tone was comforting, quiet. Not at all argumentative.

"Right." I grumbled, holding Esme's hand tighter. "Even-"

"Then that's what's going to happen." He said. "I'm not here to take you anywhere." I shut my mouth. I didn't want to change his mind on that. He seemed like the type to be trustworthy. Even if it didn't come easy, I had no choice but to believe what he said. I sighed, nodding a little. "Does that help?"

"A little." I mumbled.

"All Chief Swan wants to know, is how what happened, happened." He said, "Can you at least tell me? We already know what happened. That's not what we're here to hear about. We want to know _how_." He was good. I had to give him that. I was quiet, studying him.

I eventually relented.

Glaring down at the floor the entire time, but Charlie got what he wanted. Everything, including the fights Keith and I would get into before, and the reasons behind my disappearances. I told him the things he did, shoving me against walls, pinning me, hitting me.. And I told him the things he said. My impressions and little details I never revealed before.

Charlie really got to know what kind of person Keith was, and he finally understood my reasons. That it wasn't just because I missed my family that I kept coming here. I came here because it provided safety. It was the safest place I knew.

"If you tell me I need to see a therapist or something, I'll hit you." I grumbled after everything, and the look Charlie gave me had me look down, and quickly change my tone, "Okay, maybe I won't, but I'm not crazy, okay? I don't need one."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Charlie sighed, standing, "For right now, I just want you to rest. I've got everything I needed for now." He paused, looking around. "Okay, so I'm curious. How did you get back to town? Back in December. How did you get away?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking up.

"Leandra, we had that entire area covered from top to bottom. Long before they came to find you here." He said. "There was no way you could have gotten out that way."

"I got lucky." I said, and it was true. "I know the woods pretty well. All I had to do was get out without being seen, so I went one way as far as I could."

"You're smart." He said. "I have to admit." He rubbed his tired eyes. "Alright. Can I trust you'll stay here? I won't have to come looking for you at some point?"

"No, you won't." I said. "I'm staying."

"Good." He sighed in relief. "Because you are one hard kid to catch."

"I know." I smiled a little, and he chuckled.

"Alright. I'm done here." Charlie murmured, gathering his stuff.

Mr. Turner stood next, as he looked to Esme. "The paperwork should be started on Monday with the revisions you requested. They'll give you a call to confirm. As far as I know, nothing else needs to be done on your part. If there is something I might have missed, feel free to give me a call."

"Thank you." She said with a smile, standing as well.

"Just.." Charlie said, gesturing to me. "Keep her here. Put a bell on her or something, because trust me, when she wants to go, she goes. There is no confining this kid."

"You have nothing to worry about." Esme assured him with a smile. "We're quite familiar with her techniques."

"It was nice meeting you, Leandra." Mr. Turner smiled down at me. "You sure are something, you know that?"

"It's better than being nothing." I murmured, looking up at him.

"You got me there." He laughed, shaking his head.

I laid to the side on the couch with a heavy sigh once they headed toward the door, Esme showing them out. Carlisle looked to me, sitting back down with a small sigh. I was done. So completely done. I just needed five minutes where life wasn't hard. I turned my head, burying my face in the couch cushion.

"You know, shorty." I flinched at Emmett's voice at the end of the couch, not expecting it. "I think you scare him."

"Who?" I asked, turning over a little.

"Charlie." He laughed.

"Why?" I frowned. "I'm like.. Sixty pounds. Not even."

"Your ability to evade capture intimidates him." He explained. "You're not like any ten year old he's ever met."

"Yeah, yeah." I said, sitting up with a quiet groan. "We talked about that before."

"You're smarter. You're faster." He counted off the reasons. "You're way more wile. Hell, you even scare me sometimes."

"Right." I snorted. "There's no way I'm faster or smarter than you."

"That's not why I'm scared." He argued, shaking his head.

"Then why?" I asked, looking at my hands.

"Because you're way more impulsive than you should at your age." He explained, sitting to my other side. "You're _really_ driven by what you feel in the moment, and I worry that it's going to get you into trouble one day."

"I'll live." I mumbled dismissively.

"He's right." I looked up at Jasper's returning voice. "Everybody has their limits, Leandra."

"I'm not allowed to have limits." I replied. "Or else, I would have passed right by them a long time ago."

"See, it's stuff like that that amazes me."

Emmett laughed, pulling me into his side. It was so nice to feel like this again. To _want_ to smile again, to want to joke and play around, and be sarcastic without that sharp edge of anger behind it.

"Ow." I mumbled, looking up at him.

"Shit. Sorry, shorty." He said, easing the pressure. I couldn't help the smile.

"It's okay." I reached up, slapping his cheek lightly. "No biggie."

He looked at me, surprised. I knew I didn't hurt him, and okay, he had it coming. My expression jokingly dared him to complain about it.

"First biting, now hitting?" He asked. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Feed me, and give me a place to sleep." I answered, leaning back. I was still getting squished, but somehow, I didn't care. "It'll be just like having a dog."

"A dog we can't train?" He asked, and I appreciated the fact that he seemed to understand the fact that I was joking.

"Pretty much." I smiled a little, standing. "Just be glad I don't chase cars." I yelped a little as he pulled me back down to sit next to him. Like he always used to do. Squashing me under his arm, but being careful not to hurt me. Esme reentered the room, smiling a little at the sight.

"Hey." I grumbled as he reached up, ruffling my hair. "What gives?"

"I haven't been able to do this in like six months." He replied. "Get used to it."

"Actually," I grunted, ducking out from under his arm, "It _was_ six months." I laid back to get lower, kicked his arm away and slid to freedom. I knew I hadn't hurt him, and the laugh he gave told me he didn't take it personally. "And it might be awhile before I get used to it."

I sighed, standing beside Jasper, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Besides." I said. "How do I know that you won't leave again once I do get used to it?" Both Carlisle and Emmett gave me a look. "What? I'm being careful here. Be glad I kicked you at all."

"Please try to keep the roughhousing to a minimum." I knew Carlisle wouldn't resist telling him that.

"Yeah, Emmett." I scolded. "No roughhousing. I'm fragile, you know."

"You're anything but fragile." Emmett chuckled, shaking his head.

"I used to be." I mumbled. It was quiet. "You guys have no idea. I don't even know how to tell you."

"Come on, shorty." Emmett murmured, leaning forward. "Don't let that asshole still get you down."

"It's not just that." I shook my head. "It was the.. Whole thing of.. I used to wish it'd just all end, but this was different. This was.. Not wanting to keep doing what I had to to live. I didn't know how to stop, but I would have given anything to just give up. I've never felt like that before."

"No more feeling like that." Emmett said, but I knew he was concerned. I sat down on the armrest of an empty chair this time, sighing.

"I know. Stop complaining. I'm alive, and blah blah blah." I paused, finally looking over, and into his eyes. "What bugs me, though, is that I'm the runt that nobody wants."

"We want you." Esme said quietly, concern in her voice. I looked to her, smiling a little as she sat in the chair to my other side.

"What I mean is.. It's so easy for people to hate me or leave me." I added. Esme was about to protest, but I went on. "Really. I mean, think about it." I held up my hand to count on my fingers. "My mom left me. My dad left me. Jack _really_ hated me. Then my mom took me away, so it was like I had to leave you. Then she hated me. Then you all left me. Keith hated me.. Probably _more_ than Jack ever did.. Then my dad probably hated me for running away. His whole family probably hated me for doing that. " I trailed off with my other hand up, before I let both hands fall. "Why shouldn't I be careful?"

"Because half of those reasons aren't real." Emmett countered.

"Can I ask something?" I asked, looking to Carlisle.

"Of course."

"Just.. Humor me, okay?" I sat straighter carefully. I paused. "Just.. Just warn me before you drop me again. Please. Next time you leave me, at least just give me a chance to say goodbye, and leave me with someone that knows what the hell they're doing."

"As Emmett said before, if we were to go anywhere again," Carlisle said. "You'd be coming with us. I promise you. We'll never leave you alone again. You were explained the reasons, and now that we know that won't work, it won't be attempted again."

I looked down in thought. Would I forgive them that easily? Another way to think of it was did I really want to live the rest of my life on the streets or bouncing around the way I had been? The real question was did I have a choice?

"Can I think about it?" I asked hesitantly. "I'm so afraid to believe you again."

"Of course." He said. I nodded, and sighed.

"So." I mumbled. "What's happening? Fostering me again, until you get bored? I know the paperwork is already in, so I'm just curious. How long do I have here?"

This time, I did notice the way everyone looked at Carlisle. He looked down and moved forward, coming to stand on the other side of the chair to Esme's other side. It was easier for me to see them both this way.

Esme hummed in quiet thought, and I looked at her again. "We were thinking something more.. Permanent." She smiled a little. Carlisle had already said that I'd be here for awhile, but he never used the word 'permanent'. I picked up the difference.

I frowned a little in confusion. "What.. Like..?"

"Considering you have no options left.." Carlisle trailed off a bit, pausing. "I'm sure the state wouldn't mind too much approving a permanent place where you won't be moved. Somewhere familiar to you that you can stay."

"Okay?" I asked, a yawn escaping me. My tired mind wasn't comprehending what they were telling me.

"Leandra, they're asking if it'd be alright with you if they adopted you." Jasper explained quietly.

Adopt me?

Permanent.

That did it. I was surprised, looking to Carlisle. Turning fully to face them.

"W-What, like.. _Actually_ for good?" I asked, looking between Carlisle and Esme. "No more leaving? No one tossing me around?" Carlisle nodded. "I'd stay _here_?"

Carlisle nodded again, seeming amused. I looked down for a moment in thought. Now and then glancing up at Esme and him. The others were quiet as I considered the idea.

A stable home. Well, maybe not so stable, but at least it would be permanent. For good. I honestly had never thought about it. Even from the start, my place with them had always been temporary. It'd always been 'for now' or 'just until'. They were offering to make it 'for good'.

"No more giving me away?" I had to make absolutely sure before even bothering to get my hopes up. "I wouldn't ever have to go somewhere else to live?"

"No, Leandra." Carlisle said. "This would be your home. For good."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

I couldn't help it. I'd asked for things to stay just 'for now', but this wasn't that. I knew by their hesitation that they hadn't been planning on telling me yet, so it wasn't their fault I pried.

I was so suddenly thinking back to the day I first met him. Any of them. The same day they offered to foster me in the first place. It was just as hard to trust them back then, I recalled. This time was different, though. This time, I could learn how to trust them again without worrying about leaving some day.

I hadn't even considered the fact that without my mom in the way, this was possible.

At just the thought of it being permanent, that there was no chance at all that they'd leave me anywhere or have to give me away, I looked up at Carlisle once more.

My head spun a little at just the thought that if they were serious about this. About adopting me, making it official, that my family would be just that. My family. Not halfway mine, not just a little mine. Fully mine. I'd be theirs. Their responsibility. Their little sister, and their daughter.

If I were to become theirs, they wouldn't give me away. They couldn't. I would be their problem. Their issue, and their headache. I knew, though, that they were sturdy enough to deal with me. They were probably the only people on the planet that were strong and patient enough to handle me. They were offering to accept me, even with the problems I had.

It was hard for me to wrap my head around. Carlisle still waited for me to speak, so I nodded slowly. Unable to speak. I was still trying to process it, but that nod wasn't an answer. despite the fact that I found that I'd like for them to adopt me. I'd like to belong somewhere. Actually getting what I so desperately wanted for once in my life. A family. Not just any family, though. This family.

"Whoa." I mumbled, unable to say much else. "That's, uh.."

"Is that a no?" Emmett asked me.

"No." I said. "No, it's not a no, but it's.. I'm just.." I honestly didn't know what to say. "Wait, is it because you feel guilty for leaving me? If it is, that's not what I was trying for."

"No." Carlisle replied. "Though this is pretty heavily influenced by our time without you, it's not an offer made out of guilt. It's a decision reached after many endless nights of deliberation and discussion."

"Many, many, many.." Emmett added, and I smiled a little at his tone.

"There were a lot of details we needed to go over, Leandra." Jasper added his own commentary. "Pros and cons."

"Is it.." I hesitated. "Were you gonna try anyway?"

"Probably." Esme murmured. "The plan was to give you a year. We felt like a year was long enough to have had a real chance. If everything wasn't perfect when we checked on you, then.." She trailed off, and I nodded a little. "Although now, I'm very disappointed we weren't checking on you sooner."

Well, damn. Now I was a little mad at Alice. She could have said something, and that would have been that.

Then I thought about something. The paperwork had just left with Mr. Turner. I knew it wasn't that simple, but they'd already started it. It wasn't a maybe. It was already decided.

"Whoa." I said again, standing up.

On one hand, I was completely overjoyed. On the other, I couldn't breathe. I fought a war in my head, between wanting more than anything to believe them and still refusing to get my hopes up.

I had so much to think about. What _exactly_ did this mean? What would this change? Way more than just my last name. I wouldn't have Jack's last name anymore. This would take that away, and replace it with theirs. I wouldn't be tied to him anymore.

This would give me a sense of security I'd never had before. Like this, they _couldn't_ leave me behind, but that would take waiting for it to happen. However long that took. At any point between now and then, they could change their mind. I should have been jumping at this chance, but instead, I couldn't breathe.

"I think we broke her." Emmett chuckled.

"Give her a moment." Jasper advised him, but it didn't help.

"I, um.." I mumbled. "Can I-I just.." Without anything more, I turned. Making my way outside. I was conflicted on so many levels, and I couldn't think while they were watching me, waiting for a response.

I wasn't going far. I just needed a few minutes alone, and the fading evening light outside was perfect to calm me down a little. It calmed me down enough to cry.

The freaking-out part of me was mad. It was mad that they would offer this, probably just so I wouldn't stay guarded. It was flipping out, and I was so mad at myself for even considering it after the pain I lived with.

The overjoyed part of me was demanding I get back in there before they changed their minds. It reminded me of all the good things I'd experienced with this family. Why wouldn't I want that forever?

Neither part of me could say that this wasn't the best outcome I could have ever asked for, but all of me was overwhelmed.

Outside, I took my time. I circled the yard. Thinking, really considering everything the last couple of days had brought me. Slowly wandering, letting my fingers softly trail over the bark of the trees when they were close enough.

How quickly had everything changed. How just as suddenly as they'd left, they were back again. Effectively catching me off guard, yet again, and how simple it would be to just accept that they were here, offering to take me in. For good, this time. As much as I wanted that, I still found myself hesitant to trust.

Needless to say, I had a lot on my mind, and wandering the perimeter of the yard seemed the only way to ease it. It all seemed surreal again. Like a dream I wouldn't wake up from. I looked up, watching as the thinner clouds pulled apart long enough to let through a few spots of stars behind them. I loved it when I could see the stars. It didn't happen often, so I considered myself lucky when I could.

It grew darker outside as the sun set fully. Making those few stars more visible.

Another thing I was stuck on, was suddenly remembering something. The dream I had the night I turned ten. After seeing my mom for the first time in so long. The empty house. Comparing that dream to later on, when I was living here by myself. I remembered the empty house part being so vivid. So real, it bothered me. Knowing what I knew now. I hadn't stopped to think about it in awhile.

What was also strange to me, was how much I'd changed since they had left. I wasn't the same. I was still timid, but in a more complete way. Before, I wasn't sure what I had to be afraid of. Now I did, and now I understood.

I was more fearful, more careful when it came to strangers and even those I did know. I doubted I'd ever trust the way I did before. Trusting, and being burned, told me never to trust completely again. It's just how I was now, but I had a feeling that they would never stop trying to make it up to me.

Thinking about how much I'd changed, brought me to another question I didn't know I had. One of the many things I was stuck on, was the way my mom and Keith acted toward each other. If he cared about her enough to want me completely out of the way, why would he hit her? I knew why he hated me, but why would he hit her if he liked her? It made no sense to me. Whatsoever. I just couldn't understand.

Was someone like him what I had to look forward to when I grew up? Was that the way it was supposed to be? Was that how love was supposed to be expressed? By hitting them? Beating them? I knew it was really wrong to hit kids, but was it somehow different when it was two grown-ups?

Did that happen between Esme and Carlisle, and I just didn't see it? Emmett and Rosalie? I never saw anything like that happen between the Cullens, but I could have just been asleep. Or somewhere else.

I was so lost. If that was part of it, I didn't want anything to do with it.

Finally, I stopped. Landing myself on the bottom step of the porch. Looking up at the starry spots in the sky. I didn't look back at the front door opening. I listened to someone stepping down the steps until they reached my side.

"When I was little, I used to wonder." I mumbled. "I used to wonder what it would be like to finally meet my mom. I mean, getting to know her."

I paused, glancing over as Esme sat down beside me.

"Even though she never tried to stop it, she was always there. Some part of her knew I was suffering. Even if she never tried to stop it, some part of me always knew she wanted to. I always.. Sort of got it." I paused again, my eyes on the stars again.

"She just wasn't strong enough. What she did back then.. The drinking.. Well, it bugged me so bad, but I know now why she did what she did. She was just as scared as I was. She just couldn't stand seeing me that way, or hearing me cry, and there be nothing in the world she could have done to stop it. I know what that feels like now, but I think it was different for her, because I'm her kid."

I adjusted my position a little, getting more comfortable. Drawing my knees to my chest, holding onto my ankles.

"I wanted her to know." I admitted quietly, resting my chin on my knees. "I wanted her to know what it was like, but not that way. I just wanted her to know how it felt, what it was like to feel so small, but I didn't want her to find out like that. Seeing what he'd done.." I shook my head. "It was so bad. Worse than I'd ever seen. Even on myself."

"I think I can imagine, Leandra." She murmured sadly beside me. I looked to her, saddened. Her tone told me she understood. She knew what I was talking about. Did that confirm what I thought earlier? About hitting the one you loved? I stored that question away, knowing I'd have time later to ask it.

I looked back down.

"She's always been there. Whenever I wanted to find her, she's always been there. When you weren't there, when I was little and sooner, she was there. Maybe not the way I needed her to be, but.. She's not gonna be there anymore." I looked over, meeting her eyes again. "What'll I do?"

Esme's eyes softened, and she moved closer, pulling me to her.

"Without her," I whimpered. "Where will I go when you leave again?"

She gently took my cheeks in her hands, and had me look up, meeting her eyes. "We will never leave you again."

"B-But-"

"Never." She told me firmly, but the gentle tone she used softened it. "Honey, our only goal has always been your safety. And it always will be. We understand that you're ours now, and believe me. We wouldn't have it any other way. I know I speak for many others when I say that I am not strong enough to leave you defenseless again." I closed my eyes, leaning into her now. "You will always be safe. As long as I'm around, you will always be protected. I promise you, Leandra."

I sniffled hard, and turned. Wrapping my arms around her neck. Tighter than I had since returning, holding onto her. She'd just spoken directly to that freaking-out part of me. Without even trying.

"Please." I mumbled. "Just.. Be here. Stay, or take me with you. I don't care if you have to leave. To move. Just don't leave me behind again. I just need someone that I can count on to always be there. You're promising that, and I _have_ to believe you. It's all I have."

"It's okay." She said. "It's okay to believe it, because now that there is no obligation to give you back, you'll never have to go anywhere."

"But why?" I wondered quietly. "Why would you guys wanna keep me? I have so many things wrong with me."

"Where do I even start?" She asked, and I looked up at her. "Honey, we all have parts of ourselves that we need to work on. Parts of us that we're not so proud of. You believe that your past is all you are. You're wrong.

"There is far more to you than where you come from. You're the strongest, bravest child I've ever met. You're beautiful, and smart in so many ways. You feel so much, and you see things in such an admirable way. We all have something to learn from you about resilience."

I didn't quite know what that word meant, but I liked the way she said it. She smiled, smoothing my cheek. I had to smile a little.

"We want nothing more than to help you nurture those traits, honey." She went on. "Believe it or not, you really have come such a very long way in such a short amount of time, and I can only imagine the wonderful things you'll grow to do. There is so much love in you. I can see it, just waiting to feel safe to show. Is it really that hard for you to believe you were able to win us over?"

"A little." I admitted. "I don't see any of that stuff. I wish I could."

"Then that'll be my personal goal." She nodded, holding me tighter. "One day, you will see those things. You are loved more than you can ever possibly imagine. Just sometimes, the wrong choices are made with the right reasons in mind."

I smiled. That made a lot more sense than any explanation so far.

Just by talking to me, she eased the distrustful part of me and soothed the nervousness. Sitting this way, being held the way she was holding me, was everything I missed about them. This was what I missed. This was what I had fought so hard to hold onto. She helped me so much, with such a simple gesture.

I was suddenly so grateful I didn't turn my back on them.

Right at the last second possible, they caught me. I wasn't falling anymore. I wasn't drowning anymore. I didn't have to fight anymore. I wasn't alone anymore. I didn't need to be afraid of anyone. I was safe again, and after this talk with Esme, I could finally see a way through the darkness I'd been stuck in for so long.

I would have to be crazy to throw that away.

"How fast does adoption work?" I asked, looking up, and she smiled again, laughing quietly.

 **END**

 **A/N: Sometimes the end sneaks up. It just did on me. I know it's a bold move ending it before Alice gets back, but this moment was just too perfect to ruin by keeping on, and her returning wouldn't change much anyway.  
In the beginning, I was worried about the pace of this story. I really hope I managed to fix that. I'm pretty okay with the way it came out, and I hope you guys were too.  
A MILLION ESME HUGS to those that chose to REVIEW all that you have! TO MY READERS: Thank you for sticking around this long! I hope you'll stay tuned, and maybe consider joining the review club some day.  
ECLIPSE COMES NEXT! You better believe I've done the whole series. I just hope, though, that it's less.. Depressing than this one is, but expect trouble. In so many different ways. While writing it, I laughed, I cried, I flipped a table, and I'll hope to make you do the same when it's ready. ;)  
Until ECLIPSE!**


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